Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
I browse the bookshelves as Giselle is with a customer. In the corner is a tall glass cabinet. Inside I see a shelf of Claddagh rings and book marks with crystals attached. I see a green Claddagh much like my own and remember that I want to buy one for my mom.
‘Thank you so much, Giselle.’ I stand in front of her as she drops the last of a bundle of festively wrapped books into a bag and a customer takes her leave.
The door opens again with a tinkle of the bell.
‘It’s great news for my friend Jill, but I’m so sorry to hear you lost so many .
. . that’s awful.’ I simply can’t ignore what Giselle told me.
‘It was awful, so I understand your friend’s pain and now happiness,’ Giselle says.
‘I’d like to buy the green Claddagh ring for my mom back in New York and one of the crystal bookmarks – stick it in a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting too, will you? It’s for Jill.’
Giselle is wrapping my purchases when the bell rings out and the door is flung open.
‘There you are! You’re still here, great!’ Dan fills the small space, panting. ‘I was hoping you hadn’t headed back to the castle, I got . . . I got—’
‘Did everything go okay?’ Giselle says, clear adhesive tape perched between her teeth, looking past me and straight at Dan.
‘—delayed. Yeah, sure. Hey Giselle, how are you doing? How’s the sciatica?’ Dan takes a few steps to the counter, tilts his head at Giselle, genuinely interested.
‘I am good, a little sore, a little heavy but I don’t dare complain,’ she says in her sweet French accent as she tapes the wrapped book.
‘It’s almost six o’ clock and as it’s Christmas week, I was wondering if I can buy you a drink, Maggie?’ Dan asks me, looking more than a little rattled.
‘You okay?’ I ask him.
‘Yup!’ he replies with a clap of his hands.
‘Well then, Dan, your timing is impeccable!’ I tell him.
‘Is Terry still at the hall?’ Giselle asks, handing me my bag and turning the sign on the door from open to closed.
‘Terry’s setting up for the meeting for me. Yes, I need a little break, he’ll be down for you in a few,’ he says but I hear that heaviness and his eyes dip.
‘Well, I’m celebrating some great news! My friend Jill is expecting a baby!’ I wave my phone at him, trying to lift his mood.
‘Excellent. That is gorgeous news. So let’s celebrate that too with a drink too . . . let’s go.’ For a split second, he holds out his hand but then he pulls it back. I know he’s thinking what I’m thinking: I leave soon.
The snow is sleeting a blizzard as we run across the road and into the welcoming Heartwell Lounge and Bar.
The place is buzzing. The fire crackles, Christmas revellers are enjoying themselves, pints are being raised and laughter and vibrant chatter fills the air.
But as Dan slips out of his wax jacket, I wonder if it’s my imagination or if a sort of hush just fell over the entire pub? I look around, confused.
‘Wine?’ Dan ignores the hush, asking me.
‘S-sure.’ I look around as people stare at us.
‘As you were,’ Dan says to no one in particular and the chatter pipes back up. ‘Bottle of the Saint-émilion Merlot please, Gráinne,’ Dan orders. ‘Two glasses.’
‘Coming up. Hi Maggie. The snug is free, Dan, if ye want the fire, like? Some privacy?’ Gráinne suggests, drying a glass in her hand, her tone more solemn than I remember it as I return her greeting.
‘See you later, Dan.’ An older man passes them, lifts his cap, replaces it.
‘Shall we move on in?’ Dan slaps a hand on the man’s shoulder but says nothing as I stand close behind him, slightly bewildered but also amazed to feel my heart fluttering again at the proximity of his body.
‘Cheers, Gráinne, take a drink for yerself.’ Dan hands her his credit card as he takes the bottle of wine and an opener from her. I pick up the glasses and I follow him into a tiny room with a wreath on the door.
‘Was that weird?’ I ask him. ‘Did the pub just go terribly quiet?’
‘You’re coming to the céilí tomorrow night, I hope?’ Dan shuts the glass door behind us, ignoring my question. Another open fire crackles brightly, and strings of Christmas lights are draped around the window frame, blinking on and off.
‘The fundraising céilí?’ I tread carefully, knowing I need to talk to him right now about Frederick before we leave this snug. In fact it’s the perfect place to talk to him.
‘That one.’ He extends his arm, twists the corkscrew in the bottle.
‘I bought a ticket from Kate but I don’t know, I still have a whole lot of work to do. I need to talk to you about all that actually, one of the jobs I was asked to do.’
