Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
The longer Jacob held off having that talk with Hallie the harder it became.
He couldn’t talk to her before the party she planned.
That would be a slap in the face for all the work she was putting into it.
He’d considered talking to her after the party but then Kai entered him into a competition in the next state over that had him busy with practice and then gone for a couple days before he came back to Rocky Ridge.
Today he was working with the Dennison twins to fine-tune some of the skills that had turned sluggish while he’d been unable to work. It felt good to have something to focus on because when he had down time, he was inundated with thoughts of Hallie and the inevitability of their breakup.
He didn’t want to walk away from what he had and that truth messed with his head more than he ever cared to admit.
In fact, Jacob nearly convinced himself to sit down and come up with a plan where he could continue dating Hallie.
But soon after, Kai brought him the schedule for the next year and with how often he was going to be out of town, he shot that idea from the sky.
This wasn’t just about Hallie struggling to be alone while he was out living his life. He’d seen the toll that distance could take on a relationship. People didn’t usually stick it out unless they had a strong foundation.
And he hadn’t exactly fostered a strong one to begin with based on the way he’d made it clear he wasn’t interested in her from the beginning.
Both of them would struggle and he had a strong feeling that they’d both end up hurt even more.
Then there was the idea that she could travel. Maybe she wouldn’t make it to every event, but he had more than enough money to help her get to some of them.
Reality hit him hard as soon as he’d overheard Brent talking about Faith and her schooling.
She was getting close to being done and then she’d be going into some kind of medicine related field.
She loved the rodeo just as much as Brent did, but she wouldn’t be able to make a career out of combining her interest in medicine with moving around unless she managed to get pulled onto a team of a decent rodeo competitor.
Hallie was still discovering things about herself.
She wanted to see where her photography could take her.
How could he ask her to drop everything to see him compete?
Her job wouldn’t be the only thing to suffer.
She’d be dragged from her family—a family he’d observed during most of the party.
Heck, he’d witnessed Sammie pull Hallie aside and offer comfort in a way Jacob simply didn’t have the ability to.
The support system that surrounded Hallie was here in full force. They lived in Rocky Ridge, they took care of their own. Hallie was part of them and he could never ask her to leave. It was like he’d told his brother. The sacrifices were too much.
And he simply wasn’t enough.
It wasn’t going to work out no matter how much he wanted it to.
So where did that leave them?
A relationship that was floating in the in-between.
Hallie was smart. Intuitive. She likely knew this breakup was imminent. And the guilt had started to eat away at his insides like acid through metal. Slowly, he was losing his mind. There were no solutions, and he was grasping onto the last bit of affection he had with her.
After practice today, he planned on heading to Sagebrush to spend time with her.
He wasn’t sure he was ready to end things just yet.
All he knew was that he needed to see her.
Touch her. Taste her. He needed her like he needed air, and he was going to get as much of her as he could before he lost her for good.
Something was in the air.
Jacob could feel it.
Electricity or some other kind of potent energy hung in the air.
It had been a couple weeks since Hallie had thrown the party and when he’d stopped by Sagebrush, he was immediately enveloped in what could only be described as joy.
Laughter filled the air both from children and their parents.
When Jacob rounded the side of the main house, he discovered the reason for the eclectic vitality.
Several hay bales had been set up in the shape of a maze for the kids to run through.
It was tall enough that any child younger than eight could stand up fully and not see over the sides.
Hallie was in the fray, crouched down and running through the maze until she found one of the kids and startled them into fits of giggles. She wasn’t the only one. Brent was with her along with some of their other cousins.
Jacob drank in every single detail. Out of every family he knew in Rocky Ridge, this one would have to come out on top for how close they were.
Simply watching them was enough to feel the magnetic pull.
If Jacob hadn’t been able to return to his dream career, this kind of life would have been palatable.
Who was he kidding?
If he’d grown up in a home with this kind of love, maybe he wouldn’t crave the adventure his job offered. He might have turned out to be a very different person.
Someone nudged him in the ribs. “Makes you want to consider settling down, huh?”
Jacob glanced at Mack out of the corner of his eye.
They’d gotten close enough over the years that the statement wasn’t a surprise.
Similar to Brent, Mack liked to compete but it wasn’t a lifelong career for either of them.
They sought the high that came with competition but that was where it ended.
And then there was Jacob who couldn’t get enough. He ate, slept, breathed in the rodeo lifestyle right alongside the adrenaline rush when the chute sprang open and he had to hang on for everything he was worth.
His focus slid back to the children playing and he scrubbed his jaw. “You know me. I don’t think I could ever walk away from the rodeo. And what kind of life is that for a kid? Always on the move. Never truly setting down roots.”
“It doesn’t have to be, you know that, right?” Mack was watching the scene play out before them again. “Besides, kids are resilient. All they really need is routine.”
Jacob grunted. He didn’t argue, though, because he had a feeling Mack would poke holes in what Jacob might say.
Yes, kids needed routine. And being on the road didn’t offer the right kind.
He didn’t plan on saying anything else until he noticed Bo Reese snatch a child who looked to be about seven and toss him over his shoulder.
Like moths to the flame, a horde of kids followed after the man, leaving Brent, Hallie, and a few others behind in the maze all out of breath.
