Chapter 18
NEVER LET YOU GO
NIA
I gag, heaving as Malcolm pulls the tube out of my nose.
It’s an awful, disgusting feeling and the back of my throat aches, uncomfortable and uneasy now the damn thing’s been removed.
I move my mouth around, trying to dislodge the sensation that something’s stuck in my throat and I can’t get rid of it.
“Drink,” the doctor says.
My eyes narrow on the glass of water he’s holding in front of me and I turn my head away.
“This is not a good start, Nia.” He chases my mouth with the glass. “You promised to eat and drink.”
“Luke agreed to split food and drink.”
Malcolm raises his eyebrow and turns to face Luke.
The cunt’s been standing as far away from this spectacle as possible, literally keeping as much distance as he can from what he’s done.
He waltzes across the room like he’s some sort of hero and downs half the glass, carefully bringing the rest to my lips so I can sip it.
It’s heaven. It’s cool and crisp and clean. Its freshness revitalizes my mouth and helps my throat settle. I’ve never wanted a drink more and I gulp at the water, irritated Luke won’t let me go faster.
“Easy, Nia.” He pulls the empty glass away. “We don’t want you to choke. Not on this.”
I toss my head and my silence tells him exactly what I think he can do with himself.
“You can leave, Malcolm.”
“I should probably stay, Alpha.”
“Why?” Luke says, his voice as incredulous as his expression.
“She might…” Malcolm looks up at the ceiling before continuing, “need restraining, Luke.”
He growls and I tug at the restraints. “Then I will handle it. I promised to take care of her and we don’t require your services, doctor. We will let you know if that changes.”
Malcolm nods his head, picks up his bag, and leaves, hesitating at the door.
Luke growls and the doctor leaves, presumably responding to whatever the pair of them have discussed via their pack bond.
I watch Luke stare at the door, making sure we’re alone before he turns back around to face me, his face set with determination.
“Shall we get those things off, sweetheart?”
I nod.
“Are you going to behave?”
I nod.
Luke steps forward and I inhale sharply.
He sits on the bed, leaning across me as he reaches for the furthest cuff and I tense, too fearful he might change his mind.
His fingers tug at the leather and I stay completely still until the pressure around my wrist suddenly releases and my arm flops onto the bed.
He grunts and shifts his weight, moving onto the second cuff.
I dare to watch his fingers as they unbuckle the restraint, pulling the leather strap out of the metal clasp.
Luke’s fingers grip my wrist and gently lower my arm onto the bed and as soon as he lets go I snatch my arm away from the asshole.
I wrap my fingers around my wrists and move my arms, releasing some of the tension and trying to soothe the ache.
“I could give you a massage,” Luke says, his voice so soft I almost don’t hear it.
It’ll be a nice day in hell before I let that asshole do anything to help me.
My anger’s burning hotter than I’ve ever known and the only reason I’m handling it is because I know I have to be smart about this.
The psychopath sitting on my bed is convinced I’m his mate and he’s never going to let me go.
Not willingly. Not when he thinks I’m the missing half of his soul and that we’re destined to be together.
He’s completely insane and there’s not a goddamn chance we’re mates.
I don’t feel anything like a connection.
Yes, I’m attracted to him physically but there’s nothing deeper.
Nothing more than lust. He wouldn’t have treated me the way he did if we were mates and there’s not a chance I’m putting up with this shit.
But I’m too weak to take him on directly.
I have to pretend I’m receptive. I have to listen to the drivel coming out of his mouth and convince him it’s affecting me. I’ve got to bide my time until he makes a mistake and then I’ve got to take my chance.
“That’s better, baby.”
Luke leans forward and my hand connects with his face before I register that it’s moved.
The sound of the slap echoes around the room and its sound waves break through the silence, setting my nerves on edge.
I’ve made my first move and it was bold.
It was risky and I tense, expecting Luke to counter in kind.
“I won’t hit you, Nia.”
I shy away a little.
“I’m not like that,” he says, pulling back.
“I’m everything you’d expect an Alpha to be, but I will never strike you in anger.
Not you. You are safe around me.” He smirks and I pretend I haven’t seen his dimples.
