Chapter 18
Izzy
I didn’t want the night to end.
After our torrid sex on the sofa, I made good on my threat and ordered dinner.
I’d asked Hunter what was the one food I had to try and he pointed me to barbecue Korean tacos—thinly sliced beef ribeye with kimchi, spicy mayo, topped with onions and cilantro, all on a homemade flour tortilla. They were ah-mazing.
I ate three.
After streaming some rom-com movie, we tumbled into his surprisingly romantic looking four poster bed and kissed and humped for hours.
I was sore. Too much friction and not enough stretching. Clearly, I was out of practice. Not that I was complaining. Or only because it had to end.
At least for tonight.
“Where are you going?” Hunter mumbled, his sleepy eyes barely cracked open.
I froze on the edge of the bed. I’d been slowly creeping away from his tentacle hold—the man loved to cuddle—but apparently, I’d moved too much too fast. “I gotta head back to my—Beau’s. He doesn’t even know I left.”
I bit back the bitter words about him not caring either. Like saying them out loud would give them more power.
Hunter groaned. “Right. Give me a minute.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I ordered an Uber. They’ll be here any minute.”
“Fuck.” He stretched his arms over his head in a tantalizing display of flexing muscles and tattoos.
I hadn’t spent nearly enough time admiring his chest. I’d been too distracted by all his other amazing bits…okay, mostly his cock.
Hunter groaned again. “I’m starting to feel like a dirty hook up. You wine and dine me and now you’re dashing out the second I fall asleep.”
“Aww, poor baby.” I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. “Is it bothering you that the tables have turned?”
He squinted at me. “It’s seriously spooky how well you can read me. What the fuck is that?”
Soulmates, the annoying little voice in my mind piped up.
Shut up. This wasn’t that.
And yet, I didn’t want to leave. Hunter’s bed was like a cloud. And he was a cuddler. A firm, muscular, godlike man who fucked like a porn star and cuddled like a golden retriever. How was this real life? Specifically my life?
My phone chimed, and I jumped.
My Uber.
“Right, that’s my cue.” I smiled tremulously at him. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” I felt oddly vulnerable. Like this was all a fantasy, and I was crazy for believing it could be real.
He tipped his chin at me. “And maybe later you could sneak away so we can do this again?”
A wave of relief swept over me. I really, really liked hearing that he wasn’t done with me either. “Of course. Especially the tacos. We have to have those again.”
He huffed. “Am I seriously coming in second to tacos?”
“Remind me of your skills again?”
He was quick to kiss the smirk off my face.
My phone chimed again.
My ride.
I broke our kiss and then gave him one more quick peck. “Gotta go before my star rating goes in the toilet.”
“Fine. Go.” He sighed. “It is nice not to be the one doing the walk of shame for a change.”
I giggled. Somehow, I had a hard time picturing Hunter being ashamed about anything. Especially when it came to sex. He knew what he wanted and did it. “See ya!”
He lifted his hand, and I tried not to think about how I didn’t want to leave.
Instead, I dashed out of his apartment and headed for the car idling at the curb. After verifying the driver with the app, I climbed in, buckled up, and closed my eyes. The driver turned up the radio and let the music fill the silence.
Of course it had to be a Long Licks song.
It felt weird to listen to them now. I’d grown up with their music. I knew all the words to their biggest hits. And all the time, the bassist had been my father.
I still didn’t know how to feel about that.
I thought back to all the conversations with my mom about my mysterious sperm donor, which I could count on one hand because the topic had always been forbidden. In high school I’d half wondered if I was the product of rape given how strongly she’d react to the topic.
The lyrics to ‘Not Gonna Forget’ rolled through the car. If I listened closely, I could almost pick out Beau’s low grumbly bass voice in the background.
Everything was so fucked up. Mom was gone.
Suddenly I had a new dad, but he didn’t seem to give a shit about me.
His wife definitely didn’t give a shit. I had a crazy hot man into me, but I couldn’t tell anyone about him.
I was in this weird miasma of apathy and feeling everything with Hunter at the same time.
Honestly, I didn’t know which end was up.
‘Not Gonna Forget’ transitioned to the Tin Gods’ song ‘Corruption,’ and I had to laugh. Seriously? Pretty sure this was the song that’d been playing when Hunter and I kissed at the Hollywood Bowl. I half expected I was being pranked. This song choice was insane.
At least it wasn’t the ukulele version of ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow.’ That might just break me right now.
I was firmly back in apathy land by the time the car pulled up to the gates.
“You can let me out here,” I told the driver. We exchanged pleasantries, and I exited. After typing my code into the gate, I stepped through the small man-gate then made sure to lock it behind me.
All was silent as I climbed the driveway toward Beau’s massive mansion.
What would it have been like to visit here as a kid? Would I have turned out the same? Would I have gone to college for meteorology like my mom? Or would I have been interested in the music industry? Lord knew I couldn’t sing, but maybe I would’ve been into talent development or sound mixing.
