Chapter 24 Griffin #2
That’s the thought that strengthens my resolve–my best friends in the world are so excited to have their other best friend back.
Jack might still see her, but even he would admit it’s not the same.
And while I’ve had a chance to make up with Eleanor, David hasn’t.
He’s like a kid on his first field trip, vibrating with excitement at the chance to be around her again.
So I need to stick to my guns. I will not keep trying for more than friendship with Eleanor. Her wit, her charm, her fire–it’ll be enough to simply have those in my life. If I can’t have all of her…having some of her is better than nothing.
My stomach plummets when the door clicks open and I can hear Eleanor and Jack’s voices. David, on the other hand, jumps up like an excited puppy and sprints up the stairs three at a time, shouting with joy.
I decide to wait for them in the basement, and when I hear a loud thud, I don’t need to see it to know that David probably plowed into her with something more like a tackle than a hug.
Her bright laughter–music to my ears–drifts down the stairs, making my heart constrict. These are the last few seconds I have to pine for her before I absolutely have to get a grip on myself.
My angst is quickly overshadowed by the three sets of steps coming down the stairs. Jack’s confident and even gait, David’s thunderous and chaotic footfalls, and Eleanor’s tell-tale steps–ones that have more of a swing beat than a steady cadence. The familiarity of it has me grinning ear to ear.
This is how it should be. This is good. This is enough.
Maybe Katie can have a place here too.
“Bro, what’s wrong with your face?”
David’s question pulls me from my thoughts, and I quickly clear the look of disgust I was apparently wearing.
Hated that thought.
“Stale cheese puff, super nasty,” I say, waving my hand dismissively.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Eleanor busying herself, removing her shoes and jacket, and looking around for somewhere to toss her bag and scarf before finally turning toward me.
When our eyes meet, the nerves on her face overwhelm me with the need to reassure her–all cool here, I’m not going to make things weird, don’t worry.
“Howdy there, darlin’,” I say, standing up and pulling her into a quick (very platonic, I swear) hug. I ruffle her hair, taking my seat back on the couch, a silent invitation for her to re-claim her basement throne.
Looking relieved, she drops into the chair and pulls her knees up to her chest, arms wrapped across her shins. She doesn’t look uncomfortable exactly, more like she’s trying to decide if she wants to slowly dip her toes in or dive head first.
“My boys,” she says affectionately. “I’ve missed you dearly. Tell me everything.”
David launches into a monologue about finding his calling (elementary school PE teacher, apparently) and landing on which college he wants to go to. Jack, in a very factual tone, lists off every bit of chaos David and me have found ourselves in over the last two years.
“You already know what there is to know about me, darlin’,” I say with a shrug. “Business as usual around here.”
I try for a casual, carefree smile, but damn if this girl can’t see right through me.
“You doing okay here by yourself? When’s the last time you saw your dad?”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat, avoiding eye contact with Jack and David as they whip their heads toward me.
I may have failed to mention that my dad also moved out, and that I’ve been here alone.
Dudes don’t talk about that stuff–and they apparently don’t notice it either.
I don’t know how they’ve gone months just assuming that he’s never home, but I haven’t exactly given them a reason to question that either.
“Oh, uh,” I mutter, clearing my throat. “I saw him over the weekend, he’s good.”
When none of them ask me anything else, I ramble out, “Really. I’m good. It’s good. Don’t worry about me.”
“Well I wasn’t until now,” Jack says, his brows furrowing in concern. “What does she mean by that, Griffin?”
With a sigh, I fill Jack and David in on everything with my parents–specifically about the part where I’m living in this house by myself.
Their reactions are what I expected (and what I was avoiding), with David’s mouth dropping, eyes widening in horror, and Jack’s mouth disappearing into a thin line, nostrils flaring as he reins in his anger.
Eleanor looks at me like a deer in headlights, and I shake my head to let her know it’s okay, that she didn’t upset me by spilling those specific beans.
“Anyway,” she says, a little too cheerfully. “I’m sure Griffin filled you in about my life.”
David, who has never missed an opportunity to monologue, jumps into a rage-filled rant about how Bennett is “the worst fucking rat on the planet” and “I swear Ellie, it’s not just because I’m trying to suck up, I will drop kick his ass into an alternate timeline if you want.”
