Chapter 21 #2
Her silence lingers for a long time. “I didn’t choose to have him as a stepbrother. I look at him, and all I can think is that I lost my mother.”
I recall Renel’s words accusing his stepfather of murder, and take into consideration what I know about this family. “Let me guess; you think his mother killed your mother.”
She looks away and nods. I ask, “Was it Zorwal who put that idea in your head?”
Her eyes widen as she looks at me. “Not… that I remember. People talked. They said she could weave love spells. But it could be that Zorwal was behind those rumors.”
“You might have more in common with Renel than you know, if both of you were influenced by Zorwal.”
“Renel was stubborn, rude. At the time, it felt so good to show him who had the magic, to put him in his place. I look back and see a pathetic little girl who tried to prove her skill on someone who was nowhere close to her level.”
Her lack of remorse for Renel shatters the little sympathy I was feeling for her.
“And you respected Marlak because he had strong magic. Was that it?”
“We trained together, pushed each other. We got along. Maybe we would get along even if he had no magic.”
“Or maybe you’d think he was an inferior weakling.”
“No. The people in the court, they didn’t like him, with his human appearance. They didn’t consider him high fae. I didn’t care. For me he was just my brother.”
“So was Renel.”
“He always hated me.”
“You could apologize, you know? For the times you teased him. It’s not too late to start over. Unless apologizing hurts your pride.”
“Of course it does. And he’ll just rebuff me.”
“I don’t think so. Hating is hard. It’s like carrying a weight in your chest. I don’t think he wants that weight. And I don’t think you want it either.”
She eyes me as if I was saying something more absurd than the most absurd lies, and I add, “And you don’t need to become friends and get along. Just put aside the hate.”
“He’s the one who took away my magic, who came here instead of going to Marlak.”
“Do you blame him? For being suspicious?”
She looks down. “No.”
“Marlak’s probably not home yet. I don’t know how long his trip is going to take. It makes sense for Renel to wait.”
She raises her shoulders and her body trembles. “There’s that, too. Do you think Marlak succeeded?”
“I hope he did.”
She points at the sky. “Does it feel like it? Do you think something changed?”
“I don’t know if it would be that obvious.”
“There’s some foulness in the air, something wrong. I’m worried.”
“Marlak’s very powerful.”
She shakes her head. “But if something disables his magic… I remember it, you know? Horrific glimpses, at least. His magic was gone, he had that table over him, and yet it wasn’t enough. I almost killed him.” Her voice chokes with emotion. “I almost killed my brother.”
“You weren’t yourself.”
“I was. I remember it. I almost killed you. You, who saved my life. Marlak would have killed me if it wasn’t for you, and even then, I attacked you.
I killed, and killed, and killed.” She covers her head with her hands.
“And I remember. And you know what’s the worst?
I miss it. Not the killing. But I miss flying over the ocean, feeling the air below me, the sun above.
Peace, freedom. Strange freedom when I was in a prison. ”
“I think I’d miss flying too.”
“Yes. So you’re right that I’m still the monster bird, in a way.”
“No. You can miss things even when they’re bad. Change is scary.”
She looks away, as if searching for something, her eyes so sad. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, where I’m going to go.”
Her confusion somehow tightens my heart, makes me worry for her, and I just want to cheer her up. “You have a brother who loves you. He’ll help you.”
“I don’t want everyone else to hate me.”
“I don’t hate you. Does that help? I find it odd that you can see me from a distance, and I really hope you don’t catch me in an embarrassing moment, but I don’t hate you.”
“No. I only saw you when you were with more people, never… Nothing inappropriate. I think it’s because you saved my life.”
I chuckle. “You’d think that saving someone would give you a boon, not make you lose your privacy.”
It was a joke, but instead of laughing, any trace of a smile is gone from her face, and her lip trembles. “I… We can try to break it. That da-dagger, maybe.”
Now I feel bad for my joke, even if I don’t understand her sadness. “If you don’t want to break it, you don’t have to.”
The tears that had been brightening her eyes fall, and she sobs. “I felt less lonely.”
I pull her close to me. “Hush. It’s fine. I told you we can not belong together, and I mean it. And you can keep looking into my mind. Maybe I’ll remember that you’re looking and make sure I become an upstanding individual, even if I’m not that upstanding, definitely not heroic, and…”
“Is it true?” She asks, leaning on me.
“That I’m not upstanding? So true.”
