Chapter 40
Chapter
Forty
It didn't work.
Sawyer marched into my room, not even trying to be quiet as he slammed the door shut. His boots stomped heavily across the floor as he approached my bedside, ripping the quilt off that I had strategically put over my face.
“Hey!” I whined.
“Oh good. You’re up.”
“Like anyone could sleep through the ruckus you're making,” I scoffed
“What the hell happened?” he asked sternly, looking pissed.
Though my muscles burned with movement, I sat up on my mattress. “You saw what happened. You walked in on them trying to kill me.”
Sawyer glared at me, clenching his fists. “I meant the part where you somehow forgot how to use your combat skills. I mean, come on, Maeve! Seb and I have been training you for almost a year, how the hell did you let them beat on you like that?” he shouted at me.
My eyes widened. “Are you serious right now?”
“Dead.”
My teeth ground against each other. “Well for starters, asshole, it was two against one. One of them was a second year who had a hundred pounds on me, and the other was a damn psycho who knew how to wield tripwire from fucking vines!” I yelled back.
Sawyer huffed, his face turning red from anger. “You're better than that. I taught you better than that,” he snarled.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I guess you aren't as good of a teacher as you think.”
Sawyer’s mouth clamped shut, pressing into a thin line as he glared at me, completely unamused with my comeback.
“I'm the one who almost died, so if you came in here just to be a dick, do me a favor and screw off.” I gestured to the door. This was the last thing I needed right now.
Sawyer grasped the footboard, his forehead creased as he leaned into my face.
“Yeah, you're the one who almost died. But I'm the one who carried your practically lifeless body upstairs, praying to the gods that you were still alive by the time Pia got here. I’m the one who had to lie to his best fucking friend and tell him that his girl just ‘looked worse than she really was.’ And I'm the one who still has your blood stained into their skin!” He held his hands up to me, veiny and dyed red.
His face softened into an expression that could have been confused for heartbreak.
“You could have died, Maeve. I’m sure Sebastian didn't tell you because he doesn't even know the half of it, but if it weren't for Pia getting here when she did, you would be dead right now. You were barely breathing by the time I got you upstairs.” His voice lowered and he pulled his face back. “You scared the shit out of me.”
Frowning, my eyes dropped to my sheets. “I tried. I really, really tried,” I croaked, the bleak sentence the only thing I could come up with at the moment.
Sawyer shoved his hands into his pockets as he moved to take a seat at the foot of my bed.
“I know.” He sighed, his tone relaxing a bit.
His back was to me, leaving only his uniform and the shags of his brown hair visible.
His head shook ever so faintly. “I'm sorry. I’ve been a complete ass to you the past few weeks.”
“Yeah, you kind of have.”
He looked to the side, angling an eye at me. “Sometimes in my life it just seems like I’m always the one that gets screwed over. And I don't mind because I care about you—you're one of my best friends. But—” He stopped himself.
“But what?”
Sawyer inhaled deeply, blowing the breath out audibly as he continued.
“Yeah, I had feelings for Jocelyn. But the way I reacted when she died—” He turned to face me head on.
“Maybe this makes me even more of a dick, but when I found out that she died, I just kept thinking about you—how it could be you that we’d bury next, and it terrified me. ”
My insides tangled. “But I was fine. I wasn't the one who went to Craterra. Nothing happened to me.”
He shook his head once more. “You aren't understanding.”
“What?”
“I can't lose you.”
My heart raced. “Oh.”
“I wouldn't survive it.”
Oh.
Sawyer looked away again, then pushed his hands off his lap to stand.
His demeanor completely changed, as if he didn't just spill some of his deepest feelings to me.
“Anyways, I'm sorry for how I've been acting.
I truly am relieved that you're okay, I know Seb is, too.” He moved to my armchair, where he got comfortable to wait until Sebastian returned.
I didn't know what to say—not after what he just admitted to me.
What exactly did he admit to me? Sure, I was one of his closest friends and vice versa, but I had a feeling that our friendship was not what he referred to.
I gawked at him for a moment, then fell back down on the mattress. My body was getting weaker by the minute, and I needed to rest, especially knowing that a war could be declared any second.
My eyes fluttered shut as I tried to clear my mind of all the trauma I'd endured. I hadn't fully processed everything yet, and was due for a panic attack over it any minute.
