Chapter 21
Izzy
The next week flew by in a haze of awesome. I spent time with Beau just the two of us, trading war stories—my braces trauma and his life of on the road memories (that were no doubt sanitized for my ears)—and just getting to know each other.
And I was really liking who I’d discovered Beau was. He was quiet when around other people, but when he felt comfortable—or had a little to drink—he was gregarious and open, and so flipping funny. I totally got how Mom fell under his spell.
I also got to spend my evenings with Hunter, who—unlike me and Beau—wasn’t having the best week of his life.
The few practices I’d sat in on had been painful.
Leif was still all over his case. It was starting to frustrate the rest of the guys.
There were way more arguments than before.
Practice now usually ended in a screaming match and someone stomping off.
So dysfunctional.
And Hunter was barely holding it together. Blowjobs and cowgirl style sex could only do so much. My heart hurt for him. This was the biggest opportunity he’d ever had, and it was slipping through his fingers.
I really hated Leif.
So I decided to make the guys some cookies. They’d proven to be little more than hungry teen boys who loved snacks, alcohol, and pussy. My dad and my boyfriend were in a garage band, and I was making them cookies like a housewife.
Grinning to myself, I got out the flour, sugar, and baking powder. I went back in the huge pantry for the brown sugar, vanilla, baking soda, and salt. Now where were the chocolate chips? I’d asked Carmen to pick some up for me. Where would she have put them?
I spotted a familiar yellow package and pulled it down. A package of Nestle semi-sweet chocolate chunks fell into my hands.
Ah, these were my mom’s favorite. She’d sworn since they were missing the stabilizers used in the chips to hold the chip shape, chunks made for a more gooey, luxurious pool of chocolate in her cookies.
I had to swipe at the tears streaming down my face with the back of my hand. I didn’t even know I was crying.
God, I missed her.
I’d been doing so well. Keeping busy, shoving the grief deep down. This just came at me from nowhere.
Memories bombarded me. I spent so much time with her in the kitchen.
Baking cookies. Making dinner. Talking about life.
She had a way of listening and just making me feel heard.
Whether it was a hard test or a mean girl moment, she listened without judgement and always had a funny take or joke that would make me laugh.
And her advice, if requested, had always been the best.
God, I missed her so much.
The tears just kept coming.
I was never going to have that with her again.
She was gone and no amount of getting to know my sperm donor was going to fill this hole in my soul.
She was gone.
Just gone.
I wanted her back so bad. I didn’t know how I was going to do this without her.
I wanted my mom.
I don’t know how long I sat in the pantry with baking ingredients sprawled around me, crying my heart out, but the next thing I knew, someone shrieked above me.
“Oh my god! You’re still here?”
I blinked the haze of tears away and peered blearily at Phoebe standing over me. “What? Yeah. Why’d you come back?”
“Are you serious? I live here!” Her bright red lips curled into a snarl. “Don’t you have a job or something to get back home to?”
“I took a leave of absence from grad school BECAUSE MY MOM DIED!”
I might’ve screamed the last bit in her face. I wasn’t proud of my behavior.
Okay, maybe a little bit.
“Don’t think that I’m buying your poor orphan Annie act. I’m onto you, little girl.”
“Uh, what act? My mom died. I couldn’t fake that even if I wanted to. And I never knew about Beau.”
“Somehow you magically come sniffing around Beau right when we’re getting ready to start our own family? And suddenly he wants to put the brakes on our baby?”
“Whoa.” I lifted my full hands and backed away from her. Between the unhinged look in her eyes and the spittle flying, I needed to get the hell away from her before she unleashed her claws. “That sounds more like a question for him.”
“But you’re the reason. We went from being happy and trying for a baby to arguing all the time and never having sex.
” She stepped toward me, making me back into the kitchen.
“I know you know that he changed his will. Now he’s leaving everything to you, and I have nothing! My child will have nothing!”
“You’re pregnant?” I whispered. I didn’t want to think about the will part. I had no idea, and I didn’t know what to do with the knowledge.
“I should be. We’d been trying for months. And now, nothing. We spend too much time arguing. And I want a baby who will love me back.”
Pretty sure that wasn’t how babies worked, but now didn’t feel like the time to explain it to her. “Again, that sounds like something you should bring up with Beau.”
“But I can’t because every time we’re together, we end up arguing. Usually about you.”
