Chapter 20
TWENTY
‘How are ye getting on?’ I hold up the page and Dan seems to read my face with a big grin. My own smile is as wide as the moon.
‘Oh, Dan, thank you,’ I gush.
‘No! Hold on a moment. You found something already?’ His face lights up.
‘A bit of a chat, then a few click-click-clicks and we were in,’ Marina says.
‘My great-great-grandparents, paternal side, born in Ringsend in Dublin 4 in 1879.’
‘Seriously?’ Dan steps forward, carefully takes the paper off me and his eyes pore over it.
‘We need to go to the maternal side next, we did not get to that today. Maggie was telling me about Dorothy, her mother, the Italian baker. I’m fascinated already,’ Marina tells him as I pull my phone out to check it, remembering I silenced it after Jill’s unread text.
I still haven’t sent Frederick’s report.
I’m not surprised to see a lot of missed calls and text messages from him too.
Then, in my hand, it rings again. Frederick Macken’s cell number flashes up on my screen.
Dan’s head is still bent, poring over the documents. I dart to one side.
‘I better take this outside, it’s work. Afternoon in New York.
Thank you so much, Marina, this is life changing for me, I didn’t know how badly I needed to do this.
I had no idea how much it was going to mean to me to begin to find out where I’m actually from.
Of course it was all going to start here in Heartwell, in a village I fell in love with at first sight.
You have no idea. Please send the bill to my email I gave you?
’ I slide the call answer across. ‘One moment please.’ I hit the mute button.
‘Oh, yes, I do. I came here from Berlin to find answers about my ancestors and I never left. Heartwell is a place for everyone, if you seek solace, community and a quiet way of life. That’s in our blood.
That goes way back. That part is untraceable.
No fee. It’s on me. Any friend of Dan’s is a friend of mine.
’ Marina clicks off the computer, the screen goes black.
‘I’m overwhelmed, to be honest. Thank you again and I hope you have the best Christmas with Johan,’ I say tenderly.
‘Ah, thanks Maro,’ I hear Dan say, lifting my coat from the back of the chair and draping it over his arm.
‘Hi, it’s me, sorry about that. I was doing research in the local village . . .’
‘I got your email. Did you find the book yet? Where is your report? It was to be filed last night. I need it. What have you found? This deal is ready to go through. We’re down to the wire.
Friday is D-Day. Tomorrow is Friday!’ Frederick is really angry and I feel like a little school kid as Dan holds the door open for me.
‘It’s still pending in my outbox, the WIFI’s been sketchy,’ I say quietly, covering my mouth with my hand. I’m biding as much time as I can so the deadline will run out and Frederick can’t override my promotion, or send Salma over here.
‘Did you manage to get your hands on that book or not?’ he repeats himself like a broken record.
‘I’m afraid not, but I . . . have other stuff.’ I turn my back on the jeep as snow starts to fall again and the carol singers begin to sing ‘Jingle Bells’.
‘Not good enough. File what you have right now. Find an internet café, you aren’t in the outback!’ The line goes dead.
‘That sounded serious?’ Dan says as I climb back into the warmth of his jeep.
‘Work.’ I give a quick roll of my eyes. I need to tell him now. ‘Dan—’
‘You must be still hungry, you only had a fruit bowl and no dinner, so I took the liberty of stopping off at the Teapot Café and got us these. Betsy’s just taken them out of the oven.’ Dan climbs in the driver’s side and hands me a box before I can decide how to begin.
I open the brown box to reveal two small foil-wrapped parcels and two hot chocolates.
‘Turkey and cranberry mini puff pastry pies. She only does them for us at Christmas, they are out of this world,’ Dan tells me, with a lick of his lips.
‘This is so thoughtful of you and they sound delicious. I am famished.’ Carefully, I hand him a hot chocolate which he puts in his cup holder and I hand over a pie wrapped in tinfoil.
I unravel the tinfoil half way down and take a bite, ‘Oh, wow, oh yum!’ I concur, the flavours erupting in my mouth – it’s like Christmas dinner in pie.
‘Right?’ He’s driving with one hand, eating with the other. I can’t tell him now, I will wait until we pull up to the castle door and park the jeep. I’m one hundred percent telling him then. I’m not sure how he will react, but I need to be honest with him before I leave.
‘These are too good to keep to just the café! You need to get Betsy up to the castle and sell these. A Christmas market on the grounds would bring so much passing trade,’ I tell him, settling back into my seat as we drive through the cosy village.
‘Your ideas are unreal. Oh, look, that’s Heartwell primary, where I went to school, and there’s the secondary school right next door.’ Dan laughs pointing out the window. ‘Been there since 1908.’
