Chapter 11
Chapter
Eleven
FINLEY
I blinked sleep from my eyes, taking in the morning light that spilled through the tent’s entrance.
Before I drifted off to sleep with my head resting on Brenton’s chest, I thought the souls of all those I’d killed would follow me into my dreams. But there’d been nothing.
Only the soothing beat of Brenton’s heart and his soft, even breaths.
I’d drifted off listening to him, my own heart unclenching one breath at a time.
At some point during the night, either Brenton’s magic or my own had healed the blisters that had burned through my skin. I almost regretted it, wanting to feel Brenton’s gentle hands on me again while he tended to me.
Brenton still slept at my side with one arm clinging to my waist, his fingers curled against me as if even in sleep, he worried I’d leave. Again.
I wasn’t certain what to do with the calmness that settled in my chest. Or with that quiet shyness that prickled beneath my skin. But gods, I’d spent the night with Brenton. In his arms. After I’d told him I wanted him.
I still did. I always would.
Especially after he’d taken away the sharp edges of my despair with his gentle spirit and caring words.
“You aren’t monstrous, my love. You are a dragon. Burned, yet still standing.”
I ran a finger over the strands of hair that curled at his forehead. In his sleep, he seemed softer. Still very much the warrior whose smoke magic demolished an entire compound, but unguarded. And terrifyingly close.
I should move. Leave before he woke to avoid any awkwardness. Instead, I stayed, my heart doing strange flips while I watched my soul-bound mate.
What now?
Could I unbar the prison cell I kept hidden from everyone, including myself? Last night, he’d seen some of the quiet, broken pieces behind the steel and taken care of me.
“Careful, Lolli.”
I jolted, and Brenton stretched, smiling that dashing smile of his without opening his eyes.
“You keep staring at me like that, I might get the wrong idea.”
I huffed.
“Or the right one. Depends.” He opened his eyes, the gold flecks dancing around the hazel. “What exactly are your intentions with me?”
My stomach fluttered, and I bit my bottom lip. “My intentions? To objectify you.”
A booming laugh exploded from within him, and when he tugged me to his chest, I let myself melt against him.
“Respectfully, of course,” I said.
“Of course.”
His fingers played through the long length of my hair. Slow and careful, working around the tangles sleep had left behind.
“I’ll allow it.” His voice was gruff. “But know that objectifying me comes with a price.”
“Oh?” I smiled against his chest. “What’s the price?”
His fingers grazed my cheek, and I caught my breath. He cupped my chin, tilting it up so I looked at him. His smile was playful, his eyes vulnerable.
“A truth.” His thumb traced the shape of my lips. “Do you truly choose me?”
There he was again, open and unguarded and asking for what I kept hidden away.
I sat up, winding my arms around myself.
“If I’d truly been given a choice, I would’ve chosen you.
Every single time, without hesitation.” My voice trembled, but I didn’t look away.
I couldn’t look away, not even when the gold in his eyes dimmed, fleck by fleck, turning to smoke.
“I know you think I chose Etienne, and the title and stature his family offered. But I was a child, barely more than a babe. I believed I was being given lessons and training that my parents could finally afford. I didn’t understand that my future had been bargained away.
” My thumb traced the stones of my bracelet, the weight of them comforting and familiar.
“It took me decades to understand that my parents had sold my future.” My breath caught.
“But I was the one who paid. It cost me you.”
He didn’t speak, but I felt the tension that rose with the silence between us.
“I understand why you left. Why you ignored me.” My lips stretched into a bitter smile. “You had every right to. But without you, Etienne became my best friend. He’s been the one constant in my life, the only one who’s never walked away.” My words came softer with the weight of each truth.
Brenton pulled back, his throat working as he nodded. “I understand.”
I reached for his hand, not ready to let him go. “You asked for my truth.”
“And you gave it.” He nodded again, moving to rise.
I gripped his hand tighter, going to my knees and not wanting to let him go. “You don’t understand, though. Please let me finish.”
His laugh was dry and jagged, and when he pulled away, I let him. “How many more ways do you intend on making me bleed?”
I stood quickly, bare feet thudding on the tent floor while I tugged Brenton’s oversized shorts up so they wouldn’t fall.
“If you’d stop being a brute and listen, you’ll find I have no intention of hurting you,” I snapped, the fire only Brenton knew how to ignite flaming inside me.
“I choose you, you idiot. I choose you, knowing I’m not just walking away from Etienne but abandoning him.
” My voice trembled, but I couldn’t stop.
“He’s always stood by my side, fighting my demons alongside me.
And I’m leaving him to face his alone.” I swallowed hard, glaring at Brenton.
“You told me to be monstrous, so that is what I’m doing.
Do you still wish to match my darkness?”
I shoved past the tent flap, the air too hot, the morning haze too much. My chest hurt, and my vision blurred.
“Finley.” Brenton’s voice cracked, ragged and sharp.
I didn’t stop. His footsteps thundered behind me. Then his firm grip caught my wrist, and I spun around to push his chest. He held my hand there, the top of his shirt unbuttoned, hair wild, and eyes like twin storms.
“You don’t have to do this.” Brenton tucked his chin down. “If choosing me means losing a part of yourself or someone who keeps you grounded, then don’t. I’d rather you not love me than love me out of misplaced guilt.”
“What?” Stunned, I blinked at him. “Brenton—”
“I’ve survived without you. I’ll keep surviving without you. If Etienne needs you, I’d rather be the one left behind. But I would never have asked you to cut him out of your life to make space for me. You needn’t be a martyr on my account.”
“A martyr?” I ripped my arm from his grasp. “Misplaced guilt? You think I’m doing this because, what, Brenton? I’m being noble?”