“I don’t know if I’m father material, anyway.”
Mack stiffened at his side. Then he turned and Jacob could sense Mack’s eyes drilling into the side of his face. “Why would you say that?”
Why did he say it?
There was no reason to. Mack hadn’t asked his opinion on the matter. They weren’t even discussing what it was like to be a father. And yet that was the one thing that Jacob couldn’t get out of his head when he watched the adults play with the kids like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Once again, he was hit hard in the chest with the realization that this sort of life wasn’t meant for him. If by some miracle he could figure out how to make a relationship with Hallie work, then they’d have to consider what came next.
A family.
Children.
Something he knew he’d fail at.
“Jacob?” Mack pressed.
He shrugged and forced a smile. “Just something I’ve thought about. Didn’t exactly have the best example, you know?”
Mack opened his mouth but before he could say anything Hallie materialized before them.
Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were bright. Being with her family breathed life into her soul. Jacob would have to be blind not to see that. And the way she was with the kids? There was no way she wouldn’t want a few of her own.
And he’d done her a disservice in dragging out their relationship. He’d clung to what he wanted selfishly when he knew she’d be settling if she chose him over all of this.
Just like he’d be settling if he had to walk away from his job.
“Hey,” she chirped, her eyes darting from him to Mack and back. “You’re here.”
He nodded, gripping the back of his neck. “I’m here.”
She didn’t move. The wariness that crept into her eyes was more than enough to tell him she already knew. How long had she been suspecting? He shouldn’t be surprised that she’d caught on. Hallie had always been in tune with him. And he’d been off since that party.
“Could… we talk?” He asked.
Hallie glanced at Mack again, but she wouldn’t get any answers from him. The man did tense though. Could he sense it too?
Probably.
Jacob sighed. He was such a jerk. And the next few minutes would only further prove it.
Hallie nodded and wandered through the maze. It was torture to watch her go back and forth until she made it to an exit. Then she nodded toward the opposite side of the house where they could get some privacy.
He didn’t miss the way she wrung her fingers together until they turned white. Nor did he miss the way her skin had turned a few shades paler.
“Hallie—”
“Brent mentioned that you had a good competition last week. Sorry I couldn’t make it.” Her voice shook and Jacob’s stomach churned.
“We should probably…”
She continued. “He said your sponsor is thrilled. And rightly so. You’ve worked really hard, Jacob.” Hallie wasn’t looking in him the eye, and it took all his strength to reach out and take her chin so she would meet his gaze.
What he saw in her beautiful hazel eyes gutted him to the point he nearly chickened out. But had to stay strong. This was for her own good. She couldn’t be locked into something that would inevitably make her unhappy. “We can’t do this anymore, Hallie.”
She squeezed her eyes shut so tight two tears tumbled down her cheeks. “Jacob, don’t…”
“I know you don’t see it the way I do. But it’s for the best. I couldn’t in good conscience—”
Hallie tore her chin from his grasp, her eyes flaring with fire. “Good conscience? That’s what you’re going with?” She scoffed, the sound sharp and derisive. “You’re a real piece of work you know that?” Her hands clenched into fists and she charged away from him.
It took a few moments before he realized she wasn’t coming back, and he chased after her. “Hallie, wait.”
She barked out a laugh of disbelief but continued charging in the direction of her home on the property. His long strides allowed him to catch up to her in no time and he reached for her hand, but she yanked it out of his reach before spinning to face him.
Tears were streaming down her face and no amount of swiping at them stopped her cheeks from the wetness they left in their wake.
The way she stared at him made it almost feel as though she was going to say something to convince him to change his mind, which was a direct opposite of the way she’d stormed off moments ago.
Hallie opened her mouth, shut it, looked away, then shook her head. She folded her arms and refused to look at him even when he framed her face with his hands.
“Hallie…” he whispered, wishing he could explain what she needed to hear but also knowing she wouldn’t believe him.
She jerked free of him again. “Don’t, Jacob. Don’t call me that. Don’t touch me.”
His heart shattered all over again as he stared at her listlessly. “You won’t understand why it has to happen this way. Not until things settle.”
Once again, she scoffed. Her eyes remained locked elsewhere. They were standing outside of her home and all she had to do was run up a few steps to hide away in her home. She was giving him closure. He could see that now. Even in the end, she was allowing him to finish what he had to say.
Guilt burned through him, painfully, agonizingly. “I will always love you, Hallie…”
At that, her head whipped around and she glowered at him. That look alone shredded the last ounce of hope that they would survive this.
Survive him.
Hallie turned on her heel and stomped up the stairs to her house. She didn’t utter a single word. Instead, she swung the door open, stepped inside, and slammed the door shut. It rattled the whole house, and he flinched.
That could have gone better.
Or maybe he was just fooling himself.
This was why he didn’t date. This was why he didn’t want connections here. He’d lost his brother and his best friend when he’d chosen his career over those relationships. At the time it had felt right. Had it hurt? Of course. But it had nothing on the pain that sliced through him right now.
Jacob rubbed his fist over his heart, pushing until he could feel it bruise.
He’d made the right decision—the impossible choice.
It had been the right thing.
For both of them.
So why did it feel like the rug had been pulled out from under him?
Why did it feel so…
Wrong.