So many unanswered questions. So many holes in my history.
I keyed in my code at the door and stepped into a silent house.
What was I doing here?
What was the point of being here? Beau didn’t care. His wife only cared in the sense that she wanted me gone.
I was no closer to answers than I’d been weeks ago, standing in that luxe hotel suite in Seattle.
“I’d give it a three.”
I screamed.
Clutching my chest in horror, I turned to the corner of the room where the voice had come from. Now that my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, I glared at Beau sprawled out on the firm, uncomfortable sofa in the sitting room. “You scared the crap outta me!”
“Ditto.” He lifted his eyebrows. “You didn’t answer my texts. You ignored my calls. Where have you been, kid?”
I scoffed. “Are you serious?” I stomped through the room to the kitchen. This bullshit called for ice cream. And since his booted footsteps followed me, I continued my rant. “You waited twenty-three years to do the disappointed dad routine? You’re about a decade too late.”
“That doesn’t excuse your behavior.”
I pulled open the huge freezer door and grabbed one of the pints of Salted Malted Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough I’d stashed in there.
Stomping over to the silverware drawer, I grabbed a spoon and pointed it at my neglectful sperm donor.
“I’ve been here for weeks, and you didn’t give a shit before.
You don’t get bonus points for noticing the one time I left your palace. ”
He huffed a breath. “I know shit around here has been busy and intense, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
“You have a real shitty way of showing it. Why am I even here, Beau? I’m not some doll you can put on a shelf and only take out when it’s convenient for you.
I’m supposed to be in grad school. My whole life has been put on pause, and you can’t even bother to do the bare minimum of showing up occasionally. ”
“I know. Everything has gone to shit. I fucked up. I thought I could balance the band and you and Phoebe. But I’ve never been good at juggling. I always drop a ball, and I’m ashamed as hell that I dropped you.”
It was hard to be all indignant when he was agreeing with me. Sighing, I twisted open my pint and dug in. “Well. Yeah. I agree,” I finished lamely. “So what are we going to do about it?”
“It’s your lucky day. I pissed my wife off so epically that she fucked off to Santa Barbara with her friends for a spa week or some shit. She won’t be back for days—maybe a whole week if we’re lucky. So I only have two balls in the air at the moment.”
It shouldn’t fill me with happiness that he was having marital problems. Although I couldn’t help but notice he seemed equally happy.
That wasn’t right or normal. But I’d also never been married, so what did I know?
“And you guys are having practice every day this week? So that leaves us with what? Breakfast? An occasional dinner?”
“Nah, I canceled practice tomorrow. I’m taking my little girl to Disneyland.”
Unexpectedly, my eyes filled with tears, and I almost dropped my precious pint of ice cream.
It was ridiculous. I was a grown woman. I’d been to Disney several times growing up. But something about hearing Beau say it like that meant so much to me.
“Really?” I whispered.
“Absolutely.” A grin stretched across his bearded face. “I know I wasn’t there to do the typical dad shit when you were growing up, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a moment together now.”
I smiled at him. “I’d like that. I mean, I’d like to just spend time together and get to know you. It doesn’t have to be at Disneyland.”
“Nah, I saw that reaction. No way am I letting you down again.”
I tipped my head at him before scooping out a bite of deliciousness. “I appreciate that.”
“Besides, I heard all about what I missed out on this weekend. You guys had a blast. I feel like an ass for not being there.”
My face heated. I wondered who all he talked to and what exactly they’d said. Ryker? Mal? Couldn’t have been Leif since we’d hardly seen the jerk that night.
But no one spilled about me and Hunter…right?
They couldn’t have, I decided, staring at Beau’s relaxed body language. At the very least, he’d tease me about it.
Maybe.
Shit.
Instead of answering, I shoveled another scoop of ice cream into my mouth and hummed.
Beau smirked. “Now I want to know who told you about Salt & Straw?”
“You’re kidding, right? They have stores in Seattle too.”
“Ah, I thought it might’ve been your secret boyfriend.”
I choked for the second time that night.
But then Beau went on. “Or girlfriend?”
Yeah, we weren’t doing this. “I appreciate you being interested in my life, but this isn’t the place we’re going to start. You’ve had weeks to show up for me and haven’t bothered. You don’t get to poke around the one place I’ve found here where I feel safe.”
“So there is someone.” He inclined his head, his gaze narrowed on me.
I felt a drop of sweat slide down my spine despite the air conditioning, but I wouldn’t break.
Beau sighed. “I hope the asshole is worthy of you. Because you deserve to have someone fight for you as ferociously as you just fought for them.”
That was…oddly sweet. And so unexpected.
Beau pushed away from the counter and stood up. “Get some sleep. We leave for Disney at seven thirty.”
After giving me a sad attempt at a smile, he walked away.
Leaving me alone in the kitchen with a pint of ice cream in my hand and a head full of doubts. About Beau. About me.
And maybe a few about Hunter too.