Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“When is the cast coming off?”
Jacob twisted in his seat to find Hallie emerging from her bedroom. If he was honest with himself, he’d say he was dreading the day Hallie would ask that question. Right now, they’d managed to stay in their little bubble without the pressure of what came next. It had been nice.
More than nice.
It’d made him want to believe he could have more in his life.
More with her.
“Hey, where did you go?” Hallie plopped down beside him on the couch and took his hand in hers. “Everything okay?”
He met her beautiful eyes and couldn’t bring himself to voice those dismal thoughts. What happened when she didn’t have to stay and help anymore? What happened if he had to find a job he hated and his frustration bled into their relationship? Would she stick around while he found himself again?
Jacob shook his head and turned his attention to the television. “Nothing. Just thinking. I’m good.”
She squeezed his hand and let out a sigh. “You know you can talk to me, right? I’m here for you.”
It was all he could do to squeeze her hand back.
“So, when’s the big day?” she asked again.
“Next week.” The time had flown by. Two days ago, he’d gone in to get additional x-rays to make sure they were ready for next steps but unfortunately, Dr. Drake wasn’t available for a consultation and Kai was trying to push another physical therapist on him.
One who was renowned in the rodeo world but his practice was located on the east coast.
Jacob wasn’t going to get his hopes up. If he didn’t allow himself to believe that everything would work out, then he wouldn’t get his heart broken when everything inevitably fell apart afterward.
Hallie tucked herself into his side. “I don’t know how long you want me to stay after the cast comes off.”
He stiffened then prayed she didn’t notice. She was so attuned to him that there was little chance she wouldn’t sense something was bothering him.
She was quiet. Too quiet. What did she expect him to say?
He couldn’t exactly ask her to stay, right?
Not without a good excuse. Wouldn’t that make him look clingy?
Or weak? But if he told her to go ahead and move back home because he didn’t need her, that would be a lie and she might feel like he was pushing her away.
Jacob wasn’t good at this relationship thing. He didn’t know what to do in situations like this one. His breathing grew ragged and spots swirled in his eyes. Was he having a heart attack?
“Anyway,” Hallie hedged, “the more I thought about it, the more I figured it would be best if I stayed until the doctor cleared you for practicing.”
If at any point in his life Jacob was rammed by two separate vehicles from either side, he was certain it would resemble the way he felt right now.
Relief washed over him that he didn’t have to ask Hallie to stay.
He didn’t have to make any excuses about his insecurities in this relationship.
And she wouldn’t have to notice just how unpracticed he was.
While at the same time, he buckled under the anxiety that one word presented.
Practicing.
They’d both steered clear of his future in the rodeo. He’d gotten better about avoiding anything on the television related to the sport. When she asked if he wanted to get tickets, he shut her down with one look.
And yet, here she was acting like he’d be able to just swing his leg over the side of the saddle and return to what he was most passionate about.
“Would that be okay?” Her voice was timid and she pulled back to look him in the eye. “You’re going to be working harder than ever with your physical therapist and after long days of that, I’m sure you’re not going to be up for doing anything for yourself.”
He peered down at her, in awe. How had he managed to get so lucky? “You’d do that? Stay? Just to help me out?”
She released an adorable giggle. “Jacob, I offered to help when you were being a pain in the you know what. If I can deal with your surly mood, then I think I can handle the Jacob who’s driven and has something to fight for.”
His small smile faltered.
“What?” Hallie immediately noticed his mood shift and she placed a hand to his cheek. “Your doctor said—”
Jacob pulled her hand from his cheek. “My doctor said I need to be prepared for any outcome. And while he was optimistic that I’d be able to return to the rodeo, he said I needed to speak to the physical therapist about what it would look like moving forward.
It could take years of work to get back to where I was. ”
She frowned. “Or it could take months. You don’t know until you set your mind to it.”
He closed his eyes and prayed for patience.
She was just trying to help. This was the touchiest subject there was, and he didn’t want to scare her off just because he was in a mood.
When he opened his eyes, he found her concerned gaze locked on him.
“Just… can we not discuss any of this until I speak with that physical therapist?”
“He’s the best in the country, right? That’s what Kai told you?”
Jacob fought the urge to roll his eyes and instead brought Hallie’s fingers to his lips. He kissed her soft skin and sighed. “Dr. Drake is the best in our area. But Kai wants me to consider seeing someone out in New York.”
She frowned. “Would you have to move out there for treatment?”
He wasn’t sure she meant to ask the question aloud but there was no way he was going to let her get in her own head about this.
Jacob grasped her chin. “Dr. Drake is excellent at what he does. If anyone can confirm I’ll be ready to get back in the saddle, it’d be him.
” The words tasted like a lie as they spilled from his lips.
He’d continue keeping his pessimistic thoughts to himself.
He didn’t want Hallie to be his cheerleader. He just needed her to be his.
“Good. Then I think we can both agree that with how hard you work, everything will turn out exactly as it’s meant to.”
He didn’t voice the fact that her statement could mean either outcome. If this was his wakeup call to settle down, then he’d be forced to accept it.
“I’ve looked over your charts and your x-rays. The breaks you suffered have healed well and to be honest, they aren’t in high strain locations for the kind of work you do.”
Jacob snorted into the phone. “You’re kidding, right? My body is thrown in all kinds of ways when I’m on the back of a mean bronc.”
Dr. Drake’s chuckle came through the speaker loud and clear.
“I know you’re skeptical because of what you’ve been through, but I’ve worked with several rodeo stars over the years.
