Sadie
The Last Breath I Take
Cold—my body feels so cold.
Dark—why is everything so dark?
Dead—am I dead?
My body sinks, the weight of something heavy sitting on my chest, but all I can think about is the people I love.
My mom, my sister, the girls, Beth… what are they going to think when they find out I died?
Will they be mad, or will one of them stand up at my wake and talk about the fact that at least I went out doing something fun?
That my last moments were spent with the warm breeze of the Atlantic Ocean whipping through my hair—that they happened with Max?
Max.
He will never recover from this. The man spends the majority of his time attempting to be happy, to show the world that he’s the guy who’s always down for a good time.
But I’ve seen him, the real him. The emotional, tenderhearted man who isn’t afraid to speak his mind or show me how he feels.
The one who cared enough to give up his free time to make sure I had the best couple of weeks of my life.
Max isn’t like every other man out there, and he’s certainly not a typical hockey bro.
Of course, he’s full of himself, funny, and the life of any party—but he’s also selfless, thoughtful, and painfully romantic.
He rescues little girls from the middle of the street, wipes ice cream off faces, plans insanely gorgeous surprises with candles and fairy lights, and loves his family so much that he’s willing to smell like fresh lobster for the better part of three days.
I’ve known for a little while that I was falling for him.
I think it happened when we first kissed—how cliché.
At that moment, something shifted. It was like coming home for the first time in my life, like everything from that second onward would be different.
He didn’t just alter my state of being. Like an artist, he took brightly colored oil pastels and painted a new picture of my once bleak reality.
I should have told him when there was still time—should have made it clear how much he’s changed my life.
If this is the last breath I ever take, I’ll regret not thanking him.
"Sadie."
The sound of my name is like a whisper, so faintly hidden amongst the whirring and whooshing of the surrounding water.
"Sadie."
There it is again, a tad louder. Is this how it happens—how the undertaker calls me home? Where’s the ship? Shouldn’t there be one to ferry my soul wherever it’s supposed to go?
A strong hand grips my bicep, tugging me through the chilly water until my head surfaces. Bright light blinds me, and I clamp my eyes shut.
"Sadie!" Max’s gravelly voice overwhelms me. "Are you okay?" His calloused hand rakes down my face as water continues to slosh around us.
Prying open my eyes, I search his face as I cough up more water than should be humanly possible. "Am I dead?" I choke out.
Laughter that’s threaded with relief booms out of him at the same time I realize he’s treading water, his arm wrapped around me trying to hold me up. My legs move, working with him to support my body weight.
"Come on, we have to swim to the stern. I dropped the ladder."
He pulls me by my hand, leading us to the back edge of the boat.
I clamber up the ladder, shivering so hard my teeth clank against themselves.
It’s summer, but the water out this far from the coast is freezing, or maybe it’s just adrenaline.
When Max joins me on the back of the boat, he pulls a couple of towels out of a bin I hadn’t noticed, along with a plush, red blanket, and wraps them around me.
"Shhh, you’re okay." He swipes my face, wiping away tears I hadn’t even noticed were falling. "I’m so glad you’re okay."
"I love you!" I blurt out, immediately covering my mouth with my hand. I didn’t mean to say that. I hadn’t planned to. It was supposed to go to the grave with me—the watery one I was just headed for.
Max rears back, and I cover my face, expecting him to be mad or maybe disappointed. Instead, he peels my hands away from my eyes, cradling my cheeks. "I love you, too. I didn’t want to, and I know it’s selfish. But I do."
My heart explodes like a butterfly wrenching itself from its cocoon.
Wrapping my hands around his neck, I kiss him.
Pressing every ounce of my body into his, I tug at his back, pulling him closer.
Our lips tangle, teeth clanking together as we furiously explore each other—like it could be the last time we ever do.
His tongue plunges into my mouth, and I bite his bottom lip the way he’s done to me so many times before.
Max leans back, breaking the kiss. "Sade… as much as I want nothing more than to continue this." He motions between us. "I have to move us somewhere safer, somewhere that you won’t end up back in that water." His gaze is pleading, like he can’t stand the thought of me falling in again.
