A Highlander for the English Widow (Highlands’ Refuge of Hope #1)

Prologue

Amanda Fernsby walked through the village of Stirling.

She had long blonde hair that was tied back into a prim ponytail and wore a plain green dress, which matched the shade of her eyes.

She carried herself well, as a lady of nobility should, and always received stares and whispers whenever she visited Stirling.

She had been living in the estate of her husband, Duke Hamilton Donald Fernsby, for two years now…

alone. Whenever she saw people staring at her, she knew they were speaking about her living situation and how the duke had not been seen in Stirling since Amanda had arrived.

It was a strange marriage indeed, and while everyone in Stirling may well have had their own ideas of why there was such distance between them, only those closest to Amanda knew the truth, and those people were few and far between.

One of them was Ann—her maid, friend, and confidante.

Amanda was actually on her way to see Ann’s niece at the present moment, who was feeling poorly.

Amanda had stopped by the bakery and brought some sweetbread to take to the girl.

Amanda was no healer, but she always thought it best to fill someone’s stomach when they were ill.

She smiled at those she passed by and tried not to think about the thoughts they must have had of her.

Although she had been born in England, Scotland had been her home for a long time now, and she did not see that changing any time soon.

She glanced at her wedding ring. She was only twenty-six years old, and yet she felt much older than that.

When she was younger she had always imagined that marriage would be a wonderful thing, a thing to fill her life with joy and celebration, but instead it had only brought her sorrow.

Still, she thought, things could have been much worse.

Her husband could have been with her.

Amanda reached Ann’s house, which she shared with her sister, Marie, and her niece, Elaine.

“We’re very happy tae hae ye here, Duchess,” Marie said, bowing her head as she greeted Amanda. “May I get ye some tea?”

“Some water would be fine, and please Marie, I’ve told you so many times to call me Amanda.”

“Aye m’lady,” Marie said.

Amanda shook her head. Marie would never learn.

Amanda had never seen herself as different from other people just because she had been born to a noble family.

In this way she had been unlike her husband, who had always seen the nobility as being blessed by God and given the right to rule over others.

Amanda was humbler. If God had granted her the position of authority, then she would use that to try and help the people below her, not tread on them with her boot and keep them down.

This was just one of a myriad of ways that she disagreed with her husband.

Amanda walked up the creaking stairs and ventured into Elaine’s room. The girl looked like a cherub. She was wrapped up in a blanket, her eyes drowsy, with dark strands of hair sweeping across her face. Amanda settled on the edge of the bed and brushed the hair away gently. Elaine stirred.

“Aunty Manda,” Elaine said.

She was still young and had not caught the habit of saying the first “A” yet.

Marie often scolded the child for calling Amanda this as well, but Amanda thought it was adorable.

Pity swelled in her heart whenever she visited this house.

Elaine’s father had died on a ship somewhere in a terrible storm, and times were hard.

Ann had moved in with her sister in the hope of helping them.

Amanda wished she could do more. She had thought about opening the estate up to the people of Stirling that were suffering hardship, but there were a few things that prevented her from doing so.

One was that there were just too many and the house would be filled; the other was that she did not want to shame Marie into giving her a handout.

The people of the Highlands may have been struggling, but they were proud as well, and it would have been seen as an insult to have a handout from an English outsider whose only ties to the region came from marriage.

The other thing that gave her pause was the reaction of the duke.

There was no way Hamilton would have accepted this, and if he ever found out he would turn them all out without hesitation, and then they would be homeless.

Amanda could not risk this, as her sway over her husband was nonexistent.

Perhaps things would have been different had she been able to provide him with an heir.

“How are you feeling, my sweet?” Amanda asked.

Elaine squirmed as she pushed herself into a sitting position. “My tummy hurts and I’m sleepy all the time,” Elaine said.

“Yes, you are bound to be. I’m sure you’ll get well soon, though.

You just need to stay in bed and rest until you’re better.

Here, I brought you some sweetbread to help you feel better if you can stomach it.

” Amanda unwrapped the loaf and tore off a piece, handing it to Elaine.

She was pleased to see Elaine nibble on it.

The girl smiled. Marie came in with Amanda’s water.

“Thank you,” Amanda said.

“Think naything of it. And ye really should nae hae done that,” Marie said, gesturing to the bread.

“It’s the least I could do. She is like family to me,” Amanda said, squeezing Elaine’s hand and smiling sweetly.

Her heart swelled with love. She wished she could have this maternal feeling all the time, but alas, it seemed as though God did not have that in store for her.

