Chapter 23 #2
Was he really that fucking embarrassing? That much of a failure?
He dragged his mind back to now and scanned the kitchen. Cereal was scattered across the floor. Dirty breakfast bowls and
mugs were on the worktop because the dishwasher hadn’t been emptied yet. A laundry basket of dirty clothes was still waiting
to go into the washing machine because the last lot needed to be taken out and hung on the clothesline . . . because the tumble
dryer had given up on them two weeks ago and he couldn’t afford to replace it. A glance through to the living room revealed
a carpet strewn with plastic horses from Ellie’s show-jumping set, a sofa littered with coloring books and colored pens, and
debris from last night’s pizza treat that he’d forgotten to clear up. In the hallway, Ellie’s scooter lay abandoned along
with her shoes and boots.
Fuck, he was an embarrassment. No wonder Olivia hadn’t wanted a relationship with him outside the comfort of her immaculate city apartment.
He heaved a sigh and went to fetch the dustpan and brush. As he swept up the cereal, his phone rang, the kitchen echoing with
the familiar Taylor Swift song “Shake It Off” and making his chest ache. Ellie had set it up. She didn’t have a phone, but
she’d learned how to do it from her friend Emily, who of course did have one. Trust his daughter to make friends with a girl
whose wealthy parents showered her with gifts—foreign holidays, riding lessons for the horse she was getting next year, a
mobile phone even though eight was surely too young to have one.
He snatched the phone from the worktop and caught sight of the caller ID. His heart jumped into his throat. “Livvy?”
“Hi.”
She sounded hesitant, not a word he’d ever associated with her. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.” A pause. “Is now a good time?”
He parked his backside on a chair before his knees buckled. “A good time for what?”
“A good time for me to come and see you?”
See him? Hope bloomed in his chest, but he crammed it back into its box. Seeing her again was a bad idea. A bad fucking idea.
Besides, he was still angry with her.
“Anytime is a good time to see you.” Angry, he reminded himself.
“Oh.” He heard her breath catch. “Um, I just got off the tube at Ealing Broadway. What’s your address? I’ll get an Uber.”
She was in Ealing. His scrambled brain swung from jubilation to absolute terror. Why was she here? He gave her the address. “I’d offer to pick
you up, but Ellie would have to come with me, and she’s not talking to me right now.”
“Oh, dear. Is she okay? I can come back another time.”
“No.” Whatever reason she’d come to see him, it was clearly important to her, so it was important to him. “You’re here now.
Ellie will be fine. I’ve mucked up but I’ll make it right.”
“Well, if you’re sure . . .”
“I’m sure.”
She exhaled, and he couldn’t tell if he heard relief or dread. “There’s an Uber three minutes away. I’ll see you soon.”
The line went dead, and he hung his head, catching his breath. She’d be here in . . . his eyes fell to the mess in the kitchen.
Fuck.
Like a man possessed, he swept up cereal, unloaded the dishwasher, and clattered the dirty bowls and plates into it.
He pulled the wet things out of the washing machine and had just grabbed an armful of dirty laundry to shove into it when
the doorbell rang. With a sharp exhale, he pushed them in, slammed the door shut, and went to answer the door.
He was expecting it to be hard, seeing her again. He wasn’t expecting the punch to his gut.
“Hi.” He barely managed to squeeze the word out. He felt winded, slayed by the sight of her standing on his scruffy doorstep.
She was so elegant, so neat in her trim black coat tied at the waist, her hair scraped back in a ponytail, her face, her bloody
beautiful face, devoid of any obvious makeup. “You don’t look right standing there,” he blurted out. Her smile vanished and
he realized how that had sounded. “I didn’t mean . . . fuck, I need to be angry with you, and part of me still is, but a bigger
part is so damn happy to see you, even if whatever it is you want to talk about isn’t what I want to hear.” He dragged a hand
through his hair. “I meant that my place is a mess, and you’re way too classy to be stepping foot in it.”
Her shoulders hunched and her gaze fell to the floor. “Thank you but I don’t feel classy. Not after the way I behaved.”
He couldn’t stand to see her looking anything less than her usual confident self. “Hey.” He gently lifted her chin, making
sure her eyes met his. “We talked that through, it’s fine.” The residual anger melted away, drowned by the joy at seeing her.
“I kind of ambushed you, meeting you outside your work. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No, don’t be kind to me. You did a lovely thing, meeting me.” She rolled her shoulders, meeting his gaze squarely. “To be
clear, I said what I did because I was worried if people at work knew I was dating someone, they might find a way to use it
against me, especially when the man I was dating was so much younger. It wasn’t because I was embarrassed at being with you. But I didn’t think how it would make you feel. It was shallow and thoughtless. Also very stupid.” Her brilliant hazel eyes
remained on his, unwavering. “Their opinion doesn’t matter. My sisters, my family, what they think matters. They said I should come and see you.”
She’d not been embarrassed by him; she’d been protecting herself, and maybe even him, worried about Stuart using their relationship
to beat her to the promotion. It helped, but it was a long way from her wanting to be with him. “Why, Livvy? Why are you here?”