Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
ALLEY
“Mmm. Oh my God. This whipped goat cheese with the fig jam is to die for,” I say, grabbing one more and popping it into my mouth.
“Ew. Goat cheese tastes like what I imagine a foot would taste like.” Cooper makes a face and points to the next tray. “I like the caprese skewer things. What do you think, babe?”
She looks at Ryan, who sits next to her. He finishes off a sample of red wine and lifts a brow. “The tomato things? Not my favorite. But not a no if you love them.” He reaches for the bottle and pours himself another sample. The plastic tasting cups are just slightly larger than a shot glass.
Across from me, Vivian lets out a noise that can only be described as sexual. “Oh my God. I’m with Alley. This is divine,” she says, tossing the rest of her goat cheese bite into her mouth.
We’re menu tasting for Ryan and Cooper’s wedding this spring. Cooper said Ryan’s too agreeable, so she brought us as backup to help make the tough decisions.
“So the goat cheese is out?” Sandy, the event manager, asks, pen poised above her clipboard.
“No, not yet. If everyone else likes it, I’ll keep it as an option.” Cooper glances at Ryan. “Babe? Can you try the goat cheese thing and tell me your thoughts?”
He picks one up and pops it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “I like it.”
She stares at him. “And?”
“Babe. I like all the food.” He shrugs. “You know I’m just here for moral support.
You brought Alley and Viv to help you decide.
If you actually trusted my opinion, you wouldn’t have brought them.
” He shoots a look at Sandy, already reaching for the wine bottle again.
“I just want to make sure we’re serving this wine. ”
Cooper shakes her head, grinning. “It’s a good thing you’re hot.”
“I’m going to go check on the entrees,” Sandy says, pushing up from her chair. “Excuse me for a few minutes.” She disappears around a wall of greenery.
The wedding venue is at Lakefront Conservatory—a glass-enclosed rooftop garden that overlooks Lake Michigan. It’s gorgeous and intimate, the perfect setting for a small wedding like theirs.
“Wait, have any of you tried this other cheese thing yet?” Vivian asks, biting into one of the manchego tartlets. She dabs at her lip with a napkin. “It’s really good.”
“No. I picked one up, but it smelled like pussy, so I put it back,” Cooper says, laughing.
Ryan perks up. “Wait—which one smells like pussy?” He reaches for the manchego appetizer. “I’ll be the judge of that. This one, Viv?” he asks, grabbing one.
“Watch. This’ll be his favorite,” Cooper mutters, rolling her eyes.
Ryan brings it to his nose and inhales dramatically. “Ah, the sweet smell of pussy,” he says with a smirk, making all of us burst out laughing.
He takes a bite, washes it down with a sip of wine, then turns to Cooper. “This one’s the winner.” A wide grin spreads across his face as Cooper smacks his arm.
“You’re absolutely useless here, you know that?”
“Yeah, but I’m useful when it matters.” He pulls her in for a kiss. “Tastes and smells like cheese, babe. It’s good. You’d like it.”
She goes in for another kiss, and soon they’re whispering to each other while Vivian shoots me a side glance.
They’re cute, and their easy affection pulls a smile from me. Jensen and I used to be like that.
I was never very affectionate with any of my exes—especially not in public, but then Jensen came along and flipped my whole world upside down.
He brought out a side of me I didn’t know existed.
A side that felt sexy and confident. I’d always been reserved with other men—almost self-conscious, constantly worried about how I came across. I never felt that with Jensen.
“Okay, I’m back,” Sandy announces. “The entrees are almost ready, so if you can pick your top three, we’ll clear the appetizers and move on.”
Cooper turns to Vivian and me. “What are your favorites?”
“I like the goat cheese, caprese skewer, and the beef tenderloin crostini,” I say.
“Goat cheese. Crab cake. Caprese,” Vivian adds.
Cooper and Ryan start rattling off their picks to Sandy just as my watch buzzes with a new message. I pull out my phone.
It’s from Jensen.
Jensen
Hey, babe. Can’t stop thinking about last night—about you. When will you be back? Wanna grab dinner tonight? NOT at the cafeteria.
A grin creeps onto my face as I roll my bottom lip between my teeth, heart fluttering. I fell asleep thinking about him—about our kiss, my talk with Scarlett, and the mess of confusion that is my life right now.
I’d already planned this tasting with Cooper before I knew he would be in town. He said he had work to keep him busy, but clearly, he’s anxious to see me.
