15. Chapter 15
Kitty could not sleep. William had promised to take her to see the parish records. She would learn the truth about her father’s birth—and yet she didn’t know if she could face it.
It did not help that a pair of deep blue eyes and a roguish smile haunted her thoughts.
Why did he have to flirt with her? It had been so unexpected, and for a moment, she had responded as if it were real, revelling in his touch.
She had come back to earth with a crash and lashed out at him for making her think he cared.
Bother the man. Why did he have to turn all apologetic and be so sweet to her when she told him her story? While he had been so self-centred, she could easily dismiss him from her thoughts, but now?
Catherine Bruce. I warned you not to fall in love. You will end up with a broken heart and no one to blame but yourself. It meant nothing. He was just being kind.
She had exposed a chink in his armour of self-absorption, and beneath it, she had discovered a man worth loving. Kitty knew she was lost.
She climbed out of bed and walked to the window. Her eyes grew accustomed to the gloom. The figure was in the garden again, with the same tell-tale plume of smoke. Kitty reached a snap decision. This time, she would discover the smoker’s identity.
As she pulled on her wrap and slid her feet into her slippers, she couldn’t help remembering the previous occasion she had ventured into the corridors at night.
When she had confronted William and he had insisted she use his Christian name to prove there was nothing between her and Hugh.
She wouldn’t object to repeating that experience.
It would be far preferable to facing Mr Barrington again and having to endure his fatherly arm around her shoulders.
Candle in hand, Kitty left her room. She stood for a moment and listened. All was quiet, but just in case someone was about, she walked down the Long Gallery, rather than using the hallway that passed by Hugh’s bedroom door.
At the top of the staircase, she paused again.
Still no noise. She glanced at the door separating her from the hall of William’s bedchamber, wishing he would come out.
She would have been glad of his support tonight, but as he didn’t appear, she would have to manage without him.
It would be most improper to go knocking on his bedroom door.
With a shake of her head, she hurried downstairs, gripping the banister as she descended.
She crossed the entrance hall to the servants’ stair and continued her descent. At the top of the steps down to the cellars, she waited again. Still no noise. All was dark, apart from her candle.
Inhaling deeply, she took a step downward and then another. Light streamed underneath a closed door to her right. Dare she go inside?
Before she could decide, the door opened. Hugh slipped out and shut it behind him. “Catherine! Why in heaven’s name are you down here?” Taking her arm, he led her back up the stairs. “It is not safe. Promise me you will not venture down here again.”
Kitty refused to be fobbed off. “Why isn’t it safe?”
Hugh wrung his hands together. “Because sometimes the tobacco does not calm Silas enough, and he becomes violent.”
“Then why don’t you let him be cared for in an asylum? Though it is compassionate of you to keep him here, isn’t the safety of your own household more important?”
“You are right, of course, and I fear there will come a time when I can no longer give him shelter under my roof. But I want to put off that day for as long as possible. I cannot forget what he sacrificed whilst fighting for his country.”
“May I see him?”
“My dear Catherine, why would you want to look at a man who is not in his right mind?”
Because she doubted he existed.
“It would not be kind to watch him like a monkey in a cage.”
At that moment, the door opened again, and the butler exited and came up the stairs toward them.
He looked hideous. Laura had said he had once been a prize-fighter, and his appearance could not have been worse if he had just fought several rounds in the ring.
His lip was cut and streaming with blood, and his right eye showed signs of turning purple.
“Is all well, Blake?” asked Hugh. “Have you got him under restraint again?”
The butler glanced at Kitty before answering. “Aye, but that was a close one. You know how he lashes out when he thinks he’s fighting the French.”
Mr Barrington turned to Kitty. “Do you still want to see him? I daresay he looks worse than Blake.”
Did she? The butler’s injuries were genuine. If not caused by Silas, how had he received them? There must be a madman living in the basement. A madman she was in no hurry to meet.
Kitty shook her head in answer to Hugh’s question and bid them both goodnight.