Rather than answer, he clenched his jaw, tearing his attention away as if it pained him to look at me.
I snapped.
“I am not noble. I am not some sacrificial . . . thing.” My voice rose with each word I thrust at him. “I cannot breathe in a world where I don’t get to be with you. I’ve lived that life. I’ve suffocated in that life.”
His head turned slowly, his eyes finding mine and holding.
“I love Etienne, yes. But not like this. Never like this. He’s my family, the only family I have.
Nothing more.” I stepped closer, voice shaking, half expecting him to turn away.
“What I feel for him isn’t the kind of love that burns through my soul.
You don’t just burn through my soul but ignite all of me.
I am only whole when I’m with you. I’m only at peace in your presence.
I only know joy, real joy, when I’m in your arms.”
Silence stretched between us, with only Brenton’s heaving breaths keeping me steady.
“This is what I choose,” I said, quieter now.
“I don’t want to hurt Etienne, and even though he asked me to give myself over to my feelings for you, leaving him will hurt him.
It feels like I’m abandoning him when he still needs me.
But I’m tired of pretending that what I feel for you is anything less than everything.
And I can’t make apologies for finally choosing the one thing, the one person who feels like mine.
Even if, to make my heart whole, I must break someone else’s.
” It was the most honest I’d ever been with Brenton, with anyone, and it felt so freeing to let those words out.
My absolute truths. We both needed to hear them.
The muscles in Brenton’s jaw twitched, but he didn’t speak. He simply stared at me, eyes wide and body turned, as if he were caught between reaching for me and running from me. At his sides, he fisted his hands.
“Say something,” I whispered, my throat dry and tone tight. “Please.”
He took a single step toward me. Then another. Until the space between us disappeared, and all I felt was the warmth radiating from him.
“Finley.” My name came out like a rasp. A prayer. “Do you know what you do to me . . . hearing you say that?”
My lips parted, but when nothing came out, I shook my head.
His fingers brushed my cheek. “You say I ignite you, but you . . . you are the wildfires that live within me, the flames I run toward. Impossible to put out. You don’t simply undo me but consume me.”
And then, without uttering another word, he kissed me. There was no hesitation or slow buildup. It was simply his lips on mine. One hand at my waist, tugging me closer, and the other tangled in my hair.
And it was as if years of wanting in silence disappeared.
My lips moved with his, letting him guide me, and when he groaned, my confidence built. I fisted the front of his shirt, still wanting him impossibly closer. I poured everything into that kiss—our first kiss.
It was clumsy and desperate and real. Better than anything I’d ever dreamed of.
He groaned again, the sound deep and guttural. His hand slid from my waist to my lower back. Holding me as if I were the only thing keeping him upright.
He deepened the kiss, slowing it so it was less fire and more ache. This sense of helplessness climbed through me when he started to pull away. I clenched his shirt, pressing my lips tighter around his while I moved my hand to cup the back of his head.
Our tongues tangled and danced. A husky sound came from him, and I swallowed it, claiming that sexy, desperate sound as mine.
When he pressed his forehead to mine, our breaths twined together, fast and uneven and a little less broken, while his fingers skimmed down my arm, brushing over my bracelet before sliding it into my palm.
“Don’t turn away from me again,” he whispered. “I can’t—I won’t survive it.”
“I’m here,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He pressed his lips to mine, sucking on my bottom lip, taking my promise and making it his.
In that quiet breath between us, I knew the realms could crumble, our kingdom could burn, and I would still choose Brenton. I’d tear every existence apart before I ever let him go again.
A throat cleared.
I jerked my head to find Everly watching us through narrowed eyes, her suspicion as sharp as the blade she wielded in times of battle. Elias stood at her side, his own attention fixed on the hand Brenton clasped.
Heat crawled up my neck. A part of me wanted to shrink away from the weight of their scrutiny, to pull free and stand on my own. Brenton’s grip eased, as if he expected me to do the same.
But I didn’t let go. Instead, I tightened my fingers around his.
“We have breakfast,” Elias said, breaking the silence. He lifted the tray in his hands. “Shall we eat by our tents?”
Brenton shifted his body. Subtle and deliberate, so he walked between Everly and me as we followed Elias. Everly’s gaze lingered on me, and Brenton brushed his shoulder against mine, drawing my attention to him.
When we sat, he angled his body as if he were a barrier between one of his closest friends and me. A protective, steady wall.
Part of me liked the gesture. Another part bristled.
When he piled food on my plate, I leaned forward, forcing Everly to meet my gaze.
“Is there something you wish to speak to me about?” I asked her.
Heat flared behind her blackening eyes. “What are your intentions?”
A growl rumbled low in Brenton’s throat, his hazel eyes darkening to match hers.
I laid a steadying hand on his thigh while I lifted a brow at Everly. “My intentions with what exactly?”
“It is not our place to question Finley about her intentions,” Elias cut in, his tone serious. “Brenton is capable of making his own decisions.”
“And we’re the ones who watch him suffer,” Everly snapped.
My back straightened, and I clung to my senses, resisting the urge to slip into my primal instincts where my magic prowled, hungry and familiar.
“Then you won’t have to bear it,” Brenton said. “If things between Finley and me don’t work out, I won’t turn to you.”
His words landed like a blade through my chest. If things don’t work out. He had said them so casually, so callously, as if it were a possibility he’d already made peace with.
How could he say that when the kiss we’d shared still warmed my lips? I wanted to demand he take the sentiment back.
Instead, I averted my attention to my food, forcing one bite after another. And when he brushed his leg against mine, I jerked up, quickly disposing of the food I hadn’t eaten, and rushed to the nearby woods.
Because I couldn’t let anyone see how much the thought of losing him gutted me.