Chapter 7
Amanda realized that her hand had lingered on Logan’s for a moment too long.
Her cheeks warmed with a blushing sensation and she withdrew it, taking care not to snatch it back so that she wouldn’t draw attention to her unease.
Logan had just confided in her about something so intimate and vulnerable that she wondered what had prompted it, but she was glad that he had done so.
Now she understood a little better why he had been protective of her and why he had been so ready to leap to the defense of the girl.
It was clear from the way he spoke and the look of pain in his eyes that losing his wife and child had taken a great toll on him.
Such a loss was incomprehensible, and in that moment her heart shattered for him.
It was painful enough for her not to know the joy of having a child, but to expect one only to lose it before it had barely taken a breath?
No… Amanda could not stomach such cruelty.
She was about to tell him of her ills, to share her pain with him.
In a world where people often shared their triumphs and their celebrations, it was often just as cathartic to find someone who had a similar sorrow to hers that she could indulge in.
There were few people who could understand her pain, and she thought that Logan might have been one of them.
Because of this revelation, she softened around him now and did not see him as a brash man who only wanted his own way but as a wounded man who did not want history to repeat itself—and a man who had not learned how to behave around a woman.
However, before Amanda could begin telling him about her own history, the sound of footsteps approached them and Deirdre appeared.
Amanda’s heart caught in her throat. Even though the girl’s wound didn’t appear to be anything to be worried about, there was still always the chance that the worst could happen.
So she breathed a sigh of relief when Deirdre told them that the girl was going to be fine.
“I hae cleaned the wound and bandaged it up. I gave her a wee drop of medicine as well tae help with the pain, and she’s resting now. I’m sure she will feel much better taemorrow,” Deirdre said.
“Did she say anything?” Logan asked.
Deirdre shook her head and sighed. “I’m afraid nae.
Her lips were as tight as anything, and I did try.
I even tried telling her a wee joke, but she didnae laugh.
I dinnae know what happened tae that lass, but something haes terrified her.
It took everything she haed tae let me touch her,” Deirdre said.
Logan and Amanda glanced uneasily at each other.
“Then we shall hae tae see how she is in the morning,” Logan said, and then he turned to Amanda.
“Would ye care tae stay the night? As ye say, I believe the girl will be more comfortable if she wakes tae find ye here. Of course, if ye would prefer tae return tae yer estate, then I can arrange for someone tae escort ye back.”
“I will stay,” Amanda blurted out. She smiled shyly. “In case she wakes up during the night. I think it would be best if I were here.”
“I shall hae the servants prepare a room for ye, and I hope that ye will join me for dinner as well,” Logan said, immediately calling for a servant.
One arrived presently, and Logan commanded him to set about preparing the chambers for Amanda’s stay.
Before the servant left, Amanda raised her voice.
“I wonder if you could do me a little duty as well? Could you send a messenger to my estate and tell my maid, Ann, to bring some fresh clothes for me in the morning and tell them to not be alarmed that I am not returning? I am in good hands here,” she said, punctuating her words with a smile that she flashed at Logan.
She then thanked Deirdre for her treatment of the girl and waited for the servant to show her to her room while Logan went away to make sure that things were adequately prepared for the evening.
Amanda’s room was certainly not like anything she had seen before.
Like the rest of the keep, it was not luxurious in the slightest. The room was dim, with a narrow window looking out upon the Highlands.
In the distance she could see the twinkling lights of the village, which would be growing sleepy and quiet by now, long after the festivities of the market.
If she squinted, she thought she could just about make out the lights of her estate as well.
On any other night she would be sitting with Ann, sharing conversation and thinking about what life might have been like in other circumstances.
Even though she was not far from the estate, it did feel as though she was having an adventure, and there was still a mystery at the heart of it.
Hopefully the following day would bring new revelations as the girl would surely feel better.
Amanda didn’t like the idea that someone who was hurting children was still out there, lurking in the world, perhaps even just waiting to hurt another.
She perched on the edge of the bed and looked down at her clothes, stained with blood.
She wondered now if she should have accepted Logan’s offer of a change of clothes.
The blood had dried and crusted, and it made her think about Logan’s story again.
All the pain that had happened in this keep…
No wonder it was a place that had a grim atmosphere.
There was no joy of life, no spirit that was filling the hallways with laughter. Just death and despair and emptiness…
Her thoughts were interrupted eventually by a knock on the door.
At first she assumed it was a servant coming to notify her that dinner was ready, so she was surprised to see Logan standing there.
He had changed his clothes; now he was dressed in fine pants and a crisp white shirt that was held open at the collar, revealing his dark, wiry chest hair.
He was a head taller than her at least, and she found herself tilting her head up to look at him.
“I brought this for ye. I thought since ye are staying the night that ye might want it, especially for dinner,” he said, thrusting his arms forward.
A dress was draped over his arms. It was a pale cream dress with no discernable pattern upon it.
It wasn’t the kind of thing she would have chosen to wear normally, but still, she thanked him and bowed her head, taking the dress from him.
“I appreciate the thought,” she said.
“Come tae the dining hall whenever ye are ready,” he said, and then he turned away, his heavy boots making the sound of his footsteps thunder throughout the keep as though a mighty giant was stomping through the land.
