Chapter 16
Logan walked in to find Amanda with Lillie.
It was incredible to him that Amanda could have created such an affinity with the child in such a short space of time.
He felt a certain bond with the child as well, although it wasn’t quite the same.
Amanda invited him in, and he spent some time with the two of them as Amanda continued telling Lillie about the estate she was going to visit, and then Lillie grew tired.
Her eyes were heavy, and her yawns were wide.
It was clear that she was still suffering from the effects of the wound, but Logan was glad to hear that her condition was improving.
They left the room and closed the door behind them, allowing Lillie to rest.
“How was your day? Did you find anything out?” she asked.
Logan grimaced. “Nay,” he said. “The merchants dinnae know anything more than what they hae told me. As for the children…” He shook his head. “They must be able tae slip in and out without being seen by most people. It’s a clever scheme, alright.”
“And children are easier to frighten. It makes sense why Bram would want to use them.”
“We hae tae hope this lass will talk tae us about what she knows.”
“Oh, she’ll talk. I’ll make sure of that. I’m sure that once she learns about the importance of the situation she will be quite willing to help us,” Amanda said.
Logan suppressed a smile, for he was once again impressed by the lengths to which Amanda would go for the sake of these children.
He could see why she was a lady of nobility, as people would have been fortunate to be in her care.
It was a shame she had been exiled to this part of the world, although it was to his benefit.
After the previous night, he wasn’t sure where he stood with her, though.
Their embrace had been intense, and for a moment he had almost let his desires get the better of him, but then she had told him to wait and he had felt like a scoundrel.
Of course she would want to protect her reputation and her virtue.
She may not have been a virgin after marriage, but she was a noble lady and would not be prone to a tumble with a man she had only known for a few days, despite the depth of feeling between them.
Her stay in this keep would only last for another day, and then (hopefully) this issue with Bram would be settled.
Logan wasn’t sure what was going to happen after this.
He and Amanda were close, but there were still things he hadn’t shared with her, and she still wasn’t sure if he was someone she wanted to end up with.
She had been alone for such a long time; perhaps this was just a way for her to acquire a sense of belonging again.
Maybe she did not want things to go too far because she wasn’t sure of her feelings.
Logan had to try and temper his own desire because it was so easy for him to get carried away.
The things he felt for Amanda were things that he never felt for Moira.
While that did make him feel guilty, he had to remember that these feelings were not a sin.
They were just a symptom of humanity, and he could not turn them off or deny them.
Moira had died, and he did not have to be beholden to a dead woman, just as Amanda did not have to be beholden to her dead husband.
Logan spent the rest of the day speaking with his father and mother.
Hamish had not shown much sign of improvement, but he did stir when Logan told him that he was on the trail of Bram.
Luke and Lyle were disappointed when they were told that they had to stay behind, but Logan said that the future of the clan might rest on their shoulders.
It was no foregone conclusion that he would emerge victorious.
Bram was a vicious man and kept the company of equally savage men.
Finding him was one thing, defeating him was another.
Logan knew that where Bram MacGavin went, death was sure to follow, and on this day it might well be his death that would darken the Highlands.
He and Amanda shared dinner again, speaking about idle things, sharing childhood memories.
The time with her always whiled away quickly, as swift as a hare, and there never seemed to be enough of it.
Before he knew it, they were upstairs again, although this time they were not gripped with ardor as they had been the previous night.
Their kisses were soft and gentle, and their embrace was tight.
There was an unspoken agreement between them that they would not betray their modesty by allowing their desires to get the better of them, and in truth, Logan found it just as satisfying to be close to her.
His hand rested against the small of her back while another was on her head, idly playing with the silky strands of her hair.
Her arm was draped across his chest, with her head nestled in the crook of his neck.
Her soft breath tickled as she exhaled, but he did not want her to move an inch.
The comfortable weight of her body felt perfect when pressed against his, and he liked the feeling that he was keeping her safe and protected.
