Chapter Nineteen #2
Theo shook his head again, sending his thick waves tumbling around his cheeks.
“I don’t entirely know how I feel today, but I do know I feel bad about how I reacted—and about some of the things I said yesterday, even if they were true.
My actions and reactions are the only parts of all this that I can control or change going forward.
” He plucked again at Audrey’s hair, arranging the strands carefully around her face.
“I wish I’d heard her out a little more than I did instead of leaping straight to anger.
I hate myself for that. It’s almost exactly the same thing I did the night of the accident. Maybe I haven’t learned anything.”
It was her turn to shake her head. “No. You were surprised. Your reaction was justified. And you need to stop beating yourself up about this too. All right?”
“I did promise you I’d stop doing that. I’ll try.”
“Are you going to stick to what you decided last night?” she murmured. He nodded, humming deep in his chest with a sigh.
After he’d cried so hard she thought he might pass out, they’d talked. They talked until they ran out of words.
When they grew quiet, Theo ran his hands along her body, slowly, softly.
The fire reflected back at her in his eyes, those beautiful irises of shifting liquid gold and amber and dark, deep mahogany, their lighter edges sometimes green, sometimes not, both crystalline and clear, but flecked with a few stray dark spots—freckles, just like the ones dotting his face and body. The most perfect imperfections.
His fingers, sure and strong, had pinched the zipper of the hoodie she wore.
And drew it all the way down.
The second time they made love there on the duvet in front of the fire was so different from the first. She was more ready this time—not at all scared, all the more sure.
And so was he.
She knew with every kiss, every stroke, every caress, that he loved her, well and truly.
That he wouldn’t hide anything from her.
And with every embrace, every cry, every shiver, she knew she loved him too.
There was no mistaking it, no denying it, no room for doubt or fear.
Her love only grew and deepened in that moment together with Theo in front of the fire, the edges of her blurring into the edges of him, melding into one like liquid metal, forging themselves into something new, honing each other into something sharper, something more.
Waking up this morning, she felt different.
And she could see the change in Theo too.
His shoulders were more square, more set.
For the first time since they’d met, he seemed to take up more space rather than less.
“Do you want to take a shower and get ready?” he finally asked. “It’s going to take us some time to get to Midtown.”
When Audrey came downstairs from doing her meager best with her makeup, Theo was standing at his kitchen counter, scrawling something in looping, only slightly shaken handwriting on the back of a business card with the fountain pen he normally used for sketching.
He glanced up when she padded downstairs, and a crooked grin split his mouth wide.
“You look beautiful.”
“Are you sure this is okay?” She looked down at her skirt and sweater, the same outfit she’d worn on their first date. It was a last-minute addition to her bag, but she was glad she’d grabbed it now, even if she was the one who was nervous about leaving the house for once.
It was Theo who seemed oddly at ease.
He tucked the card into his wallet and capped the pen, placing it back in his satchel before slinging the whole thing over his shoulder and holding up her coat.
He’d already grabbed it and her scarf from the rack near the door, and he helped slide it over her arms when she stepped over to him, adjusting it carefully around her shoulders before turning her to face him.
“You’re perfect. It’s very appropriate, trust me.” While he looped her scarf around her neck, she ran her hands along his black sweater, admiring the luxurious feel of the cashmere beneath her fingertips.
Theo was immaculate in his turtleneck and slacks, his polished black leather derby dress shoes gleaming in the late morning light streaming through the windows.
The sweater hid the part of the scar slashing down his neck, but what was more noticeable was the tiny glimpse of the classic Burberry pattern peeking out from the inside collar of his open black wool coat. Audrey raised her eyebrows.
He never dressed like this, but he looked spectacular.
He looked rich.
Expensive.
Everything fit him like a glove.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he muttered, tucking the ends of her scarf into her coat.
“I know what you’re thinking. But you know damn well I’d much rather be staying here in a comfortable pair of sweatpants and watching movies with you on the couch.
Just because I own it doesn’t mean it’s my usual fare. ”
“Could’ve fooled me. You’re dressed like the poster boy of some high-end fashion campaign. And you look damn good. Better than I do.” Her clothes were secondhand from the thrift store, not some couture brand. She frowned at her worn plaid skirt.
