Chapter 17
HER LOGIC IS FAULTLESS
LUKE
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
I stare down at Nia and the game is over. She wasn’t playing and my mate was terrified. She still is, if that look on her face is an accurate reflection of her feelings. Fuck, she’s scared of me and it kills me to know I’ve given her reason to fear me.
But I didn’t poison her and I’d never do something so fucking evil. I admit I was prepared to force her into accepting a place beneath her station. And yes, I was prepared to force her into pregnancy if necessary, but I’d have tried everything before that and I doubt it would have come to that.
Damn she thinks it was me.
Damn, she’s convinced it was me.
The girl—my girl—stares at me with a look that almost renders me destroyed. With one single stare, she’s annihilated me, crushing me completely. I’m devastated and defeated, absolutely wrecked.
I’ve never wanted to hold someone more. I’ve never needed reassurance more. And I’ve never been more afraid to reach for someone, afraid that asking for her will give her the chance to reject me again.
My head shakes and she stares at me, appalled by what she thinks is my indignation.
She’s jumped to all the wrong conclusions and I can’t understand how this could happen.
I made it clear to Cole and Malcolm that we had to be careful and we were.
We were so careful and whatever we’ve done has backfired spectacularly.
“You treated her like she’s beneath you, Luke,” Lawson says, waking from whatever slumber he’s been in. “It’s hardly surprising she doesn’t trust you.”
Nia’s convinced I’ve been pouring poison into her and she hasn’t realized I’ve been flushing it out. She’s put all of her symptoms down to my actions and hasn’t attributed any of them to the withdrawal from the toxins her father’s been feeding her.
“Nia can’t really believe I’d kill her wolf…”
“Why do you think she’s been refusing to eat?” Lawson growls. “She’s fought you in every way she can and all you’ve done is convince her that she’s right.”
No wonder she won’t eat.
She’s convinced herself that every mouthful is another dose of what I’m giving her and she doesn’t see it making her stronger. Goddess, she’s convinced her wolf is dying. She was, but not because of what I’ve done, and her wolf’s silence is because she’s weak and recovering now I’ve saved her.
Nia doesn’t understand that her wolf hasn’t connected with mine because it’s been too damn weak to feel our bond. She doesn’t know we’re mates because her wolf can’t respond, and the attraction between us must be confusing the shit out of her.
She sees me as a psychopath out to hurt her and Nia must believe she’s gone mad.
Our attraction is undeniable and although she’ll feel pleasure when I touch her, her mind won’t understand it and it breaks my heart.
I ought to comfort her, I ought to take her in my arms and hold her until the pain melts away.
I ought to forgive her for everything she ever did and tell her that I’m hers. Irrevocably hers.
I can’t bring myself to do it.
I can’t take the risk.
I can’t bear the thought of her rejecting me again, and a lash of pain strikes my soul, hurting more than any beating I’ve ever taken. And like a coward I decide against reaching for my mate, leaving her drifting and uncertain.
“Nia needs to know, Luke.” Lawson prowls and he won’t take no for an answer. “Her wolf won’t respond to me and you’ve got to tell her. This one’s on you, Luke. Fucking tell her.”
“Nia, please…”
“Don’t.”
I lift my hand and it shakes. It damn well shakes and she stares at it, confused.
“Don’t pretend that you’re the nice guy, Luke. You don’t get to act like this is for my own good.”
That’s it.
The gloves are coming off and Nia’s about to learn some home truths. The hard and hurtful way if necessary, because she needs to hear it and it’s the only path left to me. My temper flares and Lawson stokes it, turning it from a blaze into an inferno.
“This was for your own fucking good, Nia.”
She scoffs and I contemplate throttling the ungrateful little slut.
The thought almost makes me groan and now is not the right time to get my rocks off imagining her being a good little whore for me.
It’s definitely not the time to run through my fantasies of what I’ll make her do to please me.
It’s time for some goddamn self-control but those damn cuffs aren’t helping.
I shake my head and clench my jaw tight shut, refusing to let a single word slip from them. I don’t want to hurt the girl who’s lying beneath me and my control is slipping. It’s cracking apart and I struggle, trying to find a way not to cause Nia any more goddamn pain.
“Tell her, Luke.”
“You’re such a cunt,” she snarls.
I break.
“You’re father’s the fucking cunt, Nia. He poisoned you, not me. Not Malcolm or Cole, or anyone from my pack. Your father and your own goddam pack did this to you, pretty girl. It wasn’t anything to do with me.”
She stares at me for a second and I never want her to look away.