‘That’s incredible. I went to twelve different schools.’ I twist my pie to bite up the edge.
Dan turns to me. ‘My God, Maggie, I bet that was tough. You didn’t have it easy.
’ We are stopped at the crossing, the same one I stopped at just two nights ago.
It feels like a lifetime ago. The snow is coming down heavier, I notice, almost a blizzard.
Keep coming, I think, keep coming. Let’s see you, Faith. Ground my flight.
‘It was actually.’ I sip the warm chocolate. Dan’s phone beeps in the holder and he leans forward to read it. He doesn’t answer me but he pulls up outside Cosy Reads.
‘You said you wanted to browse the bookshop? I have to get back, I’m afraid, something else has just come up. Enjoy, maybe . . . maybe I’ll see you later? I’d like to?’ he says, but his eyes dart and he has that worried look on his face again.
‘Oh? Right . . . em, sure.’ I sit up. I wanted to talk to him but instead I unclick my seatbelt.
‘Sorry.’ His brown eyes linger on me.
‘Don’t be silly, you’ve work to do, I’ve taken up enough of your time today, that’s fine.
’ I pick up my paper cup and open the door, ‘I’m very happy to spend an hour in here.
Maybe we can talk later?’ He nods quickly and I get out as he speeds away fast. I pull my phone out and open the texts.
Ten of them. All from Jill. All saying the same thing.
‘Maggie, can you call me back immediately!’ Followed by ten scared faced emojis.
‘W-what?’ I say to myself and immediately dial Jill’s number back, turning away from Cosy Reads and heading into the green area of the square across from the crowd gathered around the carol singers. I dry a bench with the most shelter from the snow with a tissue from my pocket and plonk down on it.
Jill answers after the first ring.
‘There you are!’ Jill cries.
‘Are you alright?’ I pant.
‘Sorry! Yes, I need to see you, like now? Can you switch to FaceTime?’ Jill is panting also.
‘All those texts? All okay? Yes, but I’m outside in the square, it’s snowing. But—’ I flip to FaceTime as Jill’s face appears.
‘Can you talk?’ she gasps, her big blue eyes searching behind me.
‘Yes, I’m in Heartwell. I’m alone, what’s up?’
‘Maggie, I’m pregnant,’ Jill shouts.
I lean so far into the camera my nose hits off the glass, in utter disbelief I shout, ‘W-whaaaaaaat?’
Jill holds a white stick up to the camera. ‘It’s positive.’
‘Jill! Oh my God . . .’ My mouth drops in shock.
‘But I need to do another to make sure and I need you with me.’
‘Of course! I-I will book a flight . . .’ I jump up, my head spinning. ‘I’m coming!’
‘No! No! Here with me on FaceTime, I have to do another test right now! This very second. I need you now!’ Panic jogs around Jill’s shocked face.
‘Okay, take it easy, it’s okay,’ I say just as the carol singers start up again with ‘Carol of the Bells’.
‘I need to get indoors. The snow is getting heavier and the wind is howling, there are carol singers and I can barely hear you. Let me go into the bookshop, it’s right beside me here!
’ My head down as I run across the square to Cosy Reads, the melodic voices singing ‘ring Christmas bells’ in harmony fading into the distance as I push the door open. A little bell rings.
‘Hello!’ A woman sits behind the counter reading a hardback book, heavily pregnant in an oversized jumper that’s says ‘I’d Rather Be Reading’.
‘Giselle?’ I pant.
‘Oui?’ she answers in French, sliding her bookmark in, closing her book – What to Expect When You’re Expecting – with curiosity on her face.
‘Sorry, I’m Maggie.’ I pull open the door again and stamp the snow from my running shoes, then step back inside.
‘I saw you at the wedding the other night, I met Terry earlier. I really need somewhere to talk to my friend on FaceTime, she thinks she’s pregnant after three years of trying! ’ I wave my phone at her.
Giselle takes one look at me and stands up, her hands cradling her lower back. ‘This way,’ she says.
I follow Giselle through the bookshop and out a small door into a stock room, with piles of boxes stacked.
‘You can take as long as you want.’ Giselle smiles warmly and just before she closes the door, she says, ‘This is my first baby but not my first pregnancy. I have lost three pregnancies.’ She holds my eye, wraps her hands around her huge bump, ‘So I understand.’ Then, she closes the door gently.
‘Okay! I’m here!’ I will have to follow up that conversation with Giselle, but right now, I settle myself on the window ledge, bend my knees, tuck my legs up.
