Chapter 21
ZIVEN
Ilearned to climb the walls of the Krastel castle by copying the training they gave the substitutes, imagining that I’d need to evade assassins one day—and I was right, even if I didn’t need to jump out of a window to save my life.
I never thought I’d be going to the top of a strange fae castle that looks like a hill with a cliff, but here I am.
The top of the castle is a jagged rock, and I find Marlak’s sister there, just like I predicted, looking at the landscape below her, her dark hair lit only by the trail of stars in the sky and the partially covered moon.
She shudders and turns around when I approach her. “What are you doing here?”
“What a coincidence. I was going to ask you the same question.”
She snorts and looks away. “How did you find me?”
I sit by her and shrug. “I tried to imagine what kind of place a bird would seek.”
“A monster bird?”
“No. Any bird.”
Without turning to me, she asks, “Do you hate me?”
“I…” I hesitate for a second, afraid she’ll be offended, angry, or something, but at the same time, she’ll notice if I spend too much time trying to think. “Don’t know you well enough to either like or dislike you.”
She finally looks at me, eyes narrowed. “You’re human.”
I truly don’t understand what she means by that. “And?”
“You could lie.”
Fine. That makes some sense. I say, “I had no reason to do that.”
“Can you tell me a lie?” Her eyes widen in something akin to childish wonder. “Say something completely absurd?”
“The sun is shining above us.”
She smiles. “Something else. More absurd.”
“I’m a pink dog with green stripes.”
Mirella lets out a laugh that fades too soon, giving way to a gloomy expression. “You’re right that it’s obvious.”
“Sometimes it isn’t obvious, if it’s close to the truth.”
“I see. Why did you follow me?”
“I didn’t follow you. I went to your chambers, you weren’t there, I wondered if everything was all right with you, and decided to come here.”
She looks at me, eyes narrowed. “Hmmm. Perhaps it’s not about being close to the truth, but just being plausible.”
For some reason, I laugh. “You think I’m lying?”
“Maybe.”
“Then what’s your theory as to why I’m here?”
She looks away, at the stars. “You want to check if I’m betraying you.”
“No.” She looks too lost to be scheming, but I don’t want to say that and puncture even more her already deflated pride. “I don’t think that.”
She snorts. “Right. What can I do with no magic?”
“A lot, actually. Didn’t Renel find out how to kill the Witch King?”
“He used magic to find those books. I’m sure of that.”
“Perhaps.” Still, her mention of magic reminds me why I think she’s upset. “Listen, I know you want to go to Marlak’s house, and want to have your magic back. We’re going there tomorrow.”
“I’m not deaf. I heard it the first time. And the second, and third.” Her chest moves up and down slowly and she shuts her eyes.
There’s something bothering her, and I’m not sure exactly what it is, other than being stuck here. I try to say something to cheer her up. “You’re very lucky, you know? Your—”
Her glare interrupts me. “Either you’re insane, or your definition of luck is quite different from mine.”
“I… didn’t mean that. What I meant to say is that Marlak really loves you.
I saw his desperation to rescue you, how much he was willing to risk, how far he was willing to go.
Few people have someone in their lives who cares for them like that.
I have—had—cousins. They wouldn’t even check on me when I got sick. ”
She shifts her position and runs a finger through her dark hair. “I suppose. And yet you were there too. Rescuing me. Even though you didn’t even know me.”
Her words make me feel odd, and heat rises to my cheeks. “Yes, well. You gotta do something useful.”
“You could go around calling yourself a hero, and yet you don’t.”
My chuckle is pure disbelief. “No, no. I was just trying not to look like a bum, you know? Otherwise I feared they’d dump me in my kingdom, and I’d have nowhere to go.”
“Is that why you came here? With Renel?”
“I suppose that’s part of it, yes.”
“I saw you. I don’t think they’d send you back.”
“Well, I’m not as confident. And how did you even see us?”
She pauses, then her eyes set on me. “I saw you.”
I blink, flustered and confused.
She continues, “I thought it was my brother, at first, in the Jewel. Then I thought it was Renel. I saw you planning to come to the castle, but then I didn’t see Marlak, and only found him when it was too late.”
“Why did you intercept them? Lidiane was almost hurt.”
Mirella clicks her tongue and looks down. “I feared it was a trap. I was trying to help, but I couldn’t make it look like I was helping.”
“Is that what you did in the Jewel?”
