Chapter 26
Circumstance
Lillian
THEY HAD TO carry me from where I collapsed on the ground in the aftermath. I hated not being able to walk on my own two legs through the gates, but whatever I had given to the land in order for it to heal itself, I had given in mass.
I’ve since regained the feeling in my legs, and the twisting in my gut has left me in peace.
When I felt well enough, I thought my father might accompany me out into the colony and allow me to return to my favorite thing on the planet.
It’s been years since I picked up an archaeological device.
The need for my skills never came up while traversing back and forth from England to Germany. But here… Here I could do so much.
Everywhere you turn within our new camp, there is something begging to be categorized, studied, and preserved. Still, archaeology is further from my grasp than it has ever been. The others have begun ransacking the ruins; it began the moment the gates opened.
Golden coins have begun to pile up in bags and pockets.
Meanwhile, they’ve left alone the treasures that they do not understand.
Stunningly designed totems and artwork made of amazonite line the walkways.
Nobody here has any idea of the value they hold.
Though I know their importance and how much they would fetch overseas, I keep my mouth shut.
Let them retrieve their gold debloons and invasive Portuguese trinkets. Let what belongs to the land stay.
As my guards return me back to my new tent, I realize that my father is not coming to my aid. There will be no digging around or gridding the endless footprint of the colony. No, I’ll be forced to remain inside until Ivo deems another task is upon him.
“Did you enjoy your walk?” The very voice of the man I did not want to see greets me as my guard marches me into my tent. It’s the same layout as before, a wooden stake in the middle and nothing more.
“Quite so,” I answer, too tired to fight. Stepping past Ivo, out of the reach of my guard, I sink to the floor against my post and look up. “If there’s nothing else, perhaps you should rejoin your men. They’re stealing from you, you know.”
“It will all end up in the correct pocket, I assure you.” He clears his throat before leaning over me. “Gleb!” Ivo suddenly yells. It causes me and the guard at the door to jump. “Bring mir die Tasche!”
Bring me the bag!
A middle-aged man appears almost immediately. He hangs the bag—my bag—on Ivo’s outstretched arm, and then is gone again before another word can be spoken.
Ivo digs his hand deep into the pack and first drops my heavy journal into my lap. “Your things.” He then drops the unopened box of amazonite on top of me next. Finally, the needle that came from the second box. They had wrapped it in canvas, but as it lands on top of my journal, it comes undone.
Daring eye contact, I experiment with a smile.
“Oh, I see.” Though my wrists are tied together, I still have my fingers.
I place the tips of them against the leather cover of my journal before continuing on.
“Isadora didn’t tell you what will happen next, did she?
Foolish of you to kill her before you got what you wanted from her.
” God, it hurts to voice it out loud, but I want to know exactly what he expects and if he did learn anything from my m?e that I’m unaware of.
Ivo’s smirk tells me everything I need to know. “Of course I got everything I wanted from her, Lillian. I got you.” He’s seen right through me and my attempt at gaining the upper hand. My own smile falls flat as Ivo moves away from me.
“You have two hours.” That’s the last thing I hear as my focus goes to the tools in front of me.
Two hours to figure out what I need to fix or sacrifice. Two hours to plan how I might still walk away at the end of this.
Lifting the needle in one hand and the chunk of amazonite in the other, I urge my necklace to respond to them. I demand it to connect or give me a clue.
The help never comes.
Two hours later, on the dot, Margaret comes barging into my tent. “Knock, knock!”
Nearly cross-eyed with focus, I can only sigh in frustration when Margaret tears my journal from my rigid hands. I had made no progress, but seeing my notes alongside my mother’s, and even a few of Ben’s, put me in a state of tranquility I didn’t think I’d feel again.
I hardly feel Margaret take the rest of the items from me, nor how she pulls me to my feet and walks me outside.
I’m only able to dam the racing hypotheses of the future when I look up at the sky and see the moon gracing the outline of the Pico da Neblina.
It’s the second time I’ve seen a full moon in the rainforest, but the first time that I’ve been able to admire it.
The dark gray texture of the mountain overlapping the silver-white circle is so prominent, I feel as though I could reach out and hold it in my hand.
“Keep moving,” Margaret says with a shove to my back. “This is the only peace and quiet I’ve had all day, and I’d like to return you and slip away before anyone comes looking for me.”
The two of us use the facilities in silence. I know that, despite our glaring differences, we’re both glad to replace the sounds of men laughing with the hisses of the forest’s unknown.
I’m escorted back and put to bed, but I’m not tucked in or told a bedtime story.
Margaret reties the ropes at my wrists, pinning my hands behind my back once again.
Then she double-checks the knot in my gag that’s fallen around my neck.
“You can leave it,” I answer. It had grown stiff with saliva, and I feared the damage it would do to the corners of my mouth if I had to endure another night with it tight against me.
To her credit, she hesitates. Leaning back on her heels, she tsks.
“I did like you, Lillian. You truly were an inspiration when I was studying back home. I liked what you were capable of, but I learned quickly that you didn’t just stumble into your opportunities.
They were gifted to you.” Her eyes go to the necklace.
“It must be nice to be bound by purpose.” She smiles, and I think for a moment she might reach for the necklace, but she has much more to say.
“I was not born into my purpose, but maybe even more impressively, I forged my own.”
“By becoming a coward and working with the Nazis?” The girl in front of me is only falling further and further from my grace, and my heart breaks for her.
I pull at my ties, unwilling to let her off without offering a hand to her.
“Margaret, you are a better person than this! You have so many skills. How could you waste them on Ivo and his goons?”
She laughs lightly, and then her upturned lips fall into a flat line.
“I do not do any of this for Ivo, just like Ivo does not do the things he does for himself either. Who do you think afforded me the luxury to forge my tastes?” She shifts on her knees, her hand falling into her lap.
“You spent time in Germany, Lillian. You should know that no one in the Reich does anything for anyone but the man.”
It’s my turn to scoff at her. “Afraid to say his name? Afraid that admitting it will finally make you understand what kind of monster you work for?” I lower my voice, demanding she listen carefully. “There is still time to be on the right side of history, Margaret.”
Steely eyes snap to mine, and it’s at that moment I realize that my time challenging her has ended.
She immediately forces the gag back up into my mouth, effectively silencing me.
“You’ve never known hunger, never known homelessness or abandonment.
Perhaps if you did, you’d be in the same place as me.
” Pushing herself to her feet, looking all too pleased with herself, she takes a step back to look me over.
“Circumstance has a funny way of dictating life. Circumstance brought me to that youth meeting in Berlin seven years ago when they offered me free food. Circumstance brought Ivo to me when he just happened to hear about a young girl’s natural talent for languages and lying.
Circumstance has me standing here above you as you sit bound and without allies.
” When I can’t retort, she laughs and turns away.
She doesn’t spare me another glance on her way out.
Sighing from behind my gag is all I can do, though I want to scream. How could a woman as bright as Margaret be so blind to the evil path she’s set herself upon? The answer comes sharp as a pinprick: she just doesn’t care.
Defeated, I lean my head back against my post and look up at the ceiling. I close my eyes and let the image of the moon behind the mountain carry me toward sleep.