29. Chapter 29
29
I refused to get out of bed, eat, or drink, hoping the hunger pains would rile me up, but they only left me feeling more desolate. Aoife, Calum, Levon, and even a few scullery maids tried to tempt me with food, but they all failed. The darkness in my mind grew more concrete; Their dark touch wormed deeper in the mindscraping, clinging to each memory like a ravenous parasite. It ate away at me, begging for more and more.
My body felt heavy as memory after memory flashed by. I couldn't remember my name as the thick, suffocating fog wrapped around me. The world outside my bed felt distant and unreal; the voices of those who cared for me were just echoes in a void.
I let the darkness take over, giving in to its relentless pull. My dreams of freedom and a life beyond this torment felt like distant fantasies. The crushing weight of hopelessness pressed down on me, overwhelming my spirit. This time, I didn't resist. I allowed it to take everything.
A vivid memory flashed by, dragging me deeper into the dark pit.
"What's wrong with her?" asked a young girl with ringlets in her hair, pointing at me. Her mother glared at my old, worn shoes and spat on the ground.
"Everything. Don't dirty yourself with that," the mother replied harshly. They walked off, leaving me with the sting of their disdain. My scraped, bloody knees burned as I ran, my dress snagging on branches as I darted into the woods, running as fast as my small feet could carry me, heading for the tree. I clung to its trunk, weeping hard until the force of it overwhelmed me, and I fell asleep.
When I awoke, the setting sun bathed me in warm light, coaxing the fog out of my brain. Darius sat next to the tree, either asleep or pretending to be, as I looked down at my bruised and scraped frame. Earlier, Calum and I were playing a game of tag, which ended with me falling into a rose bush and tumbling down a hill. Fearful of the punishment I might receive, I had run to the river to clean up while Calum tried to distract his uncle, yet on the way, I had accidentally run right into courtiers who mocked me with disgust. I could still see the repulsion rippling off that mother, dragging her daughter away like I was some infectious disease.
Tears continued down my dirty face as I prayed to the tree and the stars above, hoping they would grant me my parents' return, praying for a better life anywhere but here. I prayed so hard, feeling the weight of despair crushing me.
Finally, after I stopped my tears, I found the courage to tap Darius on the shoulder.
He slowly smiled and turned toward me. I helped hoist him up with my young frame as he gently wiped away the tearstains.
"Don't listen to the darkness," he said. His soft and reassuring voice was a balm to the harshness I had faced moments before.
A tear fell from my cheek as the memory passed vividly through my mind. I let them take it and play with my wilted heart as another memory flashed.
"Harder!" Darius yelled as I punched his padded hand, almost splitting my knuckle. I exhaled, striking deep with every stab of pain. "Harder, Eliah!"
I roared, thrusting my whole body into each throw, exhausting myself and increasing the grumbling in my stomach. Darius stepped aside, letting my momentum fling me to the ground. I grunted, hissing at the fall.
"If you can't do it right, don't waste your energy," he snapped.
"What energy?" I spat blood, biting my lip in the fall. "This is ridiculous. I am not a warrior, nor should I be! I don't understand what Jesri wants from me?!"
I laid down, letting the cool stone bite into my exposed shoulders and arms, gulping deep breaths to calm my racing heart.
"He wants you to succeed."
I laughed, hearing the echo of it throughout the stone training room.
"Succeed in what? His plans? Life? Getting out of here? I'd say I'm failing quite terribly at all three." I sat up, wiping the sweat dripping from my forehead. "I cannot be like this forever. I can't live like this, Darius."
At just fifteen, I was hitting ladyhood later than most, yet I was more toned than many of the gentlemen in town. Despite this, ladies still glared and spread rumors about me, assuming most came from the snake himself. Jesri continued to push me harder every day while the cold food became scarcer due to one failed evaluation after another. It left me stuck in my sad, wishful life.
"I want you to succeed. I want you to be who you were born to be — "
Darius's words were cut off by the oily worm as it seized, shaking me under its pressure before it vanished, leaving a residue of dark build-up around every crevice of my mind. I sat up abruptly, taking in the large room as my stomach rumbled with pain, feeling breathless and hollow with self-pity.