“At least, safe like that. Your pussy won’t be so safe.
I meant it when I said I can’t wait to see how pretty it looks dripping with my come. ”
I turn my head away and he grunts.
“Too soon for that.” Luke gets up and walks toward the bathroom. “Malcolm said he left some ointment in the cupboard.”
He disappears and I stare at the door. It’s a chance to make a break for it and I don’t know if I should take it.
I’m not sure if this is a test and I don’t want to miss an opportunity, so I edge along the bed, glancing back at the bathroom.
Luke doesn’t seem to notice and I decide that being a coward never got anyone anywhere and I get to my feet, racing for the door.
I crash onto the floor, unable to take more than a few steps before my legs give way.
My knees and hips explode with pain on impact and my shoulder stings as it connects with the floorboards.
It’s a loud enough crash to alert Luke and I force my arms to push my chest back up, trying frantically to get to my feet and ignoring how ungraceful I look.
“You can’t outrun me, Nia.”
He strides across the room as I drag myself along the floor.
“Holy hell, sweetheart,” he says, grabbing hold of me as my arms thrash around and my fists try to connect with him. “Stop fighting me, Nia. You’re not even close to being a match.”
I groan as he pulls me against him, collapsing into a sobbing fit. Luke lifts me against his chest, picking me up as if I weigh nothing and carrying me as if I mean everything.
“You’re a fucking asshole.”
“Yup,” he says, setting me down on the sofa. “And it saved your life. Whether you felt it or not, you drew on my determination through our bond. That’s why I’ve been sleeping in your bed and it’s why I won’t leave your side.”
My eyes narrow as he rummages through the chest of drawers and pulls out an oversized sweater. Luke’s eyes brighten as he walks toward me, handing me a small jar of cream and the large woolen jumper, before sliding open the floor-to-ceiling windows.
“They open?”
He nods. “If you have the code.” He sits next to me. “And you won’t. Not after that performance.” He helps me put the sweater on and rolls the sleeves up my arms, carefully applying the ointment onto my wrists. “They’re not too bad but let’s not take any more chances.”
I scoff and he rolls the sleeves back down.
“Has anyone ever told you how difficult you are?”
My eyebrow arches and I ignore him, refusing to rise to the bait.
Luke’s trying to keep me talking, hoping that a conversation will forge a connection between us and make me come to like him.
He’s being nice and offering me a path with little resistance along the way.
It’s the carrot instead of the stick, and I’m not fooling for the act.
He’s offering me something good, hoping I’ll feel lucky or happy.
I stare at the mountains, breathing in the crisp fresh air. It is clean and it is nice. I’ve missed it, and I’d quickly grown accustomed to it in the few brief walks Cole and I went on.
“We can go for a walk,” Luke offers. “I can carry you and show you some of my territory.”
I shake my head. “I’ve already seen it.”
His shoulders sink and he looks a little wounded. I can’t help but delight in scoring an easy point and decide to double down.
“Cole took me out when you abandoned me.” I ignore his pained expression, staring at the horizon. “The doctors said I needed fresh air and he took care of me.”
I see Luke’s hands curl into fists out of the corner of my eyes.
He’s possessive. He’s furious with his Beta for a simple act of kindness and it’s a sign of just how irrational he is.
I’m going to need to be careful and I let my thoughts drift, leaning back on the sofa as I watch the clouds race across the sky.
“We’ll need to build your strength back up.”
I nod and it’s the first thing we’ve agreed on and it pulls me out of my stupor. I’d let myself relax and it’s a mistake. A dangerous mistake. One I can’t afford to repeat around the Alpha sitting next to me.
“We also need to talk, Nia.”
I swallow, aware this isn’t going to be pleasant. Or easy. Or truthful.
“I’m not sure you believe me, sweetheart.” He sighs and his bright blue eyes see straight through me. “That’s okay, Nia. For now. But I need to know you’re open to the possibility that I’m right. I need to know that you’re going to try when you feel our bond and your wolf returns.”
“It might not happen.”
He smirks and I don’t like it. “It will now your father isn’t feeding you that poison.
My wolf’s going to start calling to your wolf and they’ll know each other.
