Chapter 24
THESE WOUNDS WON'T HEAL
NIA
Luke lifts me out of bed and my lips twist as I frown. He shakes his head and I protest anyway, telling him that I’m perfectly capable of walking. He plants me on the floor and I gloat, celebrating my easy win.
I turn and stumble on my first step, falling into a heap as my legs give out. My hands push down as I try to recover from my embarrassment and Luke scoops me into his arms.
“Next time, do as your Alpha tells you.”
“My Alpha shouldn’t be a dick.”
He stops and stares at me as if his whole damn world rearranged itself, as if my acceptance of him means that fucking much. His eyes burn so bright that they’re dazzling, and the pride and overwhelming warmth from his emotions almost burn as they flow into me.
“Bath time, Luna.”
Goddess, that sounds good. Terrifying too, and Luke grins, taking his turn to experience my reaction to this revelation. I blush a little and he just grins, carrying me into the bathroom as my emotions begin to settle.
“You didn’t think we were anything less than a Luna?”
Lyall basks in our warmth as she wakes up, and I grit my teeth, aware my wolf and I are going to have to have a fucking serious conversation. She darts around, playing as if nothing’s wrong and her delight in being freed now the poison’s drained from our system is enough to temper my mood.
“He is handsome,” she says, staring at Luke’s perfectly toned ass. “His markings suit him. He’s strong and he’s what you need. Neither he nor his wolf wants us to be weak and they’ll help us. They want us to be their equal, Nia, and they’re not afraid of what we’ll become.”
My eyebrow arches as I watch Luke run a bath, sitting on the side as the bubbles start rising. Lyall’s sure he isn’t a threat but I can’t quite bring myself to trust him completely. Not after what he did. Not after everything that happened.
“He’s our mate, Nia. He won’t hurt us.”
Luke lifts his head, turning to meet my gaze. “How’s Lyall?”
I blush and look down.
“Nia, it’s normal to talk to your wolf. You need to figure her out and you’ll need to learn what she needs and wants. She’ll get stronger and the pair of you need to find a balance, otherwise Lyall will take control and you’ll turn feral until her urges are satisfied.”
He turns the tap off and steps closer.
“You have to give Lyall some of what she wants. But she has to learn not to take too much either.”
My wolf growls, unhappy with the fucking lecture.
“She shouldn’t be taking control and running off like a fricking lunatic,” Luke says as he picks me up. “And she shouldn’t have let herself get marked unless you were both in agreement about it.”
“It was the right thing to do.”
“Checking with me first was the right thing to do, Lyall.”
She scoffs but concedes the point, dropping her head and putting her tail between her legs. Lyall’s learning too: her lessons are about restraint and control, whereas mine are about listening and letting go.
Luke lowers me into the bath and the hot water stings.
My muscles tighten and the heat rises as their stiffness makes me ache, and it takes a few minutes for me to relax.
I lean against Luke, resting against his chest as my wolf sulks and I’m left wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do with her.
“You need to figure it out, Nia,” Luke says, washing me down with a sponge. “You and Lyall need to work it out, and quickly. Your father won’t let things rest and you’ll be safer once you’ve learned to shift.”
Lyall’s ears prick and she sits bolt upright, paying absolute attention in case she’s misunderstood.
“I can’t shift.”
“Nonsense,” Luke says, working away some of the tension in my back. “You’ve shifted before. Lyall needs to get a bit stronger and the pair of you to figure it out. You need to give up control, she needs to take it and then your body needs to learn how to change.”
I swallow, remembering the only time I’ve ever shifted.
It was a disaster.
The shift hurt like hell and Lyall was furious.
We were forced into it, facing almost certain death otherwise—and Lyall wasn’t going to take any chances once she was in control.
My vision turned red, painted scarlet with blood as limbs were torn from bodies and flesh ripped from bone.
I screamed and cowered as my wolf took control, annihilating the wolves who dared to attack my mother.
But it wasn’t enough to save her.
And the fear of that violence has remained, hanging around my neck like a millstone. It was almost a relief when Lyall didn’t try to assert herself again and now I’m going to have to face what I’ve been running away from for most of my life.
“It’ll be okay, Nia.”
