Chapter 20
Hunter
Two hours earlier
I sat in my idling Charger on the side of Sunset Boulevard, cussing myself out.
I don’t even know why I’d jumped to the crazy conclusion that something was wrong with Iz just because I couldn’t get ahold of her.
To be fair, she was so responsive, although that was more down to her shitty bio dad than being eager to talk to me.
Maybe my crazy relationship with Cheyenne played a part?
She was the living embodiment of main character syndrome.
Literally everything was a crisis to her.
The number of times I’d been chewed out for not jumping when she called…
Or maybe I’d been genuinely worried about Iz because she was getting under my skin.
Honestly, I didn’t know how to feel about that.
She’d be going back to Seattle soon. But then again, I’d be out of the band soon enough, so maybe I should go with her?
Go see the music scene in Seattle. Lord knew there wasn’t much here for me.
I wouldn’t have a band soon and honestly, I didn’t know if I wanted anything to do with whatever James was putting together.
I just had never done serious commitment before. Most of my relationships had felt…transactional. They wanted me for my proximity to fame and excitement. Even if we hadn’t been the biggest band, we still had killer parties and occasionally were featured in the Babbler—Gabe more than the rest of us.
But Izzy didn’t want any of that with me. If anything, she wanted to protect me. She was more worried about Beau’s reaction than I was. Seriously. It wasn’t like he could kill me. And it wouldn’t be the first time I’d taken a pounding.
And Izzy was worth it.
Holy shit. I was catching feelings.
My heart raced and I panted as my brain raced to catch up with my heart.
Fuck, I’d never felt like this before.
I dropped my head back on the headrest then banged it a few times. As if I could slam some sense into it. Into me.
Nope, I was still a dumbass.
So I did the same thing any dumb ass would do if they found themselves in my situation.
I put my car into gear, merged onto Sunset, and headed for my mom’s house.
Fortunately, my dad’s truck wasn’t in the driveway when I pulled up to the curb. Maybe he had actually got a new job.
Stepping over the long weeds and pockmarked driveway, I headed for the front door. The grass was just as long and filled with dandelions as my last visit. If anything, the grass looked a little browner, like it hadn’t been watered in a while.
I knocked on the door and waited for a few minutes for her to maneuver to the front door.
Finally, the door opened to my mom’s beaming, happy face. “Hunter! I wasn’t expecting to see you today!”
And it was at that moment that I remembered who I’d run to. Ma who had always lamented my single status. Ma who wanted me to get married and start a family ten years ago. Ma who was willing to look on the bright side of my relationship with Cheyenne if it meant me starting a family.
No way in hell could I tell her about Iz. She’d be booking the church and planning our wedding before I drove away.
I forced a smile before bending down to kiss her cheek. “Hey Ma. I was, um, in the neighborhood. Practice was canceled, so I thought I’d come visit you.”
She raised her eyebrows as she reversed her wheelchair to let me in the house. “I seriously doubt you were in the neighborhood, considering we’re in the Valley, but you know you’re always welcome.”
I couldn’t help the sneer that curled my lips as I followed my mom into the living room. I wouldn’t say I’d always been welcome in their house. But that was down to my dad being an ass and had nothing to do with Ma.
“So what have you been up to? Do you need anything?”
Ma jabbered on about the neighbors’ ambulance visit in the middle of the night, sending Donna flowers, and the broken garbage disposal. I hopped up from the couch and headed over to investigate.
“You don’t have to do that, Hunter. Your father will get around to it when he has a minute. He’s so busy with this new job he just started, comes home exhausted every night…”
I flipped the switch and listened to the motor hum but not run. “Yeah, but I’m here now.” I pulled out my phone to do a quick internet search.
“But this isn’t what you’re here for.”
“I’m here to do whatever you need, Ma. So let me help.”
“Fine,” she huffed. “At least let me fix you a sandwich.”
“You know I’m not going to turn down food. Do you have an Allen wrench set?”
A few minutes later, my head was buried under the sink while I dismantled her garbage disposal.
“When you’re done making a mess, your sandwich is ready,” Ma called.
“Yup. Almost done.” I grunted as I tightened the unit back into place.
“And then maybe you can tell me why you really came. I’m guessing women troubles, but feel free to tell me I’m wrong.”
