Chapter 24 #2
I gave Sawyer a modest thank you, then despite my best efforts, found myself looking into Sebastian's face. I released a soft breath full of angst as I prepared to address him.
“You look charming tonight.” My voice reflected my insecurity.
The hall was filled with so much noise that I was unsure if he even heard me, but Sebastian took another sip of his drink and stepped towards me, leaving some distance between us and the others.
“Thank you.” His gaze roamed over my body, unashamedly taking in every inch of me. He pulled his glass away from his mouth then moved to stand by my side.
I inhaled deeply and my body relaxed from the familiar aroma of frost and pine, now mixed with the sweet sting of whiskey. We both looked straight ahead, observing our group of friends mingle with one another.
Sebastian's arm brushed against my waist as he leaned his lips to my ear.
“With all of the books I've read, you’d think I would have discovered the words to express how beautiful you look this evening.
But I don't think such words exist.” As he stood straight up, he slid his hand up the side of my waist, trailing his fingertips to the middle of my back where he let them linger.
His touch sent an exquisite sensation flowing through my body, coating every inch of my skin before settling amid my thighs.
“Maybe you should be in the archives then, instead of here sipping on whiskey.” My breathing shook on my exhale as I made light of his compliment.
He snickered into his glass then tilted it back to take a drink, saying after he swallowed, “In all honesty, I would choose the archives over one of these parties any day.”
“Me too. I’m not one for crowds.”
He explored my bare skin, his thumb tracing down the curve of my spine, stopping when it reached fabric. “What’s keeping us here then?”
A gasp escaped my throat as he hooked his finger under the fabric of my dress, just enough to make me shiver.
“I would say your duty as a head soldier and crown prince,” I answered breathlessly, wriggling a bit to distract myself from the wetness forming between my legs.
His finger explored deeper down my dress, skimming the dimples of my back. His whiskey-coated breath tickled my neck when he whispered, “My duty is to look after you. Wherever you lead, I will follow.”
I couldn't speak.
Then, without any notice, Sebastian slid his hand away from my skin. Sawyer gestured for him, and he stepped away without another word, leaving me frozen to the marble floor, trying to rid myself of the lust that had devoured me.
What the hell just happened?
I tried to shake it off, but was pretty sure that Sebastian just hinted at the two of us getting out of there. My cheeks puffed full of air that I blew out heavily as I watched him return to our group of friends. None of them noticed what just occurred between us. Thank the gods.
I was right in thinking that a lot of wine would be needed to make it through this night. I got Pia’s attention to let her know where I was going, then wandered away to find the nearest buffet that could fulfill my need.
The evening seemed to drag. What happened with Sebastian left me even more perplexed, and in all honesty, just wishing the night would end.
I should have just left, but that wouldn't go over well with the king, who had just finished giving his speech to the crowd.
His words were full of a bunch of bullshit that I doubted anyone cared about, especially seeing as everyone immediately scattered amongst the dance floor at his departure.
I leaned back against a wall, sipping on my fourth drink while silently observing the dancers. My blood was warm, but I was not nearly intoxicated enough to get Sebastian out of my mind.
“Where's Kohen?” I asked Pia as she appeared by my side, not moving my eyes from the crowd of dancers.
“He was taking shots with Sawyer. Now they are dancing with each other.” She pointed to the two of them on the dance floor, blatantly drunk and holding each other as they swayed to the music.
I struggled to keep my drink in my mouth, laughing at the sight of them. “They are going to regret that in the morning.”
“Yep.” Pia swiped my drink and took a sip. “I've been replaced.”
We watched them until the song ended and they vanished, likely off to find more booze. When they were out of our field of vision, Pia turned to me with her forehead creased. “Why are you standing here all alone?”
I shrugged. I didn't want to tell her about what happened with Sebastian earlier, but at the same time, keeping it inside was killing me.
She handed me my drink back. “Out with it,” she demanded.
I didn’t try to fight her. “Sebastian’s been giving me very mixed signals.”
