Chapter 9 #2
“I’m scared,” I admit, squaring my shoulders and holding his stare, feeling lost in the depths of his eyes as I watch the silver swirl quietly. It’s terrifying to strip back the layers and admit how strong my feelings have grown so quickly.
“I understand. We can keep this between us until we truly figure it out, and we won’t know until we take that leap. Just you and me. All you have to do is take my hand.” I find myself captivated by his sincerity. It’s hard to believe how we’ve become an us.
My heart races at the thought, and I hesitate, biting my lip, trying to keep from saying yes. He’s so hard to think clearly around. Even if every part of me wants to stay, I shouldn’t be here. I need to check in with Kellan and Ciara. They’re probably wondering where I’ve disappeared to.
“I can’t. Not tonight. My friends are likely worried about me,” I blurt out, my body acting before my mind can catch up.
I stand quickly, taking my bag in hand and glancing back to see him still sitting there.
“Thanks for chatting with me.” I offer a wavering smile despite the ache it leaves behind.
I need to distance myself while I still feel in control and keep everything from unraveling.
“Where have you been?” Kellan rushes to my side as I step into the softly lit Taeolyn dorms. “We looked everywhere for you! You vanished and didn’t answer your Prism.” The relief and concern merge into exhaustion in his eyes.
“I know, it felt like you were right beside me, then suddenly...poof!” Ciara adds, her face reflecting the same stress.
“Told you she’s okay,” Tate chimes in from his cozy spot in what we affectionately call the tube, a circular nook filled with cushions. It’s the perfect place to relax or dive into a good book.
“I’m really sorry,” I reply sincerely, hoping they know I didn’t mean to worry them.
“You missed dinner, but don’t worry, I saved you a plate. It’s in your room. I’ll let you catch up since it’s clear she’s not been kidnapped,” Tate says with a smirk, throwing an amused glare at Ciara as if that could ever be a real worry.
Little do they know how close I was to danger today. The pang of guilt settles in, making me feel uneasy. With a wave and a goodnight, Tate heads up the stairs, leaving me with my two best friends.
“Rae?” Ciara asks, her brows furrowing with concern.
I hesitate to admit where I’ve been and with whom.
Everyone knows that Anders has been assigned to me, so I don’t need to deceive them about his presence, but I just can’t fully explain our time together.
It’s not that we did anything wrong—far from it.
It’s just that the experience was intimate in a way that’s hard to articulate.
“Sorry! After class, I felt overwhelmed and really needed to step away. Did you guys notice how intense that room felt?” I glance between them, hoping to find some understanding.
But as they exchange uncertain looks and shake their heads, I realize today just needs to wrap up.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, wishing for a hot shower and my bed.
“Anyway, I ran out of the hall to gather my thoughts, and Ryker followed to ensure I was okay. I wound up getting lost in my thoughts, and I genuinely lost track of time. It felt like only thirty minutes had passed.”
I realize I’m rambling, a hazard of being a talkative, nervous person. But by the expressions on their faces, it’s clear they’ve heard enough.
“Wait, you and Ryker were in the forest for the past two hours?” Kellan asks, and I can see a hint of disappointment in his eyes. I want to reassure him, but I also need to be honest.
“Yep. We were just talking. Interestingly, he met my father today since he had to fly to Kyrr for a politics assignment. I didn’t mean to cause any concern for you both,” I explain.
Ciara shares a playful wink and a cheeky smile before saying she needs to catch up on her beauty sleep, joking that she’ll turn me over to the Dhabur, a mythical monster parents use to scare their kids into behaving.
“Come here,” Kellan says, and I gladly wrap my arms around him.
His hug feels like home to me, so different from what I experience with Anders.
I cling to him, resting my head against his chest and inhaling his scent.
I’m so thankful to have him. Even if there’s a lot we need to talk about, I know Kellan will always be here for me.
I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now, as if a good night’s sleep might not be enough to lift this weight. Today has brought a mix of emotions: longing, anger, confusion, you name it, I’ve experienced it all.
“I’m so sorry I worried you,” I say softly.
Kellan kisses the top of my head, a gesture he’s done so many times, yet today, it feels different.
I can feel the shift of energy in the air as Kellan’s embrace tightens around me.
I close my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts.
As much as I appreciate Kellan’s protective presence, I’m just not sure I’m ready to face both of them.
“You could have brought her back instead of leaving her out in the cold,” Kellan remarks sharply. I draw back from his embrace and capture Kellan’s attention.
Behind me, I can feel a strange energy emanating from Anders, our Bond stills, as if the invisible breeze it usually floats on has disappeared, freezing the colors in place.
“Kellan, it wasn’t his fault at all. I chose to stay out there; that was my decision.
He spent his evening waiting on me,” I assert.
I’m not entirely sure why I’m defending Anders, but it feels important to stand up for him when Kellan’s being unfair.
I turn to face Anders, crossing my arms, hating being between the two of them.
“Princess,” Anders drawls, his mask already in place; yet, the tone betrays his disappointment.
Catching a fleeting look of hurt on his face before he masks it, I can’t help but feel the tension hanging in the air.
He clenches his jaw as he glances between Kellan and me.
“Thank you for that...enlightening conversation. Let’s have another one soon. ”
A rush of warmth floods my cheeks. I can tell he knows I understand the underlying message, and thankfully, the shadows here shield my blush from Kellan’s view.
Anders shifts his weight as he slides his hands into his pockets, and the devilish gleam in his eyes makes me wary.
He winks at me before taking the stairs with a smirk plastered across his face.
He doesn’t look back as I watch his shadowy figure retreat up the stairs.
A surge of frustration bubbles up within me, and I fight the urge to stomp up the stairs after him and physically wipe that smirk off his face.
“Goodnight, Raea,” Kellan says coolly as he backs away with confusion written in his gaze. He looks up to where Anders is on the stairs and then back to me.
Shit.