I’m not sure. At least another hour. We’ve only made it through the appetizers. You should see Ryan. He only cares about the drink menu. Lol.
Jensen
I remember feeling the same way when we did our tasting. Remember how many hot toddies I had? You had to drive us home. And I already know you remember that drive.
The memory flashes—vivid and hot. Me driving Jensen’s car, his arm stretched across the console, hand in my pants.
He fingered me until I came on Park Avenue.
I squirm in my seat. Jesus. Just thinking about it gives me full-body tingles, and it makes me both nervous and excited to see him again tonight.
If he wants to tease, I can tease right back.
I glance around the table. My stomach flips in that guilty, don’t-want-to-get-caught kind of way. My thumbs move quickly as I type back.
Of course I remember. The term “coming home” took on a whole new meaning. And thank you for the reminder while I’m surrounded by friends. My panties are soaked now, thanks to you.
The message turns to read, and a text bubble pops up.
He’s typing.
And I hate to admit it, but I’m giddy waiting for it.
“Yo, Alley.” Coopers voice cuts through the air.
My head snaps up, a grin still plastered to my face. Shit. I’ve been completely checked out, and I have no idea for how long.
Sandy’s gone again. Vivian and Ryan are deep in conversation. Cooper stands up with a look that tells me I’m not as sly as I think I am. “Come with me for a sec,” she says, already walking past me.
I push up from my chair and follow her around the corner behind a water feature. She turns to face me, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
A slow smile spreads across her lips. “Something happened. You’ve been different all day. You seem… happy.”
My brows scrunch as I feign offense. “Wow. Should I be insulted that you think something must’ve happened just because I’m happy?” I ask, laughing.
She taps my elbow. “No! This is a good thing. I haven’t seen you this genuinely happy… like, ever, to be honest. You’ve got a whole different vibe about you.” She crosses her arms, waiting, then gasps as her jaw drops. “Oh my God. You had sex, didn’t you?”
I haven’t told Cooper or Vivian, or really anyone, much about Jensen being in town.
Just that he’s here for me, supporting me.
Leo and Adam dropped by the hospital one night while Jensen was there, and since I’ve kind of turned Leo into my unofficial therapist, he knows a little. But even that’s been limited.
“No! I didn’t have sex.” I wish. God, I’m so touch-starved it’s pathetic. I practically came from Jensen’s text, just thinking about that day in the car.
Her brow arches higher. “Then what is it? Something’s different.”
I could lie. But I don’t want to. If there’s one thing I know about Cooper, it’s that she doesn’t judge.
I hesitate—then finally cave. “Fine. I kissed Jensen.”
Her eyes go wide, but before she can say anything, I rush on—because I’m not sure I want to hear her reaction yet.
“And it was so good, Coop. Like, really good. But I don’t know what it means.
I don’t know if I’m ready to give him another chance.
All I know is… I loved kissing him. And I’ve loved spending time with him.
” My smile fades. Moisture gathers behind my eyes as I cross my arms and bite my thumbnail.
“And I’m scared.” I exhale sharply, shaking my head.
“I can’t just forget all the shit he put me through, you know?
I want to trust him, but I don’t. And it’s not fair. To either of us.”
She lifts a finger. “Okay, we’ll circle back to the kiss because—fuck yes, I am here for it—but first, let’s talk about this ball of anxiety you’ve become.”
I huff out a breath, half-laughing, half-defeated. Ball of anxiety. That’s exactly what I am.
“Look,” she says gently, “I’m not a therapist. But I’ve had to do a lot of work these last couple of years.
Yoga, meditation, Buddhist teachings—the spiritual shit I used to roll my eyes at.
I had to go inward. Make it about me. My healing.
My journey. Because, while Brad made my life a living hell, it was never really about him. ”
She takes a deep breath, like she’s bracing to give me a whole speech.
“And here’s the thing—most of the time, it’s not really about the other person.
Sure, other people can fuck with our lives.
That’s no joke. But it’s about us. Where we were.
What we chose. Why we stayed.” Her expression softens as she adds, “What we can learn.”
I shift my weight, arms crossed tight—like that might somehow shield me from whatever she’s about to say.
“You’re trying to make sense of something that broke you.”
Her lips press into a tight line, thinking, before she continues.
“But maybe it’s not about sense—it’s about power.
You know when I stopped hating Brad? When I realized I wasn’t even mad at him anymore.
I was mad at myself—for staying. And the second I stopped seeing myself as the victim in my own story… I wasn’t one anymore.”