“Nonsense.” He snorted and took her chin in his hand, tilting her head back up to make her look him in the eyes.
“Impossible. You’re far prettier than me.
Have you seen me?” He lifted his eyebrows and gave her a wry smirk.
“You look gorgeous—as beautiful and luminous as a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. And I look like I’ve been put through a wood chipper.
” He laced their fingers together and tugged her toward the door. “This isn’t even a contest.”
She smiled, but couldn’t keep it. “Are you absolutely sure you want to go?” She tightened her hand in his. “You can still say no.”
He nodded before pausing and plunging his free hand into a little white box on the shelf near the coat rack. “I’m all right. I’m actually glad this happened—I have some things I need to say today, now that I’ve had time to think about it.”
“Good. As long as you’re okay with it. And I’ll be right there with you.” She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. It was clean and cool and smooth, and he smelled fresh, like his soap and aftershave mixed with his cologne, all cedarwood and juniper and bergamot.
The scent made her mind flash right back to the shower they’d taken together this morning.
It was completely different than the one from last night.
Theo had stood behind her under his dual high-pressure shower heads and washed her hair with gentle fingers.
She’d closed her eyes and leaned back into his chest, melting in his arms while he gave her the best scalp and neck massage she’d ever had, tilting her this way and that, scrubbing and then conditioning until he was satisfied with his handiwork.
And then it was his turn.
He was too tall for her to do the same for him, so they’d both turned and eyed the shower chair he’d left there last night.
Theo pulled it closer and sat heavily, watching Audrey intently.
His gaze roved over her body, and he rolled his lips when his eyes traced the path of a water droplet trailing between her breasts.
“See something that interests you, Theodore Henry Sullivan?” Audrey asked, stepping back over and sliding into his lap, much like she had the night before. But this time, it was different.
So very different.
He held his head out of the stream of water for her, and his eyes darkened when she plunged her hands into his thick hair, pulling and tugging gently as she scrubbed his fancy soap into his luscious, shadowy waves.
“I see a lot of things that greatly interest me, sweetheart,” he muttered, his eyes trailing up her body and finally landing on her lips. “But I was just reflecting on something.”
“What?”
“The fact that up until now, you seeing me sitting broken in this thing was maybe my worst nightmare. I thought it was deeply embarrassing, the fact that I needed it at all. Same with my cane—I hate that I need it on bad days sometimes, like when we walked at the park. I left it behind that day because I was ashamed. I didn’t want you to see me with it. ”
“That’s silly, Theo. I’d rather you be able to walk properly or shower comfortably than—”
“I know.”
He rested his hands on her legs and began to glide them gently upward, sliding them across her slick skin until they finally came to a stop at her waist. His thumbs began to swirl gentle circles there.
“Now I’ve never been more glad that I was too wide and too heavy for the standard chair. They had to give me one for bariatric patients.” He quirked an eyebrow. “Easily holds up to seven hundred pounds, and can truly take a beating, I’m sure. Want to put it to the test?”
Audrey laughed and tilted his head back under the shower stream, using her fingers to comb through and help rinse all the shampoo from his hair. “Not your worst nightmare anymore, then?”
He closed his eyes, and a satisfied, roguish smile cracked his mouth wide open, digging both dimples deeply into his cheeks.
“No, Miss Adams. In fact, I’m pretty sure this counts as a very literal wet dream.
” His hand shifted and dropped between her legs, his fingers stroking and teasing at her clit and her folds, and it was Audrey’s turn to gasp and close her eyes.
A heat altogether very different than that of the shower began to build in her core, and she rocked her hips against Theo’s hand, wrapping her arms around his neck as she rode him.
His erection pressed into her stomach, thick and hard, and he grunted when she rubbed against it.
Audrey opened her eyes and found his searching her own, water droplets tumbling from his long, dark lashes.
The way he looked at her never failed to send shivers down her spine.
It was as if she was the only thing that mattered.
“Audrey,” he whispered. “We don’t have to if you’re too—”