Chapter 19
IT'S YOU AND ME
NIA
Luke leans against the window frame and sighs. He looks like he belongs here, merging with the unforgiving landscape and the dark wooden beam he's resting against. His muscles glisten, covered in the mist that's blowing in off the mountains, and he's absolutely stunning.
It's getting harder to ignore how drawn to him I am.
He's still an asshole.
And his patience is running out.
We've been together for a week and things haven't turned out how he wanted.
Not yet. Luke expected my wolf would have appeared by now but Lyall still hasn't woken up.
I'm worried and I feel alone, even though Luke's always with me.
He's called the doctor and all Malcolm has done is offer reassurance that I'm getting stronger and that means my wolf will come back.
But I'm worried.
I can see Luke's worried too.
And the Elders looked really worried. Luke wasn't keen for us to meet and he made his feelings perfectly clear the entire time they were here. He only let a couple of them in and we sat drinking tea while he prowled between us, every part the vicious Alpha protecting his partner.
I didn't like it. I don't like being this dependent on anyone, let alone a lunatic like the man I'm stuck with.
The past week has been difficult and I've found myself walking on eggshells, trying to learn his moods and tells.
Luke hasn't lashed out at me but he's kept pushing, always searching for a way in.
He's relentless and determined to convince me my father's the one who's been hurting me.
Every day brings a new dawn and another agonizing wait for my wolf to appear. Each hour she stays silent hurts more and it makes me more anxious. I'm so lost I don't know if I'll ever find my way back, and the turmoil Luke's creating is making everything worse.
He watches me watching him, both of us on edge.
Luke turns and his body moves so gracefully despite its size.
He's so much bigger than I am, and although I'm getting stronger I doubt I'll ever be a match for him.
My body is regaining its strength and the walks we've taken in the gardens have been a blessing and reprieve from this confinement.
But I'm still not as strong as I should be and my muscles will never match his.
“It'll happen, Nia.”
Luke's bright blue eyes stare at me, brimming with hope. His wolf is probably calling to mine and all I hear is the awkward, painful silence between us. He's increasingly certain and I'm more doubtful, and the tension between us is palpable, even though our connection is not.
“You’ll feel the connection and then you’ll accept me. My wolf will bond with yours, and over time the four of us will grow closer and bond with each other. We’ll become inseparable. Indistinguishable. You know this is how mates are meant to be.”
“I need some air.”
“We'll go for a walk.”
I pause. “Alone.”
His head shakes and he strides across the room, intimidating me with his sheer damn size. “Not a chance, Nia. You'll try to run.”
“I need to breathe. I need some space. Away from you and all of this. I can't keep doing this.”
Luke growls and a flash of ocean blue washes through his irises. “You'll run.”
I should.
I really fucking should.
I should take the first opportunity I'm given and run as fast and far as I can.
I might be attracted to Luke but he comes with a world of complications I'm not ready to handle.
And that's if he's telling the truth. He's even more dangerous if he's lying and either way, putting some distance between us is the right thing to do.
But my head says it's the wrong thing to do. It tells me he'll catch me anyway. It tells me it'll do too much damage and it'll only make him angry. It tells me I'll regret it and I should wait. Goddess help me, it wants me to trust him.
“I won't.” I stare and watch him hold his tongue, silently accusing me of being a liar. “I give you my word. I swear on the Moon Goddess herself.”
He sucks a stuttered breath in and glances out the window.
“Please?”
Luke growls and it's a warning not to fuck with him. “Just the garden, sweetheart. I'll keep an eye from here.”
I nod.
It isn't quite what I wanted but it's a compromise I'll take and I throw my shoes on, racing out of the house.
I stretch my hand out and run my fingers over the flowers in the bed, smiling as their fragrance lifts into the air.
It mixes with the deep, earthy smell of the ground beneath me and I sigh, finally relaxing.
Finally grabbing the air I need. Finally content and at peace.
It's only a moment. A brief truce in the war being waged around me.
But it's mine and it's perfect, and I exhale, letting my thoughts drift away, and my calm returns.
