Chapter 8 #2
Our family home is cozy and lovely, but it was already full when there were just the five of us kids!
Now, with the partners and all the children, it certainly does get a little more cramped every year…
And when we visited Portland last summer for our big family barbecue, things were slightly different: we were all outdoors enjoying the garden, and the kids had space to roam…
We weren’t all confined to a single room!
Maybe that’s why I didn’t realize sooner that our Christmas configuration would be an issue for Nicolas?
“I… I hadn’t realized that,” I admit.
“I really do enjoy spending time with your family, sweetheart,” he says, his thumb gently rubbing my hand, “but I think your parents’ house isn’t a good fit to host everyone indoors.”
“They’re our parents,” I shrug. “I mean, I absolutely believe you’re right, it’s just… They’ve always hosted Christmas.”
“I know,” he nods patiently. “It seems natural you’d all gather at your parents’ house by default, especially since your siblings are all…
scattered, and your sisters-in-law’s families aren’t invested in Christmas.
But I just think it might be one of those things that is incompatible with our Christmas. ”
Our Christmas?
I swallow, fighting another bout of tears.
Nicolas really is serious about us, isn’t he?
He really wants to make things work… and thank goodness for the kitties and the hot cocoa and the Christmas jazz music keeping things light and merry around us, because I’m this close to being a weepy mess!
And again, I am so, so grateful for how level-headed, kind, and understanding he is…
but I want to make sure I reciprocate this time.
“…What about you?” I ask, sniffling. “What is your ideal Christmas like, Nicolas?”
“With you,” he simply says without thinking about it twice.
“Like I told you, Christmas was never a big deal in my family; our dad was often too busy. We did get spoiled plenty, but it wasn’t as important as other celebrations like birthdays.
…But ever since you and I met, I’ve been looking forward to Christmas a lot more.
You get so happy and excited about the holidays, it’s contagious.
I love seeing you happy, and, despite everything, this month has been very exciting.
I want to make Christmas special with you, Ophelia. ”
“That’s… Nicolas, that’s very sweet, but are you sure that’s all?” I blink. “I’m really happy you think of things that way, but… but we should really put everything we want on the table. Is there nothing else…?”
“Yes,” he nods. “…Well, if there’s one thing, it would be to make sure my mother isn’t alone. I know she can be upsetting, but since Dad passed away, I think she’s lonely. And I believe Antoine and I both don’t want to leave her alone, though Emi and you are our respective priorities, of course.”
“That’s… That can’t be it,” I frown. “We should make sure we… Wait a second!”
I transfer Muffin to Nicolas’s lap, get up, and rush to my bedroom to find what I need: my spare notebook and a pen. Then I return to my spot on the couch, open a blank page, and, right there at the top, title it ‘Our Ideal Christmas’.
“Let’s do this the right way,” I declare, putting on my secretary hat.
“Let’s not be vague, but list everything we want.
I’ll write mine first, but you need to find more, honey…
We should put what we don’t want, as well.
Like marathon-traveling, missing baking sessions, or luggage mishaps.
I’ll add no overly crowded or loud spaces either for you! ”
“I see,” he frowns. “That’s a great strategy. Let me see… I would like our cats to be present too. I’m sure they enjoyed the pet hotel, but they’re our family.”
“I agree,” I nod, immediately penning it. “No more leaving our kitties behind. They deserve lots of love all year round, and their own Christmas treats!
“…And we shouldn’t rely on public transportation,” Nicolas continues. “Those flight issues were extremely troublesome, and they’re hard to anticipate.”
“I agree,” I sigh, jotting it down straight away. “No more Christmas Eve traveling! I love Quebec City, but I think going so late was a mistake. I know this year was unique and our first try, but I wouldn’t do it again. And I missed the Christmas Market, which I really wanted to do…”
“We should go next year,” Nicolas nods, “but early, this time. Before Christmas, before everything gets too crowded and unpredictable. You said you wanted to enjoy the Christmas spirit all year long; we could simply make a short trip there, or a weekend stay. No more staying and leaving overnight.”