“If there’s anything else I can do, please do not hesitate to let me know. ”

“Of course, m’lady. The healer said that she should be well again soon. She just needs her sleep. I cannae help but worry, though. Elaine is all I hae.”

Amanda rose from the bed and clasped Marie’s hands.

“You are a strong woman for carrying on by yourself, and I’m sure Elaine will show the same strength in getting through this illness.

Besides…” Amanda turned her head to look directly at Elaine.

Her eyes twinkled with a playful gleam. “If Elaine ever wants to come and play in the gardens again, she’s going to have to get better. ”

“I will! I will!” Elaine cried out. Her face still lacked the rosy color she was usually blessed with, but she still had her good nature, and Amanda was certain this would see her through to a swift recovery.

Amanda stayed there for a while and played with Elaine until she grew weary, at which point Amanda left her to rest. Marie thanked her again, and then Amanda strolled back through the humble village of Stirling before reaching her grand estate, which was a high stone building with stables, a wide courtyard, and beautiful gardens filled with all the prettiest flowers and shrubs the Highlands could offer.

Amanda felt a surge of pride as she looked at the home, which had been little more than a forgotten building when she had first arrived.

There had been no color on the grounds at all, the roof had leaked, and the wind whispered through the halls in a ghostly wail.

Now it was bursting with life, although the more fulfilled it became, the emptier Amanda felt.

She had never had many grand ambitions in life, but one of them was to have a family.

When she married the duke, she had not fallen in love with him immediately, but she assumed it would happen eventually, and if not then she would be able to have children and dote on them.

Unfortunately, that had not been the case either, and now she found herself kept at a distance, hidden away as though he was ashamed of her.

“There’s an important letter waiting for ye, ma’am. The messenger was frantic, said it was most urgent. I dinnae think he slept from England,” Ann said as Amanda entered the house.

“England? Perhaps it is word from my husband,” Amanda said.

“I would think sae.”

“Maybe he is going to bless us with his presence,” Amanda sighed.

She walked into the study where the letter was waiting for her, sealed with the duke’s wax. She cut it open with a letter knife, and the first words sent her falling to her chair.

My dear,

By the time you receive this letter I shall be dead.

Perhaps this may come as good news to you, for I know you have not liked the way I have treated you these past few years.

I have fallen ill. It’s an infection caused by a wound I received when I was out hunting.

It’s an ugly thing, filled with pus, and it has darkened my skin all the way up my leg.

The doctor said that it’s in my blood and has reached all the way to my heart.

I am coughing up blood so dark it looks as though the night has taken residence in my soul.

They tell me there is still hope, but I can already feel my strength fading.

I know we have not been close these last number of years, but you are still my wife, so I thought I should speak to you directly.

This marriage was not what either of us expected.

I was not the husband you wanted and you were not the wife I needed.

Perhaps it is best that it ends now rather than lasting all the way to the bitter ends of life, and I just wanted to tell you one final time how disappointed I have been with you.

Things could have been so much different if you had only given me an heir.

I hope you find the climate in Scotland pleasing, because I doubt anyone else will want to marry you.

They all know of our troubles, and what man could want a defective woman?

Regards,

Duke Fernsby

Amanda sat there in shock as her eyes danced across the words. She could hear the duke’s cruel, sneering voice in her mind. Tears swam in her eyes, hot and angry. She placed the letter on the table.

“Is everything well, ma’am?” Ann asked.

“It’s the duke. He’s dead,” Amanda said.

“Oh, I… I’m sorry,” Ann said with hesitation.

Amanda pressed her lips together and blinked away the tears.

She gazed into the distance, knowing that by all rights she should have been distraught upon hearing the news of her husband’s death, but he had always been so callous with her that she could not summon any sorrow.

There was a candle flickering on the desk.

Amanda rose from her chair and held the letter aloft.

The paper curled at the touch of the flame, the cream color becoming black and charred as the flames devoured it.

“I suppose now I am officially a widow rather than simply living like one,” she said softly.

Her throat tightened as she knew that her life had changed in a profound way, although she wasn’t yet sure how much that was really going to be the case. She had freedom now, but what was she going to do with it?

She looked down at the wedding ring on her left hand and twisted it away.

It left a red ring behind; it had always been a little too tight.

She placed the ring on the desk with a dull thud and tried to rouse some sympathy within her heart for her husband, but he had been so cruel to her from the very beginning that she could not conjure the impossible.

She had gone from a wife to a widow, but what would she be next?

She looked up at Ann and told her to fetch some wine. Amanda did not make a habit of drinking, but there were some occasions when it was needed more than air.