Chapter 9
nine
. . .
Life is full of moments that shape us in unforgettable ways, those pivotal experiences that change us irrevocably.
When I was seven, during a game of hide and seek with Kellan and a few members of our palace staff, I managed to lock myself in the basement supply room.
The door wouldn’t budge despite my best efforts.
Surrounded by darkness, I felt fear wash over me, spiraling into thoughts of never being found, of wasting away and dying alone.
I sobbed on the floor, succumbing to those irrational thoughts.
But after nearly an hour, relief arrived as the door swung open, spilling light into the room.
One of the court’s handmaids knelt beside me, gently lifting me up from the floor and wiping away my tears.
She reassured me that I wasn’t alone and that they’d never stop searching.
At that moment, I learned how easily fear could overpower clarity.
Even today, when I encounter dark, confined spaces, I have to remind myself that I am safe and not in danger of being trapped.
When I was eight, I went out to explore the forest. I thought I had been blessed by Calia herself when I came across a chittering Phranik—the creature was no larger than a shoe.
With its pitch-black body spattered by glowing speckles reminiscent of stars, this little being captured my attention.
It had delicate tendrils sprouting from its head, adorned with tiny lights, and magnificently oversized ears that made me giggle.
Its ears shimmered with those twinkling flecks.
Its long tail and stunning wings had a pearlescent hue of pink and green that took my breath away.
To my delight, it perched atop a log instead of fleeing. We shared a long moment of curiosity before it scurried away at the sound of another animal. It’s said that Phraniks are becoming increasingly rare, so encountering one felt like a gift.
When I was sixteen, I had the opportunity to take control of a transport flight to Trao, thanks to Kuron’s trust in Lieutenant Piori.
In that moment of guiding the transport through the emptiness of space, I knew my life had permanently changed.
Flying ignited a passion within me that I could never take back.
And now, I find myself in another life-altering moment.
With a simple touch, a small brush of his fingers, I have been forever changed.
Regardless of what may come next, this experience has left a mark on my heart.
My soul feels an ache for him that is both new and old, nearly as essential as the very act of breathing.
Within me, there is a deep well filled with an energy that wasn’t there before, but also an emptiness that feels cold and foreign.
“Raea,” Anders breathes softly, the touch resonating with him too. There’s an undeniable depth of sympathy lacing his voice. “Raea, please, look at me.”
I can’t seem to meet his gaze right now.
Maybe it’s the tears rolling down my cheeks that I can’t quite understand, or perhaps it’s the profound energy I felt coursing through me with a simple brush of his hand.
It might also be the realization that he felt it too.
What we share is much more than just a connection or Bond—it’s something else entirely.
“Please,” I whisper with a soft exhale. “Give me a minute.” He nods, leaning back on the rock and waiting, with only the sound of the rushing water surrounding us.
Deep within my soul, I sense this is far greater than I can comprehend.
Our Bond feels different, subtle, and gentle, while this sensation is overwhelming and exhilarating.
It is raw and unfettered power, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
When I finally regain my composure, I muster the courage to look at him. His body is relaxed, and his eyes are closed. More than anything, my curiosity compels me to know—no, to understand—what’s going on in his mind.
“Anders,” I whisper, breaking the long silence between us. His eyes flutter open, locking onto mine, revealing the longing and confusion mirrored in each other’s gazes.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean—” he starts.
“It’s okay,” I interrupt gently. “Honestly, I think it’s better that it happened here than...” I wave my hand around us, gesturing to ‘anywhere else’.
He nods, leaning on his elbow and turning to face me fully. “What exactly was that?” I ask.
“I can’t say for certain.” He pauses for a long moment.
“It’s the energy I mentioned earlier. I thought I felt it by the lake, but I was unsure whether it was just my imagination.
Then I realized it’s the same sensation each time I touch you, though much weaker.
I didn’t want to ask until I knew you felt it too. ”
I wipe away another tear, feeling a mix of vulnerability and trepidation.
We’re both about to cross a line we can’t come back from by being honest and admitting some strong feelings I’ve been so desperate to ignore.