Was this where I was supposed to apologize for existing? “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“What I want is for you to go home! Go back to wherever you came from! I DON’T WANT YOU HERE!”
Her shrieked pierced that spot in my eardrum and made me cringe. She was seriously unhinged.
“Phoebe!” Beau barked from the hallway. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
She spun around before marching over to him.
“Me? I’m the one in the wrong?” Hair and hands flying, she gestured aggressively.
“I’m not the one who brought a stray home.
I’m not the one who stopped fucking his wife.
I’m not the one who changed his will and is shoving their spouse out of every decision. I didn’t do anything!”
“You’re doing a fantastic job of being a bitch right now.
What the fuck is your problem here? Yes, I added my daughter to my will.
I want her to be taken care of if anything happens to me.
I also want to get to know her, which is why I invited her to spend the rest of her leave here with me.
And I’m hoping to convince her to transfer to UCLA. So get used to having her around.”
She shrieked like a cartoon villain then grabbed her hair in her fists. “Why are you doing this to us? What did I do? Why don’t you love me anymore?”
Her sobs echoed through the kitchen, and she fell to her knees in a pitiful display.
But then I was pretty sure that was the point.
Beau ran over to her and was all solicitous and gentle as he put his arm around her and pulled her to her feet. Then he lifted her in his arms and carried her down the hall.
Her sobs still echoed through the house, long after they disappeared from sight.
“Wow.”
I looked up and found Ryker standing where Beau had been.
“That was…something.” He shook his head.
“Yeah, welcome to life with Phoebe.” I scoffed. “I’m thinking of starting a support group.”
“I guess it’s my duty to inform you that you’re late to the party there. But we will welcome you into our group.” He tipped his head and a curl of black hair fell over his forehead in a boyish way that belied the lines around his eyes.
It would’ve been charming, but for the fact I was already half in love with his new drummer. So I shrugged. “That makes sense, I guess. You guys have had more time with her than me.”
“Eh, our exposure has been limited more to parties and short bursts. We’ve never had the misfortune of living with the batty bitch.”
I barked with laughter. “I got to say, it’s the one flaw I’ve found in Beau so far. His taste in women is…yeah.”
“Well, I’d say you haven’t spent enough time with him, if you’ve only found one flaw. My dude is brimming with them.”
I laughed again.
“How about I treat you to lunch—get you out of the line of fire—and tell you all about your dad?”
My eyes flicked to Hunter, who was hovering behind Ryker, concern clearly etched in his expression. “How about we invite the rest of the guys too? I’d love to hear Beau stories from all of your points of view. I have a feeling I’ve been getting the Disney version of Rock Star Beau Benoit.”
Mal’s long-legged stride ate up the hall until he stopped at Ryker’s side. “Ain’t nothing Disney rated about life on the road. And I, for one, would love to give Beau shit by telling you the truth. I’m in. Let me call Saylor and see if she’s available for lunch.”
“Whoa.” I waved a hand. “Let’s be clear. I don’t want to hear anything that’ll scar me for life. Funny and embarrassing stories only. Please.”
Ryker tipped his chin at me. “I’ve got plenty of those.”
“I wish I could hang out with you all.” Leif said as he stopped on Ryker’s other side. “But I’ve got a meeting with my lawyers that I can’t miss. Raincheck?”
I nodded glumly as my eyes flicked to Hunter. That didn’t sound good. Lawyers? Because he was setting up his solo contracts?
Judging by the look on everyone else’s faces—including Hunter—they’d all come to the same conclusion.
“What about you, kid?” Ryker called out as Leif headed out. “You up for some lunch?”
Hunter gave me a half smile. “I could eat.”
Ryker nodded. “Good. I know the perfect diner we could hit where we won’t be bothered.”
“It helps that Asshole took off,” Mal grumbled as his thumbs flew over his phone’s screen. “Saylor’s in. What’s the address?”
And that was how I found myself having lunch in a downtown diner with three rock stars and my LA bestie.
Ryker and Mal were full of stories of Beau as a teenager and on the road. I don’t remember ever laughing so hard. And judging by Saylor’s wide eyes, she hadn’t experienced any of it with Mal yet.
Of course amidst it all, I didn’t miss how Hunter looked so down or how Ryker’s eyes lingered on our waitress, Nova. But I just pursed my lips and didn’t say anything. Ryker wasn’t the only one at the table hiding a relationship.