My weight sinks into the ground as I float over it, and I'm simultaneously light and heavy.
A quiet cacophony of everything and nothing sounds through me and I meander through the gardens, drifting on whatever current is charting my course.
The heat of Luke's gaze flicks down my back and I freeze. It's too intense for me to ignore it and my breathing quickens as my lungs work to cool my body. I'm caught and I don't know why or how, certain only that he's watching me and I ought to turn around.
I shake my head and dismiss the ridiculous notion.
The heat rises again, hotter than before and my chest tightens, crumpling under a pressure I don't understand.
Fuck, this is an inconvenience. It's a disruption and disturbance I could do without. I object to the asshole intruding on me yet again when all I've had is a few minutes away from him. He's interrupted me and all I've had is a moment or two to catch my breath and find myself.
And now I'm going to get lost again.
I turn and snap my head to meet his gaze, absolutely furious.
And the whole damn world shifts as the blue in his eyes lights into a spectrum of color I didn't know existed.
He's standing there, leaning on the window frame and all I see is the light in his eyes.
It's a beacon in a storm and a flicker of warmth in the darkest hour of the night.
His soul reaches for mine and I receive it, finding comfort in the rough, jagged edges that cut against me as Luke merges with me.
I sway and his stare becomes more potent.
More visceral. He's reaching deeper into me, clawing under my surface and planting an anchor that'll never slip.
My throat dries as my mouth falls open and I shudder, realizing my soul is doing the same to him.
We're finding each other, becoming a part of each other.
Goddess help me, we're merging in the way mates are supposed to blend together and I stumble back, gasping for air.
“NIA.”
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
My heart races and adrenaline cascades through me. My hands shake and the blood rushes round my body, too damn agitated to know where to go. I'm lightheaded, I'm dizzy. I'm barely sentient and the ringing in my ears has me shaking my head like a freaking lunatic.
“NIA.”
Luke calls again, looking for a response. It's too much. It's all too fucking much and I stagger back, pushing my hands against whatever it is he's pouring into me.
My vision narrows and Luke is the only thing I see. He's the one thing I feel. His force moves against me, demanding I give in to him. The man is doing everything he can to overpower me and I gasp, barely able to draw breath.
Luke is a force of nature and he's bringing it to bear on me.
It isn't just him either. I feel the sharp teeth of his wolf, snapping at my heels with enough force to let me know he's there but not so much as to hurt me.
The dark and vicious creature inside Luke is making himself known, determined to claim me as his partner.
I'm not his mate.
I can't be his mate.
I don't want to be his fucking mate.
“No.”
“NIA...”
My name echoes through me as Luke calls for me, demanding I reciprocate. I'm supposed to call for him. I'm meant to reach for him and then we'll come together.
And I shake my head, stagger back and turn, running as fast as I can.
Goddess, this is a nightmare. It's more than I can process and my emotions swirl through me as fast as I move over the ground. My feet fly and my legs work hard as I sprint into the woods, determined to find some goddamn space.
There is no time to think and that's exactly what I need.
My head's spinning and my emotions ricochet, bounding around my head as they explode, each one detonating and destroying another part of my sanity.
I can't keep up with whatever is happening and all I can do is keep moving, keep trying to put some distance between me and the man I don't want near me.
My chest tightens and I know I'm kidding myself.
But it's a necessary lie, one told to protect me from whatever Luke's about to do to me.
I didn't believe him and now I know he wasn't lying.
It's devastating. It's destroyed everything I thought I knew and my world's falling apart, shattering around me as nothing makes any sense.
I weave through the trees as my thoughts crash into me, sending me hurtling through a blur of browns and greens and greys. I'm far too confused to make sense of anything anymore and all I want is some air. All I need is some goddamn space. All I want is him.
Fucking hell, I'm a complete and utter wreck. I'm stumbling along a path I don't know, trying to find my way to fuck only knows where. I scramble up a bank and start climbing, running up a hill in the vain hope it'll take me away from here.
I’m terrified and I want to know that this won’t hurt me.
I’m scared of whatever thunder rips through my heart and I don’t know what it is I’m feeling.
