Chapter 25
A DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE ASK
LUKE
My girl sleeps and I pace the room, staring at the moon as its light torments me. It lights the night as if nothing’s wrong, and the snow-topped mountain peaks glisten, their iridescent sparkles as dazzling as the stars that float across the midnight curtain.
But I’m not peaceful, and this isn’t tranquil.
Nia’s struggling and I detest it.
Nia’s taken to wallowing in self-pity and is sinking into depression, blaming herself for her mother’s death. She ought to be resting and recovering from her ordeal. Instead, we’re dealing with another round of shit and I’m about ready to lose mine.
We’ve both been through enough in the past few weeks and I don’t know how to fix this.
I still haven’t quite come to terms with the way she’s rewritten my story, and as I reflect on the decisions I’ve made, I can’t help but think I made the same mistakes my father made before me.
He rushed in, refused to listen more often than he paused, and always insisted he knew best.
His rashness got him killed, and instead of seeing his faults for what they were, they became mine. I grew bitter and angry, seeking revenge against the wrong fucking person.
I’ve hurt her, more than I’ve hurt myself.
I should have listened to Cole earlier but I was too stubborn and it only made things worse for Nia.
I could have made this easier for her, but I’ve done the opposite and this is my damn cross to bear.
I might not understand everything that happened that day, but she wasn’t to blame, and it will take me some time to come to terms with it.
But I refuse to make my problem another thing she has to deal with.
She’s wallowing in enough grief for the both of us, and me adding to it won’t make anything better. Unleashing my anger will only push Nia further away and being too soft isn’t going to break through the barriers she’s putting in place.
“Let me lie with her.”
Lawson still hasn’t apologized to her and I’m not backing down. My wolf isn’t going near my girl until he grows some balls and accepts he was a dick.
“Her mark has almost taken hold, Luke. She’ll like the comfort of my fur.”
“Are you apologizing?”
He growls and bares his teeth. “She’s sleeping.” Lawson shakes his head in a final act of defiance and I remain unmoved. “When she wakes, I will apologize. If she isn’t upset or in need of something else.”
“How’s Lyall?”
Lawson sits up and his tail wags. “Better than Nia. She’s getting stronger and she’s perfect, Luke. She’s vicious and cunning, playful and devoted. Brave too. An almost perfect Luna.”
I turn away from the moon as the girl who’s driving me to distraction tosses in her bed. She’s having another bad dream and her mind processes the horrors of her experience while she sleeps every night and it needs to end.
Malcolm doesn’t have a solution. He wants me to let Nia do whatever Nia wants to do, provided she doesn’t harm herself. My pack doctor has no better treatment than letting the patient heal herself and he’s never been more useless.
She moans and I resist the urge to rush to her, giving her some space to manage this on her own. Nia said she wants to do this on her own terms and I’m fucking trying to respect her wishes. Even if they are stupid. Even if they fly in the face of our bond.
I force myself back, pressing against a wooden beam that separates one of the glass panes in her room.
I cross my arms, willing them to hold me back as I watch her writhe and cry, praying this will be over soon.
She’s in agony and it floods the connection between us, consuming my thoughts and provoking every goddamn protective instinct in me.
And then she sits bolt upright.
Her eyes blink before she bangs her fists on the mattress, losing her shit as she rails against whatever nightmare took her away from here.
“Nia?”
Her eyes snap to mine and they’re truly stunning. They’re as silver as the moon and their glow captures my attention and my heart, making me sway as she stares at me. Their light shines through the storm raging inside her and I promise myself I’ll never let them fade.
“I’ll apologize, Luke.”
“Now is not the time, Lawson.”
Nia sighs, exasperated. Her hands wipe her tears away and my girl pulls at the sheet, wrapping it around her. It irritates me that she still wants to cover herself in my presence and I stop myself from growling, aware this isn’t the time to push her.
I watch her shuffle around the bed, confused at what the fuck she’s playing at. Her little body jumps and hops across the mattress as she wriggles from one side to the other, still holding the sheet so tightly her fingers are white.
And then she plants her feet on the ground and stands.
Her hair catches in the moonlight and I can’t help but smile.
It’s turned ashen now the wolfsbane has washed out of her, and in this light, it’s almost white.
The dirt has gone, replaced by much more interesting hues and her tresses flow with ethereal magic, reflecting all the colors of the starlight as it dances like the stars while Nia walks over.
This is new.
We’ve been here every night for a miserable week and Nia hasn’t done this before. Not once has she gotten out of bed and she sure as fuck hasn’t hobbled toward me. But she is and I stay perfectly still unsure what the hell she’s doing or what she wants me to do about it.
So I wait. Every muscle tenses, and every tendon strains. I watch my girl walking over and I do absolutely nothing, except give her the damn near impossible thing she wanted from me.
Her feet meet mine and she rests her forehead on my chest, exhaling loudly. Nia’s anxiety fades away and she finds her calm, letting her hands push into me as she slowly relaxes.
“Hey,” she says.
It’s a syllable that shatters all reason and my soul soars, delighted that Nia’s reached for me.
“Hey,” I whisper back, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
Nia smiles and turns her head, pressing her cheek against my heart as she watches the moonlight glisten as it touches the snow.
“Does the snow fall down here?”
I laugh and the vibrations spread into my girl, making her smile for the first time in days. Her spark returns as her face beams and my heart swells for a moment, and then her shadows return and my joy dies down, collapsing from its crescendo like a wave breaking on the rocks.
