Chapter 17
It had only been a few days since Amanda had been home, but to see it appear on the horizon again made her heart leap.
She smiled as she pointed it out to Lillie and was excited for Logan to be a guest in her home as well.
All day she had been trying not to think about the fact that Logan might never return from this mission.
It hadn’t even crossed her mind until he had brought it up.
He was indomitable, and the thought of any man besting him in combat was ludicrous, and yet battlefields could be chaotic.
It only took one errant swipe of the sword to cost a man his life.
Sometimes it was as swift to die as it was to fall in love, and Amanda hoped that she did not regret telling him to wait.
Her heart swelled with pain at the thought of him dying, and all she could do was pray and believe in his skill as a warrior.
The carriage pulled up, and Amanda was delighted to see Elaine rush up to her. She seemed to have made a full recovery from her fever. Elaine was all smiles and joy and flung herself into Amanda’s arms, and then she also hugged Ann.
“Lillie, this is Elaine,” Amanda said. Lillie was still reticent to meet anyone new, but Amanda coaxed her forward. “Elaine, Lillie has been through a bit of a bad time. Would you show her around the estate and play with her a little?”
Elaine nodded enthusiastically, although Lillie did not seem enthused with the idea.
Amanda was sympathetic to Lillie’s plight, but it would not have done her any good to be around the adults as they were questioning Lydia.
Amanda turned to face Lillie and once again leaned down so that she was at eye level with the girl.
“There’s nothing to fear here, I promise. The estate isn’t too big so you won’t get lost. We’re only going to be inside for a little while, and then I’ll come find you again. Elaine can be a good friend to you, I promise,” Amanda said.
Lillie slowly nodded and let go of Amanda’s hand. Elaine offered to take her to the gardens to see a strange bug. They ran off, and Amanda was glad to see Lillie able to be a normal child again, at least for one afternoon. She turned to Logan and nodded with a prim and proud expression.
He did not smile, though. It was not a time for smiling.
While Logan was technically a guest at the estate, there was no time for the usual etiquette or even a tour.
They were there for one thing and one thing only.
Ann led the way as she, Logan, and Amanda marched toward the kitchens, which were alive with chatter as the cooks prepared the meals and the maids and servants helped clean the estate.
As they approached, they overheard some chatter.
“…I wonder if she’s ever coming back. Now that she’s a free woman again, I dinnae expect she will. Frankly, it’s a wonder she never moved on before. I dinnae think I would be able tae wait as long as she did.”
Amanda’s cheeks flushed because she knew they were talking about her, which was confirmed when the trio entered the room and the congregation suddenly grew silent.
The one who spoke looked sheepish and quickly tried to recede into the shadows of the room.
Amanda did not bear any ill will toward them, though.
It was in the nature of maids and servants to gossip about the people of the house; she was not going to hold it against them.
Besides, there were more important things to take into account.
They were all stunned to see Logan standing beside her.
“Where is she?” Amanda asked in a shrill voice.
Ann lifted her arm and pointed to Lydia, who looked startled. Her mouth dropped open in shock, and she lifted a finger to the middle of her chest as if to confirm that, yes, she was indeed needed.
“Lydia, if you would join us,” Amanda said, and then turned, not giving Lydia any choice in the matter.
Amanda had thought about questioning Lydia in the kitchens in front of everyone to shame her but had then decided against it.
Lydia fell into step. She was a plain girl, with freckles dotting her face and short dark hair that came to her chin.
Her head was bowed, and she clasped her hands nervously together.
She had a right to be worried. Ann opened the door for Amanda and Logan to walk through and then left them to it.
Amanda took a seat and gestured for Lydia to do the same while Logan remained standing.
“I’m sorry,” Lydia began in a trembling voice.
“What, precisely, are you sorry for?” Amanda asked, arching a sharp eyebrow.
“Whatever it is that I hae done. I didnae mean tae dae it. Please… I need this job.”
“You misunderstand. I am not here to discipline you, I simply want to ask you some questions. We both do,” Amanda said.
Lydia’s gaze darted to Logan, and it was clear by the way she cowered that she was intimidated by the man.
“What w-would ye like tae know?” she asked.
“It’s about this man you are seeing.”
“Stevie?” Lydia asked.
“Yes, Stevie. We have reason to believe that he is involved with a criminal named Bram MacGavin. Is that true?”
“I…I dinnae know about that,” Lydia said, averting her gaze.
“I would nae lie tae us,” Logan growled.
It was the first thing he had said to Lydia, and it had the required effect. She swallowed a lump in her throat and began gnawing on her lower lip.
“Aye… He haes mentioned it a few times,” Lydia admitted, and then she hastened to add, “but I never took part in any of it!”
“I’m sure you didn’t. But we need to know where Bram’s camp is located and any other information you can tell us.”
“Oh… I dinnae know about that. Stevie told me that it was a secret. I dinnae think he was even supposed tae tell me. I hae great respect for ye, m’lady, and…and m’laird, but I hae tae think about the promises I made tae Stevie…”
Amanda leaned forward and narrowed her gaze. Her eyes became as sharp as a hawk’s. She was beginning to think she should dismiss Lydia right there and then.
“I would think carefully about who you choose to give your loyalty to, Lydia. Men are not always trustworthy, especially ones who spend their time with criminals. You may think you are beholden to this man, but I can assure you that is not the case. Now, you are going to tell us what we need to know. If you are struggling with your conscience, then you should know that you are doing the right thing. Bram MacGavin is using children to help him with his criminal endeavors. We encountered a young girl who was wounded by him. She suffered a savage cut to her head, and if we had not found her…well…I dread to think what might have happened.” Amanda felt a surge of emotion as she thought of Lillie, and this imbued her words with a fierce energy.