“No. I mean that we can not belong together. Or are you saying it just so I feel better?”
“I want you to feel better, but not belonging is lonely. I can definitely have company there.”
“You have friends. At least Astra and Tarlia.”
“It’s only recently that I got to know them. I’m glad I did. I’m glad I’m getting to know you too.” For some reason, I kiss her forehead.
Mirella tenses in my arms and looks at me, her blue eyes entrancing and magical.
I don’t know if I want to take back that kiss or kiss her again.
I should break the hug, and yet my arms won’t move.
My insides are dancing to a strange song, and I don’t even know who I am.
For a second, I feel like an onlooker, peering at me from a distance, wondering what I’m about to do next.
Something clicks inside me, opening a door I had never noticed before, leading to a place unknown.
She shudders. “Did you hear that?”
Her wave of panic hits me at once, and as my ears sharpen, I hear a ghastly sound, similar to a howl or a grunt, coming from the base of the hill. The base of the castle—where Tarlia and Renel are. I don’t want to look down, but I have to.
A cold, dread-filled shiver takes over my body.
LIDIANE
“Let’s see if she breathes!”
Laughter echoes in my ears. Muffled laughter, as I sink down, my body tied to a bag of rocks.
I try to save the little air in my lungs until I can’t anymore, and then I need to breathe, a desperate need that overrides everything.
I try to swim upward, but I can’t. My lungs burn, and when I accept I might die, a boy saves me.
One of the princes. Marlak, who became my friend after that.
The memory feels fresh, recent, even though it’s been years ago.
It’s as if I’m reliving it, feeling like I’m suffocating, except that, this time, I’m in a cage under the sea.
I could never have imagined that the Sea Court could come and find me so far from the shore, find me on an island protected by the Nymphs, and yet they did.
And even though I created illusions and more illusions, my attempts to distract them were useless.
I was caught, and now I’m reliving one of my worst memories, present and past mingling, except that I doubt Marlak will save me this time. As to Azur… There’s a hole where he should be, and I don’t even know why it’s in my heart, when we were never anything.
He left me. No goodbye. Left me and didn’t return.
The cage is tight and made of iron, with sharp spikes pointing at me. Sometimes, a guard extends a tube with air, and I inhale it voraciously.
Outside, the Sea Prince and his mother laugh every time I have to breathe. The Sea Queen is very beautiful, her hair dark and curly, her skin a bronze hue, with a shimmery, iridescent tail. Beautiful and cruel, clearly delighted in seeing me suffer.
“How come you can’t breathe water, girl?”
I don’t answer.
She approaches the cage. “Answer me, little tramp.”
Now I’m definitely not going to say anything, but then I feel the pointy spikes getting closer to me.
“Answer me,” she repeats.
“I’m a Crystal Court fae,” I say, struggling to speak in the water. “A land fae. Why should I breathe water?”
I’m half Sea Fae, of course, but I never considered this place my home, and plus, I don’t have gills. But even my brother can’t breathe water, so that’s not the right explanation.
“And where’s your tail?” the queen asks.
“I don’t have a tail.”
She laughs. “And yet you think you can challenge my son for the crown?”
Is she crazy? “I absolutely do not think that.”
I’m running out of air, and the guard extends the tube again, so I take a large gulp.
“You think you can be the queen of the Sea?” the queen asks.
I frown, truly confused. “That has never, ever, crossed my mind. I can’t lie! I want nothing to do with the Sea Court. You must have the wrong fae. Let me go!”
“I don’t think so. You think you can steal everything from me? Ruin everything? No. You stand in my way, I’ll destroy you.”
“Let me go, and I won’t stand in anyone’s way.”
She tilts her head. “It’s not that simple, is it? Your mother should have heeded my warnings, should have escaped into her insignificance when she had the chance, but she didn’t. Now I need to ensure my future.”
My mother. Was this queen responsible for killing her?
Anger feels like electricity inside me, like heavy clouds rushing against each other.
Within me, I feel a surge of something strange, dark, and dangerous.
But I don’t understand what’s happening, and don’t know if there’s any way for me to escape.
ZIVEN
It doesn’t make any sense. I blink and look down again, wondering if the night is playing tricks on me.
My body trembles. “Are these…”
“Ghouls, yes,” Mirella says. “Malformed, made of earth. What else could they be?”
There must be hundreds of them. Some are going up the winding stairs, while others are climbing the rocks.