But Dan is busy concentrating, he’s pulling at the stiff cork and then it comes out with a hiss and a pop.
Dan examines the cork, smells it. He pours my wine first and now I can really feel the heat, so I remove my sweater and adjust my cotton green long-sleeved T-shirt underneath as the fire throws out a ferocious heat.
‘To us!’ Dan makes a toast and I clink his glass gently. ‘Try it. One of my favourites, let it settle on your palate for a moment.’ So we sip the wine. Dan stares into the open fire, the reflection illuminating his face. I could look at that face forever, I find myself thinking.
But you can’t, I tell myself.
Dan swirls his wine glass, he seems miles away. Here we go, I think, I’ll try again, but before I can speak the door opens and Gráinne pops her head around.
‘Dan, food for ye? You’ll need to eat before the meeting?’
‘I had Betsy’s pie,’ he tells her.
‘Ack, that’s not a dinner, that’s a tiny snack. It’s going to be a long night, you know it is.’ She pulls off her tie-dye bandana. ‘I’m finishing up now too.’
‘Alright,’ he tells her. ‘Still hungry?’ He turns back to me.
‘I am actually,’ I say but more so because I want to stay in this snug alone with him so we can talk in private.
‘Ya fancy anything in particular?’ he asks, rubbing his stubble roughly.
‘Whatever you recommend,’ I say easily, ‘I’m not a fussy eater.’
‘Good to know. Can ya just bring us a basket of warm bread, some cheeses and Jimmy’s green pesto to start?’ Dan smiles at her. ‘You like all those?’ His eyes dart to me.
‘I do, very much.’
‘Coming right back!’ Gráinne tells us.
‘You do not get service like this in New York.’ I cradle the red wine in my hands, cross my legs and balance the glass on my thigh.
I could spend the rest of my life, right here, right now.
But again, I tell myself, I can’t. I stare out the small round window, at the falling snow, illuminated by the orange glow from the street lamps.
‘You don’t think it’s odd that I spend my life in a tiny village when you come from somewhere as colossal as New York, yet we get on like a house on fire?’ Dan leans forward, I can smell him again, that cologne. Musky, sexy.
‘Not at all.’ I clear my throat as Gráinne returns with a deep bowl of breads, a selection of cheeses and a delicious smelling pesto, puts them all down and leaves the snug again.
‘This looks delicious.’ I put my wine down on the barrel.
‘Allow me to serve you?’
‘Sure.’ I pick my wine back up as Gráinne comes back with four small plates stacked on top of one another.
‘Is she getting a Dan special?’ Gráinne laughs.
‘She is,’ Dan says.
‘Make sure you eat too,’ she tells him with a wag of her finger.
‘Will you be this bossy with Fergus when he returns from Lebanon next week?’ Dan pokes a finger at her.
‘I can hardly wait . . .’ Gráinne shuts her eyes. ‘He’s been very scatty at keeping touch lately! So he better have a bloody ring!’ She snaps them open and both her and Dan laugh.
‘Ya may steer clear of Jack Traynor so,’ Dan says with a tilt of his head.
‘We’re just friends is all. Enjoy, Maggie, see you later, Dan. I’m off to see Marina before she leaves so, I’ll see you up at the hall. I’m praying this Johan romance is for real.’
‘We all are!’ Dan slaps his palm against his forehead.
‘Do you guys really think she’s being catfished?’ I blurt in horror. Again, I have to stop myself from feeling part of this community. I don’t know Marina, I’m just here on a five-day job, it’s none of my business.
‘No, we don’t know . . .’ Gráinne throws concerned eyes at Dan as she leaves again.
I watch Dan set out the four small plates on the big barrel. He breaks the bread into small pieces and places cheese on top, puts them on two plates.
‘It’s like watching an artist at work,’ I tell him, enjoying the time I have to really look at him while he’s deep in concentration before I burst his bubble.
‘I’m a simple man with simple pleasures, I’m afraid. They laugh at me in here sometimes. I’d knock in after a really hard day up above, order a pint of Guinness and a basket of warm bread and butter. Read my book by the fire. That would do me.’
‘Sounds amazing.’ My mouth is watering as I watch Dan now break up the other bread and dip it into the green pesto. ‘What do you like to read?’
‘Autobiographies. I love a true story. You like to read?’
‘Do I. I read all the time . . .’ I have a sudden flashback of my bedside locker and the tower of self-help books. ‘Actually, I lie, I haven’t read anything bar self-help and confidence-building books in so long. I miss actually reading other things.’
