Chapter Twenty-One
Mason
My neck and shoulders were so tense they were hunched up around my ears. The journey to the city was akin to torture. Its only saving grace, oddly, was being cocooned inside Gabe’s huge Mercedes SUV. The massive vehicle made me feel secure and kept me so until I’d parked in the underground garage in my apartment building. One of the few luxuries we’d all agreed on when building the apartment block was having somewhere for people to safely park their car. After my assault, it was a decision I’d be eternally grateful for.
I shot off a quick message to Gabe to let him know I’d arrived safely. Honestly, the man worried far worse than my mom with his need for confirmation of my safe arrival.
Taking the elevator up to my floor, I managed to get to my front door without encountering anyone else and hurriedly let myself in before going through the ritual of engaging the deadbolts and locks.
“About time,” Ethan’s voice broke the silence of the room, nearly giving me a cardiac arrest. “You should have been here an hour ago.”
“Jesus!” My hand flew up to my chest in panic. “You scared me half to death. What the hell are you doing here?”
“That’s your welcome after being away all this time?” He spread his arms wide. “Now say hello properly, and hug me like you mean it.”
Pulling myself together, I did as he ordered and moved into his embrace, relishing the feel of hugging my friend again after so long. Taller than me by a few inches and way more muscular, his solid grip was the same as being hugged by a grizzly bear.
“Missed you,” he said, causing tears to blur my eyes.
“Missed you too,” I replied, squeezing him hard.
Ethan eased back a little so he could look at me, his brows furrowed, studying me with his dark chocolate eyes. “You doing okay?” he asked, his worry for me evident in the low timbre of his voice.
I gave a quick nod. “Yeah, I’m doing good.” I smiled. “Still recovering from the heart attack you just gave me. Other than that…” My smile widened further when he rolled his eyes dramatically.
“And they say I’m the drama queen.”
“Is this hug for anyone to join in, or do you two need to get a room?” Ty’s deep, gravelly voice carried from across the kitchen, shocking me again as I craned my head around to look over my shoulder. For such a big guy, he really could be stealthy when he wanted to be. He walked over to the two of us carrying three coffees in his big hands. Ethan released me and stepped aside, giving him room.
“Nah, I’m all about the sharing,” Ethan replied, causing Ty to let out a bark of laughter.
“You better not let Nate hear you saying that shit, or he’ll have your balls.”
Oh yeah, I’d almost forgotten Ethan had gone domestic and recently settled down. I looked at him closely, while he and Ty bantered back and forth, noticing some subtle but significant differences. The cynical edge, forever present around his eyes, had softened considerably since I’d last seen him, and the permanent tightness in the set of his jaw, like he was seconds away from cracking a molar, had vanished completely. He’d always exuded a confidence and assurance in himself I’d forever envy, but now all the hard angles and planes had been smoothed around the edges, and he appeared far more relaxed and content than I’d ever seen him. It was a good look on him.
Ty placed the coffees down on the low table, and before I could react, I got crushed in the arms of a six-and-a-half-foot mountain of muscle. If Ethan hugged like a man in grizzly bear form, Ty hugged like his huge-ass, bigger, built brother.
When he set me free and I could finally breathe again, I gestured to the couch, so the three of us headed over and took a seat.
My eyes darted back and forth between them for a few seconds. “Why are you both here?” I asked, intrigued.
“We guessed you might feel more comfortable having our meeting here instead of at the office,” Ethan answered. “That way there are no other people to deal with.”
My thanks for them swelled hugely at their kind consideration. I should never have shut these guys out. They were my closest friends. They’d have helped me too, rather than me forcing Gabe to take all the pressure. I should have shared the load. They wouldn’t have minded. I’d alienated them in the first place, and I should have known better.
In truth, I’d been terrified at the idea of making the short journey into the office, even while using the chauffeured car we had on call whenever we need it. That, and the thought of having members of staff, no matter how much I liked them, wanting to chat or welcome me back had sent ice cold fear slithering down my spine. But I knew, despite the struggle with my issues, I would have forced myself to the office one way or another. What I had to say was too important for me not to do it in person.
“Thank you.”
Ethan let out a chuckle. “Don’t be going all schmaltzy on us. We’re your friends, and that’s what we do.”
“Damn right,” Ty agreed.
“Yeah, okay.”
Ty reached forward, took a coffee, then lifted the lid and sipped. “I must admit, I’m intrigued by your request for this meeting. You’ll be returning in a few weeks anyway, so what’s the rush to see us today?”
Brushing my sweaty palms over my chinos, I tried to calm my rapidly beating heart. I’d gone over and over what I intended to say while driving back here, but now facing my two partners, my hands visibly trembled, my left knee bobbed frantically up and down, and my mouth had gone as dry as a desert. Working my jaw a few times to get some moisture back on my tongue, I took one, final, deep breath and blurted out the words I’d come to say as fast as I could before I lost my nerve. “I’m quitting the business.”
The room went deadly quiet for a few seconds, my statement shocking both men into silence. They stared at me, eyes wide, mouths open as they absorbed the gravity of the situation, until boom , a bomb went off.
