Chapter Twenty-Two
The past few weeks of co-parenting, since he’d blown it with Siobhan, had been hell on Brian’s nerves. Not the actual parenting together, but the way it forced him to see and talk to Siobhan as she iced him out was tearing him apart.
Not icing him out, he thought. He’d seen her be cold and this wasn’t that. She was hurting herself, too, and it didn’t make sense to him. They could have been happy together.
They were actually doing okay with the co-parenting, so far. The second sleepover had gone very well, and he’d only had to call his mother three times. And had to was a stretch. He would have been fine without her advice, but getting it comforted him and giving it made her happy.
Siobhan hadn’t brought Oliver to their meeting with the judge and there had been no ice cream after.
She’d felt bad, though it was unavoidable due to her schedule, and he’d chosen not to let his disappointment dim the relief and joy at having the legalities done.
He smiled and assured her he’d have ice cream with Oliver to celebrate next time he had him, but parting ways with Siobhan in front of the courthouse had hurt.
The next weekend, Brian had been at the campground. Though he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Oliver, he knew that as a busy working mom, Siobhan treasured her weekends with him. He wouldn’t take them all.
And last weekend, they’d met at the store halfway between their homes, transferring Oliver and what he needed for two days from her car to his truck. Oliver had been a little hesitant about this new arrangement, but Brian had brought Stella with him and she won over her favorite small human.
Could they continue on this way? Yes, they could. They both loved Oliver and put him first. The boy was happy and that was the real bottom line.
But did he want to? Absolutely not. He missed Siobhan so much it hurt. Even when they were standing ten feet from each other, he missed her. There was Oliver’s mom Siobhan, and then there was his Siobhan—the funny, smart and captivating woman who laughed and kissed him under the fairy lights.
They’d be arriving at the campground anytime—Siobhan, Oliver, and Robin—to celebrate Oliver’s second birthday with his family.
Rob and Hannah had moved into the house, where they’d be spending the winter, so Siobhan could stay in the camper they’d been using before they winterized it.
She’d assured Brian’s mom Robin wouldn’t mind sleeping on the folded-down dinette.
Most of the conversation about the party had taken place between his mom and Siobhan, without him. He wasn’t sure if that was for practical reasons—why involve him when he didn’t have any idea how to throw a toddler’s birthday party?—or if it was Siobhan keeping him at arm’s length.
Now he was in the store’s supply closet, trying to find the box of paper goods his mother had shipped directly from the online store amid all the other delivery boxes that had shown up over the last week.
When the bell over the door chimed, letting him know somebody had entered, he assumed it was his mother, out of patience with him and about to find the box herself.
“I can’t move any faster,” he called.
“That’s strange because it looks like you’re standing still.”
It was his dad, and he backed out of the closet. “Sorry. I was expecting Mom.”
“I’m sure she’ll be along, but I thought you and I could use a few minutes to talk.”
“Whatever it is, Bobby did it.”
He chuckled. “Probably. But what’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean? I’m getting stuff ready for the party.”
“You were happy for a while, but something changed. With the legal business settled and Oliver getting to spend time with you, you should be more happy, not less happy.”
“Siobhan and I, we…complicated things.”
“Do you want us all to pretend we couldn’t see that happening?”
“Yes.” He snorted. “Anyway, the night she stayed over—Oliver’s first sleepover—we…
escalated the complications, so to speak.
The next morning, she was talking about not being able to miss any more work or she’d lose her job and I said they should just move in with me and she just sort of shut down.
We’re co-parenting and that’s all it’s going to be. ”
“And you thought it was more?”
Brian’s emotional walls crumbled under the force of his father’s understanding, and he let the flood of sorrow and hurt in. “I hoped it was more.”
When his dad reached out and grabbed his arm, Brian let himself be pulled into the embrace. It was a short hug, but it felt good and it helped. But when his dad pulled back and pointed at the leather chairs, he knew there was more coming.
Once he was seated, his dad went to the refrigerator case and grabbed two bottles of water.
On his way to the chairs, he locked the back door so they wouldn’t be interrupted—as if Lisa Kowalski wouldn’t lay into that doorbell if she wanted her grandson’s birthday napkins.
