Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The phrase ‘time loses all meaning’ had once been something Hallie thought romantic.
She’d thought it meant that someone could get lost in time when they were with the right person.
That somehow, being in love or simply loving another soul would be enough to make time fly or stand still. There was no measure in that regard.
Romantic.
Yeah, that was once how she’d felt.
And she’d experienced that kind of exciting loss of time when she was with Jacob. She could spend hours talking to him, watching him work, or just being in his company and suddenly the day had slipped away from her.
Unfortunately, the phrase was less romantic than she’d thought.
Because she felt like she’d been locked in some kind of time warp.
There were moments of her day when she completely forgot that Jacob had broken things off with her.
She’d allowed herself to live in a reality where she woke up in the morning excited to head over to his place so she could just hang out only to have the cold, hard truth land on her with a vengeance.
Seconds of happiness were fleeting and they slipped between her fingers. Then the bone crushing pain of loss dragged on, reminding her that she was human with a broken heart and nothing to show for it.
That was how it felt now, sitting in her room as she rifled through the pictures she had in her little box. So many of these images she’d captured were of the man she’d fallen in love with. So many highlighted the man she had given her heart and her trust to.
What a terrible, awful mistake that had been.
Her thoughts slipped away to the first time she’d stolen a kiss from him—before she’d admitted she had feelings for him. He’d gotten so mad and she’d laughed it off. She’d teased him for believing that she had a crush on him when she insisted she didn’t.
Jacob had forgiven her when he’d cooled down, and she’d told herself she’d never do something so risky again.
Then she had to go and spill her secrets.
Granted, it had been a couple years after the fact, but still.
She’d put her heart on a platter and presented it to him only to have him turn her away.
Perhaps that was where everything went wrong.
Hallie picked up a candid of Jacob laughing with her cousin. She traced the smile on his face, knowing full-well that she was only dragging out her personal torture by looking through the memories she’d stolen with her camera.
If she hadn’t opened the door and told Jacob how she felt, he wouldn’t have pushed that door wide open and insisted they could make things work.
“Stupid,” she muttered to herself, flinging the picture into the growing pile. Today she’d planned on sorting the pictures and getting rid of any that had Jacob in them.
A quiet knock on her door had her lifting her head. She didn’t know who to expect, but she immediately hated the disappointment she felt at seeing Sammie.
Of course, Jacob wouldn’t wise up and beg for her forgiveness. She’d seen the resignation in his eyes that day. She’d known it was coming and still she’d allowed herself to get emotional over a guy.
“Hey,” Hallie muttered, turning back to her piles of pictures.
Sammie closed the door quietly and moved farther into the room. She sucked in a breath. “Are these…”
Hallie nodded and gestured with a mock flourish. “This is my secret hobby. Laugh at my expense.”
“Hallie…” Sammie said with reverence. “These are…”
“Ridiculous, I know.”
“No, they’re amazing.” Sammie picked up a picture of Jacob in the middle of one of his competitions. His brows were furrowed in concentration, and his form was perfection. It had been one of Hallie’s favorites. “I can’t believe you took these,” Sammie whispered as she picked up another one.
Fidgeting, Hallie watched her friend pick through the images. Sammie wasn’t the type of person to sugarcoat anything. She didn’t give compliments without meaning them. “Thanks.”
Sammie’s eyes lifted to meet hers and they softened. “No offense, but you look like…”
“Yeah, I know,” Hallie grimaced, lifting her hand to her messy bun. “I haven’t exactly felt like leaving my room for a few days.” Her voice trembled and she looked away. “I’m such a mess. I…”
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Sammie soothed.
Hallie shook her head. Then she nodded. “I mean, yeah, I know it will. It’s just…”
“Hard.”
Hallie nodded again. “More than you know.”
They turned back to the collection of photographs if only to avoid the elephant in the room. Sammie picked up a picture of a different cowboy. “Who’s this one? He’s familiar.”
“Jason. Faith’s big brother. He’s got a twin.”
“I didn’t know they liked to compete.”
Hallie shrugged. “Sometimes they do. But honestly, they seem to like teaching more than being in the middle of it.” She reached over and took the picture. “Shame, too. They’re pretty good. But they’re even better teachers from what I can tell.”
“Faith’s been asking about you. Brent, too.”
Was that supposed to mean something? When Hallie made it clear she didn’t have anything to say, Sammie continued.
“You know, I heard there’s a rodeo event going on in the next town over. We should go.”
Hallie didn’t hide her grimace. “Pass.”
“You need to get out of the house. It’ll be good for you.
” Sammie reached over and grasped a lock of Hallie’s hair.
The blue streak she’d put in it after her embarrassing confession of feelings had faded to a muted green color.
“We could do something fun with your hair again. And you could get all dolled up. Sitting in your room all day isn’t helping. ”
She could have asked Sammie how going to a rodeo would help seeing as that was the first thing Hallie associated with Jacob, but she refrained.
Her friend was trying to help. Besides, she was right.
It would be best for Hallie to get out of the house for a few hours even if it was to pretend to be normal.
“Come on, Hallie. You know you should. I’ll be there and we can invite some of the other girls. I’m sure they’d all like a girls’ night.”
Hallie scrunched up her nose, fighting the burn of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her. Then she sighed. “Yeah, okay.”
Sammie brightened considerably. “Okay, first things first. What color should we change this sad streak to?” She didn’t give Hallie a chance to pick when she gasped. “I know. Let’s do red. And not like a natural red or anything. We’re going to make it one of those bright cherry red colors.”
“You realize those colors don’t last long, right?” Hallie said with a laugh despite herself.
“Yeah, I know. But it will be fun for the next little while anyway.”
This event was indoors with how cold it had gotten.
Not to mention, there was snow and ice on the ground.