I’m still hurting and Luke calls for me again, chasing me down as I keep on running, unsure how much hate or love he offers and terrified to make a deal that means I don’t matter.
And then I stop.
My feet stop moving and my legs stop working.
My muscles aren't so tired that they can't go on but I drop to my knees, curling up into a ball.
I clutch my head in my hands and rock, doing anything I can to soothe myself as the overwhelming tidal wave of emotion breaks over me, shattering whatever remains of my sanity.
“NIA.”
My lip trembles and my fingers whiten, digging into my scalp and sending a burst of pain over it.
The ground shakes beneath me and I don't look up, catching a final breath before the inevitable happens.
Everything I know is changing and in a few seconds Luke will destroy whatever remains of the life I knew before.
His arms wrap around me as his body collides with mine, knocking me onto the floor. Luke's frantic, pulling at my arms as he tries to make me respond. He needs this and my heart screams in pain, unable to bear the guilt of knowing it's hurting him.
I'm screwed.
“NIA.”
“Stop calling my fucking name.”
“Stop being a brat and reciprocate.” He grabs my wrists and wrenches them away from me. “You feel it, Nia. I know you feel it. Give me what I damn well need.” He roars and the world shakes at the force of his desperation. “Give me what I've given you.”
Luke pulls my hands against his chest and I stare at them, overcome by how small they are compared to him.
By more than just the way our bodies fit together so damn perfectly.
The pull of our bond is impossible to deny and it's too strong to resist. It's as rigid as cast iron and as steadfast as the mountain beneath us.
Our connection can't be broken, and it cannot be resisted.
I might not want it and I might not like it, but there's no escaping this. Luke is inevitable and I'll always need him, and he'll always find a way to bring me back to him.
There's only he and I. There’s only us.
I push my wrists into his chest and Luke lets them move, loosening his grip as he realizes I'm trying to reach for him. His shoulders rise and fall above me as his breathing stays quick, and I nod, very subtly, very silently.
But it's a seismic shift.
Luke's eyes meet mine and they still burn with the same fire that lit the world and set me ablaze.
It's a flame that won't burn out and a corner of my mouth curls into a faint smile.
I stare up at him and sigh as his soul meets with mine and the madness of this moment takes me over, demanding I dance to its heady and intoxicating rhythm.
“Give me what I need.”
I dig my fingers into Luke's chest and he stills.
My heart leaps and my doubts disintegrate as I lift my head until my cheek rests against his.
This isn't conventional. This isn't how this is supposed to go.
But nothing we've done has been normal and this feels right. It feels safe. It feels certain.
Luke releases one hand as I slide it up his neck and along his face, pulling his head against mine. I exhale again and this time I breathe him in, inhaling all of his darkness as the smell of myrrh and earth blends with the spice and citrus of his lighter notes.
“Mine,” I whisper.
His eyes close and he exhales, his relief so palpable it hurts.
“Mine,” I repeat, running my fingers through his hair.
Luke moans and he brushes his face against mine.
“I need more, Nia.” He plants a kiss on my cheek. “I need all of you. I need the whole fucking ritual, sweetheart.”
My face moves against his and I arch my back, pressing into him.
It feels good. Luke feels right and I let my head move until my mouth finds his.
Our kiss is slow, almost tentative. It's as if neither of us can quite believe it's happening or how amazing it feels.
Luke's lips move over mine and they are heaven, and the taste of him is divine.
He's a drug I won't ever get enough of and I follow without hesitation as he deepens our kiss, surrendering to the connection forged between us.
Luke draws back, breaking our kiss.
“Nia.”
“Luke.”
He lets my fingers trail along his cheekbones before he tips his head back and roars.
The sound is deep and possessive, a growl that shatters any illusion the world has of who belongs to whom.
Luke's claimed me as his mate and my heart purrs, delighted enough to let a content whimper roll off my chest.
Luke's eyes flash with excitement and I bite my bottom lip, nervous and thrilled in equal measure.
“All of the ritual, Nia,” he says, shifting his weight and letting his hands move over me. “I'm taking everything that is ours and you're damn well going to behave.”