“How so?”
“He had his hands all over me earlier.” I stopped myself from divulging anymore when we were interrupted by a very drunk Kohen.
“There you are,” he slurred, pulling Pia into a sloppy hug.
Sawyer arrived behind him, just as intoxicated but not nearly as clumsy. “Someone can’t hold their liquor.” He chortled, angling his thumb at Kohen whose arms were wrapped tightly around Pia’s neck while he danced to the music.
With my brows raised, I eyeballed the two of them. Maybe if I took a few shots I’d be as carefree as them and get Sebastian off my mind.
“Whatcha drinking, Maeve?” Kohen peeled himself from Pia and reached out for my goblet.
“No way.” She swatted his hand away. “You've had way more than enough.”
“Don't be a buzzkill, Hawthorne.” Sawyer took my glass instead and downed it in one gulp.
“You’ll thank me in the morning when you remember how you two embraced each other on the dance floor,” she retorted, annoyance coating her tongue.
“You guys are a mess. How much did you drink?” I snickered.
“I dunno. Six…seven…maybe nine,” Kohen garbled.
“Nine what?” Pia asked him.
“Nine,” he simply replied.
“For fuck’s sake,” she mumbled, holding Kohen tightly so that he wouldn’t fall.
“Who wants one?” Jocelyn chimed as she appeared from midair, holding a tray of more shots.
Pia snatched Kohen's wrist out of the air. “Why don't we go get some water,” she said through gritted teeth, then proceeded to drag him away from the rest of us.
Sawyer swiped a glass from the tray and extended the offering to me. “You want one?”
Screw it. I took the glass from his hand and shot down the liquor, allowing it to coat my throat like honey.
I suppressed a gag. “That shit is strong.”
Sawyer chuckled at the disgusted look on my face, then drank his. “That shit is Seb’s favorite.”
“He has bad taste,” I groaned.
Within seconds of swallowing, the warmth of the alcohol in my stomach caused the thoughts in my brain to ease. I should have had one of these earlier in the night. It certainly would have made the evening more enjoyable.
“Here, take another.” Jocelyn handed Sawyer a shot.
I couldn't help but notice the way he looked at her. His eyes were full of the same longing that mine had when I looked at Sebastian. I wondered if there was something between the two of them.
“I'm all set, thanks,” I declined her offer when she tried to pass me another glass.
Sawyer took his, then Jocelyn wandered off, leaving just him and I. The way he watched her go made it undeniable that he felt something for her.
“She's really beautiful, isn’t she?” I asked once she was out of earshot.
He didn't take his eyes off of her crimson gown as it vanished into the crowd. “Yeah, she really is.”
My heart softened at the idea of Sawyer liking someone. He had such a rough exterior—it was sweet to see him with his guard down.
“Have you told her?”
“Told her what?”
“That you like her.”
Sawyer glared at me, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Have you told Seb?”
My lips fell into a tight line.
“Actually, have you seen Seb?” Sawyer changed the subject before I could answer.
I shook my head. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen him since his father's speech.
“Here.” Sebastian's voice broke through the crowd.
His figure appeared through the parade of streamers and greenery.
The lights glimmered off his skin, bringing my attention instantly to his eyes that so often seemed to captivate me.
His hair laid in delicate waves over his forehead, curling around the backs of his ears. Gods.
He removed a hand from his pocket, and reached out for me. “Care to dance?”
I tried my hardest, but couldn't suppress the smile that tugged at my lips. “Sure,” I said softly, taking his outstretched hand and allowing him to guide me to the dance floor.
Glancing back at Sawyer, I mouthed, ask Jocelyn to dance.
He rolled his eyes, but the suggestion turned his cheeks pink before he sauntered off after her.
Sebastian took us to a crammed corner of the dance floor, out of the blatant view of his father. He kept his hold on my hand and swung his body to stand in front of me, placing his other hand on my waist.