As soon as your wolf is strong enough, she’ll respond and she’ll tell you I’m right.
She’ll tell you to trust me. Just listen to her, and it’ll all be okay. ”
I stretch across the arm of the sofa and Luke tilts his head.
He’s so beautiful like this, relaxed and carefree, oblivious to almost everything around him.
He’s graceful and elegant, undeniably majestic, and too spectacularly hot to ignore.
His focus is on me, and me alone, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel.
I feel special.
I feel cherished.
I feel adored and worshipped, like I’m the center of his universe. Like I’m the moon that lights his night sky.
“It could be you.” I watch the leaves rustling in the wind and even I know I’m clutching at straws. “You could have given me something to make me sick and then stopped so I’d think it was my father.”
“We both know that’s ridiculous.”
I shake my head and the fractured moonlight of my soul reflects on the waves crashing over me. I’m losing myself in the arms of the ocean and I might sink beneath its surface, swallowed as Luke refuses to let me go.
“Why hasn’t your wolf grown stronger as you’ve grown older, Nia? Why haven’t you been able to call her? Why isn’t she around almost all of the time? And why can’t you transform when you want?”
I shake my head again and Luke edges closer.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but this started before you got here. You know it began before I took you from that awful place.”
“It was nice.” My lip trembles. “It was home.”
“It was rotten under the surface.” Luke stops and his hand reaches for mine. “This is your home now. Here. With me.”
His fingers slide over mine and I stare as his hand covers mine. Mine’s so small in comparison, and his covers mine almost perfectly. His fingers sit over mine like they’re meant to be there and their weight is comforting. It’s reassuring. It’s right, and I’m not sure I like it.
“I meant it when I said I won’t let you go, Nia. I’ll never let you go.”
I swallow and turn to face Luke. He’s trying not to frighten me, and I don’t know if that’s scarier than if he just acted normal. Maybe he doesn’t know what normal is. Maybe it’s a blue moon and we’re both a little dazed by its majesty, unable to make sense of its natural grace.
Everything is a mess and I can’t make sense of any of it.
None of this feels right, but some of it doesn’t feel wrong.
I’m tired. I’m hurting. I’m exhausted and my brain can’t keep up with what’s happening around me.
Luke’s explanations make sense but they seem too sinister to be true and I can’t believe my father would do this to me.
He isn’t warm but he isn’t evil. He’s harsh because he knows that I have to behave in the way everyone expects an Alpha’s daughter to behave, and he knows I’m not as strong as I should be. I know I’ve been a disappointment and I can’t accept that he made me into one.
It makes no fucking sense.
Killing my wolf makes me weak. It makes his heir weak. It weakens his pack. It’s insane and I can’t begin to wrap my head around it. I’m not sure I even know where to begin.
But the man who insists he’s my mate and wraps his arms around me doesn’t look like he’s lying.
I’m smart enough to know when I’m being deceived and I don’t think Luke is trying to fool me.
Not over this. But he’s lied to me before and maybe I’m too confused to know the difference between reality and fiction.
And maybe part of me is so desperate for this ordeal to be over that it’ll believe anything if it brings the nightmare to an end.
“We’re going to sit here, sweetheart,” Luke says, tightening his hold. “We’ll watch the world go by and you can take as much time as you need to figure all of this out.”
It’s the second thing we agree on and I wonder if Luke’s too reasonable to tell me the truth. He’s right about a few more things and none of them are easy to accept. I’ve got no choice but to endure this purgatory as I wait to see if Lyall wakes up and recognizes Luke’s wolf as her mate.
It’ll prove him right if she does. Luke will know I’ve felt our bond and then he’ll never let me go.
I’d have to defy the Moon Goddess and even I’m not irreverent enough to break the sacred bond she put in place.
It’ll condemn my father too, proving that my mate saved my wolf from certain death, and there’ll be no way to forgive or forget what my father’s done to me.
Either my mate is a cruel and vicious asshole who kidnapped and tortured me, or my father is an evil, devious monster who’s spent years trying to poison my wolf. I’m completely lost, staring into the wilderness, afraid to find out which of these two terrible futures will become my fate.