“But what about your mom?” I frown.
“She could be the one to fly over,” he says after a few seconds of thinking.
“Maman likes staying at hotels and hates to host. I believe she might be easier to handle as a guest. Antoine could fly or see her later. I love my brother, but I think we’re happier spending Christmas with our partners than together; we’ve seen each other enough in our lifetimes already.
We could take turns having Maman for Christmas as well, making it easier on Emi and you. ”
I chuckle, but I keep taking notes. This is finally starting to look like we’re making progress toward a real solution!
“Alright, but it doesn’t solve the crowd at my parents’ house,” I admit.
“Unless… your parents weren’t the ones to host Christmas.”
“What?” I blink at Nicolas.
He hesitates, but takes a deep breath and, while petting the kitties on his lap, looks at me with his solemn, very business-like expression.
“Your mom takes hosting very seriously,” he says, “but she also clearly sees it mainly as a chore that overwhelms her. And I heard you and Parveen; you would both love to host. Why is your mom the one to do it?”
“I… I don’t know,” I admit. “It’s her house, and it’s just always been this way…”
“I understand, but it is illogical,” Nicolas insists.
“The house is too small to host winter gatherings. Both of your older brothers and their families live closer to us than to Portland. Beckett told me the trip exhausts Courtney because the children don’t handle long drives well, and Maisie gets sick every time. ”
“He said that?” I blink, surprised. “Rosie mentioned Courtney arriving a bit sour…”
He gives me a terse nod.
…Again, how did I miss that? Our family Christmas arrangements have been the same for so long that I never thought to reconsider them!
But Nicolas has a point. Indeed, since Simon and Parveen bought their new house last year, both of my older brothers’ families now live closer to Boston than to Portland…
Jordan and Rosie still live with our parents, but that will probably change sometime soon, right? I know Rosie’s been eager to move out.
“That’s a good point…” I mutter. “But I’m not sure if we’ll be able to convince Mom not to host. She might get offended or something…
and if we convince her, should we ask Parveen and Simon if they can do it, then?
I know Parveen would love to, but their house isn’t much bigger than our parents’.
I guess we could reconsider the sleeping arrangements, and we could see who might be able to drive home… ?”
I wait, but for some strange reason, Nicolas is staring at me, and… hesitating? It’s so rare for him to hesitate before talking that I blink, a bit nervous.
“Honey?”
He swallows, takes a big breath, and then, looking me in the eyes, he says it.
“I think we should host it,” he says.
“Us? But my apartment is small, and yours is—”
“In our apartment,” he says.
“…What?”
“Or house.”
This time, I’m the speechless one! But Nicolas quickly swallows before he powers on.
“I’ve thought about it,” he utters quickly like a confession.
“A lot. We have been steady for a year now, and we’re great at making decisions together and optimizing our routines to prioritize our relationship.
We resolve any conflict quickly without escalation, and we handle stressful times together as well.
Everything indicates that we would be able to cohabitate very well, and statistics show that couples who make a deliberate decision to live together are also more successful long-term—”
“You… You researched this?” I blink.
“Yes,” he replies with an unabashed nod.
“Whenever I missed you and thought about the future. I’ve thought about it many times, and I believe moving in together would be great for our relationship.
And… and I miss you when I’m away, Ophelia.
Very much. I want to come home to you in our home.
We’ve been together for over a year, and it’s been wonderful, but I don’t want us to have to decide which flat we’re staying in anymore.
I think we already pretty much live together, but I’m away often, and bouncing between your flat and mine has been very…
inadequate. And financially irresponsible.
This chaotic Christmas showed me that we need our own home.
One where you can be happy baking and hosting, and we wouldn’t have to run left and right or leave our cats behind.
You could do all the decorating you want, bake as much as you’d like, and spend all of December in the Christmas spirit.
We could make a short trip to Quebec City to visit my brother and Emi beforehand, and then focus on hosting here. ”
I’m… I’m speechless.