“By association, your Stevie is a part of this.”
“Oh nay, Stevie would never dae anything like this,” Lydia said.
Amanda closed her eyes momentarily. It always amazed her how some women could have blind spots when it came to the men they proclaimed to love.
“Either you don’t know him as well as you think you do, or you are being willfully obtuse.
He is a part of Bram MacGavin’s thugs, and he has told you about them.
Now, you are going to tell us what we need to know so that we can put an end to him.
We will not have people taking advantage of children,” Amanda said sternly.
Lydia was suitably chastised and looked ashamed.
“He said there was a camp deep in the woods, beyond where most people gae. I hae nae been there myself. Stevie doesnae want tae take me there. I didnae know they were using children, I promise. I just thought they were daeing harmless crimes…”
“Nay crime is harmless,” Logan interjected, holding his gaze on the poor girl. “How many men does Bram have?”
Lydia lifted her gaze and tilted her head from side to side as she tried to recollect what Stevie had told her.
“I think Stevie mentioned there were a dozen or sae of them. Ye are nae gaeing tae hurt him, are ye? Stevie is a good man, he just fell in with the wrong crowd, that’s all.
He’s trying tae earn enough coin sae that he can buy his own farm or inn, and then he’s gaeing tae marry me and we’re gaeing tae begin a family taegether. ”
Lydia swelled with pride as she spoke about this life that awaited her in the future, but like so many other plans, Amanda thought it was all going to be for nothing.
She glanced at Logan and knew he wasn’t going to show mercy to anyone who pledged their loyalty to Bram MacGavin, nor could she blame him.
Each of them had been aware that Bram was using children, and so they had all participated in the crime.
Neither Amanda nor Logan gave Lydia any guarantees that Stevie would be kept safe.
Logan continued to ask her specific questions about the watch schedule—when the men usually slept, if they patrolled the surrounding area…
Things like that. Amanda sat back and watched Lydia.
As Logan peeled away the truth, Lydia became more fragile, as though she knew what would become inevitable.
For whatever reason, she had loved this Stevie and had convinced herself that they were going to have a happy ending.
She was just a fool like so many other women and had to learn that happy endings were rare.
At least she is still young, Amanda thought.
She still has a chance to fall in love with a good man.
Once Logan was satisfied with the answers he had been given, he nodded at Amanda, who then turned back to Lydia.
“Now Lydia, I understand this may be a distressing time for you, but I think it’s best if you get back to work and try to distract yourself.
I’m afraid that even after your shift ends today, you will have to remain in the estate.
I cannot risk you going to warn Stevie. And I would suggest that you evaluate your life choices because this man, no matter what promises he has given you, is not a good man.
There are plenty of other ones to choose from,” Amanda said.
Lydia looked up at her with an expression of shock, almost as though she was pleading with Amanda and telling her that she would never betray Amanda’s confidence.
But instead of saying anything, she just bowed her head and accepted Amanda’s judgment before slinking out of the room with heavy footsteps.
Amanda immediately went outside and told Ann to make sure that Lydia was observed closely. Although Lydia had given Amanda her word, Amanda was not na?ve enough to think that love could be conquered so easily. At this critical juncture, it was essential that the plan was not revealed.
“I shall be gaeing then. I can gather my men and get ready tae strike,” Logan said.
This was the moment that Amanda had dreaded, the moment where everything was going to be put on the scales of fate and weighed accordingly.
She looked at Logan with a lingering gaze, trying to take all of him in, just in case she never saw him again.
The thought filled her with an ache in her heart, and tears welled up in her eyes, but she told herself to be strong. She told herself to be proud.
“Best wishes,” she said, unsure of the proper thing to say to someone who was going to march into battle. “I hope that you return swiftly. Please, take care. I…care about you,” she said, the words catching in her throat. “I know that may not mean anything…”
Her gaze faltered. He placed his hand under her chin and directed it back to her.
“It means everything,” he said, and a surge of emotion shot through her like a lightning bolt. For a moment, it felt as though she was floating. “I will make it back tae ye and then we will talk. We will say everything we need tae say,” he said.
Before Amanda could say anything else, he leaned in and kissed her.
She let herself fall into the wild emotions as a cacophony of pleasure echoed around the caverns of her mind, and then Logan pulled himself away.
Suddenly his arms were no longer around her and his lips were no longer pressed against hers.
He strode away, ready to fling himself into battle, and she was tempted to sprint back to him and pull him back and tell him that this was all silly and that someone else should deal with Bram MacGavin because she could not bear the thought of Logan dying.
But this was bigger than either of them.
This was about Lillie, about the children, about the rampant trail of crime Bram MacGavin had left in his wake.
Amanda’s love meant nothing, and she was only on borrowed time anyway.
Even if Logan returned, she would then have to tell him the truth.
She would have to reveal her final secret and then she would be cast away again.
She could almost already see Logan’s disappointment in his eyes, so she dreaded his return almost as much as she anticipated it.
She turned away from him and clamped her eyes shut in an effort to stem the flow of tears, but they still poured down her cheeks, hot and free, the taste salty on her lips.
The following night and day were perhaps the most strenuous of Amanda’s life.
Every moment dragged on like an eternity, and time slowed to a crawl.
She tried to play with Lillie and Elaine to help pass the time, but she could not shake her mind.
The air around the estate was peaceful, but she knew that was not the case for Logan.
Where he was, the air would be filled with thunder and blood, and weapons would be flying all around him.
The worst thing of all was that she could do nothing about it, and in this way, she knew exactly how Logan felt when Moira had been in the throes of pregnancy.
She felt more emotion about Logan going into battle than she had when she had learned that Hamilton had died, and now she knew what true grief was.
She just hoped she would not have to mourn Logan.