Chapter Five #2
What little she could see of his face looked nervous, but Audrey only smiled softly and rested her chin in her hand. “Until you came here, huh? And what was so different about this café?”
He didn’t say anything. He only looked at her, the little corner of his face finally softening more and more the longer he studied hers.
His leg, which had a tendency to bounce under the table while they talked, stilled.
Even his hand, which shook as he’d played with his coffee tumbler, stabilized slightly.
“I don’t know,” he finally murmured. “Must have been something about a very pretty barista who was very kind to me and very patient every time I came around. She didn’t seem to mind that I had trouble ordering, or talking to her, and she also happened to make me very good coffee—and tried to make me laugh.
Maybe that made me feel safe after a while. ” He shrugged. “But who am I to say?”
She grinned over the top of her cup. “I guess we’ll never know.”
His gaze warmed, the swirling colors in his eye more whiskey and amber today than they usually were. “I guess not.”
They talked through her break like they normally did, with Audrey drinking her coffee while Theo simply clung to his like an anchor.
When she went back to work, Theo stuck around this time instead of leaving.
Whenever she looked up to check on him, he was busy with his iPad.
He was hard at work on something, the pen stylus gliding relatively smoothly across the glass surface despite the tremor in his hand, his eye never straying from his design, and she found herself trying to catch glimpses of the screen from across the café.
Not only that, but when she hung up her apron and gathered her things in the back room at the end of her shift, he still hadn’t left.
She came out to find that he’d packed up as well and was waiting for her by the door, fidgeting back and forth on his feet and clutching the strap of his satchel across his chest.
“You waiting for me, Theo?”
His eye crinkled as he nodded. “You’re heading to campus, right?”
“Yeah.” Her face brightened. He’d paid attention when she talked about her schedule. “I’ve got an hour and a half before my next class.”
“I thought maybe I could at least walk you to the subway? If that’s okay?” He held his right hand out.
Audrey took it with a soft smile and marveled once again at how his entire palm engulfed her own. “Yes, please. You never have to ask.”
It was another beautiful fall day outside, the air crisp while the sunshine was warm, and she took her time strolling down the Brooklyn sidewalks with Theo, enjoying the way he radiated heat at her side.
She also savored the way he looked in the light.
Hints of auburn glinted in the shadowy depths of his hair beneath his cap, subtle highlights brought out by the sun.
It was another little thing, cataloged and filed away in her mind, every new detail she noticed about him only adding to the overall portrait that was coming more and more firmly into focus.
Every stroke of the brush added depth, and she saw more of him than she had before.
Layer by layer, he was letting her see him. She still wondered what she might find as more details emerged in the viewing.
But if she knew one thing, it was this:
Theo Sullivan was a sweet man.
He walked her all the way to the station, stopping only at the stairs leading underground.
“What are you up to the rest of the day?” Audrey finally asked him, giving their interlaced fingers another squeeze. His hand shook harder when he squeezed hers back.
“I had signed up for a charity art auction before my accident.” He had a hard time meeting her eyes.
“I’m trying to come up with something for it, but I think I’ll have to quit.
I don’t think I can execute on anything with my hand like this, and I can’t handle failing the organization I was hoping to support. They need the money.”
Her heart ached for him.
“Theo—”
“I’m not sure I can even call myself an artist anymore,” he muttered. “I might just give up.”
His eye was downcast.
“Don’t say that. I’ve seen your work. I know it’s beautiful.
” She cupped his cheek and glanced around the subway stop, eyeing the crowds.
There were a lot of people around, and while she desperately wanted to kiss Theo goodbye, she knew he wouldn’t want to take off his mask in public. Not in broad daylight, and not here.
She was about to turn back to him when he answered the question that must’ve been written on her face.
“I’m sorry, Audrey,” he whispered.
A large hand slid up to the back of her neck, and he bent down and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eye as he leaned in close. “I’m sorry. I’d like to kiss you, but—”
“It’s all right.” She put her hand gently on his left cheek over his mask and closed her eyes too. “I know. It’s okay.”
He drew in a deep breath and stood with her for a moment, his thumb gently stroking against the heated skin at the nape of her neck, his fingers twining in the base of her hair. Her heart thundered in her ears, and the longer they stood there, the more she realized how okay it wasn’t.
It was, but it wasn’t.
She desperately wanted him to hold her, to really hold her, to capture her mouth the way he had on Saturday, to taste him and feel him like she had then.
It should have been so simple, so easy. Her lips and mouth ached for the want of him.
