Chapter 19 #2
“I'm not in the mood to go back there.” Sebastian gestured towards the room.
I didn’t blame him. I wouldn't have told him all of this if I had known it would cause such an unrest within him.
“That's fine. Will you just walk me back to my room then?”
“Of course.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and initiated our mute walk to the dormitories.
My fingers were sore by the time I finished writing down everything that had happened the past few days.
I massaged my knuckles while I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for my escort to arrive.
I’d spent most of the day tucked away in my room, writing and reading.
Doing anything I could to take my mind off of the past week.
I’d been trying not to think too hard about the situation I'd found myself in thanks to Aldous Hawthorne. I kept reminding myself that despite his new orders, I was already mandated as a soldier for a decade after graduation, anyway. Unless he died before then. One could only hope.
I looked up at the sound of my door unlocking and watched Sebastian step into my room unannounced.
“You're lucky I’m decent,” I teased, but he didn't laugh. He didn't even try to smile.
He’d been in a bad mood all day. He hardly said a word to me during combat training this morning.
“Ready?” he asked, not waiting for my answer before he walked back out of my room.
“This is gonna be a fun night,” I muttered under my breath, trudging along after him all the way to Caelestis Academy. Winter was approaching fast, and the chill of the air was unbearable to spend more than a few minutes in. I walked fast, trying to keep up with his pace.
“Training went well this morning,” I said to break the silence. “I expected to need more time to reestablish my skills after having last week off, but I feel like the movements are slowly becoming second nature to me.”
“That's good,” Sebastian grunted.
“Yeah. So if wielding goes well tonight, should I plan for the archives again tomorrow?”
It'd only been a week since we commenced our new training schedule, but we'd continue for as long as needed, switching locations on our off days to keep the suspicions from others at bay. The hope was that I’d be able to wield more powerful and more effective magic if I wasn't harnessing every single day.
I was confident that the plan would work—at least for a while.
“Mhm.”
“I’m a little nervous to wield,” I said as we stepped into the warmth of the academy.
“It will be fine.”
“We’ve only tried it once since I passed out, though.” At least if anything happened tonight, he would be there.
“Yeah, and it went fine.”
I untied my cloak as we entered the arena, letting it fall to the floor along with my bag.
Sebastian unsheathed his dagger and bent down to tuck it into his bag ever so carefully. Something was wrong, and I wanted nothing more than to comfort him. But it was hard to comfort someone when you didn't know what was bothering them. Unless I was what was bothering him.
“Whenever you're ready,” Sebastian said, avoiding eye contact as he took his position across from me on the mat.
The lack of communication started getting to me. “Did I do something?”
“No.”
“Why do you seem so angry then?”
“I'm not angry.”
“Did something happen with Sawyer or Kohen?” I pried, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
Sebastian rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. “No. Are you going to interrogate me all night or can we just get this session over with?”
“I might,” I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest. I knew Sebastian well enough by now to understand that his attitude was a defense mechanism. Something was bothering him, and I was going to get it out of him.
“Is it your father?”
“Oh for the love of the gods, Maeve—” He threw his arms in the air, mumbling to himself.
“Well I’ve been agonizing over it all week, and seeing as it bothered you so much when I told you, maybe you have been, too.”
“For fuck’s sake,” he muttered.
My fists clenched by my sides. That's it. If he was going to be cold to me, then I'd do the same. I didn't give him any warning. I relaxed my mind and blasted him with the full force of my power.
“Tell me what's bothering you so much,” I commanded.
He didn't flinch and his mouth didn't open to comply.
What the hell?
I raised a hand to my cheek bone. My gems tingled with the exertion of my power, so why didn't my command work on him?
My heart sank with realization.
His eyes narrowed on me and through a clenched jaw, spit out a growled, “Seriously?”
I shrugged my shoulders in innocence. “You have hardly said a word to me all day!”
“I just have nothing to say, Maeve.”
“Enough of this.” I stomped towards him. “That's bullshit and you know it. Why are your shields up?” I jammed a finger into his chest and demanded an answer.
He stilled, the only movement coming from him was the blinking of his beautiful, blue eyes. He was completely shutting down.
Starting to worry, I softened my voice. “Please, Sebastian, tell me what's wrong.”
“Drop it.”
Frustration consumed me and I turned my back on him, returning to my spot on the mat. “I knew I shouldn't have told you about my meeting.”
“That's not what this is about.”
“Then what is this about? Because I'm getting a lot of mixed signals from you. I thought we were on good terms. I thought we had even become friends, but now I'm not sure because you will hardly speak to me and I know damn well that I did nothing in the past twenty-four hours to deserve that.”
Looking up at the ceiling, he puffed his cheeks full of air. “Fuck, you are relentless.” His head dropped and he stepped towards me, giving in to my nagging. “Duke Sinclair has located the traitor. I'm expected to leave in the morning to go to Craterra and oversee the execution.”
My mouth squeezed into a tight line.
“As I'm sure you can understand, this is not something that I'm particularly looking forward to.”
I swallowed the knot that had formed in my throat, feeling horrible now for calling him out.
“How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know.”
“What will I do about my wielding while you're gone?”
“I don’t know.”
“Who's going to train me? How will I hide my weakness when I use my magic with them?”
“I. Don't. Know,” he said, and with the enunciation of each word, his eyes filled with more fear.
His fear passed through to me. “Shit.” The rest of my words escaped me.
“Yeah. Shit is right,” he scoffed.
This was bad. No wonder he’d been acting like an ass all day. If there was anything I’d learned about Sebastian, it was that he had trouble expressing his emotions.
I took a deep breath. “This could ruin our whole plan.”
“I’m trying to make sure that doesn't happen.”
“It’s going to be fine. I'm sure you won't be gone too long,” I said, trying to reassure him and myself while a whole other thought took up residence in my mind.
Sebastian noticed my pondering. “What are you thinking?”
“What's going to happen to him? To Edward Fletcher?”
“You know what happens to traitors,” he replied.
“I know, but like, what specifically will happen?” Would they behead him? Hang him? Torture him to death? I didn't like the man for obvious reasons, but we grew up together. And although I was pissed that he sold me out, I still hoped they didn't make him suffer.
“You don't really want to know that, Maeve, trust me.”
“I do—”
Sebastian shook his head, and his voice was a stern threat not to argue. “No. You don't. And I’m not going to tell you.” He moved closer. “Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my stress out on you. This isn’t your fault.”
My mouth lowered into a grimace. “It is kind of my fault, though. If it weren’t for my gift from Blythe, there wouldn’t even be a traitor to begin with.”
He took another step towards me. “It is also not your fault that you were gifted.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that I was.” I blew out a breath and looked into his eyes. “Well anyways, I'm sorry, too. I just assumed that you were still upset about—”
Sebastian held a hand up to stop me, then reduced the space between our bodies. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
He gazed into my face, and the hardness of his expression softened into one of affection. Tension hung over us, soaked with a passion that neither of us could deny.
“Maeve,” he whispered my name, and the deepness of his voice made me shudder with overwhelming desire.
I bit my lip, trying not to act on my need for him. My eyes closed, needing a second of peace to stop myself from doing something rash.
“Yes?” I asked breathily.
“We are friends.” He broke our heated tension by denying my claim from earlier, and I blinked to look at him just as he returned to his side of the mat.
Friends.
I couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't being completely honest. Because you didn't look into the eyes of a friend in the way that he just looked into mine.