Nodding my head reluctantly, I let him help me to a safe spot near the cabin door. There's a cushioned seat he settles me on as he pulls the blanket tighter around me and steps back toward the knobby wheel he steers with.
As Max maneuvers the boat, my heart hammers in my chest. I shouldn’t have said it, shouldn’t have told him I love him.
He probably thinks this is one of those impassioned near-death experiences—and it is.
But the sentiment is genuine. I thought I’d been in love before, but nothing has ever compared to the way I feel about Max, the way I think of him every second of every day.
And my heart breaks all over again—because we can’t be together.
Timing is a funny thing that way. When it’s on your side, it’s glorious.
But when it isn’t, there’s no greater thief of joy.
If things were different, if I didn’t have a fate to find, a job to win back, a future so predetermined and thoughtfully planned that only a true act of cosmic design could derail it, then I could have Max.
And if he didn’t have to move thousands of miles away—he could have me.
"I can see the gears spinning in your head all the way from over here." Max glances in my direction, steering us closer to a small island I hadn’t noticed. Trees line the edge on all sides, rocky cliffs hanging like they could fall into the ocean at any second. It isn’t until we get a little closer that I notice a small dock leading to a path.
"I’m fine," I answer him, still scanning the space in front of the boat.
Max scoffs. "We said honesty, Sade. You promised."
He guides our vessel up to the dock, reaching out to tie some rope to the pylons before dropping the anchor.
"Do you need that?" I point toward where he just tossed the large metal shape over the edge. "I thought when you tied off a boat that was good enough."
"Just putting it in as a safety precaution." He smiles at me, and I feel it from the top of my head all the way to my toes. "In case any bigger boats come by. I’m not sure how stable this dock is, and I don’t want another overboard situation."
"Am I the heiress in this situation? Or is it like the new one?"
He rolls his eyes but can’t contain the laugh that escapes him. "I think maybe you are the rich one. It couldn’t be me… I barely have a job."
"Stop, yes, you do. Coach Nash is going to be so lucky to have you." The weight of my words passes between us. There’s that timing problem rearing its ugly head again as the butterfly that was flapping in my chest just minutes ago slowly dies.
"Can we just pretend for tonight?" Max begs, his lips pulled in and a hint of sheen in his eyes.
"Pretend?"
"That I’m not leaving. Hell, that neither of us are running off to our jobs in a matter of days." He lifts me from the seat I'm in, opening the cabin door with his free hand. "Can we pretend that the words we said not ten minutes ago are enough?"
"I would love that." Pressing a soft kiss to the bicep draped over my shoulder, I duck my head through the door and step into the sleeping quarters.
I’m not lying, I would love to pretend nothing else exists outside of our bubble—and I’ll do my best to fake it until I make it.
But we both know this isn’t a solution. Instead, it’s a temporary salve that will lessen the sting for a little while, only for it to come back twice as hard in the morning.
The cabin isn’t a large space with only about two feet at the end of the bed. But it’s cozy, and the blue patchwork comforter looks to be not just well-worn but soft in a way you know will be comforting.
I slip my still soaking wet jean shorts off and toss them out the cabin door. They land with a thud on the deck, followed by my tank top. Max strips, ditching everything including his boxers—leaving me breathless.
"See something you like?" Max smirks, running his hand through his hair so it’s slicked out of his face.
"Mm-hmm." I slip my lace thong down my legs, kicking it off with my feet before ditching my bra.
Max pulls the comforter back, motioning for me to lie down, but I shake my head and point my finger to the spot he just uncovered. The book is sitting in the center of the pillows, and it’s open to the next clue.
"For someone who says they want to help you, Beth really knows how to kill the moment," Max jokes, climbing up to it and lifting it from its spot as he scans the clue. "This one’s easy. It’s protective." He tosses me the book, followed by a pencil.