“What exactly do you feel?” I inquire, keeping my voice low yet audible amidst the relaxing sounds of the river.
He lets out a soft chuckle, dropping his head back to gaze at the sky as if it might hold the answers we both seek.
“I can’t quite put it into words. It’s just this surge of energy.
I feel electrified, as if my emotions are bursting at the seams. It’s simple to explain when it’s just your wrist or a hand on your back.
It’s like I’ve just downed a strong cup of coffee.
I feel vibrant and full of life—honestly, it’s almost addictive.
” He grins at me, and my breath rushes out of me.
I’ve seen him smile plenty, but this...this is new, and damn, that dimple is the absolute worst. “Your turn! Since we’re being honest and all.
” His eyebrows raise with playful expectation.
“Honestly, it’s pretty similar.” I shrug, but I know it’s so much more than that deep down.
“Soraea.” He gently tilts my chin with his finger, forcing me to meet his gaze.
His touch radiates a subtle energy and warmth, igniting an inappropriate want that travels down my core, making my toes curl.
Hearing my full name sends me reeling. Only my parents call me Soraea.
Kellan, Ciara, and a few trusted acquaintances know my full name.
I chose to go by Raea ages ago, and it’s been years since I was called Soraea.
“Promise me you will never hide the truth from me. It’s the one thing I ask of you.” His words somehow sober me. I can’t help but gasp at the intensity as if he’s speaking to the depths of my soul. I quickly push those feelings aside, retreating to my familiar defense mechanism—sassy humor.
“It’s not really a lie.” I shrug. “‘Pretty much’ is such a vague term. But if you really want to know the whole story…” I cross my legs and pull them close, instinctively shielding myself with my gown. “Oh gods, you’re going to think I’m crazy,” I murmur, half-laughing.
I am crazy.
As I look up at him, he’s wearing an authentic smile that softens my anxiety.
It makes me want to see more of them. I can’t help but notice how his eyes crinkle at the corners and how his annoyingly adorable dimple pops on his right cheek.
It’s utterly disarming. I can’t even remember what made me dislike him in the first place.
Oh, gods, no...I can’t let myself fall for dimples. But his smile? It seems capable of warming the entire universe.
“Yes?” he encourages, a playful smirk dancing on his lips as he notices my gaze lingering on his mouth.
I can’t help but roll my eyes before looking up at the stars above. Perhaps they’re the better audience for my confession.
I muster up the honesty before saying, “It’s hard to put into words.
It feels like throwing open the windows after being in the dark for so long.
Suddenly, there’s light and color everywhere, and a whole world just waiting to be explored.
There’s an incredible blend of warmth and cold, with the deepest shadows contrasting against the brightest lights.
It’s power and comfort all at once.” I glance back down at him, finding him relaxed against the rock, and I can’t help but frown a little.
“It’s different,” he exhales. “Raea, that power…I think it’s coming from you.
” He turns his head, watching my reaction that doesn’t come.
I think I’m too stunned. “What else?” he asks, his fingertips nearly brushing against my hand on the rock.
It sends a prickling awareness through me, and I wonder if he even notices.
It would only take a slight movement to reignite everything we’ve been dancing around.
“It’s just… right,” I manage, pushing back the lump in my throat.
“Being with you feels like an answer to a question I didn’t know I needed to ask, and wrapped up in that feeling is this whirlwind of desire.
Ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying all of this!
” With an exasperated huff of disbelief, I glance back at the stars as if they’re far better at receiving confessions than he is.
“Soraea,” he whispers, snagging my attention.
“I understand,” he continues, his voice dropping to a deeper timbre.
“Just hear me out before you run off.” His sapphire eyes lock onto mine.
“We’re stuck together for the rest of the year, and we both know it.
So, instead of having another little moment—” He makes air quotes with his fingers.
“In front of everyone else, let’s explore this and see how deep it goes.
Maybe we can figure out a way to manage it so we don’t react at a simple touch.
” He sits up, our eyes level, his gaze glowing with an almost irresistible light.