“Didn’t I warn Marlak to leave? That bloodpuppets were after him?”
I still recall the moment when she blocked the air from flowing to my lungs. “You approached us in the most hostile manner possible.”
“I know. But I had to do that, to keep pretending. Marlak thinks I’m evil, does he not?”
“No. He thinks you were brainwashed by Zorwal, and he was hoping that once he killed him, he’d be able to get you back on his side. Were you pretending all along?”
“What did you think? That I changed my mind?” Her eyes are shining brighter, and I realize they have unshed tears.
“Something changed, didn’t it? If you were previously following Zorwal.”
She wipes a tear from her face and takes a deep breath.
When I’m almost changing the subject, thinking she won’t reply, she says, “The years on that island, they were horrible. Horrible, horrible. But they were peaceful at the same time. It’s like I gained clarity.
And when I came back, something in me was different.
Perhaps there were bonds tying me to Zorwal that were cut either when the lower fae were freed, or when I was freed.
Something changed. And I saw him for what he was.
All at once, it became clear. All his scheming, his manipulation.
Then I saw myself for the stupid child I was. So stupid.”
Mirella closes her eyes and pauses, her chest trembling with emotion, then continues, “But he didn’t notice it.
He didn’t notice I had changed. And that’s when I decided it was my opportunity for revenge.
My opportunity to get close to him and learn how to destroy him.
My goal was not to kill him. I figured it would be too easy, too fast. I wanted him to suffer for what he made me go through.
And then I saw you. I mean I saw all of you on that island.
I learned that Zorwal cannot be killed. I learned he’s more dangerous than I expected.
That made me afraid. But… more than that, I wanted some of that joy, that friendship.
Your little group kept showing up in my visions, sometimes blurry and distant, sometimes clear, but you were all so happy.
You were working together for a goal. I figured I wanted to be part of that.
I didn’t want to take Zorwal on my own. And yet now…
I fear that even when I get to that house, I’ll still look at everyone through some kind of blurry lens, as if I wasn’t there.
Marlak might have gone to great lengths to save me, but he can’t make me belong, can he? ”
Her description of us as some tight-knit group feels odd, considering how much some people there hate each other, but I don’t want to contradict her. “Well, we can not belong together, what do you think?”
“You belong. It’s why you’re here. Why you came with Marlak to my rescue.”
“I don’t think I do. In fact, all my life, when I lived in the castle, when I was around my cousins and other royals, I felt like that, as if a thick glass separated me from the others.
It felt so horrible that I preferred to do things on my own.
It was not that I enjoyed being alone, but that loneliness hurt less when I wasn’t surrounded by people. ”
She frowns. “You’re friendly and everyone likes you. That’s hard to believe.”
“It’s a mask. The useless prince. It’s how I survived. Perhaps here, in fae lands, my mask is the useful human prince—or heroic human prince.”
“Deep down, does it hurt? When you’re trying to help?”
The question—and my answer—surprise me. “No. Even when Marlak was being an ass to me, it didn’t bother me. I don’t know why.”
“Because it’s not a mask. You like helping others.”
I’m stunned. “Maybe. But I still wouldn’t say I belong to the group on the island. And it’s not like we have an official badge. The invitation to not belong with me still stands.”
She shakes her head. “My father didn’t like the lower fae. I didn’t like them. But I don’t like the person I was. I don’t like the way I saw others. Telling myself I was superior didn’t make me feel better. It was hollow.”
“You gained quite some wisdom in these years. Few people are capable of reflecting on themselves.”
“I wouldn’t call it wisdom. It’s like a crust collapsing. But what’s inside?”
“You’ll have to figure it out.”
“Where should I start?” Her look is earnest, open.
“Perhaps…” She’s going to hate what I’m going to tell her, but if she truly wants some advice, I have to give it to her. “You could start by not telling your stepbrother that he’s a peasant.”
She blinks and her back straightens. “Renel. He is. And it’s not an offense. His mother was poor. He calls me a spoiled brat. Isn’t it worse?”
“A spoiled brat is about behavior—”
“So it’s worse.”
“Not necessarily. You can change, you know? If it’s true that Renel and Marlak can be considered peasants, they can’t change it. And maybe it would not be an offense, but you say it as if it was an offense, so it sounds like you consider them worse than you.”
“Marlak, never.”
“He’s just as much a peasant as his brother, Mirella.”
She sighs. “Renel always hated me. Always.”
“Did you ever like him?”