6. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Briar
I hated leaving Hal after he’d bared his soul to me.
It was clearly hard for him to talk about his childhood and how lonely he’d been.
Was it wrong of me to compare myself to him?
I’d been lonely ever since I turned sixteen, refusing to play with my friends for fear of hurting them.
But where Hal had no family or roof over his head, I’d grown up with my father and brother, a luxurious bed, and all the food I could ever want.
I’d lived my entire life at the palace, never wanting for anything, at least as long as it didn’t involve touch or closeness.
I knew Seb and Elias loved me; they showed me in their own ways, but they’d always been closer to each other than they were to me.
Hal had been lucky enough to find Gus, but where was my person?
Would I ever be that lucky and find someone, or would I always be alone?
Maybe I didn’t deserve to have a person, and who’d want to be close to me anyway? I couldn’t touch them, couldn’t offer them comfort if they were crying, or celebrate their happiness with a hug. I was useless.
In fact, I was so useless that I almost ran straight into one of the servants as I rounded the corner of the hallway. They ducked out of my way as I grimaced an apology. I didn’t relax until they disappeared from view, and when I’d finally gathered myself, I heard it.
“I can’t believe he managed to get Hal for his heat,” a servant whispered from somewhere around the corner.
“I can,” another said. “He’s been adamant that Hal is into him. Guess he was right.”
“Alpha Hal,” the other one sighed dreamily. “Nial is so lucky. Finally, this hunk of a guy comes along and Nial, of course, snatches him right before our eyes!”
The second one hummed in agreement. “Of course he did. Nial’s heat pheromones would make any alpha long to claim him.”
“And just in time, too. His heat is starting any minute now.”
I felt sick to my stomach. Truly sick. Like, I could throw up just from the thought of Nial and Hal together.
When Hal had seemed disinterested earlier, I’d thought that meant he wouldn’t fall for Nial’s charm, but I guess he had.
Nial was an attractive omega and would soon be in heat.
Any alpha would be lucky to be taking someone as pretty as him through his heat.
Of course, Hal would want to do that. He could touch Nial all he wanted.
Nial could touch him back, bring him pleasure.
My eyes started stinging at the mere thought.
I knew I couldn’t have Hal for my own heat, but it still hurt that he’d chosen someone like Nial.
Without thinking, I ran in the opposite direction, heading for the garden, wanting, no, needing, to escape. I needed fresh air. Space.
The royal garden looked as pristine as ever, calm in a way that felt mocking against my erratically beating heart. My legs carried me forward until I reached the gardenia bushes, their scent a peachy and coconutty blend, enough to soothe my frayed nerves.
I sat on a bench further down the gravel trail. I needed to pull myself together. There was no point in wanting things I could never have. I thought I’d accepted it years ago, but Hal’s presence had made me long for impossible things. I needed to snap out of it. The sooner, the better.
As I sat there, alone, I closed my eyes and recalled the numerous times I’d played hide and seek in this very garden, hiding in the bushes and allowing their scents to fully envelop me in their safety.
I’d felt so protected back then, like nothing could come and get me.
Now, I found the scents allowed me the same feeling.
My heart, however, wasn’t feeling safe; no, it felt on the verge of breaking.
I wasn’t aware of how much I’d come to like Hal until the moment I had to face the brutal reality that he was with Nial right now, tending to another omega’s needs.
An omega who wasn’t me, who would never be me.
“Um, Briar?” Adrian’s voice reached me from far away, and I blinked my eyes open to find him standing right next to me.
“Yes?” I forced myself to focus after that brief reprieve where I’d been alone in the world.
“I apologize for interrupting, but I need your help with something in the stables.” Adrian’s words didn’t make much sense to me. I knew how to tend to the horses, but he was the horse whisperer if there ever was one.
Regardless, I found myself eager for a distraction. I loved the horses, and their presence always calmed me. I could touch them without having to fear harming them. “Sure,” I nodded, then followed him.
We passed the many flower bushes, the colors vibrant in the sunlight, as we made our way to the stables.
Corin was outside, washing his hands in a basin.
He looked up and smiled carefully when he noticed us.
I had only ever heard him whisper with Gus, but never seen him speak or even whisper to anyone else.
