Chapter 12
It had been a very strange evening at work with the weird customer we’d had in, but some nights were like that. Some customers were eccentric, some rude. It was just how it went. But I was glad to get home, change into my comfy pjs, and open a packet of biscuits, washing them down with a nice cuppa.
Though I knew I was letting a few crumbs and more untidiness appear, I just didn’t feel like clearing up after a shift of doing the same thing, so I got comfortable on the sofa and switched my Xbox on and started playing Fortnite.
I instantly relaxed and forgot all about work. Instead, I focused on building structures so I couldn’t be shot at while trying to defeat my virtual enemies. After a while, my mind began to wander onto the subject of dating and the fact Shelley had said the guy I’d bumped into was single. Would I feel the same connection as I had when I’d bumped into him at the agency? Also, he was on their books so was there a reason he’d not found a match of his own? Eventually, when I could barely keep my eyes open, I wandered up to bed and fell asleep.
* * *
The next morning, I’d not sleepwalk cleaned and so it did appear like it was the result of enjoying too many vodka and cokes.
My phone rang and I recognised the dating agency”s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey there, it’s Max, from the Heart to Heart department. I’m just calling on behalf of Shelley as the guy she’s matched you up with is on my books.”
My own heart sank a little as I knew that Heart to Heart was the part of the agency where they tried to match up those who they’d struggled to find matches for. It had a nickname: the undateables.
“Hey. Can’t be worse than my last date, I’m sure,” I said.
“Yeah, good attitude, keep positive. Boone matched up really well with you, so fingers crossed. Can you meet him at Captain Williams, tonight at eight?” he asked. “Stand by the fireplace.”
I wasn’t all that ecstatic that I would be standing at the side of the fireplace again. Christ, it was a good job we’d not stayed near there last time with the amount of methane that had come out of fake-Conran. The building would have exploded.
“Yeah, sure. Eight it is,” I agreed.
With my date sorted and no further plans until then, I went in search of breakfast and then got back to my computer game.
* * *
Thankfully, for this date, I had clean clothes to put on. Okay, they’d not made it any further than their place on the dining table where drunk me had left them, but at least none of them had sanitary pads stuck to them. I still double-checked. This time I went for a pair of soft, comfy jeans and a baggy, black, glittery top. I needed the baggy top because I couldn’t get the zip on my jeans up. Looked like the sitting down and biscuit eating was taking its toll. The house, although still not terrible, was looking a little neglected again. I resolved to drink vodka and coke again and see if I once more tidied up as a result.
And so it came to be that I once more found myself walking into the pub at ten to eight (punctual as always) for a date set up by the dating agency. But this time, as I walked in the direction of the fireplace, I found Mr tall, blonde, and handsome standing there already. That was a good start. I made my way over.
“Boone, right?”
“Zara.” He beamed at me. His perfect white teeth dazzled me. Jeez, I was already in love. How the hell was this guy single? He looked like Ryan Gosling!
“I looked up your name online,” he informed me. “Do you know that Zara is the Russian name for princess? You would make an incredible princess or queen. Or a lady of the manor.”
I thought it was a bit of a weird statement, but I was still overcome with the fact he looked like a Disney Prince, so I let it go. My libido was very distracted.
“I did know that, and in Hebrew it means seed. Though that’s not as attractive sounding, is it?” I replied.
Why did I just say that? Shoot me now. Seed. I might as well drop the word ‘moist’ in a conversation.
“Actually, that is just as amazing. For seeds are nature’s finest are they not, from which the beautiful flowers grow?”
I smiled. Boone was entirely charming. In fact, he was a little too charming. But I couldn’t complain. That’s something I’d put I wanted on my application.
Ideal man: Dark-haired, dark-eyed. Good dental hygiene. Charming, attentive. Likes action films but will also sit through a chick flick. Will happily spend all night playing computer games. Not afraid of public displays of affection.
That was what I could remember anyway. I’d written a good paragraph. Obviously, they’d ignored the dark hair, dark eyes part when I specifically asked if Boone was available. I’d have to wait and see what else we had in common. The computer had put us as a good match after all.
“Let me get you a drink. What would you like?” Boone asked, capturing my attention once more. Gosh, he was a hunk.
“A vodka and coke please.” Date to impress or not, I still wanted to check out my cleaning theory.
Boone asked me to find us a seat while he went to the bar. He returned with my drink and a real ale for himself.
“So what do you do for a living, Boone?” I asked him. I wanted to see what a six-foot-three walking sex god did as a job. Male model? Gigolo?”
“I’m a cleaner.”
I snorted vodka out through my nostrils. “Pardon?”
