Chapter 29 #2
“This probably isn't the best time to talk about this,” Sebastian murmured, shuffling on the edge of the mattress.
Rising from the chair, I took a few wobbly steps towards him with a silencing finger held against my lips.
“Despite how you may feel, to deny yourself of being happy…” I shook my head. “It's not fair to yourself. It's not fair to me or to anyone else you're with, if there is someone.”
The alcohol in my stomach bubbled up my throat at the idea of him being with someone else.
Maybe I'd misread the whole situation. Maybe he really just didn't want to be with me.
Maybe he just wanted a hookup that night.
Regardless, I swallowed the spit in my mouth.
“I don't care how much you try to deny it, I know the truth. I know the night of the gala that you wanted me just as much as I wanted you—as much as I still want you.”
His mandible ticked as I moved close enough to smell his skin. “So stop being an ass and pushing the people you care about away. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve it, even if you think you don't.”
Sebastian looked up into my eyes, which gleamed with a few stray tears. I hadn't even realized I'd been crying. As I said before, alcohol and feelings didn't mix.
He reached a hand up and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “First of all, there's no one else,” he whispered, and I exhaled in relief. “Second, I'm sorry. For all of it. For pushing you away time and time again. For the crap I pulled at the gala. For not apologizing to you sooner.”
I bit my cheek. “That part is my fault. You kept trying to talk to me and I wouldn't let you. If I hadn't been so stubborn…” My head shook. “I’ve lost so much time by being angry with you.”
“None of this is your fault. I just get so caught up in my own head that I—”
“I know.” He didn't need to elaborate. I knew how complicated his mind was. How complex his thinking could be.
“What you said to me at the gala, it freaked me the fuck out, for lack of better words. I realized that I felt the same about you and just hadn’t admitted it to myself yet.
It's been eating away at me since that night, but I didn't want to push too hard for you to talk to me. I figured I’d blown my chances with you. And you and Sawyer have gotten pretty close, so I figured maybe something was going on there. Hence why I’ve been kinda a dick lately. ”
My nose scrunched. “Me and Sawyer? No chance.” Him and I were just friends. Nothing more than that.
Sebastian huffed a deep breath, then dragged his eyes back to mine. “I want to be with you more than I want anything else in the world, and that is the truth.”
I sniffled at his admission and suddenly felt very sober.
“Don't cry.”
“I'm not crying.”
“Right.” He grinned as he wiped the tears from my cheeks.
When he removed his hand, I placed my back towards him and took a few steps away. My heart stuttered in my chest, my palms sweating. I should have let him talk to me when he tried. Instead, I spent months being stubborn and foolish.
“Come back here.” His demand was soft spoken.
I hesitated, knowing what would happen if I did. But despite the what ifs, I turned back around and as our eyes locked, the months of agony and uncertainty dissipated. It was just him and I.
“Why?” I asked under my breath.
“To make up for lost time.”
Was I ready for this? After everything?
Yes.
I lunged for him and he grabbed the back of my knees, pulling me down onto his lap. My arms wrapped over his bare shoulders, clasping behind his neck. He pulled my hair into his fist and pushed it behind my neck, then his lips crashed into mine.
Our mouths moved in an exquisite dance of lust, enhanced by the unspoken love that I knew we both felt but were yet to admit to each other. My neck tilted back and he leaned forward to deepen the kiss. His tongue explored my mouth in a tangled frenzy, hastily discovering every part of it.
“I worry I won’t be able to give you enough—what you deserve.” His voice was light and airy when it broke through our kiss.
“I'll take whatever you have to give, and that will be more than enough.”
He stared intently for a few seconds, like he was trying to decide if he believed me. He should, as I meant every word of what I’d said tonight.
“Gods, you are beautiful,” he growled before needily resuming our kiss. I flushed at the compliment. Knowing that he saw me as such even though I'd become so frail made me want him even more.
His hands roamed delicately down my back, pulling me closer to his chest. He kissed me like I was the reason he was alive. My nipples peaked under my shirt as his hands moved further down my body, stopping to cup my ass. My body was serenaded in new sensations as he held me down on his lap.