I kept that in mind as we approached him.
I hoped Corin wasn’t who Adrian needed my help with.
I wasn’t exactly a people person, and Corin’s body language seemed to demand hugs and cuddles, something I wasn’t able to give him.
“He’s inside,” Adrian sighed, pointing to the open stable doors. “He won’t come out.”
“Who?” I asked, puzzled, as I passed Corin and peered into the darkened stables.
They didn’t use torches during the day. It was too much of a risk of something catching fire, and at night, it was only allowed while someone worked inside.
My eyes had to adjust to the darker room as I ventured further inside.
There was a rustling accompanied by the sound of horses neighing and moving about.
Only two were inside at the moment, from what I could see, with the others outside running around and grazing.
Adrian had said he was inside, and I didn’t have the slightest idea who he meant or why he needed my help.
My nervousness only increased as I spotted a pile of hay that was moving in the corner. It wasn’t normal for hay to shake like it did, a sure sign someone was either hiding behind it or inside it.
“Hello?” I called out, trying to push away my fear.
Adrian wouldn’t have sent me in here if whoever was hiding was a danger to me.
Adrian liked me, I knew as much, and I considered him a friend in return.
Not a close one, but one I respected and who I felt respected me back.
I stepped closer to the pile of hay. “Anyone in there?” My voice shook, and my heart raced in my chest.
More rustling followed, and then a raspy, familiar voice spoke, “Briar? Is that you?”
“Hal?” I was confused at first, but then hope bloomed inside of me.
It was Hal! And if he was in here, it meant he couldn’t be with Nial.
I didn’t think I’d ever felt relief like this before.
I didn’t know why he was hiding in the hay, but at least he wasn’t with Nial or…
Wait… Dread filled me. “Um, are you alone in there?” The nausea returned as I pictured Nail and Hal doing stuff inside the haystack, their need to be together so strong they couldn’t even wait to get inside the palace.
Perhaps I should leave while I still could and spare myself the hurtful truth.
About to turn on my heel, I noticed the hay moving. Hal emerged, his body fully clothed, though now messy with hay. His cheeks were flushed, straw tangled in his deep-brown hair. He gave me a sheepish grin, his eyes moving between me and the floor. “Hi,” he mumbled, waving awkwardly at me.
“Are you alone?!” we blurted at the same time, then started laughing as we nodded in unison.
The nausea in my stomach gave way to a flock of butterflies, and once I’d caught my breath, I asked, “Why were you in the hay?” Perhaps it was a comfort thing from when he worked for Lord Willoughby? Perhaps he missed the farm? Perhaps it was none of my business.
“I was,”—he winced, rubbing the back of his neck in a shy gesture—“hiding.” He blushed even harder, his cheeks almost crimson, and I longed to touch his skin and feel its warmth beneath my fingertips. Focus, Briar. Focus.
“Hiding? From whom?” It didn’t make sense that a big, strong alpha like Hal would need to hide from anyone.
He groaned. “From that damn servant, Nial.”
“Nial?” Out of all the scenarios I’d been expecting, this wasn’t any of them. “Did he do something to you?”
“No,” he sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Just couldn’t seem to take no for an answer. I figured hiding away would be my only option.”
“What did he want?” I swallowed, pretty sure I already knew the answer.
Hal looked at me wide-eyed, then licked his lips carefully. “He… uhm… I guess he wanted to… you know…” He gestured awkwardly with his hands. “He was making advances.”
“I see.” I wanted to jump for joy. Nial had thrown himself at Hal, but Hal had rejected him! How wonderful was that?
Schooling my features, I asked, “But why didn’t you hide in your room?”
“He has a damn key, and I wouldn’t put it past him to use it,” he growled, picking hay out of his clothes.
Instinctively, I stepped forward, about to help him, until I froze mid-movement, realizing what I’d been about to do.
I flew back, my head hitting one of the walls as a dull ache formed in my skull.
Luckily, I hadn’t hit it hard enough to cause concern, but Hal still hurried forward, stopping himself before he reached for me.
Panic flashed in his eyes, and he seemed just as torn as I was.
He wanted to touch me, that much was clear, and the thought should’ve made me happy, but it only did the opposite.
Hal needed touch. Something I would never be able to give him.