6. Chapter Five #2
Hal walked back to the palace with me. I steered us in the direction that would take the longest, telling Hal that it was the most scenic route to take, which was also the truth.
We passed my favorite flowers—gardenias again—but my favorite ones were the pink bushes.
Seb once told me that the palace had an omega gardener who’d played around with the seeds and cuts, making hybrids of the usually white flower.
Many of his creations hadn’t survived, but this one flourished.
I wished I’d met the omega, but he’d passed before my birth.
I sometimes thanked him when I smelled them because they always made my day better.
Hal was the one to break the silence as I stopped by the pink flowers, enjoying their beauty. “How did you know where to find me?”
I smiled. “Adrian told me he needed my help. I had no idea it was because a certain alpha was playing hide-and-seek.”
Hal attempted a glare, but his eyes soon gleamed with amusement before a wide grin took over his face. “Guilty. I’ve never experienced getting hunted down like that before.” He shuddered. “Hopefully it won’t happen again when Nial’s next heat hits.”
“I don’t like the thought of you having to hide every time Nial goes into heat.” Hal was the consort’s best friend. He shouldn’t have to hide from a needy servant.
Hal gave me a sly grin. “Then I might just need to use firmer words with him, or tell our king to save me.”
I laughed at that. “Seb wouldn’t hesitate to come to your rescue.” I remembered how firm Seb was about consent and how he’d always respected both omegas’ and alphas’ wishes, even before we learned alphas weren’t dangerous.
“I don’t doubt that,” he smiled. “This might be too personal a question… But how do you deal with your heats? I can’t imagine you running around like Nial trying to find an alpha each time.
Do you have one you trust for your heats?
” I could tell Hal wasn’t comfortable talking about this; his teeth were grinding so hard his jawline became even sharper.
But he’d asked, and I think he deserved an answer.
“I spend my heats alone,” I admitted, trying to sound unaffected. It was a sensitive topic for me, mostly because they were always so painful and unpredictable. I never knew when to expect them.
Hal looked at me in disbelief, anger evident in his voice. “I know you don’t like people touching you, but you could die from that, Briar!” His voice shook, his chest heaving.
I winced at his loud voice, regretting that I’d told him. “I know that,” I whispered, staring at the gravel underneath my boots.
“Then why do you spend them alone?” he snapped. I had no idea why he was so angry with me, but from years of being yelled at by my father, I knew what to say. The words just flew out of their own accord.
“I’m sorry, Father. I will do better, I promise.”
I was shaking, curling in on myself, as my memories pulled me back to my childhood when I’d played with the alphas, and Father had found me.
I wanted to make myself as small as possible and hide.
No, I didn’t just want to hide, I wanted to disappear altogether.
Useless. Useless. Useless. The word echoed through my head.
Hal’s voice tore through my thoughts. “Briar…” There was no anger, no accusation, just sadness.
I looked up, remembering where I was. Heat flooded my cheeks as tears filled my eyes.
I couldn’t bear keeping my secret any longer, not when I’d already messed up and showed Hal a side of me I thought was buried for good.
Father was gone, but his words had stayed with me.
My body still responded to yelling. Hal deserved to know why I was so broken.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wiping my cheeks. We were hidden from view, and no one was around. This was it, the perfect time to tell him about my curse. “I don’t hate touch,” I began, trembling. “I’m cursed, Hal.”
He blinked, tilting his head, like this was the last thing he’d expected. “I… I don’t understand, Briar. What do you mean by cursed?”
I took a steadying breath, remembering what my father had told me just before I turned sixteen.
“My family is cursed. It doesn’t hit everyone, but each time there is a second-born, it does.
I can’t touch adult alphas without killing them.
My father instilled in me the importance of avoiding all touch.
If no one touches me, then I won’t accidentally touch an alpha and kill them.
” There. It was out there. Hal knew. How broken I was, how useless.
Hal blinked. Then blinked some more.
“It came into effect when I was sixteen. It is also the reason why I love babysitting the twins so much. They are the only ones I can touch without fear.” Shame coursed through me at my admission. How pathetic was that, searching for scraps of closeness where I could get it?
“Briar,” he whispered, sounding so gutted it hurt. I didn’t like making Hal sad. He’d had enough sadness in his life. “That’s... I’m so sorry. Truly.”
“I’m used to it,” I lied, faking a smile.
“After all, I’ve never once felt what it’s like having an alpha help me out.
Can’t know what you’re missing and all that.
” I wiped my eyes as I continued to smile, despite breaking inside.
The truth was that, for the first time since I started having heats, I felt true despair.
Because I knew it would be Hal’s face I’d see before my eyes when I fucked myself, and it would be his name on my lips when I came.
“But you’re killing yourself, Briar,” he whispered. Was I just imagining it, or were his eyes glassy?
I shrugged. “I know. But I’d rather die than become a murderer.”
His jaw tightened, anger building in his eyes once again. “I don’t like the thought of you in pain, Briar, or of you dying because of this curse.” He tugged at his hair as he seemed to contemplate something. “Surely it can be broken, right?”
I shook my head. “I’m certain my father would’ve broken it for me if it were possible. He was an only child himself, so I have no idea when my family was last affected.”
Hal nodded, looking like he wanted to hug me and murder someone. It was confusing, but it made me happy. It was obvious he cared for me, like I cared for him. In another life, we could’ve been—I didn’t dare finish that thought.
“When is your next heat?” he asked.
I frowned, trying to remember my last one. “My heats aren’t regular because I spend them alone, so it could happen anywhere from a few hours to months for all I know.”
His jaw clenched. “And what do you use to help ease the pain?” His voice was surprisingly calm, unaware of the storm he was creating inside me.
Was he seriously asking what I used to fuck myself with?!
“What?!” I shrieked.