Chapter 11
The helpful woman had ordered me a human ambulance, so it was up to my husband to do some words of compulsion until we were out of the restaurant. The ambulance had been stopped from arriving and instead, one had been sent from the caves.
As I was helped inside, I saw Janice, my previous midwife in the ambulance. Her hair was now in a long bob, and she wore a funkier pair of glasses.
“You’re in a lot of pain then this time? Magic not helping?”
I shook my head. “A lot more pain. I tried the enchantments like last time, but it’s not doing much.”
“Fate and Cupid wanted to give you a more authentic experience though, didn’t they?” Janice reminded me, just as a wave of pain washed through me.
I focused on trying to stay calm until it passed. “I’m going to sit Cupid on many, many of his own arrows,” I spat out.
“Let me examine you and then I’ll see whether we can manage a home birth like last time or whether you need to come to the caves,” Janice relayed.
“I’ll move up top so you can focus on the business end,” Theo said, trying to squash past.
“Do you think you could just wait outside while I do the examination?” Janice asked him.
“I’ve seen her vagina many times, Janice. How do you think she got with child in the first place? Plus, might I remind you that I was myself an obstetrician in the 1960s.”
“I just meant there’s not enough room for me to do the examination properly if you’re crammed in here too,” Janice pointed out.
“Oh, okay. I shall step out. I’ll be contacting our daughter to let her know her brother or sister is on the way.”
Theo left the ambulance and Janice checked me over.
“I think we can do this at the farm if you’d like. You’re only two cm dilated so we’ll be a while yet. We can get you comfy and your daughter can be around. Or… if you’d like some peace…” she whispered. “I can tell Theo I must take you to the caves as you’ve contracted a non-serious disease that is very contagious and itchy to men.”
I smiled. “Thank you, but I would love to have our baby at the farm with both my husband and my daughter present if possible.”
“Okay, let’s get on our way,” she said, letting the paramedic know they could go to the farm. As he started the engine, Theo banged on the door.
“Theo, whizz home. I’ll meet you there,” I shouted through the closed door.
“Okay, Shelley. Is there any chance when you get there you could just wait for me to give the all clear?”
What was he talking about?
“I just want to make sure there’s nothing too noisy around the place that might disturb your labouring.”
In other words, he was panicking about Janice seeing any stolen musical instruments.
“That’s the least of our worries right now. Just get Charlie and get home,” I yelled.
* * *
The first thing Janice did after assisting me upstairs was to help me get a strip wash to remove all the blood from around my breasts. The great thing about having her there was that she’d seen all this before and wasn’t the slightest bit fazed by blood or my boobs, butt, and pussy. After that, I put on a soft cotton nightie and got onto my bed.
“Feel free to get into whatever position feels most comfortable for you,” she told me. “As I said, we’ve a lot of time to pass yet.”
I felt nervous. Charlie’s birth had been over in such a short time and the enchantments had lessened the pain throughout. But then she’d grown up so fast. This birth might be slower, but so would my next baby’s growth. Focusing on my breathing, I tried to relax as much as I could.
Crashhhh. Boooinnnng. The sound of a drum falling over and cymbals crashing ricocheted through the house. Of course with Janice and I both being vampires that really hurt our ears.
“Sorry,” Theo shouted upstairs. “Just dropped a pan.”
Janice frowned at me.
“He accidentally bought some stolen musical instruments and thinks he’s going to be arrested for handling stolen goods. Therefore, instead of thinking ‘Oh my wife’s having our baby’, he’s thinking ‘Oh the midwife will sit on the jury as a witness and help send me to prison’.”
“Your husband is extremely dramatic, isn’t he?”
“Yes, but if you tell him that he’ll inform you about his years as an actor so don’t go there. He also, however, is one of the most generous and loving men I’ve ever met, so we excuse him his theatrical nature…” I paused, “…most of the time.”
“Hey, it’s up to you. I can either let him stay down there out of your hair, or we can get him up here to see the birth of his next child. What’ll it be?” Janice asked.
“Can you get him please?”
She smiled and nodded.
They were downstairs for a few minutes which gave me a chance to rest my head back against the pillow.
When Theo peered his head around the door he came in with a bottle of blood. “Thought you might be ready for a little extra sustenance.”
“Sounds good. I’m also ready for my husband to be by my side,” I told him.
* * *
Eight hours later, at six thirty-three am, Leonardo ‘Leo’ Scott Landry was born weighing seven pounds and three ounces. I’d completely put my foot down about having children called Scott and Charlene after Theo’s favourite programme Neighbours and he’d reluctantly agreed to Scott being a middle name instead.
“I’m Theo and this is my son, Leo,” my hubby said, cradling his newborn son.
Charlie gazed over at her new little brother, her eyes swimming with tears. “He is so very adorable.”
“Do not instantly go home and seduce your husband in order to make your own,” Theo barked out.
“Don’t worry, Dad, I’m not ready for my own babies yet.” Charlie patted his arm. “I’ve my little brother to coo over right now.”
I burst into tears.
“What’s wrong, Mum?” Charlie asked, quickly coming to my side.
