31. Zayn
Zayn
As each day passes, it gets harder and harder to tamper my feelings.
I’m fully in this relationship, and I know Annie is too, but it feels like we still have an end date when our contract ends.
The bubble we are in is perfect. This time together has been so special for us both, but I worry that if we fully commit and negate the end date, the bubble will pop. And what happens if I lose Annie too?
I’m grateful to have the distraction of work today. Being at the studio helps keep my mind occupied on other things, even though it is Saturday and they aren’t as distracting as I want them to be. The prospect of landing the role I desperately want looms over me.
For the past hour, I’ve been in my trailer, trying to rehearse lines for a short film that Ed casted me in recently. It’s enough to keep me busy, but I’m finding that I lack the mental energy to memorize the script right now.
My phone buzzes on the counter next to me, so I reach over to pick it up.
“Logan.” I greet, still not happy with him about the other day.
“Zayn, how’s it going?”
“Good, I suppose. What’s up?”
“I have a meeting scheduled for us with the PR firm in a few days. I’m going to text you the details, but I wanted to make sure it won’t be a problem,” Logan says.
“Why would it be a problem?” We haven’t met as a group for a while, but there are still a lot of emails going back and forth between Annie, her boss, and Logan. I see them because I’m cc’d on every one.
“Well, we are talking about the transition. Annie’s contract will be ending within the next two months, and we need to align on a few things prior to that.”
“Okay, I don’t see why I need to be there. Can’t you do that without me?” I don’t think I want to be in the same room when they discuss our time being over. I’m not ready.
“No, I need you to be there. It will look better if you are there. This is a team effort. I thought things between you and her were going well?” Logan asks.
He grumbles in the background, and I can only assume that he’s driving somewhere or walking down the street.
It doesn’t take much for him to be angry at people.
“They... are. They are. I’ll be there.”
By the time we hang up, it’s time for lunch. I still have an hour until I need to be on set, so I decide to head to the cafeteria.
Normally I avoid it like the plague, getting food delivered to my trailer or grabbing a quick bite to go. The desire to sit and converse with others is rare for me, but today I need to get Annie and this whole “end of our contract” thing off my mind.
As soon as I enter the cafeteria, I see the guys in the corner of the room. Lane and Max sit on one side, facing the door across from Emmett and Tyler.
“Mind if I join?” I ask as I approach the table, already forgetting to grab the food I came in here for.
“Not at all,” Emmett says, pointing to the seat next to him.
I take it.
“You look like shit,” Tyler comments while shoving some fries in his mouth.
“I feel like shit, so, makes sense,” I say.
“Want to talk about it?” Lane asks, but it’s muffled as he’s also scarfing down a burger.
Do I want to talk about it? Talk about my feelings? I’ve never had someone, besides Kiley, ask me to talk about things. I’ve been raised to just shake it off, ignore them, it’ll go away. But I don’t think shoving everything down is working. It’s how I ended up in this place to begin with.
“I just, um, don’t know what to do about my situation,” I admit.
“Have you seen a doctor about it?” Tyler jokes, then gets shoved by Emmett. The entire table bursts out in laughter. At least they know how to lighten the mood.
“Have you made a pros and cons list?” Max asks.
I shake my head. “I already know there aren’t a lot of cons.”
“What even is the situation?” Emmett looks at me, and I find myself anxious about saying anything because he is Annie’s brother-in-law. He could rush to her sister at any moment and spill all my secrets, and she would tell Annie.
But, for some reason, I trust him. Maybe it’s the fact that Emmett is this well-known actor and writer and has non-celebrity friends, or maybe it’s just a gut feeling. Either way, I feel comfortable saying what’s on my mind.
“Well when we started dating, we knew it wasn’t going to be for forever,” I say. “We had until the end of December, when I hopefully get signed on for the trilogy.”
“But you don’t want it to end anymore, I’m assuming?” Emmett asks. His tone is curious, not laced with any mal-intent.
“No. I don’t. But I’m also worried it’ll be different if we decide to continue. My last relationship didn’t end great, and I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give someone else one hundred percent. I don’t know if I have that much to give.”
“Fuck, man. This is heavy shit for this early,” Tyler says.
“Yeah, I know. I don’t need advice, it just feels good to talk about it. I haven’t, um, had anyone to talk about it with, so I guess thanks?”
“That’s what friends are for,” Emmett says, slapping a hand on my back.
I smile in his direction, appreciative of what he said.
Being brought into this group of friends is something I didn’t see coming, but something I’ve always wished for.
To have a group of friends to just listen to me, not necessarily give advice, but know that they have my back.
Now, if only I could figure out what to do about Annie and me, then I’d have my life back on track.