It was so fucking tempting to stay under the sink and never come out again.
So I ignored her probing question.
Popping out from under the sink, I stood up and brushed my jeans off. “Let’s see if it works.”
I ran the disposal, and it sounded normal. I ran some water down the drain, and nothing leaked. Success!
“Yes!” I crowed. “Maybe trade school is in my future.”
“So I take it things aren’t getting better with the band, huh?”
I moved a shoulder uncomfortably. Then turned on the water again to wash up. “I wouldn’t put money on me being the drummer on their next album.”
“I’m sorry, honey. That’s…well, that just sucks. Do you want a drink? I’m sure your father left something around here.”
That knot of dread in my stomach when I thought about Dad tightened. I didn’t want a drop of his fucking alcohol. “Nah, Ma. I’m good.” I reached for the hand towel to dry my hands. “Gotta drive home later.”
“No, you don’t. There’s this amazing service called Uber now. They’ll bring a car to your door and take you wherever you want to go.”
I rolled my eyes at her ridiculous teasing. “I’ve heard about it. I still don’t want anything hard to drink.”
“You are your mother’s son.” She sent me a beaming smile.
And like always, we ignored the elephant looming in the room.
I smiled back at her, sat down at the table, and then dug into the sandwich.
“So what’s her name?” Mom asked out of the blue.
And made me choke on my sandwich.
She smiled evilly. “So there is a woman. Interesting…”
“Yeah, I’m not talking about that with you.” I shoved the rest of the sandwich in my mouth.
“Judging by that face—” She circled the air in front of me. “—you’re miserable in a way that can only be described as love.”
“Is that why you’ve stayed with him all this time? Love?” The words fell out of my mouth before I thought them.
She sighed. “I know that we weren’t the best parents for you and Cory growing up. There are so many things I wish we could take back, but—”
“None of them were done by you—aside from marrying and staying with the asshole.”
“Hunter…” She sighed again.
“No, let’s talk about it. Because lord knows we never really have before.
” I scoffed angrily. “He fucking drove drunk and paralyzed you in that crash. Spent four months in jail. And we never talked about it. He just came back from jail, and we all pretended like it was normal. He would push me and Cory around when we were little, and then we’d pretend the next day like it never happened.
And he’s still the same fucking way. To this day!
He still drinks. To this day, he’s still an asshole.
I mean, it’s not a coincidence that I’m here and he’s not.
Because I time my visits so I don’t have to see him.
What about that is a loving relationship that taught me what to look for in a partner?
What did I learn from you guys about having a healthy fucking relationship? ”
“Are you saying she’s a drunk? Does she push you around?”
“Iz would never. She’s fucking amazing.”
My mom just sat there grinning back at me.
And then I realized what I’d said—what I’d admitted to.
“Dammit,” I cursed quietly.
“I am happy for you, Hunter. It sounds like you finally found an amazing woman. Hopefully one who will love you unconditionally, like I do for your father.”
“But does he deserve it? That’s the part I don’t get. How can you still love him after all the pain and bullshit he’s put you through? Put all of us through?”
“Because marriage is a sacrament. God binds two people for the rest of their life. There are no breaches or leaving because it’s not about bargaining for a benefit.
A husband will fall short and so will she.
Marriage adds a third string to the rope, being God, who binds them together regardless of their flaws. ”
“A rope that ties you to one decision for the rest of your life? I’ll never fucking get married. Never.”
Mom sighed. “Real love isn’t easy. Experiencing hardship doesn’t mean you’ve married the wrong person. You have to put time and energy into marriage. It’s essential in building the foundation of a lasting love.”
That sounded verbatim like something Father Thomas would say. “So there’s no out? There’s nothing he can do that would be a deal breaker?”
“Do you seriously think your father doesn’t blame himself? That we haven’t talked about his drinking? Or the accident? That I just stayed with him all this time because the church told me to?”
I lifted my palms. “Why wouldn’t I think that?
You two sure as hell didn’t have those conversations in front of us.
And his behavior never really changed. We never once saw your sweet moments, just the horrible, painful ones.
” I heaved a sigh. “He beat us, Ma. Until we cried. Until we bled. Left us with bruises you never saw. And he never apologized. We never talked about it. It only stopped because we got big enough to fight back. What about that spells love?”