“The hell you are!” Ethan snapped. I’d guessed he’d be first one to recover from my announcement and initiate the arguments against me leaving. “You can’t quit,” he spat. “You’re as much a part of this company as the rest of us. You helped build it from the ground up, for Christ’s sake. We all did. It won’t work without all four of us, without you. He raked his fingers through his short dark-brown hair, before whipping his hand down and pointing his finger at me. “I’ll sue. You try to leave, and I’ll sue your sorry ass for every cent you have.”
“Ethan.” I tried to calm him.
“Don’t fucking Ethan me. This is not happening, Mason. It’s not.”
Ty remained on the edge of his seat, composure regained and quietly sipping his coffee, his calm unwavering amber eyes fixed firmly on my face. It was his reaction I’d worried about the most. Much like me, Ty played his cards very close to his chest. I may be the calmest and most analytical of the four of us, but Ty was by far the shrewdest and most logical. He’d never been in a relationship, as far as I knew, so once he found out my reason for quitting, I had no clue how he’d react or what his feelings on the subject might be. With Ty it could go either way.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Ethan rounded on him. “He can’t leave, Ty. Make him not leave.” He scooted forward too, his superfast brain already whirring, figuring out all the options to get me to stay. “Does Gabe know what’s going on? Wait, dumb question, of course he does. I’m gonna fucking kill him when I get hold of him. No wonder he didn’t want to come with you.” He threw his arms up in disgust and scowled at me.
“Speak to us,” Ty prodded gently, leaving Ethan to quietly seethe. “Tell us what’s going on.”
Turning my focus to him, I tried to relay my intentions calmly and rationally. “While I’ve been recuperating—” I stopped and took a shaky breath. “—I met someone.”
Ethan’s rebuke was instant. “Is that what this is about? Some damn woman?” Ethan cut in. “You’re gonna give up your life, your career, for what, a quick hookup?”
“It’s not a quick hookup,” I snapped, hurt he was trying to sully my relationship with Ash. “Do you really think I’d give up my career if that’s all it was? I may have been shot in the head, Ethan, but I can still tell the difference between random sex and something deeper.”
He at least had the good grace to blush.
“So it is something more?” he asked me.
I exhaled, long and low. “Yes, it is,” I stated clearly.
“And being with her, will she be enough for you to give up your whole way of life? To leave the company? To leave us?”
Before I could reply, Ty gently shushed him. “Wouldn’t you do exactly the same if it was the only way for you to be with Nate?” he asked simply. The glare he got in return didn’t faze him in the least. “Okay, so let him speak.”
They each focused their attention back on me, making me squirm in my seat.
“Um…it’s not a woman.” My cheeks were growing hotter and hotter. “It’s a guy.”
I thought they’d gone quiet when I’d told them I’d leave the company, but now the silence was deafening.
“Okay,” Ty eventually spoke. “And?”
“I fucked it up, am fucking everything up with him, and I can’t continue to let him down any longer. I need to make things right between us.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s been helping me.”
“I’ll bet he has,” Ethan retorted.
Ty instantly reacted. “If you don’t shut your smart mouth and let him explain…” He didn’t need to finish his sentence. No one messed with Ty.
Ethan slumped back into his seat and made the zip action with his finger and threw away the key.
Like that’s gonna work.
Ty’s focus returned to me. “Sorry, go on.”
No matter what I said next, I’d never be able to put into words how much Ash meant to me or give him anywhere near enough credit for just how much being with him has aided my recovery, but I was determined to give it my best shot so they might just have an inkling as to why he was so special. “He helped me with people, acting as a buffer, keeping them at bay whenever they got too close. I could ultimately relax, knowing he’d protect me.” I smiled wistfully. “I’d never known that feeling before. I’d always assumed the role of protector as being part of my responsibilities in a relationship, and not the other way around. He knew exactly what to say to calm me whenever I freaked out. He somehow managed to put me back together when I didn’t have the first clue where to begin. There’s no second-guessing with him. He’s so open, so honest. He allowed me to let go and be me, as I know he’ll be there to catch me if I fall, when I couldn’t do that with you.” I grimaced. “Sorry, that didn’t come out right. I can be myself with you. I am, but with him…”
“We get it,” Ty said softly.
“Eventually our friendship turned into more, and me being the dumbass I am, I told him I couldn’t trust him, could never trust him.” I expelled a puff of air, annoyed at myself once more at the damage I’d caused to us, to him. “So, he left.”
Ethan huffed so I turned to him, but he wasn’t looking at me. There was pain in his eyes for a few seconds before he gathered himself, gave a quick headshake and looked back at me.
“Okay. So tell me what do you want to do?” Ty asked, regaining my attention.
“I need to prove to him I do care, that I do want him, and show him I absolutely do trust him and won’t leave. But how can I possibly do that if I’m in New York and he’s back in Melrose Bay? Or if I’m jetting off all over the country or, even worse, in a foreign country, fixing problems for weeks on end, negotiating with suppliers, project managers…all of it.” Sagging in the chair, I ran my fingers through my hair and gripped the base of my neck. “How can I do all that and continue to be there with him—for him—prove I’m in for the long haul? Be right by his side if I’m never around?”