"Finally," Calum grunted, standing up from the plush chair in the corner. I grumbled, falling back into bed, not in the mood for his games. "No, no," he said, grabbing my arm and hoisting me back up. "You need to eat."
I shot him a glare but didn't retort as I spotted a cluster of food on the back table that made my stomach grumble deeper. Standing, I made my way over, my limbs numb and my nightgown sticking to my salty skin; Calum snickered.
"Stop," I seethed, shoving a muffin and several other savory pastries into my mouth before cutting up a dragon fruit with Kaizen's ruby dagger.
"Where'd you get that pretty thing?" Calum said, swiping it from me and rubbing a thumb over its pommel.
"What do you want?" I spat, taking the dagger back, and finished cutting the fruit.
"Am I not allowed to be here to help my best friend?" He rounded the corner of the table, picked up a few berries, and popped them into his mouth.
"And how do you suppose you'll help me?" I challenged.
"Like I always have—" Calum began.
"By cheating?" I interrupted, brushing past him and heading to the bathing room to wash off the brine of darkness still looming within me. Pathetic.
I was being pathetic, letting this arrangement control my life. Perhaps, if I won, I would gain enough money to break the bond, give it to Jesri, and be free of him forever.
"I never cheat," Calum purred with a devilish grin, trailing a step behind me. Ignoring him, I turned on the gold faucet, letting the cold water sting my skin awake. "Well, while you were busy wallowing in self-pity, Levon told us more about what he learned at the sponsor meeting. But I suppose if that's cheating…" he trailed off, waiting for me to beg.
I turned toward him, stoned-faced. "And?" I mocked, dabbing my face with a plush towel.
He grinned, popping more berries into his mouth. "It's a race. Whoever makes it out first—or alive," he added under his breath, "wins the Match and will be crowned the victor."
"A race? That seems too easy."
"Levon said there are no rules besides finishing, so each contestant can do as they please in whatever manner to finish first."
My mind raced over Edmon's warnings to Levon about the animals. A sickening feeling settled in my stomach, knowing I wasn't just competing against the other contestants but also against whatever beasts they would unleash into the arena.
I grabbed the dragon fruit and finished it off, walking to the vanity. I grabbed my brush and began detangling my hair as he appeared in the mirror, arms crossed, exposing a more toned body than when I had last seen him. I rolled my eyes and tried to put my hair into a braid, but my hands shook with anxiety that wouldn't leave me be.
"El," he breathed with sincerity, "I had no idea he was going to do that. We'll find a way out, even if it means running away together. I'll protect you from him, and we can live the life you've always dreamed of."
"Run away together?" I muttered. "Why would I ever go anywhere with you?" My anger sizzled within me as I finally finished a sloppy braid. I stood and headed toward my partition as Cal rushed in, grabbing my shoulder before I could disappear behind it.
"Stop this—this isn't you, El!" he complained, desperation evident in his voice, a tactic he'd used countless times to get his way.
My only answer was a glare as I shrugged his hand off and continued behind the partition, changing into the new training attire Levon had bought me.
I brought my hands to my eyes, trying to push away the dreaded reality of all of this, knowing deep down that there was only one way out of this—and Levon wasn't part of it or any of my dreams of freedom. I stifled a cry while extreme despair washed over me once more.
"El, please," Calum's voice broke through the heavy silence, but it only stoked the roaring flames of anger within me, banishing the suffocating darkness that had enveloped me.
Stepping out, I confronted him with a venomous glare. "I think I am being myself for the first time in my life, Calum. I told you I am done playing your games. I'm not some trophy you get to take wherever you want," I snapped, the air crackling with the intensity of my frustration. His golden eyes turned dark as he shook his head, his hair swaying with it.
He loomed over me. "So now that you're some contestant of the king, you think you're superior over us?" he scoffed, his words dripping with condescension and bitterness. "Remember that I've been the one on your side your entire life. I wasn't the one who left. I've been the one rooting for you since we first met, and I will always root for you, El. You're not a trophy to me."
"All you've done is keep me weak," I retorted, my voice trembling with suppressed rage. "Playing your sick game of who-is-better. You've never rooted for me but caged me in your life so no one else could have me. So I couldn't succeed. Never have you asked what I wanted. You're just as prideful as your uncle."