No one wanted to attend an event outside in this weather.
It was the middle of November and even though Hallie didn’t want to admit it, she was counting down the days until the big event in December.
Just the thought of Jacob made her heart twist into a thousand knots. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t hoping he’d come out on top. He’d given up everything in his life for that opportunity. She still wanted him to get what he thought would make him happy.
He’s doing that, Hallie.
He’s made his choice because he knows what he wants and what will make him happy.
And it’s not you.
There were thousands of people at this event and little chance that she’d bump into anyone they knew since Sammie had made it clear they were staying far away from where the participants hung out before and after their turn.
The noise was deafening when Jacob’s biggest competitor appeared. He held up his hands and waved to the crowd. Sammie leaned closer. “Who’s that?”
“Joe Hamilton,” Hallie yelled over the crowd. “His stats are right up there with…” A lump formed in Hallie’s throat and Sammie’s expression shifted into one filled with understanding. She patted Hallie’s knee.
“I wonder why he’s at this event. I thought it was for amateurs.”
Hallie cocked a brow at her best friend. “Really? Far from it. The last five competitors are all well known in their field.”
Sammie ducked her head, chagrined. “I guess I don’t follow the sport.”
“You can say that again,” Faith laughed on her other side. “Did you even look at the program?”
“Would it have helped?” Sammie asked.
Hallie watched them bicker and her smile returned. She’d done it. She’d made it out of the house to spend time with friends. She’d suffered through the hardest heartbreak of her life, and she’d survived.
Maybe losing Jacob was what she needed to finally get her head on straight and start dating someone who was actually available. Sure, there wasn’t anyone she was remotely interested in at the moment, but that could change. One step at a time. That was what she needed to focus on.
“Is this seat taken?”
Hallie twisted at the low voice and glanced up to see a handsome man holding his cowboy hat to his chest. His hair was darker than Jacob’s and his eyes were a steely shade of blue. His jaw was clean-shaven and the way he grinned at her should have sent butterflies swarming.
Sammie nudged her, probably thinking that Hallie was star struck. The girls who were seated back a row sure seemed to be. When Hallie didn’t utter a word, Sammie leaned over her. “Nope, that seat’s free. You’re welcome to take it.”
The cowboy placed his hat on his head and settled beside her. He thumbed over his shoulder. “Thanks, I was watching from up there and someone spilled their soda all over my seat. The floor is a mess, too. I figured since I didn’t see anyone using these chairs that it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”
Hallie swallowed hard and gave Sammie a hard look when she nudged her again. “Yeah, our other friends couldn’t make it tonight.” Wendy and Serenity had said they were up for it, but then one of Serenity’s boys got sick and so did Tripp.
Everyone knew Tripp was a big baby when he had a cold and unfortunately for him, he’d likely caught the flu from one of the many kids who called Sagebrush home. It was going through the family like wildfire.
The cowboy’s eyes seemed to sparkle as he took Hallie in from head to toe. And yet she still couldn’t muster even one butterfly.
She sighed.
Time.
All she needed was some more time.
The current cowboy in the arena fell off the bronc and darted to the edge of the arena while several others raced to the horse.
“So, do you attend the rodeo often?”
Hallie stiffened at how close the cowboy to her right had become. She leaned away slightly and nodded. “You?” she asked without looking in his direction.
“Yeah. My brother was just up.”
She glanced at him then. “Who’s your brother?”
“Joe Hamilton.”
Hallie’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”
Joe’s brother smiled again. “You a fan?”
“Nah,” Sammie interjected, clearly eavesdropping. “We’re actually team Jacob Hines.”
Hallie swiveled her wide eyes to Sammie who at least looked a little apologetic.
“Is that so?” The cowboy looked amused if anything. He scrubbed his jaw in thought then faced the arena. “Hey, isn’t that him over there?”
Just like that, Hallie’s precarious control slipped. She couldn’t help but look in the direction where Joe’s brother pointed and that was when her eyes locked with the one pair she would have given anything to avoid—at least for the next couple of months.
Jacob was staring at her, his focus drilling into her like he’d done so many times before.
She couldn’t tell from this distance if he was upset at seeing her or simply curious.
Heck, this was Jacob. He might even be happy to see her there because then it showed that they were both moving on with their lives.
But if that was how he felt, he couldn’t have been more wrong.
She wasn’t doing any better than she’d been the day he’d cut her out of his life like the tumor she was.
Based on the way her heart felt like it was shriveling up and dying right then in her chest, Hallie could tell this outing had been a mistake of massive proportions.
She shot to her feet, nearly knocking Sammie’s drink from her hands.
“Hey!—”
“I have to go,” Hallie blurted.
The cowboy at her right rose to his feet. “Everything okay?”
Hallie ignored him and scurried toward the end of the row, not caring about the people calling after her with frustration.
She bumped into several of them but the whole process was a blur.
She was vaguely aware of the fact that Sammie had followed her, but she had no idea where Faith was and couldn’t worry about that.
By the time she made it into the large hallway that led to the exits, she was breathing heavily, and her heart was ready to explode right out of her chest. Palms slick with sweat, Hallie paced.
She shouldn’t have come. She wasn’t ready.
He’d seen her and… nothing. She’d read nothing in his reaction.
A hand landed on her shoulder and she bit back a screech.
Sammie stood there with sad eyes and an even sadder smile. “It’s going to get better, Hallie. I promise.” Behind her and a few feet away was Joe’s brother. He had a look of concern on his face but thankfully he wasn’t interjecting himself into their conversation.
Hallie nodded, but she didn’t believe a word of what Sammie had to say.
“Want to go home?”
Another nod.
“I’ll go find Faith and we can get out of here, okay?”
“Thanks,” Hallie whispered.
“Of course. What are friends for?”