2
JAMES MANEUVERED HIS squad car through Nearlake. Although the town did sit next to one of the largest lakes in the state, it was the town joke that the founding fathers hadn’t been all that creative when it came to naming the town.
James hadn’t been born and raised in Nearlake like a lot of others. He and his parents and brother moved there the summer before James’ freshman year of high school and his brother, Mark’s, eighth grade year. His dad was a carpenter, his mother a retired attorney. After years in California, they moved to Idaho wanting a smaller community for James and Mark. He was sure the fact that his father liked to go fishing and hunting had been part of the discussion when his parents made the decision, but whatever the reason, they’d come to Nearlake and never looked back.
James had left town for college and his years in the NFL, but once his daughter, Maddie, was born, he’d found he wanted the same things for her his parents had wanted for him. Maddie had been born at the end of his career, so she wasn’t too influenced by the whirlwind that is a professional sports environment, and although that world had fit his wife, Tiffany, like a glove, he had been more than ready to leave.
Tiffany . They’d been married for eighteen years. She’d been gone for five.
The thought of her death still caused a lump to form in his throat, but not for the reasons people imagined. A car accident had taken her from him and Maddie, but Tiffany had left him emotionally long before that.
He rubbed his chin with one hand, the other guiding the car through downtown. It had been one heck of a day, and it wasn’t even 10 a.m. yet. When the dispatcher called in about the supposed break-in at Sadie’s shop, he wasn’t far away and said he’d go take a look. Although he had to admit there was more behind his willingness to take the call. The depth of his desire to race to her aid and protect her rattled him. Not one to typically offer to stay and help clean up broken glass, one look at the emotions she struggled to hide, and he’d been ready to move a mountain if it made her feel better.
Sadie Woods.
It wasn’t as if he and Sadie moved in the same crowd. He was an athlete and had always had others swarming around him and Tiffany on his arm. But James knew Sadie. How could he not? Whenever he’d seen her curled up in a chair in the library reading a book or laughing with a friend at a table in the cafeteria at lunch, he’d been intrigued. She was genuine amid a sea of insecure teenagers fighting for attention. And she hadn’t changed. The simple goodness that radiated from her was palpable. Beloved by everyone who knew her, she was the warmth of sunshine on a cold day. Her big, brown eyes a place James could get lost in for days.
He shook his head. What was he doing? Mentally waxing poetic about Sadie Woods would only lead to trouble. He was doing his best to raise a woman, and a teenage one at that, which was confusing enough. The mere idea of dating came close to terrifying him. As if on cue, Old Dominion sang on the radio about the only thing they know about girls is not knowing anything at all. Wasn’t that the truth?
And yet it wasn’t hard for his mind to drift back to Sadie. When he’d first arrived at her store, not knowing what the threat might be, his heart had raced in his chest when he saw her frozen in place. When she’d said she hadn’t wanted to compromise an investigation, it took every ounce of self-control for him to not burst out laughing. But it was clear how serious she was about it and making fun of her was not a good idea. In any other case, it annoyed James when people had certain ideas on how he should do his job based on shows they watched or books they read. It was called the “CSI effect” around the police station. But with Sadie, he found it endearing, as if she’d somehow been dropped into a Nancy Drew novel and wanted nothing more than to solve the case.
And yes, he knew all about Nancy Drew books. James’ mother had given Maddie one for Christmas a few years back and while most kids her age were glued to their phones, she spent most of her time with her nose buried in a book. Not unlike Sadie when she was younger. He smiled at the thought of how much Maddie would like Sadie.
It wasn’t as if Maddie wasn’t ever without her phone, she just didn’t seem to have her face plastered to the screen all day, a small miracle James thanked God for every day. His gut clenched a bit at the main reason Maddie was good about her phone – Tiffany had been texting when she ran her car off the road and hit a tree. Who she’d been texting was information James would take to his grave, never telling Maddie, but he’d been unable to protect her from knowing that had been the cause of her mom’s car accident.
He guided his squad car into a spot outside the police station, put it in park, and turned off the car. His mind was dealing with more emotion-driven thoughts than he’d had enough coffee to handle. The text tone went off on his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket, his hopes high that it might be from a message from Sadie.
It was his brother asking if he was free to grab a coffee together.
He smiled at the thought of Mark all but reading his mind at his need for more caffeine and texted back “Yes.”
The Daily Grind coffee shop was only a block away from the police station, a brilliant move on the owner’s part, in James’ opinion. He locked his squad car, did a quick check-in at the station, then headed down the street.
Mark was already at a table outside, his face turned toward the sun with a hand cupped around a large iced coffee. He was leaning back in his chair, one ankle crossed over his knee.
“Soaking in the rays with your girly drink?” James teased as he sat down in the chair across from his brother.
“You know it. Vitamin D and caffeine keep the doctor away.”
James laughed. “I fear at our age we need a lot more than that.”
Mark looked at him. “Hey now. You’re 45 and I’m 44. Far from old.”
James nodded. “That’s true. Although most days it doesn’t feel true.”
“Yeah. Well, I’ll give you that.”
James looked around. There were five tables that lined the windows outside the coffee shop. Two more were occupied. Through the window he could see people working on laptops, one table had a couple cuddled together reading papers spread out on the table while another table had two women chatting while enjoying pastries and huge iced coffees.
The door to the shop opened and one of the young waitresses came over to them. “Hey, Uncle James.”
He stood and hugged his niece. “Good morning, Mary.”
Mark and his wife, Amber, had two kids. Mary who was nineteen and John who was seventeen. When Tiffany died, Mark and Amber had been James’ rocks. Mary and John had taken Maddie under their wing as well. Yet another reason James was glad to be in Nearlake. Not only was it nice to have his parents close, having Mark and his family for support was vital.