‘I have a book for you. Mary Robinson, our first female president. You’ll love it. In fact, there’s a copy in the phone box we can grab, now tuck in,’ he tells me as I pick up some warm bread and cheese and taste, groan in delight.
‘White Stilton Gold?’ I ask him, my hand covering my mouth as I chew.
‘Yes.’ He looks impressed with my knowledge.
‘I know my cheeses. So, tell me something,’ I say, handing a pesto one to him now.
It’s a question I have to know the answer to.
‘You told me about Denise, but I’m wondering have you been properly in love before?
Like, head over heels?’ I ask, not quite believing my confidence at this question.
He just looks at me, his unruly dark hair falling over one eye.
Again, I feel my face flush but he is flushing too, his neck a little red.
‘No. I told you I think there is the one for everyone. My parents had it and I’ll never settle until I find it either.’ He says the last few words so slowly and carefully that I stop chewing for a second. He drinks his wine. I swallow.
‘Is this for yer article?’ he asks me now, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
‘No, it’s for me.’ I bite my lip. Steady, I tell myself.
‘But what about you? Were you head over heels in love with that Cooper idiot?’ Dan whispers in this truthful moment and I’m shocked he remembered Cooper’s name.
‘N-no.’ I stumble on the one word but manage to reply honestly.
Then, we look at one another. It’s like a staring competition, neither of us blink.
‘You fascinate me, Maggie. I think, I, well, I know you are leaving . . .’ Dan breaks the silence as he leans forward on his seat, blocks the heat from the burning turf for a moment. ‘But you are so beautiful . . . so fascinating.’
‘Thank you . . . I-I don’t really know what to say, it’s all very overwhelming and thrilling,’ I add, leaning forward too, my mouth dry but I feel wonderful.
‘I just think this is all so mad, so unbelievable, I came here sworn off love for life but you – you’ve changed that somewhat,’ I say with a confident laugh.
‘It’s hard to believe, right? But I just felt this instant connection with you, you know?
Like we’d met before? It’s your eyes, they’re unforgettable, your soul was seeping out through them, I was just pulled right in.
When you whipped off that woolly hat and your hair tumbled around you my heart leapt out of my chest. This has never happened to me before but you’re leaving me soon, so I don’t think . . .’
He doesn’t think! He doesn’t think. It’s all I can hear.
‘I don’t want to leave here . . . ever,’ I blurt, shocking myself by speaking my truth and leaving myself so vulnerable.
‘So, what are you saying?’ He stares at me.
‘Nothing. I don’t know, I’m just being silly, that’s just it . . .’
‘It’s all so fast, I do know that, but . . .’
‘But?’ I stare back into his expressive eyes, trying desperately to read them, ‘I also have to tell you something about—’
‘Dan?’ Gráinne sticks her head in again, wrapping a scarf around her neck. ‘Sorry. Terry’s on the landline, says your mobile is switched off and it’s urgent. The hall is filling up. Sorry, Maggie, he’s needed.’
I feel dizzy. I still haven’t told him I know he’s sold the castle, nor has he told me. He doesn’t know I am more or less working for Frederick, the man he has sold his castle to. I am suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety as I stand up, all a fluster.
‘I better go. I-I have to get back to work, my deadline has come and gone, so if you’ll excuse me, Dan.’ I almost knock the wine glass off the barrel as I hit against it but I steady it just in time, droplets spill. I grab my coat and sweater in my hands.
‘But wait, please, one second. We didn’t—’ Dan’s eyes are darting to the glass door as all of a sudden Séamus walks into the snug with a slice of pizza perched between his teeth. He steps in and leans on Dan’s shoulder.
‘Not a great time, Séamus man, but are you okay? Gráinne looking after you out there? You need anything?’ Dan says, but again with utter kindness and a warm smile to the older man and I melt once more. This is a man with a truly good heart.
‘We all want you to marry a local lass, not a bloody American!’ Séamus says with a wag of his finger.
‘I’ll marry the woman who takes my breath away,’ Dan says, standing up from his chair to let me out as Gráinne reappears and leads Séamus back out.
‘Terry. Phone!’ She eyeballs Dan.
‘T-thank you for the wine and the f-food,’ I stammer.
‘Most welcome,’ Dan tells me.
Dan holds the door to the snug back for me and I exit the now completely empty bar. There’s not a person in sight. As I depart out into the snowy evening, I wonder what on earth is going on.