"Like you're any better?" he seethed with venom.
"No. I'll never be better—that's the point," I shot back, my anger boiling over. "I won't ever meet your kingly expectations, and I'm done playing. What we had was some made-up—"
The door swung open, revealing Aoife. Her expression shifted from bright anticipation to dark tension as she sensed the palpable anger between us.
"Then win this wretched thing so we can be done with you once and for all," Calum hissed, storming past and slamming the door shut behind him. My anger boiled within me, threatening to burst through my clenched teeth.
"You two—" Aoife started to protest.
"Please don't," I interrupted, grabbing my boots and hastily lacing them up.
"You understand that his parents left him too. I know he can be difficult, as can you, but you two are all you have left. Don't spoil something good," Aoife implored, her voice tinged with concern.
Was it ever good? We had fun as children, but things had changed. I had changed. I couldn't stand idly by, letting my life slip away under their control. The world was vast, daunting, and full of more pressing concerns than worrying about Calum's feelings.
Aoife let out a long breath, her frustration palpable. "I'm angry too, Eliah. Jesri had no right—"
"He does, that's the issue. He's a Lord and my guardian, remember?" I retorted sharply, seeing the hurt in her eyes. I couldn't handle any more emotions today. "I'm sorry. I need to get ready."
I needed to forget.
She squeezed my hand, her expression softening. "You're better than this."
"They've left me no choice."
I left the room, resisting the urge to return, seek solace in her arms, and unleash my frustrations upon the world.
Just a bit longer. I could keep up the facade for a little while longer. But one thing remained resolute: I would not allow myself to become the wife of Lord Winslow.
I returned from my run, my body drenched in sweat and my muscles protesting with each step. There was barely enough time for a quick bath before my fitting. The tailor sighed impatiently as Aoife assisted me in slipping into the new gown. Bathed in crimson, the gown boasted a stunning array of gold and black gems, intertwining along my figure before seamlessly blending into the hem of shimmering silk that billowed like liquid gold while hints of black tulle adorned the sleeves.
Despite its beauty, the dress reminded me more of a queen preparing for her death than for a glamorous event. I pushed aside the unsettling image and focused on the details of the attire.
I was stunning with a newfound elegance and no longer a little girl wearing the childish attire Jesri had imposed on me. I was no longer bound by compliance and refused to adhere to a life devoid of joy. Through years of enduring pressure and hardship, I had transformed from mere coal into a resplendent diamond.
Aoife skillfully arranged my hair into an elaborate coronet, intertwining red, black, and gold ribbons. As the other maids applied cosmetics, they painted my face into someone unrecognizable as the head maid drew out a large box. Our collective breath caught as she unveiled the box containing a stunning black diamond necklace.
"King Thealor offers courage for the night," the maid announced.
I couldn't help but scoff, earning a disapproving glance from Aoife as she clasped the heavy necklace around my neck. It felt eerily reminiscent of those dark, phantom fingers, still lurking and ensuring I knew they were watching and waiting.
Suppressing my anxiety, I allowed my anger to propel me, fueling my determination as I stood and strode out the door. This time, I opted for black slippers, disregarding the maids' protests that heels were preferred. With Aoife trailing behind, I made my way to Jesri's door.
Act the part.
Maintain control.
Just a little while longer.
As I pushed open the door, Levon's anxious worry was palpable in his bright eyes, perhaps realizing the insanity of his idea. I forced my expression to remain neutral and held my head high while Jesri was brimming with pride. His only remark was a slick smile as he led our entourage to the steps of the king's balcony.
Arriving last, I found all the contestants looking equally stunning. Some wore bright feathers and extravagant hats, while others were adorned with gems from head to toe. Each outfit was uniquely different, ranging from fluffy ball gowns to tweed suits.
The boy from Kleads donned a dark green suit embellished with silver buttons and trimmings. His almond eyes, lined with dark charcoal, added a hint of intimidation to his otherwise gentle smile that welcomed me. The king's gaze lingered on me and the black necklace I wore, his lips lifting in a smirk.