“It more than snows, pretty girl. A thick blanket descends on us every winter.”
“It’s pretty.” She moves my hand so it rests in the small of her back and I almost melt. “I’m tired, Luke. I’m so fucking tired of everything.”
I swallow and my throat gulps air, frantically trying to extinguish the panic taking hold. I’m holding the girl who destroyed my life only to be the one thing I live for, and in a few brief words, she’s obliterated everything I thought I had.
She tilts her head back and meets my gaze, her eyes resolved and unshaken by her confession.
My wolf howls and hers remains silent as the moon rolls between us, occupying the void opening between us.
I reach for Nia, calling for her soul through the bond that binds her to me and there’s a single, equivocal shudder that brings me no closer to salvation.
“I meant everything that’s happening to us.
Not with us, Luke.” Her palm taps my chest and its rhythm jolts my heart back to life.
“I don’t think I’ll ever tire of this place.
It’s far too perfect.” She smiles and I exhale, only now aware of the breath I’ve been holding for her. “You’re not that bad either.”
Her smile spreads slowly and Nia’s face glows as her skin shimmers and the joy returns. The lines that cut across her soft features soften and the shadows that have haunted her retreat, and I dare to lower my head, imposing myself on her space.
“You underestimate me, pretty girl.”
Nia snorts and I’ll take the win, even though it isn’t a full-blown laugh.
Her head tilts and I crane my neck, admiring the swirls and lines that form the pattern of her mark.
It’s extensive and I love every stroke and touch of the artist’s brush that’s painted her skin, marking her as mine with moons and stars, and symbols of my pack. Our pack.
“I can’t carry on like this, Luke.”
I nod and she refuses to look away.
“It was a mistake, and I won’t live my life in its shadow. I thought your father was trying to hurt my mother and I thought he was going to kill me.”
My mouth opens to tell her I know and I snap it shut, listening to my better angels as they scream this is Nia’s moment. We’re on her time and hers alone. She needs to make all the first moves and my job is to follow and catch her, if and when she needs it.
Nothing more, nothing less.
It’s what she’s asked for and this dance is hers, and she must navigate its steps and turns, its counterturns and pirouettes.
“You’d have done the same. Lawson wouldn’t have held back. I won’t apologize for what I did Luke. I won’t carry that guilt. I’m done carrying other people’s guilt.”
She flicks her hair and her defiance is a rare and beautiful thing.
“I’m sorry you were hurt. I’m sorry you had to go through it alone, but I won’t apologize for something that wasn’t my fault.” Her lips purse together and her fire burns brighter, rekindling the flames that should never have been threatened. “If you can’t accept that, I don’t know how to fix this.”
My teeth grind for a moment and I tip my head back, irritated I’m about to be a jerk.
“I don’t need your apology, Nia. I need your understanding.
You’re asking me to move on and I need the same in return.
” My fingers draw circles on her back, tracing the outline of her mark as they descend her spine.
“We can’t move forward unless we draw a line under it.
All of it. You’ve got to move past what happened when you first came here. ”
She nods, and there’s not a doubt inside her.
“You don’t get to hold it over me, Nia.”
“I know,” she says.
“Or any of the shit I had to do to keep you alive.” My heart pounds against my chest and hers replies with equal force. “I won’t apologize for any of it, including that goddamn tube. I took no pleasure in any of it.”
Nia slides her hands up my chest and the cotton sheet falls away. Our bodies connect and she presses into me, obliterating the space that once divided us.
“You enjoyed the ties.”
My lips curl into a smirk and the girl who’s barely half my size defeats me yet again.
“I admit I enjoyed the sight of you tied to the bed.” My cock begins to harden and I’m thrilled when Nia doesn’t move. “You’re so hot, pretty girl. Too hot for your own good. Soon, I’ll tie you up and make you writhe and scream for me all fucking night long.”
Nia smiles and every synapse in my brain is overcome with fantasies of what I’m going to do with my mate. Fucking hell, I’m screwed. I’m besotted with the tiny little wolf who’s brave enough to face her fears and refuse to let them conquer her.
“This shit ends here. It ends now. So if there’s any more crap we need to sort out, we do it now.”
I shake my head and turn into a puddle.
“We’re going to bed, Luke.”
Damn straight we are. Preferably so I can fuck her to sleep.
“And tomorrow, you and Lawson are going to start teaching Lyall and me how to shift.”
My eyebrow arches and I find myself nodding like a goddamn idiot. Nia’s got me whipped and I may as well be chasing after her like an excited puppy, desperate to please and excited to be around her.
“You can choose which one of you sleeps with me,” she says, her tone more pointed than usual.
“But if it’s Lawson, he’ll apologize if he knows what’s good for him.
” Nia turns and walks away, showing me my mark that draws my eye down her spine and onto her spectacular ass.
“And he’d better fucking mean it. He’ll be sleeping outside if he doesn’t. ”
My wolf howls and I stand in awe, too damn shocked to do anything other than stare in disbelief.
Nia clambers into bed and basks in the moonlight, every inch my perfect mate.
My girl has me exactly where she wants me, and there’s not a goddamn thing I wouldn’t do for her—and as I make my way across the room to join her, I tell Lawson that he’d better not put a foot wrong with the pretty girl I’m in love with.