He listened to the rhythm of her breathing and the soft sounds she made as she fell into a deep sleep.
He closed his eyes and became attuned to every single movement, no matter how small, in the hope that it would be etched into his memory.
He didn’t want to forget any moment he spent with her, and he didn’t know how many more he was going to get.
When morning rose, Logan woke up as sunlight spilled into the room, casting a glow upon Amanda, making her blonde hair appear even shinier than usual.
He planted a kiss on her forehead, and she stirred.
Her eyes opened a crack; she smiled when she saw him.
It was the sweetest sight he could imagine seeing, and he felt blessed that it was a part of his life.
“Taeday is the day then, the day when ye return home, when Lillie returns tae the world, and when we receive word about Bram,” he said.
“What’s going to happen when you learn what you need to learn?” Amanda asked.
“I’m gaeing tae gather my men and ride out tae wherever he is waiting, then I’m gaeing tae attack.
If all gaes tae plan then we will return with the children.
And before ye say anything, I am nae gaeing tae hae ye riding intae battle with me.
I know ye are a strong, capable woman and that ye want tae dae whatever ye can tae protect these children, but there are limits. ”
“I wasn’t going to suggest otherwise. I know that the battlefield is no place for me. I have many skills, but wielding weaponry is not among them.”
Logan breathed a sigh of relief. From what he knew about her, he did not put it beyond the realms of possibility that she would have tried to charge into battle with him and free the children himself.
“I’m glad tae hear it,” he said.
“I shall be preparing a feast for the children. I think it would be a good idea for Deirdre to gather her medical supplies and come by the estate as well. When we bring the children back, some of them might be hurt as Lillie was.”
Logan nodded but then looked pensive.
“What’s wrong?” Amanda asked.
“It’s just that…when I haed gone intae battle before, there was nae much I haed been worried about. But on this day I know that if Bram gets me, then I will never see ye again,” he said.
Amanda furrowed her brow. By her expression, it didn’t seem to have occurred to her that this was an option.
“You can’t die, Logan,” she said.
“I wish it were as simple as that. Amanda. If I dinnae return, there are things that I want tae say tae ye. Things I think we should talk about,” he said, but she placed a finger on his lips to render him silent.
She smiled sweetly, and as he looked into her eyes, he was filled with a sense that everything was going to be fine.
It was as though nothing could go wrong as long as he was with Amanda.
“Then let’s not speak about them until you return. That way, you know that you cannot die because we have unfinished business,” she said, and then kissed him as though to seal the promise.
Logan wondered if she said this because she was afraid of speaking about the future or if she truly meant that she could change the inevitable.
He decided that he was not going to press the issue and simply settled into bed to enjoy this gentle morning while the thunder of battle beckoned in the back of his mind.
They shared breakfast before it was time to get ready to go.
Ann had gathered Amanda’s things and was waiting by the carriage, while a servant had collected some clothes and things for Logan to take with him.
He had been to tell Deirdre that she should think about making her way to the estate as Amanda had suggested, so she said she would come later once she had a chance to collect her supplies.
Amanda had fetched Lillie, and Lillie looked at the carriage with wide eyes as though she had not seen anything like it before.
Logan helped Lillie and Amanda into the back of the carriage, and then he helped Ann, too, before climbing in himself.
Lillie was sitting in between himself and Amanda.
She was an inquisitive child now that she had recovered and kept peering out to the world as the horses trundled along.
The wagon’s rocking rhythm was lulling and comforting.
It was easy to believe that nothing bad could happen on a day like today, but deep in his mind, there was a gnawing sense that he might never get to tell Amanda all he wanted to tell her.
Part of him was just tempted to forget the silent promise they had made to each other and blurt it out there and then, but he remained silent, telling himself that he was doing it for Lillie’s sake.
Right now all of his attention and focus had to be put into protecting Lillie and the rest of the children.
The longings of his heart could wait. After all, he had waited this long, so why not a little longer?