Clad in pure gold, he shone like the sun itself, accompanied by his dazzling queen. With a raised hand, he silenced the growing murmurs among us.
"One by one, I'll introduce you to my court, so stand tall. Please wait for my dismissal before leaving," he commanded. His gaze lingered on me. "And don't forget to smile." A smile crept over his cleanly bearded face, tied with a simple blue ribbon.
I met his stare, feeling a tremor run through me, but I brushed it off as Levon's hand skimmed against mine. Stepping away from his touch, I refused to let myself feel anything until it was all over.
"Lady Beth, you are first," announced a guard beside the king, who swung open the balcony doors to a resounding wave of cheers echoing in the distance. My stomach churned, heavy with dread, threatening to bring bile up my throat.
Levon leaned in, "You're radiant in crimson." His breath tickled my neck, but I leaned away again, holding my breath.
Lady Beth wore a velvety emerald green that complemented her golden skin and blonde hair, holding herself with regal poise. The anticipation hung heavy in the air, each of us preparing ourselves for what was to come—whether relishing in the spotlight or dreading it.
The king nodded to us before he and his wife stepped onto the balcony. A kaleidoscope of colors danced on the ground below, casting shadows of their figures on the wide doors behind them. The cheers grew louder and more fervent as the king emerged.
He raised his hands, bowing in several directions before gesturing for the crowd to quiet.
"Welcome to my annual tournament!" His applause was met with thunderous cheers from the crowd. "This year marks a special occasion—a Match. We have gathered skilled contestants representing each region from across our glorious kingdom."
Shouts drowned out his last words as the anticipation grew deeper within me, grateful I hadn't eaten since after I willed myself out of bed.
The king signed for silence again, "I extend my deepest gratitude to all of these brave contestants for enlisting in this courageous quest with sheer determination."
Enlisting?
His words faded into the background as wrath pulsed in my ears, stealing my breath.
They…enlisted for this?
Lady Beth stepped forward with her sponsor, twirling in front of the crowd— twirling. They all wanted to be here. They all asked to participate.
I tried to breathe again but lost my footing, and Levon quickly caught me as I leaned into him, hoping to dispel the aloofness. He held sturdy, helping me stand.
I looked up at each contestant, their faces bright with excitement and a vicious pride to be introduced to the King's Court by King Thealor himself. My breath stuttered out in a fiery wave.
The second contestant, dressed in a dark indigo suit adorned with silver, stepped forward. His fiery red hair seemed to mirror the blazing fury within me, urging me to scream and flee.
I gritted my teeth, clenching my hands into fists as the fear that had once consumed me now ignited into a fiery rage. It was the same fear I had succumbed to since I first understood the meaning of being an orphan, realizing that my parents were never coming back to rescue me from Jesri's clutches.
And no one was here to save me now.
As the third and fourth contestants took their turn, followed by the fifth, each raising their hands in joyous pride, I felt a surge of disgust welling up inside me.
Jesri grabbed my arm, yanking me back to face him. "Whatever you're thinking about doing, stop it," he hissed, barely audible above the roaring crowd.
I tore my arm away, my heart pounding with anger, the air crackling with tension around me.
"Do it, Eliah," the dark voice whispered, sinister and seductive, forcing an image through my mind. I gazed up at the balcony's edge, calculating the distance, the impact below.
"Do it."
The king called forth the sixth contestant. Levon's grip tightened on my hand, pulling me back from the brink, from the darkness encroaching upon my heart.
I shut my eyes, trying to silence the insidious whispers.
"You are strong enough. Do it. You can finally find your freedom."
Images twisted in my mind's eye, a sinister tapestry of power and darkness. I saw myself seated upon a throne amidst a river of blood, a crimson crown atop my head, my hair swirling in the shadows. The voices that once condemned me now cheered; their long fingers applauded. Red lighting flashed against the black sky as thousands hailed my name.
"You are fear , Eliah."
This…this isn't right. This isn't me.
"It is Eliah. This is who you are—who you are meant to be," the sinister voice mocked.
Levon's grip tightened on my hand, urging me forward as my feet skidded against the slick floor, his eyes wide with terror as if feeling my fear.
"Eliah, don't let them win."