I read the clue aloud. "Three across… a human behavior that is comparable to sunscreen." Grabbing the pencil, I scribble in the answer and watch the letters melt to gold. "You’re getting better at those, or Beth gave an easy one so we could get onto the good stuff."
Max rolls his eyes. "Yeah, maybe toss it aside now?"
Following his command, I drop it to the floor and dip a finger through the wetness that has pooled between my legs, holding it up. The lighting in the cabin is dim, but it illuminates the room enough for Max to see it glistening.
"You said you loved me…" I purse my lips, fighting a smile. "I think maybe you should prove that… even if it’s just for tonight."
It’s official—I’m a masochist. With the way he’s looking at me, the way he so easily saved my life and confessed his feelings… I couldn’t deny him this moment any more than I could deny it for myself.
Max scratches the back of his neck lightly. "Is that so?" Nodding, I finally give in to the smile—allowing myself to grin. "What are you proposing?"
Cocking a hip out, I hold my finger up and motion for him to come to me. "Crawl over here and find out."
Max leaps forward, reaching me in only a few quick movements. He pulls me on top of him, grabbing my hand, sucking the finger that was inside me a second ago into his mouth.
"Mmm…" He swirls his tongue around the tip. "You know, I think I’m getting hungry."
Pressing myself up with my hands, I move to scoot off of him. "Oh, uh, yeah we can eat instead."
He chuckles, pulling me so that I'm straddling his chest. "I meant you. I’m ready for my meal." Max pushes on my ass, hoisting me forward so that I’m hovering over his face. And when he sinks his tongue inside of me, I see stars.
He circles my clit slowly, like he’s savoring every pass of his tongue. And then he suctions his mouth onto my already sensitive bud while plunging two fingers inside of me.
"You taste so sweet, Sade." He whispers, the warm breath fanning over my pussy. "Ride my face, baby."
My hips move in slow circles as Max brings me to the brink. But when my thighs start to shake, he pulls back, grinning up at me.
"What are you doing?" I brace my hands on the small piece of wood that serves as a headboard, lifting off of him slightly.
"Taking my time… there’s no rush."
His hands grip my hips harder, pulling me back down again as he flattens his tongue and presses punishing flicks to my clit.
"Fuck, Max!"
He chuckles but continues switching between light circles that are so good but frustratingly not enough, and a full-on devouring. Every time I get close, he stops, and I feel like my skin is on fire. Every nerve cell in my body is buzzing.
"I need more, Max." I pull back, sliding down his chest until I’m hovering above his abdomen. I lean down and kiss him, our tongues tangling in a passion-filled moment. "Please, fuck me."
"Let me grab a condom." He pats my leg gently, waiting for me to move.
"Okay." I slip beside him, grabbing his hand as he moves to get up. "I’m on the pill. I mean… if you want to, we can, but I’m okay if we don’t."
Something about there being a barrier between us feels too reminiscent of our situation. I should keep that wall up, keep the distance between us—but the reckless side of me doesn’t want to.
"Are you sure?" He stares at me over his shoulder, judging my answer by my expression. "I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone in a while, never without one… and I’ve been tested."
"I’m positive. I haven’t either… without one and not since my last exam. Everything was good." I lean forward, pulling him back to me.
He climbs on top of me, holding himself up so I’m not smushed as he peppers my face and neck with quick little kisses. Max swipes his nose over mine, back and forth.
"I need you to know that I was telling the truth." Another kiss, this one on my forehead. "I’m in love with you, Sade. And I know that’s not ideal considering our situation… none of this is. But I need you to understand that no matter what happens—this thing between us is real."
My heart thumps rapidly, and tears prick the backs of my eyes. I bite my cheek, hoping the physical pain will help me keep it together. "It’s real for me too, Max. I love you, even if it’s the shortest love story in history—it’s our story."
With that, Max lines himself up at my entrance and pushes into me in the sweetest, most deliciously painful way. His cock is so big it feels like too much to take, like he’s consuming every inch of my body.
But isn’t that what love is? All-encompassing, a connection so powerful you can’t see where one person ends and the other begins.