Chapter 37
Ripley
There’s a vibration under my chin, and I roll over to my other side to make it stop.
I’ve been tossing and turning all night and only managed to get into a fragile sleep.
I crack my eyes open despite my desire to keep them closed for another twelve hours.
The bright sun blazes through my closed curtains, meaning it’s been up for some time – unlike me.
I scramble, searching for my phone in the tangled sheets where I abandoned it sometime in the wee hours.
When I finally locate it under my pillow, the time blinks nine a.m. I vaguely recall my alarm blaring at seven, but I must have hit it off instead of snoozing. I jump out of bed, pain radiating through my core as I grab clothes and head to the bathroom.
I hate being late because it makes me feel rushed, adding to the anxiety already there from the tardiness. This shoot is so nearly over – I only have a few more days left, and I wanted to end them on a high note. Probably to help assuage my guilt about the whole Garrick thing.
I don’t have time to shower, so I quickly spray dry shampoo in my hair while brushing my teeth. Actually, first I spray the shampoo on my toothbrush and have to clean it off, then start again. How anyone can manage this sort of chaos on a daily basis is beyond me.
My stomach cramps and I try to remember the last time I ate. I went to dinner yesterday, but nothing spoke to me, so I only had a small plate of chicken and mashed potatoes. But I didn’t even finish it. Spitting out my toothpaste, I dribble a bunch down my shirt.
‘Freaking perfect.’ I rip off the tee and grab another one from my drawer.
I twist my hair into a low ponytail before sliding into my boots.
I put on my puffer jacket as I take the stairs down to the parking lot two at a time …
regretting it immediately as I stumble forward, slamming my arm into the railing.
Pain shoots through my body so strong I nearly just collapse right there and hope that someone finds me.
If this is how my morning is starting, I do not foresee the rest of the day going any better.
I take a second to regain what little composure I can muster, forcing three deep breaths out before I start walking again, hoping my inner turmoil isn’t written all across my face.
I don’t know how all the noise out here didn’t wake me up.
The crew is turning the parking lot into a relay race.
This date will have different stations where the girls and Garrick compete to finish various challenges.
It has something to do with new year, new you.
Blah, blah, whatever. I don’t subscribe to any of that.
But apparently a lot of people are fitness-oriented – can’t relate.
‘You’re late,’ a production assistant scolds me. ‘You were supposed to help set up the hay jumps.’
I cannot wait to no longer have a bunch of kiss-asses telling me what to do every five minutes. I am more than capable of coordinating my own time schedule. Except for today – but that is a one-off I won’t let happen again.
I press my hand into my stomach, attempting to keep the annoyance out of my response. ‘I know, sorry.’ The set-up is nearly complete. ‘What can I do?’ I attempt an eager smile, but a grimace is all I manage to muster.
He stares at me for a beat, frowning deeply, before he points in Melika’s direction. She is helping Imogen set up the zip line. ‘Just see if they need you.’ I don’t miss the unsaid because I don’t.
I walk over, eyeing Imogen on an unsteady ladder. Each time she reaches further than her body, it wobbles. ‘Is this safe? Both the ladder and the zip line.’ I burrow my chin into my coat to shake the chill.
‘Sure,’ Imogen says, brushing red curls from her face, making said ladder totter. ‘I watched a ten-minute video on how to do this. It’ll be fine. But that’s why we have the mats underneath them in case they fall.’
‘I think Ripley was more worried about the rope snapping and the people falling off.’ Melika gives me a once-over, silently asking if I’m OK. I nod back. ‘Don’t worry, we made sure it wasn’t too high. All they are going to bruise if they fall is some pride.’
I bite my lip. ‘Does my mom know I overslept?’ Not that she would think that immediately. Oversleeping is not something I’m known for. But after that whole ‘stuck in the rain with Garrick’ thing, I’m worried she might assume we made another run for it.
‘Don’t worry, girl. I covered for you – told her you went out early to get some supplies. She seemed to buy it.’
‘You’re the best.’ I look around but don’t see Garrick.
He’s probably getting ready for the date.
My stomach rolls thinking about him being on-screen with the girls, participating in cute dates.
One, because I want it to be me. And two, because I feel terrible leading the girls and audience on.
I know I said this thing was fake to begin with, and it definitely is.
But now that I am actively participating in its fakeness, it feels so much worse.
‘Are you OK?’ Nathan asks when we meet him at the start of the relay race once they’ve finished setting up the stations and are working on the last-minute lighting and camera angles.
My hands are shoved into my pockets. I can’t seem to get warm, even though today isn’t as cold as the other days – chills run over me every few minutes. ‘Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t get anything to eat this morning because I overslept.’
‘We can run to the break room real quick and get some.’ Nathan loops his arm around mine.
I shake my head, leaning against his shoulder to keep myself upright. ‘No, thank you.’
I know I haven’t eaten, but I’m not hungry.
My head feels fuzzy and sharp pains keep invading my stomach.
Which I know means I probably should eat.
It likely has nothing to do with the guilt I am suppressing about the whole Garrick thing, I think sarcastically.
If this reality show and Mom’s app fail because of me, I will never forgive myself.
Mom comes out with Garrick twenty minutes later, and the cameras are hot and ready to roll. The girls arrive dressed in T-shirts they designed with their names on them. It looks super cute. I look like I haven’t slept or eaten properly in twenty-four hours.
I make sure Mom notices I’m there, and she doesn’t make any comment about me being late, so she must’ve bought Melika’s excuse. I stick around as the relay starts, but as time passes, and they have to keep stopping and resetting because of noise problems, my head starts to swim.
It’s nearing noon, and I know they will be setting up lunch soon, so I use that as my excuse to get out of the crowd for a minute.
‘I’m going to check on lunch,’ I say to no one in particular, but mainly to Nathan and Melika.
The FTG staff handles all the meals, but I enter the main office and stop by the break room to see the spread.
It’s sandwiches and chips, with some fruit and veg.
I debate grabbing a banana – it would probably do me some good – but even the benign fruit does little to entice me.
I’m hungry – I think – or I’m just programmed to know the times I should be eating, so my body is giving a programmed response.
Whatever the case, I don’t venture further into the break room, and it takes more strength than it should to push off the wall I’ve been leaning on.
Making my trip inside last longer, I head to the bathroom.
Once in there, I lean over the sink, taking three deep breaths.
I press my hand into my stomach as the pain shoots up the center of my abdomen.
The aches I’ve been feeling all day are getting more intense and the random jolts of stabbing are increasing in frequency.
I need to get back to the shoot before Mom notices I’m missing. I run cool water over my hands, splashing my face before I head out of the bathroom.
Only a few more hours, and then I can crash on the couch and sleep off this weird funk.
I stay near the back of the filming, not feeling up to walking to Melika and Nathan.
The short span looks like miles. Garrick spots me, jumping over a haystack and giving me a huge grin.
I try to return it, but then the earth starts to spin, the light dimming into a narrow tunnel.
I attempt to grab on to the nearest thing, yanking a light down as I fumble to stay upright.
Everything goes fuzzy, the noise muffled as the world goes black right before I hit the ground.