But I couldn't shake the vision from my mind. My black gown soaked in the blood of a throne before a cheering crowd, their chants echoing in my ears. A dark aura pulsed against the flames within me, threatening to consume everything.
"Come back to me," Levon urged again and again.
Control it, Eliah, because that will be all you have left.
I felt the maggot and grasped it, forcing all my anger upon it, feeling it squirm under my command.
I am in control.
I opened my eyes, meeting the king's dark gaze. His brows furrowing as he motioned me forward. "It seems that the lady is afraid of a crowd," he boomed, laughter rippling through the court below, joining in the mockery. My breath caught in my throat.
"Eliah," Levon said, turning me towards him. His gaze penetrated mine as his eyes flashed with a vibrant electricity, showing more of the blue in his turquoise eyes. I gasped for breath as his touch anchored me, reeling me back from that bloodied throne and not caring about Jesri's seething eyes.
Levon's hands cradled my face as he gently kissed my forehead, seared with a quiet fury, driving back the darkness encroaching upon me with an actual force that was warm, welcoming, and felt as old as the stars themselves.
" My Regina, " he whispered, his words carrying a fierceness that stirred something deep within me, banishing the shadows that threatened to consume me and energizing my entire being with a faint light. Then he proceeded to say something in a tongue I didn't understand, his voice barely muttering words.
His voice steadied my trembling heart, replacing the visions of a bleak future with the warmth of love. With a steadying breath, I willed my feet to move.
" Come back to me," Levon said as he released my face and approached the king, his figure illuminated against the colorful spectacle below. With a graceful bow, he acknowledged the king, then waved to the crowd.
Inhale.
Levon's radiant face turned towards me, his arm outstretched.
That rippling power compelled my feet forward into his hand. His smile widened, silver glinting in his eyes like stars in the night sky.
"Welcome back," he whispered, his voice a soothing melody as I stepped onto the balcony, greeted by a sea of cheering faces. The crowd stretched out before me, a vibrant mosaic of colors and energy. My heart skipped a beat.
"Lady Eliah Archenon of Fernwen!" The king's voice boomed over the applause, and I glanced to his side, meeting the queen's gaze. Her smile was bright, tinged with a hint of sadness as she nodded respectfully before turning her attention back to the crowd. The king ushered me back in line with the other contestants.
"To my dearest contestants! May Tarragon guide your path to victory!" The king's words were met with an enthusiastic chorus from the crowd, their voices blending together like a roaring, erratic symphony. A surge of energy coursed through me as my heart pulsated in a new rhythm. Filling me with a newfound sense of vibrancy as if my very core was ablaze with lightness, and the blood in my veins flaring in response.
Levon's grip tightened on my hand, and tears streamed down his cheeks. His smile wavered, a mix of relief and joy evident.
I squeezed his hand in silent reassurance, but as I attempted to retreat, the king's gaze bore into me, challenging me to take another step. Levon pulled me back to his side in a protective gesture.
The king cleared his throat, commanding the attention of the crowd. "Betting will take place at the front gates as usual. Remember the rules—one bet per family. Now, let the festivities begin: Eat, drink, enjoy the night, for tomorrow, the real enjoyment begins."
With a final gesture, he raised his hands, and streaks of glittering fire danced through the air above us. Fireworks exploded, illuminating the night sky in a dazzling display of colors.
I closed my eyes, allowing the vibrant hues to permeate through my eyelids. Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself, acknowledging the presence of the dark force within me. I refused to succumb to its influence, to the possibility it presented. Whatever they sought from me, I would face it head-on, ready to fight until the very end and allowed this new warmth and peace within me to take precedence.
I recalled the memories vividly, Darius's voice echoing in my mind.
Don't listen to the darkness.
His words lingered, urging me to push through.
If you can't do it right, don't waste your energy.
I refused to waste my energy fighting against the past, against false truths I had formed about my life, dreams, and future. I couldn't…wouldn't let the darkness of the Spellcasters drag me down with them in their evil schemes.
I sucked in a breath and opened my eyes, moving my view to the sky. Watching the radiating colors explode against the deafening blackness. It took my breath away and pulled my veins with something unfamiliar, something I hadn't truly felt since I sat wishing under that wretched tree.
Hope.