Chapter 29
Chapter
Twenty-Nine
“We’re taking the night off, Willawood! Get your ass to Kohen's room. We’re getting drunk tonight!” Sawyer’s voice called through my door.
“I literally just finished putting my training uniform on,” I yelled back through the wall. I couldn't complain though—everyone and their mother knew that I could use a break from wielding.
“Do you need help getting it off?”
My head shook with my laughter. “I think I’ll manage.”
I discarded my uniform, switching it out for a pair of black lounge pants and casual shirt, both of which hung off of me. I wondered if the tailor would take my clothes in. I’d have to remember to ask next time I saw her.
Pia and Jocelyn were already sipping on a glass of wine when I arrived at Kohen's room. Sawyer lounged on the bed, throwing his dagger in the air and catching it between his fingers. “See you got your uniform off all right,” he sneered with a smirk.
“Screw off.”
Jocelyn jumped up when she saw me. “Hey, Maevey baby! How are you?” she slurred and squeezed me into a hug.
My eyes widened. Was she drunk already?
Maevey baby? I mouthed to Pia over Jocelyn's shoulder.
I don’t know, Pia mouthed back with a shrug.
Jocelyn seemed to be part of our group now. I wasn’t fond of her at first—I found her to be almost too nice. But her personality added something peppy to our friend group, and I was pretty sure that Sawyer still had a thing for her as well, despite his joke about my uniform.
Kohen came out of the washroom to join us, drying his honey brown hair with a towel. “No Seb?” he asked, and Sawyer shook his head.
Sebastian’s absence didn’t surprise me. I would have been more surprised if he did show up.
“He’s been so antisocial lately, it’s driving me crazy,” Kohen complained.
My mouth lowered unwillingly. I shouldn’t care, but I couldn't help but wonder if Sebastian was okay.
“Maybe he’ll come by later,” Pia chimed in, glancing at me with half a grin.
“Doubt it,” Sawyer muttered, then turned to me with a forgiving smirk. “What can I get you to drink, Maevey baby?”
I flipped him my middle finger.
“Something strong? Coming right up.”
Sawyer didn't mess around when it came to training, and he didn't mess around when it came to making drinks, either. The room was spinning under my feet within an hour of my arrival.
“I swear I’m telling the truth!” Pia yelled.
“I call bullshit,” Sawyer retorted.
We’d been playing a drinking game, and Pia was trying to convince everyone that she had a vision as a child that she would be gifted by Eloise.
“No one believes you, Pia. Just drink,” Kohen decided her fate.
“I swear! She came to me in my dream. Like floating through the air in a violet gown.”
“Yeah. And Thea showed up at my first birthday party to light the candles,” Sawyer mocked.
“I believe you,” Jocelyn sputtered, waving her drink in the air.
Pia looked at me for my approval.
“Sorry,” I shrugged, “I’m gonna have to agree with the guys on this one.”
“Oh whatever,” Pia grumbled but gave in, the others cheering as she finished her goblet.
“I'll ask Sawyer one next,” Kohen said.
“Oh great.” Sawyer rolled his eyes. “Go for it.”
Kohen tapped a finger to his chin. “Last time you had sex?”
“Would you believe me if I told you last night?”
“Hell no. I was with you last night, and we sure as hell didn’t fuck,” Kohen snorted, then passed him the bottle. “Drink up, liar.”
Sawyer pointed his bottle at me. “Your turn, Maevey—”
“Shut up.”
His lips quirked up.
“Yeah, Maeve, it's way past your turn!” Pia squealed.
They were all so drunk that I'd been able to convince them for the past half hour that it was someone else's turn whenever mine came up, but they finally caught on.
“Ugh fine. Who’s asking the question?”
Jocelyn raised her hand then stood up and walked over to me. Stumbled over to me, rather. The girl should have been in bed—she had no idea what was going on. She wouldn't remember a thing in the morning.
Jocelyn plopped herself down on the floor in front of me. I could smell the wine on her like she was wearing it as perfume. Someone had better cut her off.
“Okay, Maevey baby.” She contemplated her question, then smiled and asked after taking a sip of her drink, “Have you ever been in love?”
Everything inside of me shut down. Yes—I'd been in love. I was in love. Unfortunately the guy I was in love with didn’t love me back.
“Why would you ask that?” Pia whispered to her, although it was loud enough for me to hear.
All of the eyes in the room were on me, waiting for my answer, but I would not give it. Alcohol and feelings didn't mix well.
There was no point in trying to convince them of a lie. I reached my hand out to Sawyer. “Pass me the bottle.”
“Oh, come on,” Kohen complained. “That was a stupid question. We all know she’s in love with—”
Pia slapped her hand over his mouth.