“It’s called compromise,” Ethan answered, his voice gruff. “Nate and I do it all the time. Just like you, I go away a lot, and he understands it’s a big part of my job. Part and parcel of owning a big company. It doesn’t mean I’m not there for him. We have video calls each night I’m away. We message constantly, always in contact. Oh, I’m not saying being apart is easy, as it’s not. It’s fucking hard to be away from the person you love, but when I get home, when we reconnect”—his eyes clearly displayed the adoration he had for his partner—“let me tell you, the bond between us strengthens more than ever and makes all the other crap worthwhile. I have Nate’s back, and he has mine. We support and love each other. It’s as simple as that.”
I let his words sink in and settle. Having never seen Ethan and his boyfriend together, in my head he was still the single guy who pretty much screwed any man that moved. I'd not given much thought as to how he coped when he was away from Nate, or what the distance and time apart cost him now he had a permanent partner in his life. He’d given me a lot to think about.
“But at least you and Nate are in the same city. My situation is not the same as yours. He’s there and my job’s here,” I countered.
“Hello.” He studied me like I’d gone crazy. “You never heard of flexible working? Okay we’ll have to move things around a bit: meetings, client networking, etcetera, and you’ll need to do some commuting to the office, but it’s nothing we can’t work out.” He finished his spiel, looking extremely pleased with himself.
I hadn’t contemplated remaining with the company and working remotely as an option, as I thought I’d lose the connection to everyone I worked with. But now it was a distinct possibility, and from the smug expression on Ethan’s face he knew I hadn’t thought of that as a viable workaround. He had me, and he knew it.
“Fine, I’ll think about it,” I placated him. “But I’ll need to discuss any options with Ash—”
“Ash?” Ty butted in.
“Yep. Ashton…” I trailed off. Fuck . Ethan and Ty began to laugh as I tried to recall his last name. He must have told me at some point. I simply had to remember.
I dropped my head into my hands. “See, I’m so bad at this.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Ethan replied, “you’ve had a lot on your mind lately.”
“You’d think I’d remember the last name of the man I’m in love with.”
The laughter died immediately. “You love the guy? This Ash?”
I blushed. “Did I not say that part?”
“I think I’d have remembered if you had.”
“Okay, so yeah, I love him.” I wasn’t entirely comfortable having this conversation with them. I’d never been one to bare my soul, preferring to keep my emotions under wraps, as all this “sharing” crap was for other people. Seems not. Talking my issues out with my friends and getting them off my chest was, in fact, cathartic. I’m not saying I’ve become a convert, but I mightn’t be so wholly dismissive about discussing my worries and concerns in the future either.
“There, that wasn’t so hard to say, was it?” Ethan chided me gently, before flashing his megawatt smile. “You should bring your guy to Manhattan so we can meet him, and he can meet Nate. We can double-date. It’ll be so much fun.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“No, seriously, Nate will love having someone else there to bitch to about me, and he can also sympathize with Ash.”
I got stuck on one word. “Sympathize? Why would Nate need to sympathize with Ash?”
“Oh, come on,” he scoffed, “neither of us are easy to get along with. I’m always front and center and quick to shoot my mouth off and you’re more the strong and silent type with the standoffish attitude.”
Silent and standoffish? What the fuck?
“They’ll be best buddies before you know it. Trust me, once the two of them meet, they’ll have so much to talk about.”
I stared at him. “I don’t know if he’ll take me back yet.”
He instantly dismissed my comment. “’Course he will.”
After the way I’d screwed us up, I didn’t feel as confident about that as he did.
“What are you doing later?” he asked. “Come over to ours for dinner. You can meet Nate. You’re gonna love him.”
Ty snorted. “You sound like a fifteen-year-old girl showing off her first boyfriend.”
Ethan gave him the finger.
“I was going to invite you too, but if you’re gonna be an asshole…”
“Okay, okay, I take it all back. I’m not going to miss out on the chance of a free meal from you, am I?” Ty finished his coffee and stood, checking his watch. “Right, I need to go. I have a meeting in an hour I can’t get out of.”
We all stood as well. “Me too,” Ethan added as we headed for the door.
“Seven thirty work for you?”
“Yep,” I replied.
“I’ll message you the address. A double first—you get to see the amazing work Nate did to our house too.” He rested his hand on my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “Think about what we said, yeah? There are a hundred different ways we can resolve this. Your leaving is not one of them, okay?”
“Okay.”
Ty pushed Ethan out the door and down the hall toward the elevators.
“What?” he asked, affronted.
“Fifteen-year-old girl,” was all he said, shaking his head at him. Ethan’s reply got cut off as the elevator doors swished shut behind them.
Closing my apartment door and securing the locks and deadbolts, I took stock of my home. If I wanted Ash in my life for good, I had to make room for him. He’d already gotten himself settled in my heart, so I had to make sure he’d settle in my life too. For that to happen, I had some clearing out to do. The past needed to go, allowing me to look forward to my future, and making space in my apartment was the perfect place to begin.