Amanda closed the door behind him and turned to her bed, setting the dress down.
She wondered if this was one of his wife’s dresses or if it had been here for generations.
She unclasped her own dress, unfastening it inch by inch, peeling away the clothes.
Then she put on the new one. It was not exactly the perfect fit, but it was close enough, and it would do until Ann arrived with her actual clothes.
The fabric was a little rough upon her skin, but she was glad to be wearing a dress that was not stained with blood.
She wished she could do something with her hair, though.
A day of walking through the market and to the keep had left it bedraggled and tousled.
She ran her hands through it and sighed.
Without a hairbrush, there was little hope for it to look lustrous, and she found that she did indeed want to look her best for Logan.
She ended up tying it together in a ponytail, drawing it away from her cheeks and exposing her slender neck, with her hair swinging to the middle of her back like a pendulum.
When she was ready, she smoothed down her dress and pressed her lips together.
Nerves fluttered in her stomach; she told herself that she was being quite foolish.
Logan was merely being polite and, of course, did not harbor any strange intentions toward her.
At least she did not assume so. Unlike her, he did not despise his spouse and clearly still grieved her passing.
He may have claimed that it was no grand love affair, but it was obvious from the way he was wracked with guilt that she still had a place in his heart, and something like that was not broken easily.
Besides, she was not looking for a romance.
Amanda left her chamber and, after searching the hallway for a moment, found a maid nearby who directed her to the dining chamber.
The more she saw of the castle, the more she realized that it wasn’t as gruesome as she had first feared.
There were tapestries hanging on the walls to add a splash of color, and she made a note to herself to ask Logan about them later.
The maid showed her to a wide doorway that led to the dining chamber.
There were already voices bubbling away, and Amanda felt a clutch of fear as she did not think that she was going to have guests.
She kept her composure, though, and walked in, smiling at Logan, who rose when he saw her and gestured for her to take a seat beside him.
He introduced her to his father, Hamish, his mother, Caitlin, and his two brothers, Luke and Lyle.
They were closer in age than Logan was to either of them and seemed to be more intent on sharing jokes with each other than taking part in conversation.
They sniggered and chuckled at things that amused themselves, which Amanda thought was rude.
Then again, she wasn’t entirely sure what was normal etiquette for those in the Highlands.
There was a clear family resemblance between Logan and his father, although at the moment Hamish looked sickly.
His face was gaunt, his head hung forward, he moved slowly, and his eyes were bloodshot.
Amanda thought that he would have been better in bed.
Caitlin was drinking wine freely, bringing the cup to her mouth frequently and asking the maids for more.
Nobody else seemed to raise a concern about this, but Amanda thought she might be suffering from stress, especially if her husband was this ill.
In the midst of it all, Logan sat tall and strong and imposing, offering her a smile as she sat beside him.
The feast before Amanda was glorious. There were roasted vegetables and smoked meats that sizzled and filled the air with a pleasing aroma.
There was a thick stew bubbling in a bowl nearby and loaves of bread that were fluffy and hearty.
Her plate was empty while she waited for a servant to serve her before she saw the others taking what they wanted.
There is no sense standing on pretense here, she thought.
She knew that the Highlanders often thought the English were not used to getting their hands dirty and were rather foppish in the ways of the world, so she wanted to put a good foot forward here and show her company that not all the English were the same.
After a few bites, she expressed her thanks and spoke of how grateful she was to be welcome in their company. This brought wary glances from the brothers and a light laugh from Caitlin.
“Tell me, Amanda, what is it like for ye tae live in the Highlands after being in England for sae long? Dae ye ever miss the southern lands?” Caitlin asked.
Her words were slurred, and her eyes swam together, but Amanda decided that she was not going to draw attention to it and answered the question as though someone sane had spoken to her.
“I find the air refreshing and the company kind. I have no desire to return to the land of my birth. As far as I’m concerned, this place is my home,” Amanda replied.
Lyle muttered something under his breath that Amanda didn’t quite catch, but Logan had evidently heard what was said as he brought his fist crashing down onto the table, making the plates wobble and dance as though a great tremor passed through the castle.
“Lyle, watch yer manners. I will nae hae anything said against our guest,” he growled.
Although Amanda hadn’t heard what was spoken, she could well imagine it, for she had heard so many things spoken amongst the English during her time in the Highlands.
“I was sae sorry tae hear about yer husband,” Hamish said. His voice was more of a groan, the words falling out of his mouth with little strength behind them. “It was a shame that he could nae find more time tae visit with us.”
Knowing her husband, Amanda suspected that Hamish was being diplomatic and polite, presumably not wishing to speak ill of the dead or appear to be rude to Amanda. She smiled in deference to him and thanked him for the kind words.
“It is certainly his loss as I know he would have been made welcome in these lands. Sadly, he always had too many things to attend to in England, but I am glad to say that I have enjoyed Scotland enough for the both of us, and I shall go on enjoying it for as long as I am able,” she said, and she fully intended to keep that promise.
She took some wine herself and enjoyed the taste as she relaxed in her chair. This was so different from her usual evenings and gave her a sense of what she had been missing in life…or what having a family could be like.