Regardless, I was almost asleep when Sawyer woke me. In fact, from what he said, I think Sawyer thought I was asleep.
“Seb is in love with you. He's too much of a wuss to say it, but he is. He has this idea in his head that he can't love you the way you need.” He paused to breathe, and his tone was bleak—dejected—when he continued. “I know you're in love with him, too.”
I rolled to face him, letting him know that I was awake.
His green eyes met mine dead on. “If you're gonna tell him, don't wait too long. Take it from me.”
I couldn't help but grin at Sawyer’s blunt honesty. The latter of his confession sent sorrow throughout me, but I clung to the part about Sebastian loving me, and my stomach fluttered as I drifted off to sleep.
“I’d say you're as close to good as new as you’ll get,” Pia chimed, concluding her last go at healing me.
“You're amazing. Truly,” I beamed and admired myself in the mirror of my washroom. The only scars I bore from my near death experience was the self-inflicted one on my elbow, and the one between my ribs.
“I've been told.” She grinned, pulling me into a quick hug before we abandoned my room and started down the hall.
The academy year was coming to a close, so we had some free time today. With the heat of summer rolling in, we decided to spend some time by the shore while we still could.
King Hawthorne had called an assembly for everyone on the castle grounds a few days ago.
He put an immediate hold on classes in preparation for Draemor’s attack.
Though we didn't know for certain when it would happen, at least he was actually taking the threat seriously.
If only he had that sense of logic before I was almost killed.
Sebastian suggested that we send Caelestian soldiers to Draemor first—catch them off guard like we had with Craterra and keep the battle further from our territory. Of course the king shot the idea down, claiming we stood more of a chance fighting on familiar land.
I couldn't stress enough how much of a moron that man was.
It was basically a waiting game now. We were to sit here and twiddle our thumbs until the first sign of interference.
First years were not expected to fight. I, of course, was the exception.
I didn't mind, though. After everything I’d been through this year—hell, this week alone—I was craving some reprisal.
We stepped outside, Kohen trailing behind us. Sebastian didn't dare leave me without a guard after what happened. He usually did the honors himself, but in the event he couldn’t, I had Sawyer or Kohen on my tail.
Sunlight blazed down onto my skin, and I smiled as the warmth embraced me.
The sand welcomed my bare toes while I stood at the edge of the water, planting my feet into the ground and letting the ocean crawl over me.
I gazed down the coast line, admiring the view of the rocky cliffside that the castle laid upon.
My skin stung from the salt as it soaked into my flesh—the bite of the sea. The horizon faded into hues of orange and pink, the daylight melting away as each second passed. Gods, I’d missed this.
“You look awfully peaceful, maybe I should come back later.”
My lips formed an immediate smile.
Sebastian’s skin glowed from the golden rays of the sun, his dark hair swirling around his face from the coastal breeze as he stepped through the sand towards me. His biceps tightened around me, strong and firm, holding me close against his chest.
“I still like my beach better,” he teased, referring to the one he brought me to on our first night of training. We hadn't been back there yet, but that small piece of paradise would forever hold a special place in my heart.
I smiled, reminiscing on everything that we’d been through since he brought me there. “That night seems so long ago.”
“Don't I know it. It’s been a hell of a year.”
Pia complained from down the beach, yelling at Sawyer who had showed up with Sebastian. He waved a bottle of some spirit above her head, and she desperately tried to reach it. They bickered like siblings while Kohen sat in the sand, a silent observer to their antics.
My smile faded to a frown.
“What's wrong?”
I chewed my lip. “I can't help but feel like this will be one of our last times together as a group where everything is normal. For a while at least.”
Sebastian kissed the side of my neck. “Nothing is ever normal. I mean, have you met Sawyer?” He huffed a laugh.
I elbowed him, though the fresh skin of my scar was sensitive and twinged at the contact. “You know what I mean.”
Sebastian spun me in his arms. With my back towards the ocean, my hair blew wildly in the wind. He tucked the stray pieces behind my ears and gazed into my eyes. I stared back, not breaking the contact as I counted the speckles in his irises.
I traced his jawline with my fingertip, feeling the sharp edge before pressing my lips to it, holding them there for a moment before moving to his lips.