“Where have you been all night?” I asked as we started to move with the hum of the music.
“Where have you been?” he countered.
I looked down, watching our feet move as we danced. “Drinking.”
“I thought it was you that I saw throw a shot back like it was water.”
“Just something to help calm my nerves.” I smiled at the ground.
“What’s there to be nervous about?”
You. I am terrified that I’ll never have you in the way I need you.
I shrugged, raising my gaze back to him. “What isn't there?”
He released his hand from my waist to spin me into a twirl.
Our bodies moved together in such grace that you would have thought we’d been dancing together all our lives.
When the twirl concluded, he grabbed my waist again, pulling me closer to him—so close that our bodies were flushed against each other.
I tilted my neck up to see his face, and I didn't think I’d have the willpower to ever look away.
“I told you that you don't need to worry. That I would protect you,” he said.
That wasn't it at all, but I nodded. “I know.”
He was absolutely perfect. Every single thing about him. Breathtaking to look at, yes, but who he was at his core was the most attractive thing about him. And no, I didn't know everything about him, but I didn't need to. None of our past mattered to me. I needed this man more than I needed air.
I was entirely consumed in him.
“How have you been feeling about everything?” he asked me out of the blue.
“Are you going to ask me that every time I see you?”
“Until you tell me the truth, yes.”
“Well you caught me at a good time, because I'm tipsy and feeling honest.” I adjusted my hand in his, fiddling with his thumb. “I’m so pessimistic about everything that I’m having a difficult time enjoying myself tonight. Well, I was at least.”
“My dancing skills really cheered you up that much?” Sebastian chuckled, the gravel in his voice creating shivers all over my skin.
“More so Kohen and Sawyer’s dancing skills, but yours helped.”
We spun in circles, gliding along the marble floor, not speaking again until the song concluded.
“In case I didn't make it clear earlier, you look exquisite. Ravishing. Stunning. Breathtaking.”
I flushed at his words, both externally and internally. “So was it the archives that you ran off to? Looking through texts to find the words you seemed to have lost earlier?”
He twirled me again, and when he pulled me back in, we were somehow even closer than we were before.
His lips curved into a grin. “How did you know?”
He dropped my hand so that he could hold my waist from both sides, and I raised my arms to his shoulders, clasping my hands behind his neck.
I studied his face, trying to read him. Did he want this just as much as I did?
Or was I just a piece of his puzzle—waiting to be completed so that he could shatter it and shove the pieces back into its box.
I frowned unknowingly at the thought.
“What's wrong?” His forehead creased.
I should have told him how much he affected me without even realizing it—how I wanted to be more than just his training partner. More than his friend. But I didn't. It wasn't the right time.
I faked a smile. “Nothing at all.”
He leaned down, placing his head in the crook of my neck. His body was so close to mine that I could feel the pounding of his heart against my own chest.
“I know you well enough to know that you're not telling the truth,” he breathed. “Why do you insist on lying to me?”
I bit my lip in a shudder as his words kissed my collarbone. He moved his hands down to my hips, pulling my thighs into him so that they were grinding against his groin as we danced.
Fuck.
“You don't want to know the truth. Sometimes it's better being left in the dark,” I replied, my puckered lips skimming his jaw.
“I am the dark,” Sebastian muttered, his tone empty and hollow. “You are the light. And when it comes to you, I don't want to be in the shadows.”
I rolled my shoulders back and he removed his head from my neck to stand upright. When we were face to face once more, I analyzed his expression.
His eyes were full of want, but mine were full of need. And I couldn't tell if he wanted to be with me, or just wanted me. That information alone made it evident that we weren't on the same page—we couldn't have been. And the thought shattered me.
Despair settled in my bones. I needed to get out of here. Needed some air. This was getting to be too much.
I pulled away from him abruptly, pushing off of his chest with my palms. “Excuse me,” I choked on my words and backed away.
Uncertainty clouded Sebastian’s features as I spun on my heel and left him alone on the dance floor.