“It might not be,” I sigh, leaning back on Luke.
His fingers press into my back a little harder. “We’ll make sure no one else is around and we’ll do it together. You’re not the first wolf I’ve guided through this.”
A flash of jealousy surges through me and he tips his head back and laughs. I turn, still enraged that he’s helped other women and even his dimples aren’t enough to quell my envy.
“The youngsters, Nia,” he says, his eyes lit with amusement. “Surely your father…” He stops, catching my expression and his mood shifts in an instant. “Your father didn’t help the youngsters through their first shifts?”
I shake my head.
Luke tenses and I look down, tracing the outlines of his markings as I try to distract myself from the awkward tension.
“This is important, Nia.”
I roll my eyes at my wolf and Luke lifts my chin.
“Not once?” he asks.
I shake my head.
“What the fuck’s wrong with your old pack?” he seethes, enraged enough for his eyes to darken and Lawson threatens to appear. “The Alpha is meant to help guide the pack, Nia. He helps the younger wolves through their first shift. They won’t all make it otherwise.”
I nod, looking at the dripping tap and counting the number of wolves we lost with every drop of water.
“Fucking hell.”
I shake a little and his arms wrap around me, pulling me into him. “About half of them didn’t make it.” I stare at the tiles and watch the water trailing in faint streams down their ceramic surface. “The weaker ones.”
“They weren’t weak, Nia,” Luke says, firmly but carefully. “They’re the ones with the stronger wolves. The host fights more and the transformation is harder.”
I pull myself up and stare down at him. My heartbeat is erratic and my chest is tight, aware that my veins are burning as adrenaline pours through me. He waits and I search my thoughts, trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together, knowing that I don’t want to see its picture.
“Ask your question, Nia.”
I swallow and shake my head. “I don’t need to, Luke. My father isn’t careless and the Elders wouldn’t just allow this to happen. It had to serve a purpose and the only one I can think of is keeping him as Alpha.”
Luke nods.
“It’s why he…” I catch myself and swallow back the bile rising from my stomach. “The Elders must have…” I run my hand over my face and finally pull it down onto his chest. “They knew, didn’t they?” I flick my eyes up. “They helped him do this to me, didn’t they?”
Luke’s bronze skin pales and his muscles tense. He’s fraught and his emotions ricochet between sheer anger, worry, and a desperate need to protect me from another harm. But there’s no way to spare me from this despicable truth and I lower myself onto him, letting myself sink into the water.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
I sigh and my fingers trace the patterns on his skin, searching for meaning when there isn’t much to be found.
“You didn’t do this.”
“I could have stopped it earlier,” he sighs, running a finger down my back. “I assume you’ve figured out I was working with the Lightclaw pack, but what I doubt you’ve realized is that I’ve been pulling the strings the whole damn time.”
Lyall growls, uncertain if she was right to trust him.
“I’ve known about you for a while, Nia,” Luke says, his head tipping to the side as he exhales.
“One of our priests had a vision and I fought pretty damn hard against the Elders. I didn’t want you to be my mate, and I was content to leave you alone.
They insisted the Moon Goddess would curse us all unless I claimed you and I wasn’t going to accept a weak wolf.
I wasted time until I could find a way to bring you here without making you Luna, and for that I am sorry. ”
I nod and it isn’t good enough.
I’m too damn angry that he knew I was his mate and did nothing. Luke should have come for me the moment he found out but instead, he tried anything and everything he could to avoid claiming me.
“I didn’t know your father was poisoning you, but I left you when I should have taken you away. It gave him more time and it let him hurt you more, and for that, I will never forgive myself.”
I push the water around until my hand comes to a rest and the question I need to ask becomes as clear as the liquid I’m immersed in.
“Why didn’t you want me?”
“This isn’t a conversation I wanted to have now, but I won’t lie, Nia. Not to you.”
Luke’s face hardens and its lines deepen.
We’re having another conversation that neither of us wants, dealing with problems both of us wish didn’t exist. But they do and there’s no point pretending otherwise, and my insides ache as we tear the bandages off wounds that won’t heal, reopening them and making them bleed fresh blood.
“I know you can shift because you killed my father the first time you did. He was the Alpha that Lyall tore to pieces and you made me an orphan.”
