Chapter 4
This second pregnancy was proving very different. My pregnancy with Charlie had been stressful and nerve-wracking. Not only because it had been my first, but also as I’d craved blood and even grown fangs—not exactly the usual behaviour of the human woman I’d been at the time. I’d gone through the usual: tiredness, crankiness, Theo being uber-annoying, and then on top of all that my child had been prophesied to save Withernsea from war.
At the time, being turned into a vampire seemed low on the stress factor scale, that’s how harrowing and tense the situation had been.
This time around, I’d been tired, yes, but knowing this pregnancy would be more ‘normal’ meant I’d felt more relaxed about my future offspring and the future in general.
Theo had finally accepted his past, and that in itself had resulted in him being a lot more settled. He’d spent the last few months grieving his parents’ loss, but also enjoying his computer work for Heart to Heart, running Faceblood, and he’d held a wedding for a dragon shifter he’d assisted in finding love for. We’d spent many an evening, just the two of us, cuddled on the sofa over the past few months, which had been lovely. Since we’d met, we’d been through so much. It was nice to have a quieter patch.
All in all, I was looking forward to my maternity leave, and intended to sit catching up on all the TV shows and films I was behind on. While Theo was of course my favourite ever male vampire, I also enjoyed watching Spike, Angel, Eric Northman, and Damon and Stefan Salvatore.
Seeing the time was coming up to five pm, I picked up my phone. My final job of the day was to call Zara with details of her first match. With that done, I left Charlie to lock up, (another fantastic advantage to my agency being left in trustworthy hands), and I whizzed home ready for another peaceful night at home.
To find that wasn’t going to be the case at all.
* * *
“What the hell is going on here?” I spat out at my husband, who stood stock still, staring at me as if his eyes were trying to make me disappear.
“I may have got a little carried away,” he said, looking sheepish, as my own eyes took in the hallway full of musical instruments.
“I don’t understand. Are you looking after these for a music teacher?” Because that’s the only explanation my mind is willing to accept right now.
“Erm…”
“Theo.”
“I saw someone on Faceblood singing to their child and they were strumming on a guitar. I thought I’d learn so I could do the same. Then I went on Faceblood Marketplace to look for a guitar and also found drums, a violin, a recorder, and a… grand piano, amongst other things.”
My eyes searched the space, but I could see no grand piano.
“Where is the piano, Theo?”
Silence.
“Where. Is. The. Piano?” I ground out.
“I’ve put it in our bedroom, only it was a lot larger than I thought.”
I just wanted to go sit on my sofa, but I couldn’t get to it. Because there were so… many… instruments.
“Have you been cloned?” I snapped.
“Huh?”
“Only the last time I looked there was just one of you, and let me tell you, one is most certainly enough. However, you have enough instruments here for a choir.”
His face lit up. “I could form a choir.”
“And I could stake my husband, but we shouldn’t act on every idea that comes into our head,” I said abrasively.
My tone was lost on Theo; he was too delighted with his new purchases.
“They were all such a bargain, Shelley, and look,” he picked up a flute and pointed to the THO that had been marked on the base. “These were the seller’s initials. I just have to squeeze an ‘e’ in and they’ll say Theo. Don’t worry, the purchase hardly made a dent in our bank account.”
“They might result in a dent in your forehead,” I threatened. “Now, I wish to sit in the living room, so if you could move things to make a pathway, I shall go spend my time watching Buffy, ie with male vampires who don’t piss me off.”
“Erm…”
I placed my hands on my hips. “Why can’t I sit in the living room, Theo?”
He wouldn’t meet my gaze. “There are a lot of items for the baby in there. I may have panicked we didn’t have everything we need.”
“But you’ve already done countless shopping trips for baby things.” This was all too much for my head. “I’m going in the bath and if you tell me I can’t go in there because you’ve bought fish and that’s where you’ve temporarily put them, you won’t be able to function sexually ever again. While I’m in there, you’d better sort everything. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal. And you’re safe. There are no fish in the bath.”
“Excellent.”
“There may be some baby bath toys though.”
Using my blue webs to throw two boxes blocking the stairs to one side, I stomped upstairs to find solace with a soak.