I want the silence between us to stay like this because I know what’s coming next.
I dread the next few minutes, hours, or days and I want to stay here, with her beneath me, and live like this.
With her. For her. Fucking hell, I want to be her everything.
Nia’s head lulls back and her chest arches forward and I allow myself to imagine it’s in pleasure. It’s cushioning the blow until her laughter shatters my delusion and it almost destroys me again. And I stay still, letting her cackle beneath me as she mocks me, waiting for her to run out of energy.
“Do you think I’m stupid, Luke?” Her tone is cruel and vicious, and I hate myself for what I’m about to do.
“Wolfsbane and silver, Nia.” My tone is measured despite the turmoil raging inside me. “He’s been poisoning you slowly with wolfsbane and silver. It’s why you can’t call your wolf. It’s why she’s so quiet. She’s weak because he’s been killing her and it’s an actual miracle she’s survived.”
Nia shakes her head.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I really am. But your father almost killed your wolf and he’d have succeeded if I hadn’t brought you here.”
“Kidnapped me,” she says, interrupting.
I nod. “Fine, kidnapped you. But it saved your wolf, Nia. All we’ve given you is fluid and food. Some vitamins as well. But nothing more than that.”
“Except for the tranquilizer,” Nia spits.
“Except the fucking tranquilizer on the way here.” I close my eyes and sigh, ignoring Lawson as he points out that I’m fucking this up. “Nia, you’ve been flushing out the toxins and you’ve been in withdrawal. You almost died. All I’ve done is whatever it took to keep you alive.”
She stares out the window and I bet she’s trying to dissociate. Nia doesn’t want to engage and her mind’s trying to take her somewhere else. Anywhere else. Maybe even back to her father’s house, because that’s where she feels safe.
This is so fucked up it’s beyond belief and I can’t let her harbor these delusions. Not anymore. Not when she’s my mate. Not when I need her to accept me.
“Look at me, Nia.”
Her eyes fix on something in the distance and she tries her hardest to ignore the fuck out of me.
“You’ve got to reach her, Luke.”
“Nia, look at me,” I whisper and she winces. “You know I’m not lying. Not about this. You know it makes sense.”
She shakes her head and the first tear falls.
Nia’s breaking and I can’t save her from this. She needs to know the truth and it’s going to destroy her. It’s going to hurt her so badly she might not be the same again but she’s got to face this. She’s got to know this. And I’ve got to do this to her, and then I’ve got to put her back together.
“I hate you.”
“I know, Nia,” I whisper, daring to run my hand down her arm.
“We didn’t have a good start. We didn’t have the right start, and that’s on me.
” Her head turns and I run my knuckles down her face.
“I’m going to make it up to you, sweetheart.
I promise, Nia. I’m going to do it right this time and I’ll spend every day making you happy. ”
She cries and I hate myself.
“I want you more than you know right now, but I promise you’re going to feel the same. In a few days, your wolf will come back and you’ll have gained a bit more strength. You’ll feel our connection.”
“We don’t have a connection.”
“We do, pretty girl. We do.”
“Don’t push her, Luke,” Lawson growls. “Don’t fucking push her.”
Moments ago, my wolf demanded I get through to her.
Now, he’s urging me to pull back. I seethe, furious at him for being so unsure.
I’m livid with the girl I’m trying to protect and I’m enraged at myself for everything I’ve done that brought us here.
This is a mess that’s more than partly of my own making and now I’m facing the consequences of my actions.
“Nia, please.”
“Got to hell, Luke.”
“Just see in a few days,” I whisper. “You’ll be stronger. Your wolf will be back. She’ll start talking to you.” I’m growing frantic and my thoughts race. “If you tell me her name, maybe my wolf can call her.”
Nia’s eyes narrow and her hatred is vicious. “Why would my wolf respond to you? You’re not my Alpha.”
“Because you’re my mate.”
Her lip trembles and she shakes her head. I nod mine and she blinks far too fucking fast. Her heart’s racing and I can smell the adrenaline pouring into her system. I’m pleased because it means she’s getting stronger, and I’m devastated because it means she doesn’t want this. Or me.
Her tears fall faster, turning into torrents that run down her face. She shakes her head and her control breaks, her sobs turning into cries that turn into hysterical wails.
Nia hates me. She despises me and of all the injuries she’s sustained, finding out I’m her mate cuts the deepest.
“She’ll recover, Luke. We can earn her forgiveness. We can make this right. It’ll get better from here. It won’t be easy but we’ll make it work.”
“Baby, please.”