Gods.
My fingers slid from his neck and down his chest, lingering on the hard ridges of his muscles. I adjusted myself on his lap—he was hard beneath me as my hips gyrated on him. He released a breathy moan into my mouth, which sent shivers of euphoria straight to my core.
This.
This feeling was what I’d been missing my whole entire life.
Him.
He nipped at my bottom lip then pulled away without notice, breaking the pure exhilaration that I drowned in.
My eyebrows drew together. “Why’d you stop?” I asked, my lips swollen from our kiss.
“Because you're drunk, and if we go any further, I don't know that I’ll be able to stop.”
“I’m not that drunk.” I frowned.
He chuckled. “You're drunk enough.”
As badly as I wanted him, he was right. We should wait. We had time.
He locked his arms around me and laid back on his bed, pulling me down with him. I rolled to my side and laid there absorbing his features, memorizing every detail.
I released a deep breath, letting in the exhaustion I'd been fighting off. I put my hand over my mouth as I yawned, hoping he didn’t see how tired I was. I was not ready for this to end—not when I'd waited so long for it.
“Now what?” I asked through another yawn.
He pulled me deeper into his chest, and I rested my head in the crook of his arm, soaking in his scent as he weaved his fingers through my hair.
“Now we sleep.”
I woke up with a throbbing headache from my night of drinking. Though the elation I felt from finally being in the arms of the man I’d yearned after for months, helped lessen the ache. I blinked the sleep from my eyes and peered over at him.
Sebastian looked so tranquil lying there, and I wondered if sleep was the only time he truly felt at peace. If I could take the pain of his past and place it in my own soul, I would. I’d remove all the horrible memories from his brain and harbor them within mine.
His eyes fluttered open, brightening when they saw me. “Good morning,” he said groggily, his voice coarse.
I couldn't help but grin. “Good morning.”
He rolled to his side to face me, reaching a finger out to stroke my chin. “Did you sleep okay?”
I nodded. “You?”
“Best I have in a while.”
My cheeks flushed. He stared at me for a while, absorbing me like I had just done to him, before placing a light kiss on my lips.
“Does this mean you're going to let me train you again?” he asked when he pulled back to yawn and rub his eyes.
“I don't know how much training we’d get done.” I giggled.
“That may be a good thing. You need a break.”
“Fine.” I sighed. When it came to him, it didn't take much for me to surrender.
“Good. Your first instruction is to take a week off.” He rolled on top of me, planting a kiss on my nose. “We’ll keep it on the down low, no one has to know if you don't want them to.”
“Are you talking about training or about you and I?” I teased.
His face turned serious. “Both, I guess. If you don't want anyone knowing about this, then that's your choice and I'll respect it.”
I pushed my hand on his chest and he backed up a bit so that I could sit up on his lap.
His arms wrapped around me, supporting me from behind.
“It's not that.” I shook my head. “I'm pretty sure Sawyer and Kohen have an idea about what's going on with us, anyway. And Pia knew I liked you before I even did.”
“She's too good.” Sebastian shook his head in amazement.
“I'm just worried about what will happen if your father finds out.”
“Screw him.”
I flaunted the worry in my eyes. “What if he just sees us as a distraction to each other? He could choose to give me to Draemor if he thinks I'm not going to be useful to him anymore.”
His voice was stern. “Remember when I told you that I wouldn't let anything happen to you?”
I bit my lip. How could I forget?
“I meant that to the very depths of my soul. I know you don't need me to, but I will always protect you against anyone, or anything. Including my father.”
My heart very literally melted at his words. I leaned up and kissed him softly. I loved him. Eventually I’d tell him that, but not yet. I'd already poured enough of myself out and didn't want to overwhelm him.
My lips reluctantly pulled from his and found themselves instantly missing the feel of his mouth, but I had something I needed to take care of.
“Where are you going?” He raised a brow as I climbed out of bed.
Knowing that I had the day free of wielding and therefore, puking, I stated, “To the kitchen. I’m fucking starving.”