* * *
Of course, once I was in there, I felt immediately guilty. My husband was just excited and as was Theo’s way, he jumped in with both feet. However, I wasn’t unreasonable in wanting him to just dial his enthusiasm with new ideas down a notch.
The problem with 128-year-old vampires was they’d seen so much in life, that anything shiny and new just seemed irresistible.
However, I wasn’t sure our future baby was in need of forty-eight bath toys. I’d get Theo to pick his favourites and we’d put the excess in a charity bag for those less fortunate than ourselves.
With the toys in a couple of pedal bin liners we kept in one of the bathroom drawers, I ran myself a bath and sunk down into its warm depths, with suds so high they threatened to overflow. My large bump stuck up out of the water and I placed a hand on my belly. Our baby moved slightly, not able to do much now the pregnancy was in its late stages. Just like that, all my tension fell away. This was what was important, our baby, and that’s what my overenthusiastic vampire husband was focusing on too. He wanted to play our baby music and make sure he or she had everything they needed, and I’d been cross with him over it. Suddenly, instead of wanting to be on my own, I wanted my husband.
“Theo,” I shouted.
A moment later, the door opened extremely slowly. As my husband stepped into the room, he looked around him, his eyes narrowed, and his forehead furrowed.
“What are you doing?” I queried.
“I felt sure you would be calling me here to throw the bath toys at my head at the very least.”
“No, I called you here to say I’m sorry.”
“That can’t be right. I knew it was too good to be true that this pregnancy was going so well. Now you’ve been taken over by aliens. How does one arrange for them to be removed? Alexander performs exorcisms, but an alien life form may be beyond him.”
“Ha ha ha. Very funny.”
Theo sat down on the closed toilet seat.
“I have got carried away again. I admit it.”
“Forty-eight bath toys, Theo.”
“I bought one of everything available in Withernsea.”
“Quelle surprise. I’ve bagged them up and later we need to go through them and choose twelve. That will be more than enough. The rest can go to charity.”
“Very well.”
“As for the musical instruments…”
“I’ve already moved the grand piano to the barn. I realised that if I learn to play quickly, I can offer it as an extra with the wedding packages. I can play as the bride walks down the aisle.”
“But you need to be at the other end to officiate,” I pointed out.
“Who said men can’t multi-task? I can play and then I can whizz down to marry people, then whizz back to play the bride and groom out.”
I closed my eyes so I could count to ten and then found myself being patted on both cheeks.
“Shelley, you mustn’t fall asleep in the bath.”
I felt my eyes turn red and my fangs descend. Theo fled to the bathroom door.
“I accept your apology and now I must dash. The chickens need putting in their coop.”
My brow furrowed. “We don’t have ch—”
Theo wouldn’t meet my gaze, reminding me of a dog that’s just destroyed a sofa.
“I had chickens when I was growing up,” he said. Then he quickly left the room.
I flopped my head back against the bath pillow and stared up at the ceiling. I’d just managed to persuade myself that everything was absolutely fine when I realised I couldn’t get my large frame back out of the bath.
“Theo,” I shouted again.
* * *
“I will overlook everything you’ve bought today if we never speak again of my difficulties in getting out of the bath,” I negotiated.
“It was like when they have to winch morbidly obese people out through a window to take them to hospital,” Theo noted.
“I’m heavily pregnant.”
“You are beautiful, my darling wife. Full to bursting with our child. It shall be any day now, I’m sure.”
“I’m due in three weeks, remember?”
“I’m counting down the days, sweetheart. It can’t come soon enough.”
My husband spoke so sweetly, but we both knew he meant so I wouldn’t be a grumpy and tetchy beached whale any longer.
“Sweetheart, I know you’ve been having your extra O-neg, but I thought I’d add a raspberry leaf tea to your daily diet,” he added, confirming my thoughts.
“Oh yeah?”
“Also, I’ve booked us in at Hanif’s tomorrow night, as a treat. Thought you might enjoy a nice, hot curry.”
“I can tell you that you won’t be getting sex anytime soon to make the baby come out faster,” I informed him.
“Really? Even though I bought a Spike wig from Amazon?” he stated, meeting my gaze and smirking.
Bastard. He’d got me there.