She hurried away from them and didn’t stop until she was back in her room.
In need of reassurance, she turned the key in the lock.
She climbed into bed, drew the curtains around her and snuggled down under the covers.
How different an experience from her previous nighttime visit—and not nearly as pleasant.
Despite the disturbing nature of what she had witnessed, Kitty fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow. Although it was unnerving to know there was a madman in the basement, it was reassuring to learn that Laura was not risking her reputation meeting Mr Jenkin at night.
But did that mean she had transferred her affections and was considering marrying William?
The possibility weighed on Kitty. It was fickle of her friend to desert her first love for a better match.
What if she changed her mind again? Kitty feared Laura would hurt William.
She would not be so careless if he entrusted his heart to her.
Kitty wondered if there would be any awkwardness with Hugh when she met him at breakfast the following morning. After all, he had found her wandering around his house in the dark twice now, and last night, she had all but demanded to see Mad Cousin Silas before she’d thought better of it.
It seemed not. He offered a warm welcome and begged her to take the seat next to him, as if nothing untoward had occurred. Laura was eating breakfast in her room as usual, but William soon joined them. As he greeted Kitty, he tilted his head toward Mr Barrington and shot her a knowing smile.
She scowled back at him. Why did he have to insinuate that Hugh was showing her special favour? He had sat her beside him as if she were a niece or cousin. Nothing more.
As breakfast drew to a close, Hugh leaned closer. “May I have a few words with you this morning, Catherine, before Mr Merry commandeers your time as Laura’s chaperon?”
Kitty’s mouth went dry. Perhaps there would be repercussions from what had happened last night after all. “Yes, of course.”
She made the mistake of glancing across the table. William had the audacity to wink at her, making her cheeks flood with heat. Bother the man. Why was he so determined to imagine Mr Barrington was romantically interested in her?
She supposed she had to forgive him this once. He didn’t know what had happened last night, and that it was more probable she was in for a reprimand.
Kitty followed Hugh to his study. He ushered her inside and shut the door behind them. He didn’t wish their conversation to be overheard. That didn’t augur well.
She took the seat he offered and clasped her hands in her lap. She could deal with this. An apology for overstepping her position by roaming the corridors at night was already forming on her tongue when Hugh drew a chair up close and sat down beside her.
Kitty squeezed her fingers together more tightly. His proximity was as unexpected as it was uncomfortable. Could she have been wrong about him?
“I trust you are happy at Rufus House.”
She eyed him warily. “I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.”
“That is excellent news because I want you to stay with us. Permanently.”
Kitty did not like the way this conversation was going and chose her words with care. “Thank you for your kindness, but once Laura has married, it would not be proper for me to do so. We are not family.”
“We could be. If you consented to be my wife.”
Marriage? William had been right all along and would crow over this for days—except there wouldn’t be many more days with him. The thought filled her with an overwhelming sense of emptiness.
With difficulty, she brought herself back to the man seated next to her. “I am flattered, Hugh, but I hardly know you—”
“I won’t insult you by pretending an affection for you I have not had time to cultivate, but even in the short while we have been acquainted, I’ve come to admire your inner strength. Your position concerns me. If your brother does not return from the war, you will be all alone.”
As if she needed to be reminded of that.
“I won’t lie to you,” he continued. “I want an heir, and I believe we can give each other what we most desire. You would gain the security of a home, and I, a companion after my daughter is married. If Providence should bless us with a son, then my happiness would be complete.”
Every feeling revolted against marrying a man so much older than her. Kitty wanted to refuse him at once, but the practical side of her forced her to consider his proposal. Such a marriage would bring her a position and security that no one else was offering. She would belong to someone.
But could she marry without love, or at least the hope of it?
There was no spark of attraction between her and Hugh.
No stimulating conversation. No…anything.
Nothing that made her believe love could ever grow between them, no matter how hard she tried.
It would be a marriage of convenience. Forever.