Tiffany had never been close to her parents. After high school graduation, they’d moved to Florida. They visited once a year to see Maddie, but that was all. James couldn’t blame them. It had to be hard to come to a place filled with memories of the daughter they’d lost.
“Can I get you your usual?” Mary asked as James sat down again.
“I would love that, thank you.”
“One manly coffee coming up.” With that, she turned and with a smile and a swing of her long, dark ponytail, went back inside.
“Tease all you want that my iced coffee isn’t manly and your black coffee is, but I stand by my choices,” Mark said as he lifted his cup in a mock toast and took a sip from the straw.
James laughed. “As you should.”
“So, how are things so far on this beautiful fall day?” Mark asked.
“I had one call out to a robbery.”
Mark sat forward in his chair and put his elbows on the table. “A robbery? Seriously? That’s close to unheard of here.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t though.” James pulled the baseball from his coat pocket and held it up for his brother to see. “Looks as if some kids busted a window and ran.” He put the ball back in his pocket. “At first glance though, it did look as if the antique shop had been broken into.”
“The antique store?” Mark asked. “As in, Sadie Woods’ store?”
James nodded.
Mary came back with James’ coffee and set it down in front of him. “There you go. Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Thank you, Mary.” James said, then took a sip and felt the much-needed flow of caffeine through his system.
Mark waited for Mary to go back inside before he said, “You mean, the Sadie Woods you have a crush on?”
James set his mug down and shook his head. “What are talking about? A crush? We aren’t 13.”
Mark laughed and leaned back. “You totally have a crush on her.”
“Okay, now I do know that girly coffee is getting to you.”
Mark tilted his head, a sincere smile on his face. “It’s okay to want to move on, James.”
James nodded. “I know.”
“Do you?”
He took a deep breath and leaned against the back of his chair. The sun warmed his skin and he closed his eyes. Did he know? He’d met Tiffany in high school and although she wasn’t his first girlfriend ever, she had been the woman in his life for so long, he wasn’t sure how to be with anyone else.
“You want to know what I think?”
Mark’s question pulled James from his thoughts. He opened his eyes and looked at his brother. “Not particularly.”
“I think you were interested in Sadie back in high school, you just never said anything.”
James mentally chewed on that statement for a moment. His brother wasn’t wrong. He had found Sadie interesting back then. But had there been more? As in, would he have dated her had he been given the chance? Hindsight is 0/0. He might change now what he could have done back then, but what did it matter? He’d made his choices and they couldn’t be altered.
“Your silence is quite telling.”
“My silence tells you nothing beyond me not responding to your opinion,” James said then took another sip of coffee.
“Look,” Mark said as he leaned his elbows on the table again, his face closer to James’. “I know better than anyone all the garbage you’ve endured so far in your lifetime. I’m not trying to tease you or give you a hard time. You’re my brother, I love you, and I just want you to be happy.”
James nodded with a smile. “I know. I do. I just…” He shook his head.
“I get it. Raising a teenager is no joke. You worry about Maddie, you worry about Mom and Dad. You worry about me and Amber and our kids. You worry about the people of this town. You worry about everyone but yourself. And I’m just telling you it’s okay to want something for you.”
Was that true? Maybe so, but James merely felt he was trying to do what was best for the people he loved. He’d spent years choosing himself. He had his pick of colleges to go to, he chose a life in the NFL when it was offered to him. A life that had its advantages, of course, but was also tough on his marriage and his family at times. Weren’t all those years filled with him focused mainly on himself?
He was sure it was part of the reason he’d chosen to be a police officer. He wanted the rest of his life to be about others. To give to a community he cared about. To give his daughter as stable of a life as possible.
“I know what is spinning in that brain of yours and I promise you that as scary as dating, or allowing another woman into your life would be, it could very well be an addition rather than something negative.”
James nodded. “I know you have my best interest at heart, but you’re right. Dating sounds terrifying.”
Mark laughed. “I’m with you on that. Much like you and Tiffany, Amber and I married young and I wouldn’t want to be with anyone but her.”
James had felt the same way. Which was what made it that much more painful when he and Tiffany drifted apart and then he’d heard she’d been having an affair. It gutted him. He never claimed to be the perfect husband, but he truly had never loved anyone but Tiffany. He couldn’t fathom being with anyone but her, even on their worst days. However, time had given him the ability to think, probably too much, about whether or not he’d created an ideal of what he wanted out of life and marriage but didn’t listen enough to what her ideal had been.
So many mistakes and no way to rectify them.
“Okay, so. I didn’t ask you to grab coffee so I could sit here and watch you beat yourself up in your mind.”
James laughed. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. You’ve been through a lot. And you’re a great dad. And brother. And son. I just hope and pray that at some point you’ll let loose a bit and see that maybe, just maybe, asking Sadie out could be good. You might even have some fun.” Mark winked at him.
“I have fun.”
“Ha!! I’m not talking about game night at Mom and Dad’s or doing an escape room with Maddie – as fun as those events can be. I’m talking about fun with someone of the opposite sex. A date. Flirting. Laughter. A nice dinner, maybe some candlelight.”
“Well, when you put it that way…” James smiled.
Mark stood. “While you’re thinking about what I said, I’m gonna go grab a pastry. You want one?”
“Yes, please.”
As his brother got them more coffee, James turned his face to the warmth of the sun once more. Maybe Mark was right – not something he would admit often to his brother—but the kind of evening he described sounded appealing. And the kind of night he hadn’t had in a really long time. Certainly, the kind of evening he hadn’t had with Tiffany in a while before her death.
He shook his head. He prayed for the day that Tiffany’s memory wouldn’t haunt him. And possibly a time when the thought of asking Sadie out on a date occupied his thoughts over how he could find redemption from the mistakes of his past.