Chapter 40 #2
He kissed me back, his lips soft as they grazed mine affectionately. Not caring that our friends were just feet away, his tongue gently slipped between my lips, and we both gave into our greed, the movement of our mouths intensifying.
This kiss was unlike any of our previous ones.
Filled with the same desire and passion that we always had, but with a new addition.
Something more that I know he sensed, too.
The same feeling I'd had for him since we’d met, now swollen with devotion as I had grown to know him.
Since we’d learned each other's secrets, explored each other's skin, and chose to trust each other over anyone else.
“Seb,” I breathed his name into our kiss and he devoured it.
“Maeve?” he said my name back as a question.
My heart relentlessly battered on my ribs, but I retained my courage, preparing to divulge the words I had waited much too long to say, despite knowing that he may not say it back.
“I’m in love with you.”
Relief encased me with my confession. Now, no matter what happened, whether I lived or died, he’d know that he was loved—something I truly believed he didn't hear often.
He separated his lips from mine, but left them lingering close by.
Then, silence.
Heartbeats passed.
Nothing.
Not a word from him.
No indication that he'd even heard me.
Oh no.
My relief was short lived, replaced with adrenaline coursing through my veins.
Gods.
I knew he might not feel the same, but Sawyer said that he did…he said that he loved me.
I stared at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking, but his expression didn't have any give. My feet backed away from him, and I tried to mentally prepare for the sting of heartbreak that seemed to be coming straight for me.
The inside of my cheek began to bleed from the bite of my angst, and regret fueled my words.
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I knew that the feeling could be one-sided, but I said it anyway.” I dropped my gaze to the sand.
“We had a good thing going and I just ruined it.” I kicked a shell around with my toe, trying to ease the turbulence that circulated in my body.
Sebastian shook his head, his gaze hollow. “No, Maeve, please don't apologize. It's not that.”
Though I had no right to be angry when I knew his rejection was a possible outcome, irritation greeted me as my eyes darted back to him.
“What is it then? Because if you don't feel the same, if this,” I gestured between the two of us, “was just a fling for you, it's fine. But I need to hear you say it.” I bit back tears while I waited for his response.
He hung his head and his voice lowered. “It's not just a fling to me. Please don't say that.”
I threw my arms up towards the heavens. “Am I just not what you want then? Because I've given you everything I have to offer, and you can't even give me a straight answer.”
Sawyer’s wandering eyes shone over Sebastian's shoulder. He shot his head to the side when he noticed that I'd caught him. Maybe I should have chosen a better location to do this. Granted, I thought it would go better than this.
“If you don’t love me, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. But at least have the decency to tell me.” Have the decency to shatter my heart and soul into a million pieces.
Sebastian followed my gaze, also becoming aware that our friends were still present. His jaw ticked as he caught my wrist and led me off of the beach, stopping to pick up my shoes. “Excuse us,” he stated blandly, busting by the others and not giving them a second glance.
He guided me all the way back to the castle, not making a sound until we were in his bedroom and the door was closed behind us. He locked and leaned against it, all while staring at me with his arms crossed.
I stared back, nothing left to say. He was the one who brought us here, so he could speak the hell up.
My eyes drifted to his arms, marveling at the way his shirt clung to the muscles. My attention was drawn towards his abdomen, and I reveled in the nostalgia of the way his skin felt rubbing against mine, and—
Nope. Not going there.
“Did I do something?” I finally broke the silence when he still hadn’t spoken. “I thought you felt the same.” Despair poured from my voice.
Sebastian exhaled a deep breath. “Gods no, Maeve. You could never.” Finally ready to communicate, he kicked off of the door and stormed towards me. “You are everything that I want.”
My heart jolted. “Then what's the problem?”
He looked up, biting his lip as he shook his head.
I crossed my arms over my own chest, supplying myself some comfort in anticipation of what he could possibly say.
Cerulean eyes locked onto me. “The problem is that I want you so badly—need you so badly—that it scares the hell out of me.” He didn't yell, but his tone didn't convey calm, either. “I have become so cold because of you. The things I would do for you—the things I have done for you—are fucking terrifying. But I have no problem doing them because I’d do absolutely anything if it meant keeping you safe. Happy. Alive.”