Brian knew he should get up and write down the two bottles of water so they could be accounted for, but he didn’t have the strength right now.
“Tell me what’s going on, son,” his dad said as he handed him one of the bottles and sat down across from him.
Brian told him everything. It came out a rambling mess because that’s how it all felt in his head, but the gist of it was that he’d fallen for the mother of his child and managed to mess it all up in the process.
“And she accused me of wanting an instant family,” he said when he’d gotten it all out. “Does she have a point? I don’t know how to convince her that’s not how I feel.”
“You can’t separate the woman from the mother.
There are no boxes you uncheck or things you can cross off to see if you’d still feel this way about Siobhan if there was no Oliver and she’d just shown up here to be Steph’s maid of honor.
I mean, before the wedding I was led to believe you didn’t even like her. ”
“I was wrong. We both were.” He ran a hand through his hair. “All of our previous interactions had taken place with or about Kelly. When we had the chance to actually know each other it— it was…she’s it for me, Dad. I love her.”
“Let me ask you something,” his dad said in response, which traditionally prefaced a hard question. “When you asked her to move in with you, did you list all the reasons it would be practical for the two of you and also better for Oliver?”
“I did.”
“Okay. Did you also include your feelings for her on that list? Did you tell her you want her to live with you because you love her and you want to make a life together with her?” When he paused, Brian shook his head.
“So basically you asked her to give up her job and move to a different state because it would be more convenient, cheaper and allow you to be with Oliver all the time with the benefit of his mom being there all the time to help take care of him?”
“No.” Brian turned away, giving himself a moment to temper his tone before he looked back at his dad. “That’s not what I said.”
“But there’s a good chance that’s what she heard, son.”
He groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “You know how I can be, Dad. It’s all in my head and I blurt stuff out, but maybe not the right thing or in the right order.”
“You should probably try again, but this time with added feelings. And a little honesty wouldn’t hurt.”
“I can’t, Dad. She said we’re co-parents from now on, full stop. We’re still in the early days of figuring that out, and me ignoring her personal boundaries would make it so much harder. I don’t want to make her mad.”
“I think you need to relax. Enjoy the day, and let her enjoy the day. Everybody will be focused on Oliver and you need to act natural. Don’t be pushy. Don’t be withdrawn. Just be.”
“That won’t be as easy as you make it sound.”
“Nope.” His dad snorted, shaking his head. “Nothing about love is easy. But one thing I know for sure is that it’s worth it.”
* * *
They couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day to celebrate Oliver’s second birthday. The sun was shining and it was warm without being hot and sticky, and the foliage was brilliant in its full autumn glory.
Siobhan pulled into the campground, her nerves ragged, and parked at the end of a line of cars belonging to the many Kowalskis she’d be spending the afternoon with. Including Brian.
She’d had no contact with him that wasn’t about Oliver since the sleepover that had blown everything up.
Other than giving Oliver to him on Fridays and taking him back on Sundays, the only time she’d seen Brian was in the judge’s office when she’d approved the amending of the adoption papers and the custodial agreement they’d written up.
There hadn’t been celebratory ice cream after, despite their previous plan to do so.
Oliver hadn’t even been with them—he’d stayed at daycare because Siobhan had to get back to work in time for the meeting that was going to determine whether or not she got to keep her job.
Luckily when she explained the entire situation, they’d been compassionate, but she was treading on very thin ice.
And then there had been another weekend sleepover.
She’d met Brian in a parking lot and handed her son over.
Then she’d met him there and taken him back two days later.
“Where’s the pool?” Oliver asked, pushing himself as high as he could in his car seat, trying to see.
“It’s covered up because it’s cold, but in the summer, it’ll be there again.”
“Daddy!” he yelled, and in the side mirror, Siobhan saw Brian walking toward the car.
“Here we go,” Robin muttered, unbuckling her seat belt. “Wait. That sounded sinister, didn’t it?”
“A little bit.”
“I just meant, gee, this is going to be super fun and not at all awkward.”
Siobhan laughed. “Surprisingly enough, awkwardness doesn’t last long around this family.”