I pale and shake my head.
“Sorry, sweetheart, but you did. You ripped him limb from limb, just like almost all the other wolves who were with him that day.”
“I didn’t…”
“Don’t tell me that you didn’t mean to, Nia. I know full well that Lyall intended to kill them all and wasn’t satisfied until there was nothing left to pull to bits.”
I shift my weight back and move off him, and Luke tracks me, following my movements like he’s hunting prey.
I rest against one end of the tub while he leans forward and pushes his legs either side of mine.
We’re staring at each other, uncomfortable and the emotions flowing between us are as unhinged as the wolves running wild through our thoughts.
“I hated you for killing him,” Luke says, his eyes flickering with the pale blue fire that means he’s angry.
“You took my father from me and made me an Alpha. I wasn’t ready and I wanted revenge, and I spent most of my time trying to destroy your father’s pack for what you did.
” His chest moves closer and I stay still, ignoring any instincts that tell me he’s about to lash out.
“It turns out I was right to try to destroy the pack. I just had the wrong reason.”
“I didn’t know…”
His eyes narrow. “Lyall killed my father, Nia. Your father tried to kill her for being strong enough to take down an Alpha and five of his best fighters.”
“That doesn’t make sense, Luke.”
“It does if your father was threatened by your wolf, Nia. He knows you could take over his pack, and he tried to take you down instead of doing what every other father would do because he’s a power-hungry asshole who was threatened by his daughter.”
Luke moves closer and I jerk back, obeying the instincts that tell me he’s about to hurt me. I’ve put myself in a stupid position and now I’m far too exposed. He’s much stronger than me and I curse myself for trusting him like a fool, ignoring Lyall’s howls of protest.
“You’re my mate, Nia. I will not hurt or use you.”
My head shakes and my eyes dart around, still looking for a way out.
“I realize you’re scared, but I’ll be forced to remind you of our connection unless you start acting like my fucking mate.”
My mouth falls open and I freeze, incredulous that the man has the nerve to pull that shit on me.
“Look,” he says, raising his hands passively.
“I hated you and I went out of my way to hurt you. I realize it’s made you wary, especially with everything your father’s done.
But I am not him.” Luke edges forward and I stare at him, my heart racing as I prepare for something really bad to happen.
“And Cole might have made me realize that you and Lyall were terrified kids who didn’t realize what was going on and you freaked the shit out as you tried to protect yourselves. ”
My jaw ticks and a pulse of anger rises from my core. “Generous of you, Luke.”
“There’s no need to make this hard, Nia,” he says, sending my eyebrow flying upward. “I made assumptions and it was a mistake. You got hurt and I’m sorry. You hurt me too and now we need to move past it and figure out how we’re going to help you and Lyall heal.”
I shake my head and he grabs my hand.
“I am sorry, Nia, but you need to be sorry too.”
“Your father attacked my mother,” I hiss, surprised by the vicious, seething anger creeping into my tone. “He tried to hurt her and he killed her when she wouldn’t stop fighting.”
“Baby, that’s not what happened.”
My chest tightens and my rage boils into something uncontainable. “I’m not your fucking baby and you weren’t there.”
“Nia, my father was claiming his mate.”
I stop and my world falls apart again. My head spins and the rules of time and space suspend themselves as seconds morph into minutes and the room’s dimensions shift without reason.
“Your mother was his second chance mate, Nia. She wasn’t your father’s soul mate but she refused to leave you. You wouldn’t go with her and when my father tried to grab you, you…”
I close my eyes and shake my head, bursting into tears as my past and the emotions that come with it overwhelm me. I shake and shudder, crying like the child I used to be and Luke grabs me, brushing aside my hands as they try to push him away.
“It’s okay, Nia. I’ve got you.”
I wail and shake my head, and his hand wraps around it, pulling me onto his chest.
“Cry it out, sweetheart. We’re going to fix this first, and then we’re going to teach you and Lyall to shift so you can protect yourself and this pack.
” His hands move over my back and I sink my weight further down as my wailing grows louder.
“This is your home, Nia, and you’re not going anywhere.
I’m just sorry we’ve got to go through this again. ”