All he had to do was lower his mask and kiss her, and she would have let him, a thousand times over.
But he didn’t.
Instead, Theo pulled away and tucked her hair behind her ear before twisting his hand and smoothing his thumb softly along her jawline.
What little of his expression she could see bordered on despair, hurt lurking just around the edges of his single, extraordinary eye, and when he made to drop his hand, she covered it with one of her own and pressed it against her heart.
“Later?” she murmured, and she knew he understood the question in her eyes. “When we’re alone?”
He nodded, some of his concern smoothing away. “Yes, sweetheart. I promise.” She let her hand fall and he stepped back. “Have a good day at school?”
Audrey snorted and turned down the stairs, waving over her shoulder as she disappeared underground. “You too, Theo!” she called back up at him. “Social school! You get an A plus on your skills today!”
He held up a hand and waved back at her from the top of the stairs. Every time she looked back over her shoulder, she saw him still standing up there, silhouetted against the sunshine—until she turned toward the turnstiles and lost sight of him.
The ache she’d felt on the subway yesterday only grew when she didn’t see Theo on Wednesday. It was quickly becoming a problem, how much she missed him when he wasn’t around.
But perhaps even more than that, it was an enormous distraction. Concentrating on her work was getting more and more difficult when all her thoughts kept turning toward him—and the void she felt without him.
She didn’t feel like a part of herself was missing, exactly, only that…well, his warmth was gone. She liked having him near her. He was intelligent, and interesting, and every day she saw him was an improvement on the day before.
He was nice.
Being with him was nice.
And she wanted more of that.
It just wasn’t the same without him around now.
Audrey sat at her workbench in her capstone class lab, staring down at the circuit she was constructing to test her battery project with a grimace.
She’d been having trouble with the voltage, and something about the design was off.
But before she could pick up her pen to try to sketch out some ideas of how to solve it, her phone buzzed.
Theo | You’re in the lab today, right? Any lightbulb moments?
Terrible dad joke. She snorted.
Audrey | Not so much—it’s been more like a blackout.
Audrey | The power load is giving me issues.
A dot bubble, and then an immediate message.
Thank god he hadn’t continued to maintain radio silence after their Sunday conversation, and he’d begun texting her more regularly throughout the day since then.
It didn’t do enough to fill the void, but it was something, at least. And she could always tell when he was thinking about her now.
It was frequent.
Maybe as much as she thought about him.
Theo | Oh yeah? I know some things about circuitry and wiring.
Theo | Want any help?
She raised an eyebrow. He knew about circuits? Well, he had grown up in a mechanic’s shop. Maybe his dad taught him something. Cars did include the sort of battery she was working on.
Audrey | I should probably struggle through this one myself, but I’ll keep you in my back pocket.
Another quick message slid through from him.
Theo | Oh, so that’s where you’ll keep me?
Theo | What a spectacular location.
Theo | I could happily live there.
She gaped at her phone. Did he just—?
Audrey | THEODORE SULLIVAN
Audrey |…
Audrey | Does this mean you like my ass?
Audrey |
He completely ignored her.
Theo | Are you free tonight?
She sighed. She’d left an English literature credit until the end like an idiot, and if she hung out with him tonight, she’d get nothing done. She chewed on the inside of her cheek while she typed, and that now-familiar ache in her chest started to grow again.
Audrey | I’d like to see *you*, but I’m stuck in the lab until at least 5
Audrey | I have piles of reading to do and a paper to draft
Audrey | And then I have to open the coffeehouse tomorrow
That grimace emoji didn’t do her despair justice.
Three dots.
Theo | You have to eat dinner, right?
She’d only barely started typing that yes, she did, but she was just going to eat at home when another message popped up.
Theo | You’re not just planning on having ramen or something boxed, are you?
That earned him a scowl this time. So what if she had a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese calling her name?
Audrey | Do you have something against blue box mac and cheese?
Audrey | All my friends who work in kitchens have that for dinner most nights
Audrey | Noodles are a perfect food.
Theo | You’re not wrong, noodles ARE a perfect food, but you shouldn’t eat actual cardboard.
Theo | Those are shit.
Theo | They might as well be made out of the blue box itself.
She wrinkled her nose, trying hard to stifle a laugh.
Audrey | You going to take me out to a fancy Italian restaurant or something?
The dots were back, until they weren’t.
Theo | No. I’ll do you one better.
Another message slid in on its heels.
Theo | I’ll bring it to you.