Four #4
“I should tell you not to speak ill of my liege, but I can’t,” said Etienne.
“I’m exhausted trying to keep things on an even keel here.
I was exhausted even before Titania broke our fragile peace in two.
Luna is … She is not well. She doesn’t know how to exist here without the sheltering veil of her Kitsune skin, and we have no means of getting her another, not without a dying Kitsune willing to sacrifice their claim on going to the night-haunts. ”
“Keiko hasn’t been seen in centuries,” said Tybalt.
He was talking about Keiko Inari, the Nine-Tailed One, Kitsune Firstborn.
“She may or may not be among the living. The best argument against it is that she never came here to punish Luna for what she’d done.
Hirsent would never have tolerated such an insult to one of her own, and the Following Fire was far less invested in her children than Keiko. ”
“Hirsent was the Firstborn of the Reynard, yes?” asked Chelsea, haltingly. Poor kid was probably getting the same “Firstborn and their descendant lines” flashcards from Etienne that I got from Amandine, and with a lot less time to get the answers right.
“Yes,” said Tybalt. “She was last seen in the early 1800s, in a kingdom called Armorica. She was a very angry woman, was Hirsent. She didn’t forgive her parents for leaving her, or the world for moving on without the Firstborn.
I honestly don’t know whether her disappearance was due to death or imprisonment or just deciding to take a little nap somewhere that she wouldn’t be disturbed.
Even after all this time, the ways of the Firstborn are inscrutable. ”
“I don’t know. I think the ones I’ve met have been pretty scrutable,” said Chelsea.
Etienne looked pained. “It hurts me that you can refer to the Firstborn you’ve met without reverence or fear.”
“And that’s why they all disappeared,” I said. “We were getting too comfortable around them. It’s easy to stop being afraid of a monster you see every day. The Luidaeg complains a lot about how none of us have any respect for her.”
“The Luidaeg is the godmother to your younger daughter,” said Etienne.
“Like you would have said no if she’d made you the same offer? Miranda is never going to have to fear the sea.”
“No, she won’t,” said Tybalt.
Etienne looked past us to the study door. “Can you tell me what happened?”
I took a deep breath. “Raysel isn’t ready to come back to Shadowed Hills,” I said.
“She still has a lot of recovering to do, and she’s still trying to figure herself out.
She doesn’t want to be around people who keep putting expectations on her that keep changing.
She feels like she can never live up to them if she’s here.
So she wants to stay with us, at least for the four months she still owes, and maybe even longer.
She needs the space to keep getting better. ”
“The Duchess is determined that her daughter will return,” said Etienne. “She hasn’t forgiven you for taking Rayseline away, and she hasn’t forgiven Rayseline for leaving. I don’t know that she ever will.”
“And that’s exactly why Raysel can’t come back here,” I said, firmly.
“She needs space and patience and time, not to be punished because she made the decision that was best for her. She’s blossoming, Etienne.
She’s smart and funny and wants so badly to be a good person.
She wants to be the sort of person that other people turn to when they’re in pain.
She can’t do that here. She can’t finish healing in Shadowed Hills. ”
“I didn’t say I agreed with my duchess,” said Etienne, somewhat stiffly.
“I understand that you and Chelsea both speak well of Rayseline, but I saw her at her very worst. I saw her when they dragged her through the doors half-feral, senses skewed by shock and confusion. She didn’t remember ever having seen the sun, or a fire, or tasting food that was fresh and untainted by decay.
What was done to her … it was cruelty beyond all measure, and I don’t fault her for having been unmade by it.
I don’t condone her crimes, either. I’ve been trying to restore this Duchy to functionality.
Rayseline won’t make that any easier. She’ll only make it worse. ”
“So you’re happy having her stay away?”
“I’m not happy that she needs the time, no.
I wish she had been less direly wounded, that she could heal here as well as she’s healing in your home.
But I’m happy not to have her here as she was before she was elf-shot.
If that makes me a terrible person, so be it.
She tried to kill her mother. She did kill the Lady of the Tea Gardens.
I could never have felt safe with her in the knowe alongside my daughter, not having seen her as she was in those days.
” Etienne sighed heavily. “I’m glad to know she’s doing better now.
I want her to keep getting better, however long that may take. ”
“Luna doesn’t feel the same way.”
“Luna can’t forgive her for leaving, you for helping her leave, or Sylvester for allowing her to go.
Luna can’t even forgive Queen Windermere for allowing the claim of offense, when she had no fair way of refusing it.
In Luna’s eyes, you’ve all conspired against her.
” Etienne looked at me, clearly miserable.
“Luna is furious and in pain, and in her pain, she lashes out and hurts her husband in ways which then reflect out onto all of us. I don’t think she’ll know peace until her girl comes home again. ”
Chelsea looked away, not saying anything, and in that moment, I understood the impulse to stay silent. There didn’t seem to be anything productive left to say.
“How’s Bridget?” asked Tybalt, steering us toward a hopefully happier subject.
“She’s well,” said Etienne. “She’d love to see you both, if there’s time, and any baby pictures which you may have.”
“Poor fool,” I said, with a smile. “Take us to your chambers.”
He waved his arm, opening a portal, and we all piled through, leaving the hallway outside Sylvester’s study behind.