Chapter 25
Chapter
Twenty-Five
“Maeve!” Sebastian called after me.
I hurried out of the great hall, holding up the sides of my gown to avoid tripping. Ignoring his voice, I moved as fast as possible in heels, needing to get away from him. I couldn't handle another moment of wanting him without actually having him. Not tonight at least.
When confident I had left him behind, I stopped in a corridor far away from the shining lights and loud music.
I swallowed a few deep breaths, blowing them out shakily as I slouched against the stone wall.
I clasped my hand over my star pendant and looked up towards the heavens, shaking my head to the gods.
I couldn't keep doing this. Even if it broke me, I needed to know what he felt.
“Maeve?”
My gaze dropped towards Sebastian, his eyebrows drawn together as he approached me.
“What's going on?” He crouched in front of me, reaching a veiny hand out to stroke my arm.
My instincts told me to pull away, but I couldn't bring myself to follow through. Fiddling with my necklace, I avoided his eyes. “I just…I just need you to—” My voice quaked, struggling to find the words to explain.
“Did I say something?”
I shook my head. I could keep telling myself that it wasn't the right time, but would the time truly ever be right?
“Then what—”
Rising on my feet, I threw my arms in the air and spun my back to him. My hands pressed against the wall and I dropped my neck to my chest, my body shuddering to expel the pent up emotions that had accumulated within me.
“Talk to me.”
Fuck it.
“I don't know what you want,” I said at last, punctuating each word and turning back to him.
“You almost kissed me, not once but twice.
Then a week later it's like nothing even happened.
Then tonight you're making suggestive comments and touching me.
But as soon as Sawyer waves his hand, you leave my side like you didn't just have your hand in my dress.”
His jaw ticked, but he didn't speak.
“I know what I want, Seb. But I have no idea what the hell you want.” I pointed a finger at his chest, then stopped myself from saying more.
My breathing was heavy with the release of desire that had been brewing inside of me. A sense of calm flooded me for a brief moment before replacing itself with nausea from the anticipation of what he was going to say.
Sebastian closed the gap between us, staring at me deeply. Eagerly. “You really have no ideas about what I want?”
“No. I don't. Every time I think that I do, something happens that makes me think otherwise.”
His head dropped, lowering his eyes so they were level with mine. “I want you,” he stated, leaving no room in his tone for me to misunderstand.
I was sure that my heart stopped beating.
“I want you so bad that I can't think about anything else when you're near. You walk into the room, and I have to force my eyes to focus on anything but you.” He brushed the hair off of my shoulders, then skimmed his lips over my neck.
“I can't breathe when you look at me the way that you are right now.”
I couldn't breathe either. My body trembled as his touch slid over my flesh.
Pulling back ever so slightly, his eyes dipped to my mouth, and before I could say anything else, a needy sound escaped my throat as Sebastian’s lips captured mine in a long awaited kiss.
He pushed us back against the wall, his hands moving to cup my jaw. Our tongues were already entangled when he tilted my head back to deepen the contact. He kissed me like he was a part of me—like we were two halves of a soul, absorbing each other to make one.
His hands dropped from my face, grazing my skin as he moved one to my waist and used the other to cup the back of my thigh. He lifted my leg with his calloused palm, hooking it around him. My gown shifted to the side, the slit in the fabric revealing more of my skin to him than I'd intended.
I couldn’t even tell if I was breathing anymore. He kissed me so hard that air was no longer a priority. I was certain that even if my lungs dried up, I would be able to thrive as long as he kept kissing me.
“I’ve wanted you since you first challenged me all those months ago,” Sebastian uttered into our kiss.
His hand ran up my exposed leg, slipping under my dress and moving up my thigh.
I gasped as his fingers teased the lace of my panties, his knuckles skimming beneath them, subsequently creating a pool of wetness from my core.
“I never should have let it get to this point. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t let myself feel this way about you,” his lust-enhanced voice spoke between the movements of our tongues.
“But why?”
“Some may call it an abuse of power, or me taking advantage of you.”
“It's not being taken advantage of if I want it, too.”
He gave me a look that made me liquify, then he growled into me, the guttural tone making my body crave more. I moved my arms to his shoulders, grasping the material of his jacket and pulling the sleeves down. I tossed the coat to the floor and ran my hands up the hardness of his chest.