“I just realised Mary isn’t here, arguing about not getting to cuddle the baby,” I snivelled.
Charlie hugged me. “Her and Grandad will be watching, Mum, from heaven.”
“Your grandma is more likely ogling the angels,” Theo said, making us all laugh.
Standing, he placed Leo back into my arms, and as I looked into my son’s eyes, then at my daughter and husband, I knew I was the luckiest woman on earth.
* * *
Theo went to sleep in a guest room as dawn broke. Charlie went home and I got to spend some precious hours alone with my newborn son. Once I knew Kim would be up and awake ready for work, I called her.
“Hey, girl, what’s up?” she asked, concern in her voice as I never called her this early in the morning.
Leo chose to let out a cry.
“Auntie Kim, Leo says hi,” I said.
“Shut the front door. You had the baby?” she double-checked.
“No, I’m pretending to mimic a newborn cry for funsies,” I said sarcastically.
“I’m on my way,” she announced, ending the call.
Sighing, I called Max.
“Shelley! Oh, thank goodness. I’ve been on tenterhooks all night. Did you have the baby?” Max shot out in an avalanche of words.
“I did.”
“Lemme get a pen and paper,” Max interrupted.
I waited until he resumed the call.
“You know everyone will ask me the deets. Spill.”
“Leonardo Scott Landry was born at six thirty-three am, on Thursday 2 May 2019, weighing seven pounds and three ounces. He’ll be known as Leo.”
“Many congrats, Shelley. So your maternity leave will be starting early then?”
“It will, and that’s why I’m calling. Obviously, Charlie already knows, but I wanted you to be aware that I’m starting maternity leave immediately.”
“Don’t worry, we all know what we’re doing here now. Plus, Charlie is amazing. The place is in safe hands.”
“I know, but please let me know if you create some great matches. Like with Boone for instance. Don’t leave me hanging. I want all the gossip please.”
“You got it. Anyway, I need to come visit the little dude, so I’ll bring a present for him and gossip for you.”
“Perfect. Also… doing the Eastender’s theme tune…”
“I know, it was inappropriate.”
“It was genius. Even though I couldn’t appreciate it at the time.”
“Aww, Shelley, honey, don’t. You’ll make me well up and I’m already emotional over my new nephew.”
I didn’t bother correcting him. Max and Kim had placed themselves in honorary auntie and uncle roles and I knew better than to argue about it.
Within thirty minutes of my phone call, Kim was sitting in my bedroom cradling Leo and telling him all about his new besties: Louisa, Cedric, and Finian. Though I knew really she should be at work taking care of things, I took the opportunity to close my eyes for a few moments while my son was in safe hands.
A wail brought me out of my power nap.
Shooting up, I saw Kim standing rocking Leo. “He’s ready to feed,” she said, passing him over. “I’d better get to work and leave you to it. He’s beautiful, Mummy,” she said.
“Would you just grab me a bottle of blood from the mini fridge first?” I asked her.
Kim got me the drink and I quickly drank it down before letting Leo latch on to my nipple.
“Make the most of it,” Kim said fondly.
“I will. Charlie grew up so fast. I’m going to embrace every moment.”
“Oh I just meant between now and Theo getting out of bed,” she said, leaving the room.
* * *
“Wife, what am I going to do about the stolen musical instruments?” Theo said, bursting into the room at four pm.
I shrugged. “Shove them up your arse?”
“I do not wish for my son to be known as the son of a felon,” Theo announced dramatically. “The shame of it. Outcast from society because his father tried to improve his talents. Why am I never satisfied that I am talented enough? Am I not incredible?”
“Go and fetch one of the musical instruments,” I instructed.
“I really don’t feel like attempting to play my son a nursery rhyme, Shelley, but I could sing him one.”
“NO,” I shouted, making Theo and Leo startle. “I mean, it’s for a spell to help. Just get a small instrument.”
“How small?”
“Think of your brain. About that size.”
“Charming,” Theo stated, but he left the room returning with a flute.
Passing Leo to his father, I took hold of the instrument, and placed a finger on the ‘e’ Theo had etched in.
“Remove this ‘e’ from the instrument I hold
And from the others that Theo bought
Let no fingerprints remain upon what was sold
And let him not be caught
The purchase came from a place of love
And from a rogue seller’s greed
Let the instruments return to the Town Hall Orchestra room
Where they are most in need.”
The flute disappeared from my hand.
“It’s done, Theo. All the instruments are returned.”
“What about the thief?”
“Tip off the police if you like. My concern was only to correct your mistake. I’m not responsible for the security of the town hall orchestra equipment,” I told Theo straight. “That’s it now. For the next few weeks, it’s you, me, and the baby, okay? We don’t need you to buy anything else. We’re perfect as we are.”
Leo began to wail. As Theo began singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to our son, I clutched the bedsheets hard while wishing I could go temporarily deaf. But then I saw the look of love my husband bestowed upon our son and decided I could live with his ‘singing’ – as long as I purchased some earplugs on the sly. And wouldn’t you know it, Leo stopped crying. It was probably in shock at the racket coming out of his father, but his daddy thought he’d settled him and maybe, just maybe, he had.