Your bones have healed up nicely and Dr. Smith agrees.
Right now, we’re just wanting to make sure there is no permanent damage regarding muscle and ligaments.
We need to assess your abilities after you get out of your cast and that brace.
It’s going to be strange after being dependent on them for the last couple of months, but I have confidence that as long as we don’t push too hard too fast that you’ll make a full recovery. ”
There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in the man’s voice. Jacob almost allowed himself to believe that this man knew the future. But that was where things got dangerous, wasn’t it? He’d been disappointed in life before. Those small moments hadn’t broken him, but this one would.
Had he been floating through this injury with a grain of hope that all wasn’t lost?
He didn’t want to think so. Perhaps he’d buried that grain of hope so deep and something was finally stirring.
The end was in sight. His cast and the brace would be coming off in a matter of days.
Then he’d start the arduous journey of healing and…
And what if he could actually compete in December as planned?
“Thank you for your call,” Jacob murmured at the end of the conversation. “I’ll call your office and set up my first appointment.”
“Looking forward to working with you,” Dr. Drake said. “Have a good day, Mr. Hines.”
The cabin was quiet. Hallie had run to the store to pick up a few things they needed for dinner and that left Jacob alone with his thoughts.
The war in his mind continued to rage. He hadn’t ever let anything stand in his way before.
Granted, he’d never had a setback quite like this one.
While he’d been angry with Hallie, with himself, and with the world, he was forced to admit that he hadn’t channeled his energy in the best ways.
No, he wasn’t playing the victim. He was being a realist. Jacob knew his limits, and he wasn’t going to walk down a road that would only hurt him further.
Things had changed. Both doctors had agreed that he had a really good shot at returning to his career. It wasn’t a guarantee, he knew that. There was only one question left to ask himself.
If he put forth all his effort and drive into getting back what he’d lost, would he be able to survive the hard truth of failing?
He swallowed, the lump in his throat not budging.
Without thinking, he reached for the remote and scrolled through the programs he’d recorded.
Finding one from several months ago, he clicked on it and the screen filled with one of his more recent competitions.
It wasn’t difficult to fast forward through the recording until he found what he was looking for.
“… look at him go, John. Jacob Hines has a flawless technique. We’ve seen it a hundred times before and he only seems to be getting better….”
Jacob leaned forward, watching, the seconds ticking by excruciatingly slow.
The buzzer went off and he leaped from the back of the horse and ran toward the edge of the arena.
His eyes shifted to what was likely the scoreboard and then he smiled as Kai clapped him on the shoulder.
He’d won that competition. It had been one of his best.
The click of the door getting unlocked startled him and he fumbled with the remote to turn the television off then he stood.
Hallie was already in the room and she glanced from him to the television.
His jaw tightened as he waited for her to attempt to talk to him.
He might be ready to start having hope again, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it with the woman he was starting to fall for.
She must have read it in his eyes because all she did was smile and hold up the bags she’d brought inside. “Hungry?”
He nodded.
“I was thinking we could watch a movie tonight. Brought one from home. It’s in my purse.”
She moved toward the kitchen to get started on dinner and he hobbled over to the movie. More than once, he cut a look in her direction, watching her, waiting for her to ask him why he was watching his past competitions.
But she didn’t.
This was just one more reason why he needed her in his life.
She was getting really good at reading him and knowing when to wait versus when to drag a conversation out of him.
Smiling to himself, he opened her purse and pulled out the movie.
A flash of color caught his attention. It was a wrinkled sheet of paper, and he tugged on it.
His head snapped over to where Hallie was already pulling pots and pans from the cupboards.
Then he dipped his focus to the information regarding a photography competition.
This was perfect for her. It would allow her to share her talent with others and explore the possibility of something more when it came to her passion.
He nearly pulled the flyer free to ask her about it but then changed his mind.
She hadn’t told him about the competition, which meant that she wasn’t sure she wanted to participate.
Nor had she asked his opinion on the matter.
And if he wasn’t prepared to explore the possibility of returning to his rodeo career, then did he have any right to push her into talking about this?
It didn’t feel right to bring it up at all. In fact, he felt like he’d done something wrong in snooping. Jacob pushed the flyer into the purse and retrieved the movie. He placed it on the coffee table then closed the distance between himself and Hallie.
His arms slipped around her middle and he breathed out a sigh that sounded a great deal like relief mingled with resignation.
“You okay?” she whispered, leaning her head back as if in an attempt to snuggle him. Her hands were covered in hamburger as she formed the patties for their meal.
“Yeah,” he murmured, nipping at her earlobe.
She giggled.
“Thank you, Hallie.”
This time she grew still but only for a moment. Then she turned in his embrace while keeping her hands free of him. “For what?”
He tilted her chin upward. “For being what I needed even though I didn’t realize what that was.”
Her smile warmed him from the inside out. She continued to heal the cracked bits of him that didn’t want to believe he could be happy again. There was so much up in the air right now. The unknowns about his job, their relationship, and what it might mean if he could manage to have it all.
Hallie lifted on her toes, pecked him on the cheek, then returned to fixing dinner. “How about you get that movie going. Then, if you’re feeling up for it, we could play some chess.”
He hummed thoughtfully. “Actually, I think I might want to sketch a little.”
She turned wide eyes to him. “You draw? How did I not know this?”
Jacob chuckled and tucked a stray strand of hair from her eyes. “I couldn’t give up all my secrets. We need to maintain some mystery, right? Have to keep you interested somehow.”
Hallie smirked. “You’re more than enough, Jacob. Always have been.”