“Seb,” I moaned his name into his mouth as his tongue laced with mine in an exquisite dance of lust. Our hips ground against each other, the hardness that lay beneath his slacks rubbing against me.
This is what I'd always imagined it to be—him and I. He was everything my soul needed, making me feel whole for the first time since the summer. Though I didn't want the moment to end, before it went any further, I needed to tell him the true extent of my longing.
“Seb?” I repeated his name in the hint of a question.
“Maeve?” His voice ached with lust, but he forced our mouths to break apart. His hand still gripped my thigh and he directed his kisses to my neck while I spoke.
“I didn't finish what I wanted to say.”
“I’m listening.” His tongue traced my neck through his words.
“I want all of you. Every piece of you,” I practically moaned as his mouth explored my skin.
He separated his lips from my skin so that he could lock eyes with me.
“I feel things for you that I've never felt in my life. Things that I didn't know were possible to feel.”
He dropped my leg to the ground, not breaking his gaze.
“I want to be with you. I want to know everything about you. I want you to me show the parts of you that you think will scare me—the parts of you that scare you. I want it all.” Reaching my hand out to stroke his face, I leaned in close, whispering to him, “I need you.”
His jaw clenched, and his whole demeanor shifted to one that I couldn't even describe. He grabbed my wrist, removing my hand from his face so he could back away from me. “I can't give you that,” he said flatly.
My stomach twisted in agony. “What?” I stuttered. I was certainly not expecting that to be his reaction after the way we were just kissing.
“I may be what you think you want, but trust me when I say that I’m not what you need.” His fists clenched by his side as he shook his head.
“You don't get to tell me what I want,” I argued.
“No. I don't,” he started, taking a step back. “But you can't tell me what I want, either.”
My entire being crumbled at his words. He didn't want this, too? Despair flickered off of me like sweat. “You just said you wanted me—”
He cut me off. “It doesn't matter what I said. I can't do this. I can't have you. I won't,” he snarled, his words so harsh and so cold that the temperature of the hallway dropped.
“So what? You just wanted to screw me? Is that it?” I spat in his face, suddenly consumed by anger.
“No,” he scoffed. “I'm not that much of a prick.”
“Are you sure? Because seconds ago you said that you couldn't breathe when you were around me, and now you're denying it.” My face tightened to hold back a flood of tears.
Sebastian didn't say anything else. He bent down and picked his jacket up, shrugging it over his shoulders as he turned his back to me and strutted away down the corridor.
“You can't just act like an ass and push everyone in your life away every time you get scared!” I yelled after him, but he didn't look back.
Once he was gone, I broke down, collapsing to the floor in a pile of fabric, where I pulled my knees to my chest and sobbed.
I had a brief taste of what I could only imagine life beyond the veil was like, just for it to disintegrate moments later. My body trembled uncontrollably as I mourned the one person who I’d come to need more than anyone.
He felt the same way about me—I knew he did. It was impossible to kiss someone that passionately if you didn't feel deeply for them. I knew him better than he'd like to admit, and he was scared. He felt like he didn't deserve this and was letting those thoughts get in the way of him being happy.
Someone cleared their throat from my side. My head jumped up to see Sawyer standing at the end of the hall.
“Oh gods, please tell me you didn't see any of that,” I groaned, tears still spilling from me. My throat burned at the thought of him seeing what Sebastian and I just did. However the feeling faded quickly as my sorrow was too fierce to stay away.
“No. But I heard you yelling from down the hall, so I put two and two together.” Sawyer crouched down by my side.
He put an arm around me and pulled me into him, allowing my tears, which fell so vigorously that they could have been mistaken for a river flowing rampant during a storm, to soak into his shirt.
“Did you hear everything?” I managed to get out through my sniffling.
Sawyer sighed deeply. “Yeah, Willawood, I did.”
“I don't know what I did wrong,” I cried into his shoulder.
“You didn't do anything wrong. That's just…Seb. He refuses to see the good in himself.” Sawyer reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed his handkerchief, offering it to me.
I used it to wipe my eyes, though the tears didn't cease. “Why won't he let anyone in? Why can't he let himself be happy?”
“Wish I knew.”
“It's not fair,” I muttered. “To either of us.”
Sawyer squeezed me a little tighter. “No, it's not.”