I winced at the reminder of what he did to Lucan and Calvin.
Sebastian moved in on me, closing the gap between us and pressing our bodies together.
He dipped his head, his voice light and airy as he spoke.
“But I have also gone soft for you, in ways I never thought my mind could allow. In ways I could never even imagine until I met you, because I am in love with you, undoubtedly more than you could ever love me.”
The only movement in my body was the hammering beat of my heart as he somehow managed to get even closer to me. So close to me that his breath tickled my neck, making the hair on my arms stand up as I shivered.
Sebastian traced a finger along my collar bone, and his lips brushed against my neck as he spoke softly to me.
“I can't even fathom why the gods would place someone like you into my life, because I certainly don’t deserve you. I swear you must have been created from stardust because there's no way that someone like you just…exists. You are every single thing I’ve needed to complete my soul. Without you, I am nothing. Without you, I am an empty shell. I love you—yes—but I need you. And that is what frightens me the most.” He pulled his face free from the crook of my neck.
“So please don't ever think that I don't want you, because I'll always choose you.”
All of my nerves were alleviated at his proclamation. The gemstones in my cheek spasmed, my body trying to create an outlet for my emotions. I used my thumb to wipe away the single tear that left a dewy trail on his cheek, ignoring my own as they fell from my eyes.
My words had escaped me. Nothing I would say could follow that. Instead of using words, I grabbed his face in my hands and crushed my lips to his.
He kissed me back hungrily and our mouths tangled together as we devastated each other, ignoring everything going on outside the walls of this room. All the worries in the world vanished. It was just him and I.
Without breaking our kiss, Sebastian cupped his hands behind my knees and scooped me into his arms. He spun us around, pushing my back against his bookshelf, the moment reminding me of our first night together in the archives all those months ago.
I wrapped my legs around him while he held me against his hips effortlessly.
My mouth parted, welcoming his tongue which caressed mine in a familiar way—like we'd been savoring each other for years.
I let my body guide my motions and tangled my hands through his dark hair, tugging a little, provoking him to moan quietly.
Kissing him was always extraordinarily devastating, but it was so much better knowing there was a shared love between us.
The bookshelf shook from our conjoined pressure.
Grinding my hips, I shuffled myself up higher on his torso, my panties dampening in response to his body against mine.
The tension increased as we teased each other with our tongues.
He stiffened underneath me, and I wouldn't have been surprised if I soon had no clothing on.
Sebastian broke his lips from mine to gasp out a breathy, “I fucking love you,” then he turned me away from the bookshelf, tightening his grip on me as he slid his hands under my ass and carried me to the bed.
He threw me down onto the mattress, ripping his shirt off as he leaned over me to reveal the hard ridges of his abdomen. He lowered himself down to me, reclaiming my aching, swollen lips in a possessive kiss.
“I can't believe you ever thought I didn't want you,” he began, clutching my wrist and guiding my hand to the front of his slacks so I could feel how hard he was for me. “Feel that? That's because of you. I want you so badly, this is what happens every time you're anywhere near me.”
My breath caught in my lungs at the way he described what I did to him. I massaged the front of his pants, taunting the hard length of him concealed beneath them. “You're not exactly easy to read,” I spoke in a whisper, still rubbing my hand over him.
His fingers hooked under the bottom of my shirt, pulling it over my head to allow himself access to more of my skin. Calloused hands rubbed along my back, unclasping my bra to reveal my breasts.
My nipples hardened in response to him admiring me.
Sebastian dropped his head to kiss my neck while I moved my fingers to work the buttons of his pants.
He groaned as I slipped my hand into them before clasping around his hard length, jerking my wrist up and down.
It throbbed in my grasp as I teased the tip with my thumb.
“Fuck, Maeve,” he moaned, a bead of wetness releasing from his cock. “I meant it when I said that I don't deserve you, but I'm greedy, and I need you now.” His voice was guttural, and I devoured his words in the midst of our kiss.
His touch was a temptation of desire—one that I didn't have the power to fight.