“You know, a domestic. I clean offices etc, that kind of thing.”
“Well, someone has to, I guess.”
“You sound like you’re not enamoured with my job?” An amused smirk lit his features.
“Oh, I’m pleased there are people who do what you do. I just don’t like cleaning. It’s all, well, icky.”
He laughed at that. A great, deep boom.
“As long as it’s only the thought of my job that gives you the ick, and not me.”
I laughed in return.
“What do you do?” he asked.
“I’m a waitress at Red’s Steakhouse.”
“And do you enjoy it?”
“Apart from some icky cleaning up, yes.”
He laughed again.
Our evening carried on with us getting to know each other more. He was a gentleman, and lovely. Could Boone actually prove to be the one? My only concern was him being on Max’s books. Why? What had gone wrong with all his previous dates? It seemed too soon to ask. I’d seen no evidence of bad behaviour so far, but then we all were usually on our best behaviour on a first date, weren’t we? In terms of the future, I was rushing too far ahead and needed to give it a little more time than one date. I knew I’d definitely like to road test him in bed though that was for sure.
As the evening drew to a close and the last orders had been called, Boone offered to walk me home and I accepted. Once we got back to mine, I’d invite him in for ‘coffee’.
He took hold of my hand on the way home. Not afraid of public displays of affection - tick. His hand was huge and warm, with a firm grip and I got a little excited wondering what those fingers might do to me later that night.
“Can we just pop into this supermarket?” I asked Boone as we walked past the Aldi.
“Sure.”
“You wait outside. I won’t be long.”
I bought a bottle of vodka and a bottle of coke because I’d not been able to drink as much as the other night as Boone had insisted on buying my drinks. I’d only been able to order three singles and I still felt completely and utterly sober. Then I added a box of condoms, a jar of coffee, some teabags, and a fresh pint of milk, along with a packet of cookies. That way I figured I had every eventuality covered.
Once we reached my house, Boone accepted my offer of coffee and followed me over the doorstep. He looked around with interest until we entered the living room and he saw the biscuit crumbs all over the sofa and the wrapper on the floor. “Eek, I’ve never had a cleaner round before.” I picked the packet up off the floor and then while he wasn’t looking, I swept the crumbs onto the carpet.
“How do you take your coffee?” I enquired.
“Milky with no sugar, thank you.” He gestured to my pile of computer games. “Mind if I take a look?”
“Not at all. I’ll just be a moment.” I excused myself to go to the kitchen where I filled the kettle and switched it on.
I needed Dutch courage. Getting out a pint pot, I added a third of a pint of vodka, then coke, and drank huge mouthfuls of it. Once the kettle had boiled and I’d fixed us both a drink, I watered down my own coffee and took a little taste of that, so Boone wouldn’t be able to smell all the alcohol on my breath.
When I got back into the living room, Boone was playing a car-chasing game. “You don’t mind, do you? I just love them, they’re my absolute favourite.”
“Not at all.” I said, even though inside I was yelling, ‘Take me to bed, big boy’.
And that’s how I found myself spending the rest of the evening. Playing computer games, while nipping into the kitchen for another glug of the vodka and coke I’d hidden in the cupboard. Boone never suggested we went upstairs, and the more vodka I consumed, the more I descended into a boneless state. I felt so chilled, just enjoying Boone’s company.
* * *
My eyes opened and I realised I’d woken up on the sofa. The clock on the mantlepiece informed me it was 7am. There was no sign of Boone, and as my eyes finally relearned how to focus correctly, I noticed that everything was clean and tidy.
Well, I’ll be damned. Clearly, I had a chemical imbalance that made me clean while drunk. I’d need to test whether it was solely the work of vodka or if it needed the coke as a side next.
Walking into the kitchen once more I found the milk bottle I’d left out when making hot beverages empty and another note saying ‘thank you’ in my drunk writing. I’d have a giggle with Boone the next time I saw him about the fact I only cleaned when drunk. That’s if he wanted to see me again. He’d been great company. I’d ask Max or Shelley to set me up on another date with him and see how it went.
Having made myself a much-needed strong coffee, I sat on my clean sofa and ran the date back through in my mind. I was definitely up for a second date and hoped Boone felt the same.
It was confirmed he must when I got a text from Max asking if I was available again this evening.
Zara: Absolutely. Same time, same place?
Max: Boone will see you then. Hope it goes well.
I smiled as I placed my phone down on the sofa arm. Now, it was possible Boone might return to mine tonight and this time, want to go upstairs, and I had the time available to tidy it. Or… I mused, I could have another few vodka and cokes, have a nap, and hopefully wake up to the upstairs looking incredible. It was worth a try!