It takes my breath away to see her laugh, face lighting up more and more with every outrageous claim, and Jack’s quips about the way David should sit this one out since his nine year old sister trapped him in a headlock last week.
This is fun. I can do this. No problem.
“Ellie, me and Jack are great wingmen,” David declares. “We’ll find you someone way better in no time. There’s a guy out there for you.”
The room goes eerily quiet, and it feels like a vacuum sucked every last air molecule out. Everyone knows that everyone knows what happened between me and Eleanor. There’s no avoiding the implications of David’s words. “There’s a guy out there for you…and it’s not Griffin.”
“I think the whole point of life is that there’s someone out there for all of us,” Jack says, something weirdly philosophical coming from him.
Eleanor smiles at him, but I catch a glimpse of sadness in her eyes when she briefly flicks them in my direction.
“Oh for sure,” David replies quickly. “Hey wait, maybe you can help Griffin get back in the game!” His eyes go round, obviously hearing the double-meaning in his words. “Wait no, I didn’t mean–just that you’re a girl, and maybe you can give him advice on girl stuff.”
We all stare blankly at him, and he keeps digging himself into the hole further.
“Not like girl stuff, Griffin’s a dude. But like, advice on stuff girls like. Good compliments, first date ideas, how to ask a girl out, yada yada…” He lets his words trail off lamely, but a pang of panic rips through my chest when Eleanor turns her attention sharply to me.
David, please do not do this to me again.
“Oh?” Eleanor says in a tone that has me bracing for impact. “Does Griffin need advice about one girl in particular?”
I can’t tell if she expects me to declare my feelings for her right now, or claim that there’s a different girl. I have no idea which is a better idea to say out loud. Probably neither–I don’t think I’m getting out of this one unscathed.
“Um, yeah,” I say slowly, screwing up every fiber of courage I have. “I think I’m going to ask Katie out. We’ve had some classes together, she’s cool.”
Her mouth falls in surprise, her eyes shifting from something accusatory to the absolute worst case scenario–filled with hurt.
“Oh,” she says again, much more quietly this time. “That’s great. She’s great. You’d be great together.”
I try to concentrate on pretending that is totally my idea, not a new development at David’s suggestion. But all I can think about is how we stammer the exact same way when we don’t want to talk about something.
“I hope she knows what she’s in for,” she says, her voice taking on a sharp edge I’m unfamiliar with.
Is she…angry with me?
Suddenly bristling, I fire back, “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
I feel Jack tense beside me, and David mutters oh shit under his breath.
“I just hope she’s not looking for anything serious,” she says smoothly. “Since you jump from girl to girl so quickly.”
She is angry. For what? She’s the one who brushed it off like it was nothing.
“I wouldn’t have jumped to another girl if someone hadn’t pushed me,” I bark out.
“Pushed you?” Eleanor cries with a shrill laugh. “Please do enlighten me. Was it pushing when I cried about my breakup? Was it pushing when I laid in your bed? Was it pushing when I let you kiss me?”
“Let me?” I growl, no longer fighting to keep my tone in check. “Don’t you dare put this on me, that wasn’t a one sided kiss.” Smacking my hand to my chest, pointing at myself, “I’m not the one who called it a distraction.”
Her face turns red as she leaps out of her seat. “Because I was scared, Griffin!”
“Scared of what, Eleanor? That this might be something real between us?”
“Scared that you’re going to hurt me again! That I can’t trust you!”
“Well I’m not going to be some back up plan to make out with when you’re sad, twiddling with my thumbs while you decide if you can trust me again,” I say, voice dangerously low. “You don’t get to ask me to wait around for you forever.”
“Don’t worry,” she says harshly. “I’ll make sure you don’t have to be around me at all. Enjoy your new girl.”
She storms upstairs, slamming the door behind her as she leaves.
“That lasted all of ten minutes,” Jack sighs defeatedly, rising to follow her.
“I don’t want a new girl,” David says in a small voice.
My anger dissipating, I hang my head, shame washing over me. “I’m sorry you guys,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t think me and Eleanor can ever go back to the way it was before.”
Without another word, I go upstairs to my room, sliding into my bed without turning on the light. An odd combination of numbness and heaviness weighs on my ribs, and I replay her words over and over in my head, trying to pinpoint the exact moment of disaster.
What the fuck just happened?