I gestured for the bottle again, drinking more than I should have when it was finally in my hand.
It was well past midnight by the time we all cleared out of Kohen's room and made for our own. The rest of the evening was a mess. Our game—which rules seemed to change with each round—ended with Jocelyn’s hands all over Sawyer’s suddenly bare chest. We called it a night when Jocelyn got sick.
Luckily she made it to the washroom, but Kohen was still undone over it.
Sawyer walked with me back to my room, shirt slung over his shoulder. He tugged it on when we stopped outside of my door. “Do you need any assistance getting into pajamas?”
I snorted in laughter. “You are the definition of a typical guy.”
Sawyer chuckled. “Night, Maevey—”
I punched him in the arm. “Don't say it.”
He smiled. “Goodnight.”
“Night.”
I let myself into my room and flopped down on my bed, gazing up at the spinning ceiling. I closed my eyes, but just as it did every evening, my mind wandered to Sebastian.
He never showed up to join us and I wondered why. Him and I were at odds, but it was still not like him to miss out on an evening with his friends.
I rolled to my side. Where did everything go so wrong? Things were good before all hell broke loose at the gala. The way he kissed me…You didn't kiss someone like that if you didn't want them—if you didn’t need them.
I knew he felt something for me—his blatant concern lately made that obvious. He was denying himself in a sick and twisted form of self-sabotage that I wished he would give up so he could admit he liked me, too.
Oh well, I guess. I was too drunk to care.
That’s a lie. I do really care. Way too much.
I sat up right, my feet dangling over the edge of my bed. This was ridiculous. At this point, being angry at Sebastian was a waste of energy. It'd been over two months of silence, when it could have been two months of us being together or at least being friends.
Maybe the alcohol was altering my thinking, or maybe I’d just finally had enough. Either way, I was going to talk to him.
I crept out of my room and down the hall, stopping in front of his door. I raised my fist to knock, then dropped it. I lifted my hand again, only for it to fall back at my side. It was late and he was probably sleeping. This could wait.
Pivoting on my heel, I began to walk away. But then, my courage grabbed me by the throat, and against my better judgment, I took a deep breath and banged on his door.
I realized my mistake as soon as I retracted my fist.
Fuck.
I should have ran back to my room. Locked myself in it and never allowed myself freedom again. This was stupid. I was stupid and drunk.
I was ready to make a run for it when the door pulled open with such force that it startled me.
Sebastian’s hair was disheveled and his abs…Focus on his face, Maeve, not the fact that he's not wearing a shirt.
“Everything okay?” he questioned, his voice rough from sleep and his eyebrows raised.
I should have lied, said yes, and turned around. But I already made it this far. “No, Crown Prince Hawthorne. Everything's not okay.”
His eyes scanned me up and down. “Are you hurt?”
“No.” I pushed by him, inviting myself into his room.
He closed the door and leaned against it, folding his arms over his chest. “Then what are you doing here?”
I copied his movement, crossing my arms over my own chest. “I'm here because I'm mad.”
“Shocking,” he quipped.
My brows furrowed at him.
He sighed, pushing off of the door and moving towards me. “Why are you mad?”
“I'm mad at you.” I pointed a finger at him.
“Yeah, I've gathered that from how you've been avoiding me for two months.”
“It's been longer than that.”
“Oh, I’m well aware. Seventy-nine days, to be exact.”
“Woah…That’s a lot of days,” I slurred, tottering a little where I stood.
“Are you drunk?”
“A little, but that's beside the point.”
Sebastian pulled the chair out from his desk. “Sit down,” he instructed, then brought me a glass of water as I pulled my legs up into my chest.
He sat down on the edge of his bed, leaning back on his arms, watching me with a slight smile on his face.
“What?” I asked.
“Hm?”
“Why are you staring at me?”
He spit out a laugh. “I'm waiting for you to tell me why you're here.”
“Oh.”
After a few moments of silence, I said, “Things are already pretty shitty between us, so I suppose I can't make it any worse, right?”
Sebastian's smile faded. “Maeve, listen—”
“No. Let me talk.”
He closed his mouth and nodded, giving me his undivided attention.
“What you did to me really sucked,” I stated, sucking in a breath of air before continuing. “The reason why I think you did it sucks even more.”
Sebastian leaned back further on his hands and drew in a breath, his abdomen flexing and rippling. “And what reason might that be?”
“Well, I can only assume, seeing as you keep your feelings under lock and key, but I think that you think you're unworthy of love.
That because of your past you don't deserve love.
And I don't know who you used to be, but I know who you are now, and I know that you are a good person who deserves good things.”