‘Thank you! I’m shaking so badly. Right, I’m going to the bathroom to do another, come with me.’ Jill takes the phone with her, props it up on her sink then disappears. I try to digest this wonderful news all the while saying a silent prayer it’s not a false positive.
‘Ok, three minutes.’ Jill returns, picks the phone back up, and lays the new stick by the positive one, the camera wobbly.
‘I can’t believe it.’ I am a little lost for words.
‘Neither can I? It can’t be right? I know it can’t. Can it?’ She squeezes her cheeks with her fingers.
‘Let’s wait and see. Why did you do a pregnancy test in the first place?’ I probe gently, unsure as to what all this means since they had stopped the IVF after the last unsuccessful round.
‘So before Max left for Lisbon we, well, we were . . . together. I didn’t think about it until this morning when I had to jump of bed and throw up!
I’ve felt odd a bit but I put it down to eating so many London curries!
I got back into bed but I had to run back and throw up again.
Then I remembered feeling queasy in Hyde Park yesterday and in Kensington Gardens when I was talking to you a few days ago.
’ Jill paces around and I immediately think how pale I thought she looked on that call.
‘And I remembered the metallic taste in my mouth and how things smelled of mushrooms but when I bent to tie my shoelaces, that’s when I felt the tenderness in my boobs.
They were really sore and not like the IVF soreness .
. . different.’ Jill barely takes a breath, pink creeping up her cheeks, make-up free and so beautiful.
‘Okay.’ I calmly realise I’ve been holding my own breath.
We just stare at one another down the lens, miles apart but right now fully together in this most important moment.
‘There is every chance this test will be positive too and that you’re pregnant, Jill Lewis-Huberman.’ I say softly, ‘But we need to get you to a doctor too. Do a proper blood test.’
‘It’s probably negative.’ Jill swallows so hard I can actually hear it.
‘Even so, you’ve had one positive so you have to get checked out,’ I repeat.
‘I need to call Max.’ She’s fidgeting so much her head is moving side to side off the screen and back on.
‘Maybe just hang on a little bit, love?’ I say as we both sit in silence until Jill’s phone alarm hollers at us that time is up.
‘I can’t look,’ Jill cries into the phone, her eyes wet, tears streaming now.
‘I can. Hold it up to me, just go get it but don’t look at it.’ I hop off the window ledge and start to pace between the boxes of books.
Jill nods.
I take a full deep breath as Jill props the phone on the sink and hovers her hand over the slim white stick.
‘I’m picking it up,’ Jill calls out as with a shaking hand she lifts the stick.
‘More to the right,’ I direct her. ‘No, my right, little more, that’s it. Hold it steady. Back a bit. A bit more. Try to grab your shaking hand by the wrist, that’s it, well done. Don’t move.’
Then, I see it, the writing on the white stick.
Glowing like the shiniest star in the sky.
One word. One priceless word: PREGNANT. In bright blue lettering.
It jumps out at me on screen. But I read the word again and again and once more for good luck.
Jill’s hand is shaking like a leaf despite her gripping it with her other hand.
‘It’s negative, isn’t it?’ she whispers.
‘Jill?’ I say.
‘Maggie?’ Jill opens one blue eye.
‘Jill, it’s positive too!’ Now I can’t control my emotions, tears come flowing down my face.
‘Shut. Up.’ Jill jumps up and turns the stick towards her, stares at it. ‘Oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God.’
‘Bre-athe.’ I sob the word.
‘What if they are both false? What if it’s something to do with me stopping the IVF? Some falsehood that going on in my body? Mad, leftover bitchy hormones?’ Jill blurts. ‘What if, Maggie? What if?’ Her wet eyes blaze with hope and fear.
‘We can speculate all we want but I think you’re pregnant, Jill. Now, you need to see a doctor and have that proper pregnancy blood test carried out.’ I smile now as I see real colour flood into her face, so thrilled is she.
‘Isn’t life strange?’ Jill laments, ‘In all the years I’ve dreamt of this moment, and believe you me, I’ve dreamt about this moment a million times.
No, a trillion times over. I never thought it would be with me in London and you in a little village in Ireland over FaceTime with twenty copies of What to Expect When You’re Expecting sitting on a shelf over your head!
’ Jill throws her head back and laughs and it’s the most beautiful sight for me to see, for us to share.
‘Maybe my article has more truth to it than we could ever imagine, maybe this really is a magical place. Now, go call your lovely husband. Tell him the words you’ve been dying to say for years. Enjoy it,’ I whisper to my best friend as happy tears flow like a river down both our faces.
Now, I just need to find Dan and tell him all I know.